Sisters and Acceptance
[May 14, 2004]
"This isn't the way to school," Sayu said to Light on one bright morning. Friday, to be exact.
"No, it isn't," Light agreed with her astute observation. "Where do you want to eat breakfast? My treat."
"Yagami Light," Sayu said with a grin spreading on her face, "My perfect older brother, are you telling me to skip school? You?"
"Don't be ridiculous," Light refused with a shake of his head. He turned his head to give a small, secretive smile to his younger sister. "I'm not telling you. I'm skipping withyou." Sayu squealed and jumped onto Light, her arm going around to hook into her brother's. "If anyone asks, there's been an accident and we've both sprained our limbs today. You, a leg and me, an arm," Light told her. That was the reason he'd given when he'd called Sayu's school and sent a mail to his professors.
"You bad boy, you," she breathed in excitement. "First, late nights with a girlfriend. Now, skipping school and making your sister skip too? Oh, what will mom and dad say? What will society say? What will the newspapers say? This is breaking news! College is clearly good for you."
"Don't make a habit of it," he warned her but Sayu just smiled up at him and clung even tighter. "So, breakfast?"
"Something sweet," she demanded. "You're paying. So, somewhere classy and expensive. Cake. And coffee." Cake. Light was very suddenly reminded of L, Ryuuzaki, who lived on cake and tea. He smiled wryly at his sister.
"I know just the place," he said as he took her towards his and L's cafe. His and L's. The thought brought him another smile, a real one. The more he thought of leaving, someplace where L wouldn't be his personal Shinigami, someone who would have him executed if he made the slightest mistake, was the slightest bit careless, the better he felt. And the more he missed their time together. However short, it had been fun while it lasted. And now that it was over, Light's animosity towards the detective kept decreasing, and fond nostalgia kept increasing. Without the barrier of their impending death being just around the corner, the hostile haze decreased and Light found himself enjoying the company of his only equal.
It would be their last days together and Light wanted to make full use of their time together.
Just like with Sayu.
"Oooh, this is the road to To-Oh," Sayu noticed. "Is the cafe in the area or do you just want to go back to class? I wouldn't mind as long as you take me with you. Meeting hot college guys would go a long way towards getting a boyfriend for myself. A mature, older, To-Oh elite." She sighed dreamily.
"So," Light asked, tone mischievous. "Someone like me? My, my Sayu. I'd heard girls go for guys like their father, but your brother?" Light gasped dramatically. "How scandalous."
"No!" Sayu shook her head. "Ew, no. You're so mean, Onii-san! You think you're hot but I want someone like my Hideki Ryuga! Mature and dreamy and sensitive! Not you." She eyed him with disgust. "You're Light."
Light burst out laughing. Because Hideki Ryuga? Mature and dreamy and sensitive? Light tried to put those qualities together with L and came up short. "That doesn't sound like my Ryuga." Light managed to say between fits of laughter. "Good for you, Sayu. Let me know when you manage to bag a TV star."
"Your Ryuga?" Sayu asked dubiously. Curiosity was evident in her next question. "You know someone named Hideki Ryuga who isn't Hideki Ryuga?"
"Yes," Light coughed to clear his voice. "You know that guy who gave the freshman address with me?" Sayu nodded. She wasn't there in person but she had seen the video uploaded online. Light stood out because he was Light. The second top scorer stood out because he was weird. Sayu wasn't likely to forget that anytime soon.
"That hunched over, weird bloke who spoke like emotions were so last season?" She asked just to be sure, thinking back to the older man. "Pale, dark hair, dark eyes, huge eyebags, wore T-shirt and baggy jeans to the opening ceremony? European?"
"That one," Light agreed. "His name is Hideki Ryuga too. By the way, you are aware that Hideki Ryuga is most likely the actor's stage name?" Light shook his head at the irony. "Neither Hideki Ryuga's are actually named Hideki Ryuga."
"So, Hideki Ryuga is the new trend for fake names," Sayu nodded with interest. "Got it." Then she sneaked in a look at her brother's face as she asked again, "Your Ryuga?"
"We both scored full marks, we share many courses, he's good at tennis and he's intelligent enough to have a decent conversation with," Light admitted grudgingly. "He's a friend."
"And so he's your friend," Sayu concluded. "Especially if he goes around looking and speaking like he does. You're most likely his only friend too. And if you're as similar as you imply, you're his friend as well." Light paused for a moment, taking in that thought, all that Sayu was implying by dancing around the actual words.
