Full Moon

Monday was hectic. I was still reeling from my own jumbled emotions, so I tried to focus on anything else. 

Angela seemed to be in high spirits; her weekend with Ben went well. She was beaming. At lunch, she tried cementing the plans for Friday night when Lauren piped in.

"I don't know why you never invite me or Jessica to things." She didn't look up from her French-tip nails. "It's not very polite."

"Jessica is invited," Angela said flatly. I didn't add that Jessica had also invited herself. "You aren't because you're rude and mean and I don't want that at my house."

The boys at the table were quiet. They looked at eachother nervously. 

"I'm rude?" Lauren sneered. "Bella doesn't say a word for months over some guy she dated for like six months and you immediately go buddy-buddy with her again, but I'm the rude one?" 

"She's my friend," Angela said sternly. "You're not. You just sit here because Tyler sits here, and you want to make sure he doesn't go after Bella again." 

There was a low whistle from one of the guys. Tyler made a show of looking entirely away from the table, pointing his entire body towards a window. 

Lauren balked. "That's not-- I don't--" 

She suddenly stood, grabbing her backpack and lunch. She walked to another table and dropped her things, immediately talking to them in a hushed tone. She shot a glare back at our table. 

Jessica looked frozen, making a mental decision in her head. She didn't move from the table. Neither did Tyler. 

Angela breathed out slowly, shaking slightly. 

"Damn, babe," Ben said with a smile. 

She beamed at him and went back to planning our Friday. 

Next period, I grabbed my notebook and started writing. 

Rosalie, I don't know why you disliked me. I wish we could have been friends. I feel like there's a lot unsaid on my side and I don't know how to fix it with you, but I guess those things will remain lost to the both of us. 

I hope you get everything you've ever wanted. I hope you and Emmett are well and happy. 

That evening in Newton's, the hunters were happy. They were celebrating killing the bear; a reasonably sized black bear was shown in the local newspaper. 

They were getting more ammo and then heading to the liquor store after; apparently guns and booze went together. I felt sorry for the emergency room staff on shift.  

"I feel like I'm going to regret this," Jules mumbled as we stepped out of the truck. She looked into the woods, then frowned and adjusted her backpack. 

"The bear is dead. And we have plenty of bear spray just in case." I stepped beside her. "You got the map?" 

We were on a hunt to find the meadow; Julie called it a 'dry run' since we probably wouldn't find it the first time. She argued for us to stop riding the morotcycles when I had stitches. 

"You sure you're okay?" I asked again. She'd been strange the entire ride here, unusually silent. 

"Yeah." She paused. "No. I saw Embry today."

"Did you two finally get to talk?"

Her head shook slowly. "No. He avoided me like the plague. Paul and Jared were stuck to his side the entire time, too. And he buzzed his hair off, which was weird."

We followed the poorly made map. I wasn't confident in my navigation skills but Jules lead us expertly, holding tree branches out of the way. She stayed close enough that she didn't let me fall, but far enough that I mostly felt independent. 

We stayed mostly quiet during the walk; we were both in our own heads. I didn't know how to help Jules.

We didn't find the meadow, but we were able to cover enough ground that Julie was confident we could find it next time. 

Things still felt off when I headed home. I brought it up to Charlie over dinner. 

"Do you know anything about Sam Uley?" I asked as I poked at the chicken casserole I'd made. 

He thought about it for a bit. "A little; seems like a good kid. He scared some boys off of the reservation; they were selling meth. He's the one who found you in the woods, brought you back safely. Why?"

"Julie doesn't like him. She says he's got this kind of cult going on at La Push; he's recruited a couple of guys from her high school. It's freaking her out."

"Maybe it's just a misunderstanding," he said carefully. "Sam seems like a good one; maybe he's just trying to keep those other kids on the straight and narrow."

I nodded. My brain drifted to Embry, the one time I'd met him. Sweet and quiet and shy Embry. What trouble could he be getting into that required Sam Uley to corral him back into the light?

"Yeah, maybe." 

Wednesday at Newton's was odd. There was yet another missing person; this time, and couple. They'd come here to go hiking for their honeymoon. We were drifting into the double digits now. The bear they killed wasn't the right one.

The air was somber. A weird medium between the joy of celebrating the other night, and the macabre death of so many people. 

Even Mike was quiet. He seemed to focus mostly on work, barely talking to me. It was quiet. Even the customers didn't make conversation. 

I found myself thinking of Emmett and his taste for bear blood. That night, I made sure to write for him. 

Emmett, maybe this is insensitive but there's a bear going around killing people and it made me think of you. Between the end to your first life and your favorite dish in your second life. 

