Full Moon

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with Isabella Marie Swan, hard as I tried to. I just fell.

I was enamored with her as a child. She'd spent summers with her Dad in Forks, visiting us often. Forced fishing trips. She always wanted to be with my sisters; older, more mature. I tagged along relentlessly, the kid sister that just wanted to be included.

Then she'd leave and I'd be an inconsolable little shit for about two weeks. 

I could vividly remember even at the age of six, with my pudgy little arms and microbangs due to a time I'd been left alone with the scissors, shoving a letter at Mom. 

She'd been washing the dishes. Looking back, she looked exactly like Rebecca and Rachel.

I grabbed at her pants, dragging at them while my other hand shook the letter at her.

"What's this? Another drawing?" She was always so kind about my scribbles, she always put them on the fridge. 

I was on my tip-toes, waving like crazy. "A letter for Bella! Can you give it to Mr. Swan?" 

She grinned. "You want to be pen pals with Bella?"

"Yeah! She's my favorite!" 

The letters were nonsense; I wasn't a particularly bright child. My drawings were abstract at best. My handwriting was illegible. I didn't get a letter back, but I'd still make attempts for about a month before forgetting as children often do. 

Bella would still come to Forks until she was a teenager. I knew I wanted to be around her, not knowing it was a crush. I was devastated when she abruptly stopped visiting. Charlie would go to her for two weeks a year instead, a little vacation.

When she came back to our little dreary corner of the Pacific northwest, I was thrilled. Crush instantly reignited. Then she started dating the ginger Cullen. I was wounded, but happy for her.

Then he left. And she started being around me. All the time. It was great.

"Oh my God would you shut the hell up? You guys dated for like two days. It's been two weeks of this non-stop. Shut the hell up already," I heard Paul groan in my head. "Sam, make her stop."

But Sam was a romantic and unlike Paul's soulless ass, knew what love felt like. "Focus, Jules." 

"You're going to die alone," I thought smugly to Paul. 

"And you're a whiny, useless lesbian," Paul shot back. 

"Dude I am starving," was Embry's abstract addition to the conversation, more an absent thought than something he meant to contribute. 

"I smell one of them. A different one." That was Jared, miles away with Embry. 

That particular thought livened us up a bit.

As the newest one in the pack, I was with Sam often. The baby duck. Paul was stuck with us simply because he lost his shit too often. 

"Oh, fuck you," Paul sneered at me. 

The three of us took off into the direction Jared was located. 

"Race you there," I challenged before taking off ahead of them. 

I could hear Sam's exasperation, though he didn't bother to think it at us. 

We got there quickly, the miles passing quietly. Jared was following the trail quickly, us forming into a V around him with Sam leading. The scent kept getting stronger. 

That sickly sweet smell that was so prominent on Bella a year ago. It was funny, looking back, how much I hated it then. How little I knew. 

"Focus, Jules," Sam reminded me gently. He was well aware that vampires reminded me of Bella. 

We reached a clearing. We could see the leech in the distance. He was talking to a human, so softly that we could barely hear it over the rain. The smell was familiar, strawberries and something floral. 

"That's not a Cullen," Sam thought. 

I froze as I recognized the form in the meadow before taking an eager step forward.

Bella.

"Don't move," Sam ordered. 

"He's going to kill her--"

"We don't know that," Sam stated. "Wait."

For once, Paul was with me. "Red eyes. He's going to make a meal of her." 

"We can't risk breaking the treaty. We have to be sure," Jared stated calmly. He gave us a mental version of a sigh. 

Embry, usually quiet in our heads, perked up. "Can anyone actually hear what they're talking about?" 

The "no" was instantaneously.

In an absent thought, Jared, "I'd kill for a burger right now. Can we eat after this?"

"Are you shitting me right now?" I asked. "You better be joking."

"Focus."

All of our thoughts stopped in their tracks at Sam's command.

"I have no quarrel with you, Bella, truly. It will be quick and painless," the leech promised. "This isn't personal; I was already hunting. This is just... thirst." 

"Sam," I thought urgently. 

"Wait," he demanded. 

"You won't get away with this," Bella said in a quivering voice. Her back was turned to us, so I couldn't see her face. I knew she was scared.  

My paw raised, ready to step in. 

"Jules, we won't let anything happen to her," Embry reminded me. 

Ths leech was still talking, "Humans go missing every day. Many have gone missing in this area in particular. The scent will wash away with the rain. You're very lucky that I was the one to find you, Bella. If you knew what was planned for you... You'd thank me for this."

"Who's he talking about?" Jared wondered. 

"Sam, we're cutting it kind of close here," Embry thought nervously. 

"Are you wanting an Avenger's entrance or something?" Paul asked.

I was going to rip off that leech's head. 

"Forward, slowly, make sure it doesn't hurt her," Sam ordered. 

"It will be painless," the pale creature promised. "You won't feel a thing."

It was at that moment that it saw us, slowly approaching through the woods. It looked horrified. The bloodsucker froze before starting to step backwards, mind now completely off of his thirst. Off of Bella. 

It said something, but I wasn't paying attention. The words it spoke weren't important. 