"I'm so proud of you," he concluded as well. "I sure hope that is true. Being special to someone is a rather special feeling." He looked down at his sister fondly. "You're special to me, Sayu. More so than father and mother. You should know that."
Sayu stopped right outside the cafe doors.
"Onii-san. Light," she said seriously, looking into his eyes. "What's up?" Light stared right back, his mask falling and eyes flashing as he smiled at Sayu,
"Later, Imoto-chan. At the end of the day. Today, you're mine and I'm yours."
"So cheesy," Sayu snorted. Her face and body language held no surprise at his sudden change. She took it in stride, as if it were an everyday occurrence. "Alright. You're taking me shopping after that. And you're paying all day."
"Fair enough," Light admitted as his public persona took over once more. "We're here," he opened the door for her and followed inside after. "Take it and order what you want," he handed her a card. Sayu took it from his hands gleefully and bounded over to the service desk. Light made his way over to his usual table at the corner-
"Ryuuzaki?" He asked, eyes wide, taking in the hunched over figure in the corner. L was dressed in his usual clothes- white T-shirt, baggy jeans and sitting with his bare feet curled up on the chair. "What are you doing here?"
"Light-kun is not in class," is all L said as he the spooned the last piece of his strawberry cheesecake. And then, having said as much as he was going to, he ate it.
"Neither are you," Light pointed out as he took a seat opposite L. L looked up, eyes the same expressionless black pools as always. "Again, why are you here? Not enough work at the task force headquarters?"
"I wanted some strawberry cheesecake. Here's the best in Kanto," L said, thumb over his lips. "Why is Light-kun here?"
"Same reason," Light admitted shamelessly. "Best cheesecake in town."
"Light-kun doesn't like cake," L stated, placing the fork in his other hand down with a clink. Light winced at the noise.
"No, I don't. Sayu does," Light said, pointing over to his sister. She was looking at the glass display, still not decided over what she wanted to eat and not at all interested in where Light was. "I'm giving her a treat." L turned around in his chair to look at Sayu before turning back to stare at Light's face.
"You look similar." L noticed and thoughtfully looked down at his plate. "Light-kun is a kind big brother," he finally spoke, softly and Light nodded.
"I know," Light said smugly, not hiding his pride one bit. He knew he was a kind older brother and Sayu did always praise him so. No matter if it was only to ease him into doing something for her. "Sayu is very lucky."
"Light-kun is very vain," L noted. "Very Kira-like of him. This makes me wonder... Light-kun never said. Does Light-kun identify as female?"
It takes Light a while to piece together the conversation and link it to his comment a few days back. On how L thought the first Kira was male and Light questioning him about it.
"First of all, we were talking about the first Kira. Not me," Light said slowly. L's insistent stare on his face showed his doubts but Light ignored it and pressed on. "Secondly, vanity is not a female specific trait. Third," Light hummed thoughtfully, "I've never thought about it. Not in the way you're asking. Have you?"
"I'm male, Light-kun," L admitted without any pause. "And I have never considered myself otherwise. I might change my mind in the future. But that day is not today." Which made sense. No one could tell how the future would change things, gender and living status included.
"Then, if I have to say-," Light paused and shook his head. He had never though about it. Gender did not matter to him. He was born biologically male, has been living as a man and does not see it changing any time soon. Light feels the same detachment towards the fairer sex as he does towards his own. Not that he has anything against being female. Light is certain he would be as successful, as superior, as better as he is currently, as a Japanese male, as he would be if he were a Japanese female. And that is what is important. "Does it matter?" Light asked with a confident grin. "I would be as beautiful a woman as I am a handsome man."
"Vanity, thy name is Yagami Light," L smiled, a small, sharp curl of his lips. Light thought it more real than the ugly goblin-esque grins L had on his face when he forced himself to smile. "Up by five percent. Do be serious, Light-kun."
"You're not a humble man yourself, Ryuuzaki. Your name should be up there, right next to mine," Light pointed out. "And what five percent? Is that an increase in the percentage probability of my being Kira?" He laughed. If the percentage had not stopped being important to him, Light would have been seriously pissed off at L for bringing up Kira now. As it is, he is more amused than anything. "I'm serious. It's not vanity if it is a fact. Don't you think so too, Ryuuzaki?"
L stared at him, his thumb bitten by his teeth. And stared. And stared some more.
"Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, slightly concerned. This staring was normal behavior for L but the silence was disconcerting. L had never been silent for so long before. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. It is a sensitive topic and I should never have brought it up in the first place."
"Yes," L said, very seriously. "My answer is yes, Light-kun."
Light blinked, because what-? That was-?
