in which we forbid alcoholism on a student costume party at a russian man's house (!?)
In the following days, Atsushi steadily got back to the little routine he had gotten used to, trying to hang out with his friends more since he started his break. He and Jun’ichiro had gotten back the habit of going to hang out at Ranpo, Kunikida and Yosano’s, along with, on some rare occasions, Dazai. The little group regularly hung out as a means to alleviate the tense mood that was floating in the air, the breath that they were holding until the 31st when, for one night, they were gonna have the space and means to go lose.
Until then, Jun’ichiro was escaping the responsibility that was Naomi, Dazai had attempted a few days prior, and Atsushi, on top of having no news of his sister, also had little to no contact with Akutagawa. Sure, they exchanged a coy smile and a few amicable words when they saw each other in the hallway, and they texted some times when one found a meme that reminded them of the other, but the older man had been pretty distant ever since That Night. Atsushi was as worried as he was confused, and also kind of mad, though he didn’t want to admit it. When the topic of the night of their date, (as well as the following events) had been brought up in a conversation with him, Akutagawa had seemed almost pissed at the turn of events, which Atsushi took great offense in, and in turn was just as pissed.
After all, his best friend had almost died, and no matter what kind of history Akutagawa had had with Dazai, Atsushi felt like this standoffish attitude was just blatantly disrespectful and quite insensitive. At the same time, though, he was wondering if he’d just misread the signals, and Akutagawa was maybe just trying to give him some time to process.
Atsushi was fine. He was doing great.
“So he is a dick!” Jun’ichiro had commented following his best friend’s rambling.
“No, well, maybe, I don’t know Jun. But I’m also worried !
-Why would you be worried for him?
-Dude ! I told you what Chuuya told me, there might be something going on that I’m not entirely aware of!
-Yeah, but he won’t tell you either, and chooses to just ghost you instead of communicating !
-He’s not ghosting me ! But he is distant.”
Thus the familiar back and forth of the two hotheaded best friends kept on going while they made their way towards the three siblings’ shared flat. They opened the door to a loud conversation between Ranpo and Kunikida, who was trying his best to keep in check a raccoon while yelling at his older brother. “It’s Karl, Doppo! Don’t hurt him!
-Why are you keeping your boyfriend’s raccoon here! Why does he even have a raccoon?
-He’s busy, he couldn’t keep him!
-Couldn’t he give him to someone else???? We’re literally leaving soon????” The exchange between the brothers was just as (if not less) agitated than usual, though it usually involved less of Kunikida himself bouncing around trying to catch a wild animal while he yells at whoever’s near. Jun’ichiro and Atsushi quietly waited until the animal had been caught to announce their presence, earning a tired sigh from Kunikida when he realized they had been standing here watching the whole debacle for a good while.
“Good, you guys are here, finally; find me a cage.
-Nooooo!!!!!!!!” Ranpo yelled.”
Atsushi and Tanizaki waited once more for the back and forth between the two brother to cease, waiting for Yosano to arrive, nurse costume in hand, “I swear to god if y’all are not getting ready right now-” Ranpo and Kunikida shut themselves, “Yeah, yeah, we’re coming”
Thus the 31st had come fast (just about a week had passed, after all), and the group had decided to reunite at the trio’s flat to get their Halloween costumes ready before hanging out. The group in its entirety had arrived now that Atsushi and Tanizaki were here, the only missing person being-
“Is Dazai not coming with us?
-I called him this morning, he’s actually at Fyodor’s already; apparently they’re doing matching costumes” Kunikida had answered Atsushi's worries, which were quickly swept away. After all, this was Fyodor’s party, so Dazai would probably not feel unwelcomed, and thanks to the Russian’s cold and quite apathetic nature in his day to day life, Atsushi’s friend probably wasn’t being overprotected with worries like he hates right now. If anything, Fyodor probably hadn’t mentioned a single thing about Dazai’s attempt to him, which, in itself, was probably not so much of a good thing, but was probably the best way to deal with it as of now.
The group (apart from Dazai) all prepared together for the night they could let loose a little, having waited for this night to leave some weight off their backs, knowing that exam season was closer than they would like it to be. Atsushi was nonetheless apprehensive for the night due to the tense air that was floating between the groups that had recently started to merge (though they did not have a mixed group chat, thank god!), and also because of his personal relationship (could he call this a relationship?) issues with one Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, who was definitely invited to the party.
While he was worrying and changing to his tiger costume, Atsushi heard the ruckus of students pregaming a party in the kitchen right next to him ; peeking through the door to see even Kunikida hitting a few shots with difficulty through the fake fangs he had glued to his teeth for his werewolf costume (Atsushi rolled his eyes at his friend’s ever so unoriginal halloween costume). He noticed he was the last one to get ready, having taken so much time Yosano and Jun’ichiro had actually had the time to do their makeups. That’s what thinking about Akutagawa does to you, I guess.