Bella turned. I could see her pale face from the corner of my vision, everything besides the vampire blurred around me. She exhaled and froze. 

I suppose we were terrifying to look at. Giant wolves the size of moose. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe, since she'd loved vampires, she could love--

I heard her wheeze out a breath. She was trying not to cry. 

My head turned automatically, to comfort her as I normally would, when we locked eyes. Those warm chocolate brown eyes that I'd looked into hundreds of times before. 

I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with Isabella Marie Swan, but it didn't matter anymore. I didn't realize I could possibly love her more until I felt it.

Like a dying star, sucking the rest of my world away with her. Everything that made me who I was -- the love of my family, the loyalty to my pack, my home, my name, my self--

Only she tied me to the earth now as everything else was sucked away. A steel cable grounding me to the center of my universe. 

I could see our entire lives together in flashes. Her shy smile when I tagged around her as children, her hand holding mine at my mother's funeral, us laughing in her truck as we drove down the road. Then there were the flashes ahead, moments I didn't know yet. Years and years together, her aging as I followed slowly behind her. Decades of time in a single instant. 

The air in my lungs, the gravity holding me to the earth. None of it matters. It all collapsed under the weight of what I felt now.

It felt physically painful. Like someone had punched me in the stomach. I let out a whine, embarassing, and watched as a tear slid down her cheek. She was terrified. 

"Congrats, sis," I heard Embry think to me. He seemed genuine. 

"Focus, Julie. It tried to kill Bella." Sam again.

I ripped my eyes from her, a painful feeling, and focused on the leech again. It ran into the forest, us following closely behind. My ears were still glued to Bella. She was crying and maybe even vomiting. 

That was fair; in her eyes, she'd escaped death twice in a two minute time span. 

The hunt was quick, too easy to be fun. This one was hungry, not as fast as the redhead. Almost clumsy. I got the first bite, taking off a hand as it swung back to attempt to hit me. 

I let Paul rip his head off. I was happy to let him have this win. 

I could finally tell Bella. 

We stood over the remains of the vampire, torn limb from limb. We each carried a piece to the spot we'd designated for burning, changing into our human form and putting on clothes. We had clothing caches all over the woods. Mine, thankfully, remained untouched as the only woman. 

"Julie," Sam said quietly as the others burned the corpse. The smell was awful, like burnt sugar. It made me grimace. "You shouldn't tell Bella yet." 

My world stopped. "Why not?" I asked cautiously. "I've been making my case about it for the past two weeks. You were able to tell Emily as soon as you imprinted." 

"I know. But you need to think about this logically--" 

"Your soulmate's a leech-lover," Paul interjected. "Since Sam's too nice to say it." 

"She'll understand," I said stubbornly. "She doesn't even talk to the Cullens anymore." 

"You're lucky to go an hour without shifting, Julie." Sam's voice was calm. "You're not ready to be around her yet. You'd be putting her in danger." 

"But I'm well enough to go to school?" I demanded. "All day, surrounded by people?" 

"Where we're supervising you," Jared added. "You won't have that when you're trying to sneak into her bed. You wanna risk that?"

I looked to Sam. His pain mirrored mine. Our minds went to Emily, the scars on her body. It was just a moment where'd she'd gotten too close to Sam at the wrong time. Now his greatest regret. He'd be reminded every time he looked at her. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Embry. 

"Don't do it," Sam said again. "Not yet. I know it's unfair. I know it hurts just to think about it. But don't tell her yet. Don't make me put an order on it." 

"I should be able to tell her. This is the one major binding law we have," I yelled. I could feel it clawing up my throat, the anger. I was always so angry now. I hated it. My hands were trembling. 

Sam's serene voice never wavered. "You're a special case, Julie. Things are different with you. I don't want you to hurt her." 

"You're lucky you even got an imprint," Paul added. 

"Shut up and watch the fire before I throw you in it," Embry growled. 

"This is such bullshit," I choked out. Everything was hurting. I was going to have to stay away from her longer. What if she hated me by the time I was able to be with her? 

Sam sighed. "Fine, Julie. It's an order. You cannot inform Bella as to what we are. No stories, no riddles, no tricks."

Embry asked quietly, "Bella already knows about the Cullens. What if they told her about us? Does that still count?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "I hate teenagers. Fine. Unless she already knows and verbally says what we are. There. Can I go home to my fiancée now? Whiny little..."

His mumbles continued as he watched the smoldering flames. 

Embry gave a supportive squeeze on my shoulder. He'd given me an out. 

I could feel the orders locking into my body as he spoke them. I couldn't tell her. 

I'd have to find another way. 

"Can I make sure she made it home safe?" I asked Sam. "Please?" 

He looked at my face carefully before nodding. "Just don't talk to her. Or look at her. It will make it worse. I'm not trying to be cruel, Julie. I promise. I just want to make sure you can live with yourself." 

I nodded and took off into the woods. Bella had made it home safe; her truck was in the driveway beside Charlie's police cruiser. Charlie would take car of her. 

I waited outside patiently, unable to hear inside of the house but imagining. A life where I could be with Bella. Without secrets.

I'd just have to wait a little longer.