"Yes?" He asked, doubt in his voice, not sure what he was even asking about.
"Yes." L nodded.
"Yes?" Light asked again, not knowing why. He needed to to be sure. About what? He didn't know. But whatever it was, was making him feel suddenly warm. Light flushed. He was certain the color was bright red, all the way up from his neck to his cheeks.
"Yes," L insisted. Persisted. His gaze intent, black depths trying to convey some unspoken meaning.
"Yes!" Sayu cheered and placed her tray on the table. Light turned, surprised. He had not even noticed when she had gotten close. Since when had Light stopped being aware of their surroundings? What had just happened?
"Yes?" L asked, looking startled just as much as Light had and staring at Sayu with wide eyes.
"Yeah," Sayu looked at him as if he was an alien. "I'm Sayu." A hand on her hips, she asked, no demanded, "Who are you?"
"I'm Light-kun's classmate, Hideki Ryuga," L said. Sayu's eyes widened. No doubt she was making the connection between what Light had told her before and this odd creature sitting in front of her.
"You?" She asked dubiously and looked at him once over. "You're the fake?" Light knew she was talking about how Hideki Ryuga was not L's real name. But L didn't know that and it showed.
"I'm actually real, not the actor," L refuted, in full form as the To-Oh freshman, 'Hideki Ryuga from a small, unknown town'. "My name is Hideki Ryuga. The actor Hideki Ryuga is just using that as his stage name."
"Huh," Sayu slid in, sitting next to Light. She knew well that was a lie but like any social butterfly, knew better than to call that lie into question in public. "That's what Onii-san said. Makes sense you're friends."
"Light-kun considers me his friend?" L asked. His fingers curled around his toes, wide eyes turning to stare at Light in awe.
"Yes, Ryuga," Light sighed and admitted honestly. "You are my friend."
"Oh," L said. Light blinked, because, was that pink in L's cheeks? "Light-kun is my first friend." L's life was sadder than Light had first thought if he was his first friend. Then again, if one went by the literal dictionary definition of the word, then L was Light's first friend as well. Light had never thought his own life sad before. So perhaps, L's life was also not sad before Light.
"That's nice," Sayu drawled and thrummed her fingers on the table. "But why are you interrupting our brother-sister day?" An awkward silence settled upon the table.
"I was here first," L finally said. Light nodded his agreement. "But," L looked down at the empty plate. "I'm done." He looked up at Sayu and then Light and said, "You can have it, Light-kun." Once again, Light got the distinct feeling L was talking about something more than the table. Light still smiled, his second real smile of the day.
"Thank you, Ryuuzaki."
L blinked and stared at Light some more. "Oh," he said eventually, coming back to his senses. "That was..." He put his feet down on the ground and wore his shoes. "Have a nice day, Light-kun, Sayu-chan." And slowly walked away. Sayu stared after him in wonder. Light, for his part, looked down at the table and blinked.
"He left his dishes here," Light said mildly. "That bastard." Then thought back to their conversation and corrected himself. "That sensitive bastard. Very mature." Light realized, with a sinking feeling, that that meant L scored a two out of three. He looked at Sayu, suddenly worried.
Sayu looked away from L, who had just walked out of the door and down at table like his brother. "He did," she observed, poking at the plates with disgust. "Your friend Ryuga is a bastard. Why can't you make normal friends, Onii-san?"
"You're one to talk," Light shot back, somehow relieved. "Aren't you friends with Taro-kun?"
"Taro-kun is a bastard too," Sayu said. She moved to the other side of the table from next to Light, into the seat L had just vacated. "Just like your Ryuga."
"As long as we are clear," Light grudgingly acknowledged. Though if Kagami Taro meant as much to Sayu as L did to Light, then he'd be having some words with that particular bastard. "Cheesecake?" Light asked, moving onto safer topics.
"Cheesecake!" Sayu crowed and dug into her treat. She moaned around her first mouthful. "This ish delish," she said and swallowed. "Can I get seconds?"
"It better be," Light chuckled. "I'm paying for quality here. Go ahead and eat as much as you want. I'm all for bankruptcy today." Light really was. Some rich criminals had suddenly died after declaring bankruptcy this morning, a minor percentage of their liquid assets donated to various anonymous accounts and the rest to charities. Anonymous accounts that Light had set up in the past few months for Kira related activities were now flush with funds. At this time, they would be used for a better cause than his defunct Godhood plans- Feeding his Imoto-chan.