Noticing Atsushi coming out, the gigantic plastic candy that Ranpo had become invited him to a toast they would all honor together before absolutely hammering themselves with unknown Russian alcohols at Fyodor’s house.
They all made their way towards the russian’s place, looking like a bunch of degenerates in the subway, Jun’ichiro being the only semi-normal looking person in their little gathering (he was a cowboy, but taking off his stetson almost made him look like a simply stylish man surrounded by half-dead costumes and a huge pink round plastic candy).
Fyodor’s place was surprisingly big, even bigger than Atsushi had expected- after all, it was on the outskirts of the city, having more than enough space and spookiness to host a party for about 60 people ; and from what Atsushi had heard, money for food and drinks wasn’t much of a problem for Fyodor (something about either scamming some crypto bro, or cheating at the lottery, according to Dazai- anyway, guy was loaded.)
A clown opened the door, giving Atsushi and his friends a bright though slightly intoxicated smile, almost immediately recognizing them all, though they had only met Nikolai a few times. The place was ridiculously huge and the high ceiling gave Atsushi a sense of vertigo which he didn’t even have in the first place. He could recognize a few faces coming in and out of rooms as well as going up and down the stairs, catching in the corner of his eyes the figure of his friend Dazai who was in an all white, surprisingly very tame angel costume talking with his friend and party host Fyodor, who was matching with him in a very well fitting devil costume. Dazai caught Atsushi’s gaze from his spot, his face lighting up when he saw his friend, not even bothering to look back at his devil counterpart who was clearly having a conversation with him.
Dazai greeted Atsushi in his usual friendly manner, looking weirdly sober for once.
“What’s up, Atsushi ! You look good!” Dazai shouted over the loud music coming from all the speakers scattered through the house. “Thanks! You look great too!
-And I haven’t drank any alcohol !” Atsushi checked his phone for the time, reading nearly 11PM, “Woah, Dazai, that's amazing !
-Right ? Oh! What do you think of my costume?
-It’s…uh” Atsushi gave a once over to his friend, feeling a sense of discomfort at the slight irony of his costume, “it’s…topical?
-Yeah, we planned that a few months ago, actually” Dazai awkwardly laughed, “Well, do you want something to drink?
-Do you?”
Atsushi retorted, somehow worried that his arrival would make Dazai start going back to his usual drinking habit- he wasn’t an annoying drunk, if anything, he quite affectionate when he was intoxicated, which Atsushi found kind of endearing- the problem was that his friend was drunk often ; Atsushi remembered a time when his friend was on a 3 months bender which was very well documented by all the messages he’d send his friend almost every night and every morning ; having fun and regretting, having fun and regretting, over and over, all that in Atsushi’s DMs. Dazai seemed so proud of himself for not having touched a drop of alcohol (after all, he was there since 6PM, in a russian man’s house, he was completely allowed his pride.), and Atsushi didn’t want to consider himself an enabler or a bad influence. Who cares about Dazai being a sentimental drunk ; he had seen him sentimental too often now, he’d rather see him sober.
“I meant non-alcoholic, Atsushi, unless you want something strong? You know I can make mean cocktails-
-No, I’m good, let’s get something to drink” Atsushi laughed, vaguely hearing something coming from Dazai’s mouth about a promise he had made for the night, that he would be beaten up for breaking, or something.
Losing the rest of his friends in the process, Atsushi followed Dazai to the bar, missing by only a few seconds the entrance of the Akutagawa siblings and their friends.
Ryuunosuke scanned the room, apprehensive towards a possible meeting with a certain someone. He wasn’t exactly uncomfortable with the idea of talking to him, but he was very much terrified by the awkwardness, and confused with his own feelings.
Though he was internally panicking in his makeshift Kappa costume, he could already hear Chuuya’s enthusiastic screaming behind him as the red head recognized some faces in the crowd. His friend had settled for matching costumes with his sister, him as a (slutty) devil, and Koyo as an (slutty) angel. Ryuunosuke was grateful for his hot friends, since their looks were drawing the eyes of everybody in the room on them and away from him, who could easily sneak upstairs to hide in the toilets, or a room, or anywhere, really - he was already uncomfortable. He snuck a glance at his ninja sibling, who was already making their way with cowboy Tachihara towards the bar. Alone, Ryuunosuke made his way up the stairs.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He felt a firm hand on his shoulder,
“Chuuya. Come on.
-No, you come on!”
Was he already drunk?
“Look I know this is not the ideal setting but try to relax a bit, okay?
-I am not relaxed at all right now, I need a second.”