You're easily the strongest person I know. There wouldn't be a rogue bear hunting people down with you around. It would be dinner. 

I miss you. You were like a big brother to me. It was fun having you around. You brought a sense of levity to any situation. 

Takes care of Rosalie. I hope you're both happy.

-Bella

I put the note into my desk drawer and thought about the last letter I had to write. 

On Thursday, I helped Jules pack for the sleepover the next night. She was still on edge, flinging clothes around the room when she didn't like them. I let her stew in it before finally asking when she threw a shoe into the hallway. 

"I finally talked to Embry today." 

"How did that go?" I folded a pair of sweatpants into the duffel bag; she'd chosen sweats and an oversized shirt as her pajamas. 

"I cornered him in the boy's restroom, which is the only place Jared and Paul don't follow him. Demanded he tell me everything. And he just said he couldn't. And it was the way he said it; like he was physically choking on the words. Something serious is going on, Bella. I don't know if it's drugs or what. But it's freaking me out." 

She folded more clothes aggressively, handing them to me with a degree of self-restraint. "What if Sam is selling drugs and Embry saw something? And now he's sucked in and Paul and Jared are there to make sure he doesn't make a run for it? Embry was my best friend; he told me everything. Literally everything. To a disgusting degree. And now his words lock in his throat when he tries to talk to me."

She grabbed the rogue shoe from the hallway and set it neatly in the corner. "I tried bringing it up with Dad. Again. And that did nothing. Sam Uley is the best thing since sliced bread."

I stayed silent, wondering if Billy was listening in the hallway. I could hear the TV in the hallway. Maybe he was still watching that.

"Did I forget anything?" She asked finally. Her shoulders were visibly drooped. She looked so defeated. 

"I think you're good," I said before opening my arms.

She went into them eagerly, her chin resting on top of my head. With her arms wrapped around me, it felt like I was in a sauna.

"Are you running a fever?" I asked. I pulled back and put my hand to her cheek. "You feel warmer than usual."

She hummed. "Your hand is cold. Feels nice."

"Do you have a thermometer in your bathroom?" 

She nodded but didn't release her hold on me. "I feel fine." 

"Just let me check, for peace of mind." 

A few minutes later, she was a searing 101.2. 

"You really don't feel sick?" I asked. At her request, my hands were on her cheeks again. 

"Promise, I've feel fine."

"There's a new stomach bug going around. I hope you're not catching it." 

"Stop fussing over me," she whined. "It's a small fever, I run on the warmer side lately anyway."

"Fine, fine. You're packed up; you can stay the whole weekend at my house, if you'd like. You've packed enough for it. It'll give you a break from Billy."

She grinned. "That actually sounds great. Want to hang out in the garage? I have a surprise." 

"Sure." 

The walk to the garage was serene; there was a light mist instead of a steady rain. The surprise was Julie's car, the Rabbit. It was finally finished. 

"Care if I drive to the movies on Saturday?" She asked with a smile. 

"Absolutely." Anything to cheer her up. "I'm excited to see how it runs." 

We ended up on the couch again, my back against her side while she sat forward. 

"Are you packed and ready for the sleepover?" She asked. She'd taken to playing with my hair, curling it around her fingers. 

"That's not the part I'm worried about with it," I sighed. 

"Oh? You worried you're going to get beat in the pillow fight?" 

I laughed. "No. I have these nightmares. I've had them for months. They're not as common now, but I wake up screaming. I can't tell if they're real or fake and they're terrifying."

The nightmares had slowly started to dwindle, I was getting them less than once a week now. My sleep was still colorful and realistic, but I wasn't screaming in my sleep anymore. When I dreamed now, my wandering through the woods wasn't a stumbling panic. Some nights were of the beaches of La Push. But most were peaceful now. 

"I didn't know you were dealing with that." Julie's tone was apologetic. "I'm sorry. Is there any way I can help?" 

I tipped my head backwards to look at her. "You do already, actually. I don't have nightmares when I'm with you the day prior. So maybe I'm worried for nothing. I just don't want to wake them up, freaking out."

"Not to mention how much you talk in your sleep," she reminded me.

I groaned. "Maybe they'll let me sleep on the couch downstairs or something." 

"I'm sick and you scream in your sleep," Julie said. Her voice was full of glee. "We'll be the worst house guests they've ever had."

Friday was fine; I was relieved to finally get off of work. Julie had gotten Quil to drop her off at closing time. Mike blushed when he saw her. 

"Here, wait in the car," I said while throwing her the keys. 

"Nice apron," she said with raised brows. 

