Dreamer
Charlie watched me with wary eyes on Tuesday morning. I'd surely woken him up with my screaming.
I tried to make up for it with breakfast; French toast and sausage links. After the second nightmare that woke me up at three, I had decided to stay up. I took a shower to wash off the memory of dirt and blood on me. I cleaned my room; threw away the old water bottles and tidied up the books all on the floor. The mountain of laundry remained ignored.
I even checked my email and wrote to Renée. Her message to me had been short and bland. It read more like a daily itinerary or a diary. I wrote my own response, taking the time to reply to everything she brought up as well as telling her about the movies on Friday and the recent rekindled friendship with Jules. I felt guilt that I hadn't thought to email her before this. I couldn't recall the last time I actually called her.
To finish off the busy morning, breakfast.
He didn't comment on the dark bruises under my eyes from the lack of sleep. He simply thanked me for my breakfast and chose not to hover. He did make one statement, though.
"You know if you ever need me, for anything, I'm here. You know that, right? All you have to do is ask."
I smiled weakly and nodded. "I know, Dad. I'm okay. Or trying to be."
He gave me a smile back and went about his day.
There was still some snow on the roads from yesterday, so I drove slow again. The weather report said it would warm up enough today to melt all the sludge.
School was boring. The teachers saw the tired, dull eyes and assumed the day previous had been a freak accident and went back to ignoring me. At least that's how I rationalized the fact that they seemed to look right past me.
Mike was back to asking questions, ones I didn't really care to answer until he came up with, "We should see a movie sometime."
Not a question, but also a question.
"Yeah, I guess I haven't hung out with my friends much. We could make it a group thing." I didn't want to give him any false hope.
He looked stung but recovered quickly. "There's this romcom coming out in a few weeks we could see."
"Oh, I don't do romance. What about another horror movie? Or action?"
Mike looked as if he ate sour grapes. "I'll look into it."
Angela sat beside me at lunch. We tried to organize a mall day in the upcoming weeks. "And there's this book store with a cafe in it that I'm sure you'd like. I saw it and immediately thought of you."
"Ben's still out?" Lauren chimed in.
"He's feeling better but didn't want to risk giving it to everyone, so he'll be back tomorrow." Angela turned back to me. "Are you free this weekend?"
"I actually have plans, but let me try next week." I paused. "Actually, is it okay if I bring a friend from La Push?"
"A guy?" Mike asked from the other side of me.
Angela's eyes rolled.
"No. Um, Julie. You all met her last year at the beach."
"The kid?" Lauren sneered.
Why do you sit here when you actively hate me?
"She's only a year under us," I corrected.
"Sure, bring her," Angela said with a forced smile. She cut her eyes at Lauren. "The more the merrier."
"I'm coming, too," Jessica announced.
Angela and I both raised our brows at her.
"You literally just said you wanted more people to come." Jessica shrugged.
By the end of lunch, most of the table was going. We would decide on who drove and what cars we needed at a later date. Mike kept attempting to plan the outting for the Valentine's Day weekend. It was quickly shut down.
After school, I speed-walked to my car to avoid any more talking and drove straight to La Push.
I felt instantly soothed pulling into the driveway. I hoisted my backpack on my shoulder and waited by the front door after knocking twice. Billy answered, smiling as he let me in.
"Hey, Bella. What brings you here today?"
"Homework duty," Julie said as she rushed out of her room. "Now I have freaking Othello due this week. Can we study in my room?"
Billy gave her a sideways glance but nodded. "Tell me if you need anything. Burgers for dinner. Keep the door cracked."
I slipped off my sneakers and followed Jules. It had been months since I'd seen her room last, but much hadn't changed. Still the same twin bed with a relatively bare bookcase, a desk in the corner. There was a spreading of papers in a disarray on the floor.
"You can sit on the bed." She directed me. "I'll take the desk chair. Why can't they give me reading material from this century?"
We started talking about the plot, the themes. Jules got frustrated after about an hour and decided we would focus on my calculus problem instead. She understood the basics relatively quickly and was walking me through it with ease while I struggled to keep up.