Chuuya let go of him after a few seconds, seriously considering asking someone to give him the strongest drink they have here and there but ultimately deciding that his friend was an adult who knew his needs- him coming to this big of a party was already a lot for him, Chuuya didn’t want to make him even more uncomfortable. He instead decided on joining his brother Verlaine and his boyfriend Rimbaud who had called him after being utterly insulted by Fyodor and Nikolai who had claimed that Russian people held their liquor better than French people. Chuuya counted only as half on the french team, but was always down for a drinking game, and scaring the American kids that had been invited and only recently started drinking at the big age of 21 was kind of hilarious.
Unlike what some people might think, Chuuya held his alcohol pretty well, he just liked to let loose in general and didn’t actually need to drink to be fun at parties - but he did like feeling a little unhinged. That’s why he didn’t feel too bad when he saw Dazai talking in a corner with Atsushi, holding a cup of what he hoped was not alcohol, remembering making the brunette promise to not drink too much. He hadn’t even prohibited him from drinking, so Chuuya didn’t feel too bad about downing what seemed like liters of red wine.
From the bar, Dazai glanced at Chuuya, raising his cup - Ah, he’s not drinking. Good.
“Hold on guys, I’m quitting the game.
-You’re quitting?! His brother had practically screamed in utter betrayal, I raised you better than that!
-You didn’t raise me, asshole. Why don’t you make Arthur drink : it’ll warm him up”
Chuuya moved from his spot towards his childhood friend who was having a lively conversation with his white haired friend and a guy with a split purple and white hair dye who had clearly just joined the conversation and regretted every second of it.
“Hey” Chuuya squeezed Dazai’s shoulder to make his presence known, “You’re scaring the poor guy here.
-I was just telling Sigma here that I thought his costume was lovely!
-Yeah, yeah- whatcha got in your cup here?
-I think you know, tiny, I keep my promises.” Chuuya rolled his eyes at that last statement, carefully smelling the content of Dazai’s cup, “right, like when you said you wouldn’t copy my costume, asshole?”
Dazai gasped, “I did not copy your costume! Can’t you see, tiny? I’m a pure angel! You’re just a hooker with plastic horns!
-Oh bravo Osamu, you know what I mean.
-Hey, don’t blame me! It was Fedya’s idea?”
Chuuya raised his eyebrows, “Fedya’s?” he asked in disgust,
“Yeah, yeah whatever, he pointed at his feathery wings, I can do no wrong, I’m a pure angel.” Chuuya could almost hear the comical duh in his voice, “You’re annoying, you know that? What do you want me to do? Beat up the host’s ass for having the same costume as me?
-So you take it on little old moi? I’m disappointed in you, tiny.
-Whatever, flat ass. Keep your promise”
Atsushi stayed silent throughout the exchange, catching glimpses of Sigma’s confusion next to him and of Chuuya who had clearly no interest in him tonight- immediately leaving to make a beeline to Fyodor and his boyfriend’s location.
He also noticed the way Dazai looked at Chuuya as the redhead left the discussion without a goodbye- with a sigh, he took a sip of his drink, making a disappointed face at the taste of not alcohol.
“You good, Dazai?
-Ah, yeah, I’m great, thanks.
-Do you know where the toilet is?
-Yeah, upstairs, the second door on the left” Dazai leaned in, “and if you wanna take a shit on Fedya’s bed, it's the first door on the right, he winked.
-Thanks, I won’t be doing that.”
Atsushi made his way upstairs, carefully avoiding bumping into people whose cups were definitely filled by too much liquid, miraculously seeing not a single person waiting in front of the bathroom. He tried opening the door only to be met with resistance; urgh, there’s already someone there. Atsushi waited, looking around the first floor for faces or places he could find familiarity in. Unfortunately, this was the floor that had almost all the rooms, which meant all the people he saw coming in and out of them were probably already busy (though he did find seeing Ranpo’s costume struggle to fit through a door to follow his Raccoon boyfriend very funny.)
Finally returning to the bathroom door, Atsushi heard a knock coming from it and the slight creak of the door. Slowly turning his gaze, the white haired man noticed a pair of dark eyes looking through the small opening of the door.
“Akutagawa?”
The man sighed, “Hey.
-Are you okay in here?”
Akutagawa made a disgruntled noise, reaching for Atsushi’s arm to drag him into the bathroom.
“What the- What are you doing?”
Not that Atsushi didn’t like what was happening, but he was also very confused as to why the man had dragged him, “Akutagawa are you okay?
-I wanna go.” The dark haired man had answered with a frown, “I could’ve been at home with Gin watching a horror movie or something…” he kept on grumbling, “I’m really not feeling this.”
Looking into Atsushi’s eyes, Akutagawa seemed on the brink of a complete breakdown, almost about to break everything that would come his way.
“Do you want water, something, anything ?
-I’m good.”
A few seconds passed in an uncomfortable silence, the both men not knowing what to do or say to break it.