I rolled my eyes and double-chcked that the store was empty before walking out with Mike. He locked the doors behind us. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella!" He said while walking to his car. 

"See you at the movies, Mike!" Julie yelled out the window of my truck.

I shushed her. "I cannot tell if he likes you or fears you." 

"Fears, hopefully," she retorted. "Where are we heading now?" 

"My house; I gotta shower. Get Newton's off of me. Then we're headed to Ang's." 

"Wicked," she said while looking out the window. "Oh, I brought my pillow. I figured it might help you sleep. Like my smell or something, so you don't have nightmares." 

I looked over at her before returning my focus to the road. I was touched. "Thanks, Jules." I hadn't had any nightmares in a while, even on the night that I hadn't seen her prior. 

"Mmhmm," Jules tapped her fingers against the passenger door. 

I reached out and took her free hand in mine, smiling to myself. I needed the contact. I was getting anxious. 

"You okay?" She asked. 

"Yeah, the rain makes me nervous. I sleep worse in it."

It was pouring buckets, assaulting my windshield. Visibility was reduced but at least I couldn't see the lines in the road. Jules stayed quiet so I could focus on driving.

Once we got to my house, Jules talked to Charlie as I went upstairs to shower. Charlie had tried branching out and had made a new recipe; steak with stir-fried rice. She seemed eager to try it. 

When I got out of the shower, Jules was laying on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. I paused awkwardly in my towel. I hadn't expected her to come up; I'd figured she would still be downstairs with Charlie.

She turned on her side, facing the wall away from me. "Tell me when the coast is clear." 

I changed into my pajamas; sweatpants and a tank top. I alerted her to my newly dressed state. She turned onto her back again, staring at the ceiling. I could tell something was off with her. I made my way into her view; her eyes slid over to me as I hovered over her. She smiled. 

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. 

"Yeah," she said in the same tone. "I will be." 

"You want to talk about it?" I asked.

She was silent. I nudged her to the side and joined her. We lay side by side, staring at my ceiling. I reached for her hand. She felt even warmer than usual; almost scalding. Her fever hadn't broke yet. 

"I know this is so random and maybe too much information, but I haven't had my period in two months. I know I'm not pregnant, but maybe something is wrong." She sighed. "So today before school, I talked to my Dad about scheduling a doctor's appointment. And he got super quiet and weird about it. He talked about how tall I've gotten in just a few months, how I'm all muscle even though I don't work out, how I'm constantly running a fever even though I'm not sick..."

She paused for a while. 

"Then I get home, and Sam Uley is leaving my house. He just gives me this look. Like he knew something, saw straight through me. I don't know how to describe it. Then he just walked straight into the woods. Dad didn't want me to come over tonight; we got into a huge fight about it. I brought up Embry and how he's in Sam's cult now. Then Quil was there to pick me up, so I just grabbed my duffel bag and ran." 

I rubbed my thumb across the back of her hand, trying to soothe her. 

"I don't know what's going to happen," she said softly. "And I'm so fucking freaked out. And I didn't want to bring it up because we're supposed to be having a fun, silly girls' night thing." 

"If it helps, complaining about parents and stupid boys is very typical of a sleepover." I gave her a small smile. "We can talk about it with Charlie tomorrow when we get back, okay? Then you can stay over all day before the movie." 

She nodded and turned. I mimicked her. Julie grabbed me, holding me close. 

"Thanks, Bells. I don't know what I would do without you." 

"I feel the same, actually." I tried to ignore the burning in my chest. I hated seeing Jules so broken. My emotions were confusing me. 

I tore myself away from her and sat up. "Come on, let's go eat popcorn and watch stupid movies." 

An hour later, Angela was showing us her room and hissing at her little brothers to leave us alone. She locked the door behind them. 

Jessica was already sitting on Angela's bed, holding a stuffed bear. They were wearing matching pajamas; tiny, tank tops with lace straps and small shorts with matching laced edged. Angela's was a dusty pink pair that brought out the honey tints in her pale brown hair. Jessica's was black, closer to sexy than cute. 

"I got a matching pair for you both," Angela said as she held out the sets. "To thank you for helping me. And I thought it would be cute if we all matched. I guessed the sized; I hope that's okay."

Jules and I looked at eachother before going to change outfits; Jules' was a sunny yellow with orange lace accents. It was very cute, and made her skin pop against it. Mine was a dark blue with white lace. 

Properly settled, Angela told us the sleeping plan. She and Jess would sleep in Angela's bed, me and Jules would take the couch in her room. It pulled out into a bed. 

