in which he holds the devil
Making their way out of the bedroom, Atsushi and Akutagawa passed a peculiar duo, which consisted of the two designated devils of the night : Chuuya and Fyodor, almost passed out in each other's arms and seemingly bolting towards the door Atsushi and Akutagawa had just closed.
The two men exchanged a long confused look meaning “should we be seeing this?”, before deciding that it was in fact none of their business and promptly sped towards the door to avoid seeing anyone they might need to say goodbye to.
The only people that had time to see were thus Fyodor and Chuuya, who were clearly drunk enough to be in some way attracted to each other and very, very eager to shut that damn door.
“Your place is huuuuge”, joked Chuuya as he laid on the bed, already struggling to take off his top, “Need the space, can't live in those cramped rat holes.
-Oh what? Like a normal student?
-Do I look normal to you?” Fyodor asked, hands already framing Chuuya's face on the bed,
“Pffft, no, you're weird. And old.
-And you're into that?
-I'm drunk enough” Chuuya shrugged, pulling Fyodor's face towards his, crashing their lips into the sloppiest kiss possible,
“You reek of booze” said Fyodor, “So do youuuu” he paused, “shit I am drunk as shit! I promised I wouldn't drink too much tonight!”
“Yeah, I heard of your arrangement with Dazai.
-He told you? Chuuya raised an eyebrow, placing his hand on the other man's chest.
-He tells me more than you think.
-Ew. Gross. Are you guys besties or something?
-Who do you think I am?
-A weirdo who likes to hang out with Osamu Dazai out of all people?
-Oh yeah ? And what does that make you?” Fyodor replied with a grin.
Chuuya propped himself up, slightly pushing Fyodor back, “What does that mean you rat?
-I think you know what that means very well, Nakahara.”
Chuuya slid off the bed, somehow regaining his composure, “OK, never mind, I'm turned off now. You're officially weird.”
Chuuya made his way to the door, opening it to reveal the man of the hour, Osamu Dazai, a frown on his face as he saw Fyodor still sitting on the bed behind Chuuya.
He made a disgusted face, clearly misreading the situation,
“Osamu? Why are you here?
-He texted me!”
Dazai and Chuuya both turned towards the dark haired man, an accusatory expression painted on both their faces; an expression that the man ignored in favor of leaving the room and pushing Dazai inside of it, locking the door from outside with his bedroom key.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Is he always like that?”
Dazai shrugged, defeated.
“Why is he even-
-Beats me, tiny.”
Chuuya once again laid down on the large bed, this time not expecting anything particular from the other man present with him in the room. Dazai laid down next to him.
“There's a window, you know.
-Yeah.
-We could go out the window.
-Last time we did something like that, you broke your arm.
-Yeah”
They stayed in silence for a few minutes.
“What’d you tell Fyodor?” Chuuya asked after a beat.
“I don’t tell him shit.
-Well, what did you mysteriously imply to him when you were having one of your high and mighty intellectual 4D chess conversations?
-None of your business, tiny.
-I think it started being my business when he locked me in a room with your smelly ass?”
Chuuya turned to face Dazai, now only a few inches close from the other man’s face, but he didn’t move.
“I’ll say it, Osamu. I’m not scared.
-Then do it?
-I’m worried about you.”
Dazai rolled his eyes, turning his back to Chuuya.
“Nothing to be worried about. Nothing you don’t already know.
-Then say it, fucking hell you’re difficult!
-Oh seriously Chuuya? You’re gonna make me spell it out?
-Yeah, actually, spell it out for me, you’re the one who always says I’m a dumb fucking dog-
-Well now, I don't want to.
-Great.”
Chuuya sighed, “You told me you’d make an effort.
-That I am! I didn’t even drink tonight unlike someone I know-
-Well I’m sorry I failed!
-Me too!
-I don’t think it’s the same thing with you!”
Dazai shifted uncomfortably in his place ; he didn’t like this conversation- not now, not with Chuuya. He wanted to get out. He couldn’t.
“Osamu…
-Again!?”
Dazai turned back, startled to see Chuuya flat on his back, staring at the ceiling in a drunken haze;
“You haven't changed. You won’t change. I don’t know what it will take for you to do so.”
Dazai sighed, “Chibi, you know I-
-You’re trying. You’re always trying and never fucking succeeding! Do you know how much I worry for you?
-Chuuya-
-No you shut the fuck up for a second-”
Chuuya hiccuped, “I thought that under all that back and forth- that we had an agreement, something. I thought, maybe, for a second; and call me an idiot for all I care; that we were something together, okay? And even if you’re a pain in my ass, I’ve always tried to be there for you because I know you. And right now, Dazai, I know that you don’t actually fucking care about me, or any of your fucking friends who, in fact, want you alive.You're too far up your ass to see that- you think you're so important that you deserve to die? Seriously? You think people are genuinely out to get you? Or what? That you're too different from them? What am I, Osamu? Where does that leave me? Do you think either of us belong here?”
Chuuya breathed heavily, holding back his anger and the many more insulting words he had stuck down his throat.
“You have no idea how much I care for you, and how much you don't. Aren't you tired of constantly being on suicide watch?”
Dazai remained silent for a second. He had thrown enough what about you’s at Chuuya for a lifetime and had easily exhausted them all. Dazai was at loss because he felt for once like Chuuya was right and he was in the wrong.
So in a bout of honesty, he answered how he usually would so that Chuuya would be to busy punching his lights out to try and continue this conversation :
“Nobody asked you to care for me”
Chuuya sighed. Again.
“Fuck you, man.”
No punch. A beat,
“You know what? You’re right. You won't take care of yourself, and I can't do it for you. Not forever. If you’re not gonna get your act together, I’m done with you.”
Dazai’s eyes widened, “You’re not serious-”
But Chuuya was already leaving the room, trying to escape through the window, lighting a cigarette on his way.
“That I am.”
He took a long drag, “I know why Fedya (Chuuya made air quotes) locked us in here, Dazai. I just wanted to hear you say it! Would it be so hard to be yourself when we’re alone?”
“I get that it’s confusing, and you don’t need to scream it on the rooftops, but I thought we could’ve talked about last semester. You and me, like always. But you don't like me when others are around and you definitely don't like yourself when you're alone. I’m done with you.”
He prepared his jump from the window before adding one last nail in Dazai’s coffin :
“And the worst thing is? I know you have too much pride to try and get me back,even if you like me.”