“I like your costume.” they had both said in unison, laughing at their synchronization. “Thanks.” they replied in unison.
On the toilet seat Akutagawa was, head in his hands, the man started breathing harder, a slight wheeze in his breath-
“Hey, why don’t we find you a window?
-I don’t- I don’t wanna go out of here.
-C’mon, Ryuu, let’s go to a room or something-”
Atsushi offered, doing his best to not think about the possible implications of the statement, and seriously praying Akutagawa didn’t catch it. Carefully putting an arm behind Akutagawa’s back, Atsushi helped him to a (luckily opened) bedroom, and to the window at the back of it.
Breathing heavily the cold October air, Akutagawa could see nothing but the dark ink color of the night, his senses all drowning into the loud noise of the party that was going just one door behind him. Atsushi sneakily placed himself next to his friend, patiently waiting for him to signify a need for help, or water, or reassurance, or space- whatever it was, Atsushi was waiting.
The older man took his time going back to a normal breathing rhythm, feeling the weight of the younger’s gaze on his face; and he kind of felt like an absolute idiot.
“I’m sorry” he said,
“It’s okay, take your time.
-No, I mean… we haven’t talked in a while.
-That doesn’t matter right now-
-Yes it does, Atsushi!” Akutagawa turned to him in anger, which Atsushi took as distress, “I can’t- I need to go.
-Wait, Ryuu-” Atsushi chased as the older man tried leaving, a desperate attempt to avoid the conversation he knew was coming. Akutagawa had always pictured his neighbor as a sympathetic and easy-going man, for he had always been polite, and kind, and inviting, and he got along with his sibling and- shit why am I so mad at him? Why was he running away from Atsushi, who was, first and foremost, his friend ? And most importantly, why was he surprised when the man got angry?
Atsushi grabbed, a bit too forcefully maybe, Akutagawa’s shoulder, forcing him to look into his eyes-
“Look, we’re going to have to talk at some point-
-Why are you angry?
-Why are you angry? Did I do something?”
Akutagawa’s eyes widened as Atsushi loosened his grip.
“You haven’t, I….” He swallowed, “There are things I need to sort out and…
-Then talk to me, man, I’m worried about you!”
Akutagawa looked up at Atsushi, not expecting his last words. “You are?”
Because how could he? Akutagawa had been battling with his conflicted feelings for the man for days now, already wishing him a happy life far away from him, already preparing to feel miserable having to walk alone in the morning, already letting go of him, and Atsushi- he was worried for him. Because he was a good person. Because he was a good friend. Because he could be a good boyfriend. And he was so good and Akutagawa couldn’t hate him for that reason alone, he couldn’t be jealous, not really, because Atsushi was so good and he was enough and Akutagawa never was, and never would be.
“Of course I am, dude.”
Akutagawa sighed, a sigh which he realized too late sounded very much exasperated-
“Okay, sorry?” Atsushi indignantly replied, “Do you want me to leave?
-No, please.”
They both exhaled, a long, very tired, very loaded sigh. Sitting down on the nearby bed, Atsushi bumped his forehead on Akutagawa’s.
“Tell me we’re okay…
-We are, Atsushi…” It’s just-
“Is it because of Dazai?
-What?
-No I mean, like- did what happen trigger something, I don’t know- (Atsushi returned to his usual panicking state,) No I mean, you don’t have to tell me, but-
-Yeah, actually.
-... Do you want to talk about it?
-Not now. Not here.”
Truth is, Ryuunosuke felt so ashamed, even more than he was coming here- in his stupid costume, on the verge of a mental breakdown with Atsushi dressed as a big tiger getting mad at him- he could almost laugh if he wasn’t halfway consumed by blind rage and shame.
“Is there something I can do?” Atsushi asked, in a desperate, breathy whisper, earnestly asking Akutagawa for an answer, for something he could give him. Akutagawa laid down on the bed. Atsushi did the same.
“I’m sorry I avoided you.
-It’s fine. As long as you don’t keep doing so.
-I won’t.
-Good.”
“I had a really nice time with you, that night.
-Yeah, me too.
-I’m sorry there was a change of plan.
-Can we not?
-Yeah. Sorry” Akutagawa could once again feel Atsushi’s gaze on him, which made his face grow hotter, now that he had calmed down and realized he was lying in bed next to his crush, who was as sober as him.
“Do you want to get out of here? Subway’s probably still running.
-Yes please, desperately so.”
Leaving the comfortable yet embarrassing position they were in, Atsushi instinctively leaned in for a kiss on Akutagawa’s temple, surprising him with the tenderness of the gesture, but quickly realizing what he had just done. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-
-It’s fine, let’s go”, Akutagawa offered his hand, which Atsushi gladly accepted . "Let's leave this house.”