"Perfect," Jules said with a shy tone. 

I looked at her curiously. 

"Alright, let's get down to business." Jessica grabbed her backpack from under the bed. There was the distinct sound of glass clinking together. She opened her bag and dragged out comedically sized bottles. "I raided Mom's wine cabinet. These should be the best ones."

"Jeez, Jess, we're not drinking tonight," Angela gasped. She picked up a bottle and looked at it, chewing her lip.

"Come on, seriously?" Jess groaned. "At least take a sip." 

Angela looked at me curiously. I smiled a touch and looked over at Jules, who shrugged. 

"A sip," Angela agreed. 

An hour later, each of us were drinking our bottles with a movie in a background. Jessica's mother had good taste; I'd taken a sip of beer before and wanted to vomit. The wine didn't have that strange alcohol taste that made me gag. I made a note of the bottle and brand in case I ever felt like drinking again. 

We were choosing between mud masks. I chose a pale blue one, the container promising it would help with stress. 

Jess and Angela used the bathroom to apply their masks. There wasn't enough room in Angela's bathroom for the four of us, so Jules and I sat across eachother, legs crossed on the floor. Jules applied mine first, slowly moving the mud across my cheeks with her fingers. My face felt warm and I couldn't stop smiling. 

She bent down so I could apply hers easier. She chose a pink one; it promised to even her already perfect skin tone. I kept laughing as I applied the mud. She looked ridiculous. 

Angela didn't go into great detail about her weekend with Ben; but she said it went well. Very well. She was thoroughly pleased. 

"Your advice worked great, Jess. I knew exactly what I needed." Angela's cheeks were pink between the alcohol and the wine. "And I felt completely comfortable with that I wore, thanks to Julie's advice."

Jules tipped her wine bottle to Angela. "Always happy to be of service."

"My first time was horrible," Jessica groaned. "He was horrible. And impatient. And even more nervous than me. And, like, weirdly twitchy." 

Angela snorted. I felt myself smiling. 

"We both all know Bella doesn't have a first time to speak of, but what about you, Julie?" Jessica asked. 

Jules ducked her head. "No first time to speak of, no. I haven't even kissed anyone yet."

I choked while sipping my wine.

"Really? Nobody on the Rez caught your eye?" Jessica asked. She was nearly done with her bottle, swaying slightly. 

Jules chuckled low. "Nobody on the Rez," she agreed. 

"All the guys in our group think you're hot. They're also terrified of you, but I think they could work past it," Angela volunteered. 

I took another deep sip and chose to keep quiet. 

"I'm good, thanks. I'm very picky," she said with a smile. 

"Just letting you know, you have options. Come on, boozy. Let's wash these off before you fall asleep in your mask," Angela said while tugging Jessica up. The pair stumbled into the bathroom. 

I laid my head on Jules' shoulder. "Was it as painful was you worried?" I asked quietly. 

She chuckled again and clinked her bottle against mine. "It's not so bad. Are you still worried about talking in your sleep?" 

"I'm more worried about kicking you in my sleep now. I'm a very active sleeper."

"Well I'm a very cuddly sleeper, so I'll just smother you while you kick me away," she offered. 

I snorted, clasping my hand over my mouth to keep quiet as I giggled. The laughter wouldn't stop for several minutes. Julie fought to keep from following suit. 

Jessica and Angela came back. Jessica promptly collapsed into the bed while Angela went downstairs to make some popcorn. Jules and I went to the bathroom, using wash clothes to get the mud off. 

"Do I look radiant?" Jules asked, turning to me. "Changed? Am I glowing?"

"You still have some on your chin. Stay still." 

She bent to my level for easier reach. Her face in my hands, I wiped slowly. I felt a blush rising to my cheeks. I could feel Jules' eyes on me. I cleared my throat and looked away. 

"You're good now," I murmured before stepping out of the room. I pressed my fingers to my cheeks, willing them to cool. 

Angela came back with popcorn. Jessica was already asleep, snoring softly. 

"You guys wanna watch a movie?" Angela asked. 

"Something scary?" Jules suggested before taking her place back on the floor.

A short while later, the wine was finished and Angela was asleep beside Jessica on the bed. While Jessica snored, Angela was an active sleeper like me, rolling and murmuring. The rain was loud outside, pelting against the roof. Thunder grumbled in the distance. 

Jules and I laid side by side, facing eachother. I had Julie's pillow from home under my head. It smelled good, like her. I shivered. 

"Are you cold?" She asked quietly. 

I nodded, even though it wasn't true. 