I didn't notice instantly, but I felt a strange sense of catharsis when I saw Jules. As if I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. It felt easier to breathe with her around. My chest hurt less.
The drain of the day was starting to take hold of me; I slowly started reclining more on the bed until I was laying down completely and nodding off.
"Bells?" She asked as she walked me through yet another ridiculous equation. "You okay?"
"Yeah." I opened my eyes and rubbed them. "Yeah. Just didn't sleep well."
"Well I gotta read over this ridiculous play some more. Do you want to take a nap while I do?"
"Oh, I can't do that... that's so rude..."
"She says with her eyes closed. I'll wake you up in an hour."
"He murders his wife and then himself, by the way."
"Did she actually cheat on him?"
"Nope."
"Wicked."
I started to drift off again, hiding my face in Julie's pillow. It smelled good, like her. Sort of woodsy. Like pine trees and petrichor.
My dreams were strange. They started ominous as usual, with me stumbling through the woods. Almost nothing was visible beyond my immediate eyeline; I would run from tree to tree, gasping, unsure of what I was running to or from. I kept falling. But as I attempted to get up from the ground, a hand reached into my field of vision. Julie, surrounded by a soft golden light.
She helped me up and held my hand as she guided me through the woods. As we walked, the woods around us got lighter. Sunlight poked through the dense trees. We could navigate it easily, minding the branches and moss at our feet.
I wasn't cold anymore. I wasn't dirty and bloody. Once Julie seemed secure that I wasn't going to hurt myself again, she walked beside me instead of ahead. Our hands stayed clasped together, fingers laced.
"Bells," she said softly. "It's time to wake up."
Where we touched, the light slowly spread to me. I hadn't noticed the darkness that surrounded me. A black hole compared to her sun.
"Bells," she whispered again. I felt her touch my shoulder.
I mumbled in my sleep and slowly opened my eyes, squinting at Jules. She smiled gently at me, a crooked little grin forming.
"You know you talk in your sleep?" She asked.
I nodded and rolled on my side to face her fully. "Did I say anything interesting?"
"Oh, yeah. You confessed to being DB Cooper. I called the cops, your Dad should be on his way to arrest you. Can you at least tell me where the money is before you go?"
"I'll never tell." I yawned again and rubbed my hand into my eye.
"You said my name," Jules said quietly. "I thought you'd woken up, the way you were rolling around, but you said it a few more times and then settled down. Bad dream?"
"Started out as one, yeah." I looked behind her, studying the wall. "I have a lot of nightmares. Almost every night. That's why I'm so exhausted."
"Well I'm glad I brought some comfort, then. Even in dream form. I finished your calculus homework, by the way."
"That's cheating," I accused.
Julie grinned as I sat up. "We can be eachother's bad influence. You with the motorcycles, me with the cheating on homework."
"Speaking of bad influences, I know we're pillaging the junk yard this weekend, but what about next?"
"Whatcha got in mind? Are we getting matching tattoos or something?" Her eyes were playful. I felt myself blushing at the eye contact.
"My lunch table group is going to the mall. I wanted to see if you would come with."
She gasped. "You want me to meet your friends?"
"You've technically already met them at the beach. And I can use you as an excuse to leave early. And you'll provide me as a bumper in case I need to make an escape."
"Why would you need to escape the people you sit with every day at school? You should at least like these people, right? "
I leaned in to whisper, "I like you a lot more than I like them."
Julie's grin melted me a little bit. "Well I like you, too. I suppose I can be your social shield against your admiring fans."
We heard Billy called from the other room for us to grab a plate.
Jules leaned back as I stood, following behind me. "You want me to visit you on Thursday so you can at least nap in your own bed?"
"How will you get there?"
I felt her breath at my ear as we walked down the hallway. Goosebumps raised down my back. She whispered, "Steal Billy's wheelchair."
I snorted and burst into laughter and Billy watched us, eating his burger in front of the television. He was watching the news. It was a missing person's report.
Jules started making her own plate, smirking at me. "I have my ways. I'll see you after school on Thursday."