She opened her arms, her blanket falling over me. I was already curled like a burrito into mine, unfurling myself for freedom. I shuffled over to her, nestling into her embrace. One of her arms curled under my head, faces only inches apart. Our legs intertwined together. 

"You're freezing, Bella." Her free arm pulled me closer, elbow at my waist as her forearm trailed up my back. 

"I think you're just warm," I corrected. Boiling, even. My entire body felt like it was on fire.  

"Tonight was fun," Jules whispered to me. Her eyes were closed, as if she was nodding off already. I could smell her breath; minty from brushing her teeth earlier, with a fruity undertone from the wine. 

I found myself focused on her lips. It was safe without her watching me. The small smile playing at the edges, the chapstick she wore. She's so beautiful. 

Jules opened her eyes, looking at me directly. Her pupils were huge, engulfing me. "Did you have fun?" She asked softly. 

I silently nodded. Her eyes closed again. My hand reached out, fingers grazing her cheek. She smiled and nuzzled into my palm. My hand slowly moved down her cheek until my thumb grazed the edge of her lips. I brushed against them softly, tracing the edge of her bottom lip. 

Jules made a small show of nipping at my thumb before kissing it gently. 

I smiled at her playfulness and wondered how far that play would extend. 

Her eyes opened again, set on me. Pupils blown. Her lips parted under my finger. 

"Bella," she murmured. "You've been drinking." 

"So have you," I whispered back. 

Her eyes followed mine as I slowly moved closer, removing the gap between us. The look in her eyes was hard to understand; all-consuming and vulnerable, bordering on fear. There was only an inch between our faces.

I felt terrified. I was going to ruin everything. 

Slowly, in case she didn't want to, I closed the space between our lips. The kiss was sweet, hesitant, and very short. Light as a whisper. Soft as a feather.

I didn't spontaneously combust. Nobody broke through the door to drag me into the street and beat me. It didn't feel the same as with Edward. The times I'd kissed him, I'd reacted almost violently. My limbs would go soft as dough or rigid as rebar and I'd nearly fainted. 

It felt warm, sweet. Despite the heat of her body, the kiss didn't burn me the same way the rest of her touch did. I could feel her warmth pouring out of her and into me. I felt lighter. I felt safe. 

She was the one to break it, the ghost of a kiss. 

I exhaled slowly. Jules watched my face carefully. 

"Do you want to try again?" She whispered. 

I nodded. I felt very shy suddenly. "I'm not a very good kisser," I said back. My voice was pathetically small, a croak of anxiety. 

Jules grinned. "Let's be bad kissers together, then." I couldn't help but laugh in return, shaking my head. 

Her arm slowly trailed down my back and settled firmly on my hip. The hand previously under my head went to cup my cheek. She guided me into the second kiss. 

It started much like the first, soft and slow, but it didnt stay that way for long. It was strange being an equal partner when kissing someone. For as hard as the rest of her body was, Julie's lips were soft. 

Another thing I found stranger still, was the fact I could move exactly how I wanted to with Jules. She couldn't kill me with an ill-placed touch. 

My lips parted under hers, biting at her lower lip. My leg wrapped around her hip, pulling her impossibly closer. My arms twined behind her neck, hands buried in her hair. Julie's hand was determinedly stuck to my waist, fingers nearly buried in. Her other hand was wound into my hair, holding my face to hers.

I wanted her everywhere. I tried to remind myself to be quiet, but it was hard to focus on anything else besides her.

Jules was a biter; when she broke away from my lips, she went to my neck, slowly kissing and biting and sucking along the way. Her hand in my hair tugged my head back, exposing more to her. 

Her hand moved from my hip up my side. There was a moment where her thumb barely grazed under my breast and I audibly gasped. 

She broke off, the two of us breathing harder than usual. I could still hear Angela and Jessica snoozing in the other corner of the room, oblivious. I couldn't tell if the whoosh-ing sound I heard was my own blood rushing or the rain pouring outside. 

"We should probably stop," Jules whispered into my ear. She backed up enough that I could see her face; full of want so badly that it looked painful. 

"I don't want to stop." 

"I don't either," she agreed. "But I'd hate to do anything else while we've both been drinking and your friends are asleep a few feet away." 

She hesitated before kissing me again once, twice. She broke off to press her lips to my forehead. 

I smiled and ducked my head into the crooked of her neck, kissing softly. She shivered and held me closer. I closed my eyes. My fingers danced under the hem of her tank top, drawing little circles. Hers were locked onto my hip with a sense of determination not to move elsewhere.

"Goodnight, Jules." 

"Goodnight, Bella." 

My dreams that night were of sunshine and the beach of La Push.