And then came an even more important cause- buying clothes for his Imoto-chan. Because that's what the rest of the day was: Going to malls, indulging in Sayu's whims, and eating from food courts. Light hoped Sayu enjoyed her heart out today because there were little to no chances of ever repeating this experience.
"So," Sayu asked on their way back home. It was late in the evening and Light had already called their mother to inform her of their delay. Sayu's new purchases swung from her hands in paper bags. "Now, will you tell me what's up?" Light hummed thoughtfully before replying.
"I'm going to die on the 17th, Sayu," Light said as lightly as he would talk about the weather.
Sayu stopped.
"Is this a joke, Onii-san?" She asked, dubiously. "This whole day was so weird and you were all out of character. I'm serious here-"
"This coming Monday. On my way to school. Car accident. Very tragic. Splattered brains, mangled corpse, you know," Light gestured vaguely with his hands, "the whole drill." He looked at his younger sister. "I'm serious, Sayu."
"What?" Sayu croaked. The bags in her hands fell down with a dull thud. "What are you talking about? Onii-san?" Light turned around and stared at his now pale sister.
"I'm saying," Light said. "You had better bought a few years worth of stuff. I can send letters but I doubt we will meet again for a very long while after."
"Is-" Sayu's voice broke. She looked silently at Light, taking in his serious expression. Tears fell down her cheeks. "Does this have something to do with Kira?"
"No," Light replied honestly. It didn't. It had something to do with Ryuk, the Triwizard Tournament and Shinigami Entertainment. Not Light's murderous secret identity. "Something else came up. Thought you should know." Light was not sure how much he could tell Sayu about magic. But this much should be enough. He was sufficiently vague and still managed to get his point across.
"Do mom and dad know?" Sayu asked next, bending down to collect her bags. Light walked forwards and bent down next to her. Sayu's hands were shaking and if Light didn't help, it would take too long to gather everything into boxes.
"They don't." Light shook his head. "I'd rather they not. I'm not going to tell them." Light took Sayu's hand in his own, stopping her from standing up. Sayu blinked and looked at her brother, red rimmed eyes staring blankly at calm, brown ones. "On 17th May, 2004, Monday morning, Yagami Light is going to die. For everyone. No one else knows and no one will know. Understand, Sayu?" Sayu nodded. Light let go of her hand and Sayu stood up. Light stood as well, taking over some of Sayu's bags in his hands. They stared at each other in silence for a long while before someone spoke.
"Why?" Sayu asked, her voice calm. "Why tell me?" Her eyes were no longer red, but tear tracks marred her cheeks all the same. Light shuffled a few bags about and took a handkerchief from his pocket. He had thought this would be how Sayu would react and prepared accordingly. He cupped Sayu's cheeks.
"Because," Light said, fingers gentle as he wiped away his sister's tears. He tilted her face one way and then the other, before rubbing her cheeks again till her face was clear. "You are the only one who matters." Sayu nodded and leant into her brother's hands. They were as warm and gentle as the last time he had done this for her. She remembered, because the next day, the bullies who had hurt her and Taro-kun never looked their way again.
"That doesn't surprise me," Sayu said dryly. She was well aware of the time their father spent away from home and their mother focusing on the normal sibling. Family for Light, she knew, meant only the two of them. "You said you'll send letters?" Light nodded in response. Satisfied for the time being, she turned away from Light and started walking back home. Light followed right after.
"Hey, Onii-san," She asked after a while. Sayu could have gone her entire life without knowing but now that her brother was opening up, she figured she'd try asking. Light hummed in question. "Are you Kira?" A day for revelations, Light thought and blinked. And then he figured, why not?
"I'm your Onii-san," Light replied, amused and not hiding. "That's all that matters to me. Does it to you?"
"Same," Sayu said. "I'm not surprised either. Being Kira," she turned to look at him, taking in the image of calm perfection that her brother was. Her brother to her was Light, an adjective all on his own. Nothing more could be used to describe him. "It suits you. You're less...." she trailed off in search of a word. Depressed, she wanted to say. Empty, she wanted to say. Instead, she vaguely gestured. "You're more here and less somewhere else. Kira is a mass murderer and I don't support his actions. But I have my Onii-san back and happy and that's all that matters." Sayu laughed bitterly. "Am I a bad person?"
"You're human," Light shoots back easily. Words come to him, truth spilling as easy as his lies for the first time. "If you were Kira, I'd feel the same."
"Love you too, Kira-nii-san," Sayu said. Light stopped and stared. "What?" Sayu asked. "Is it too much? Too soon for jokes?"
Light let go of the bags in his hands and hugged his sister. The bags dropped from Sayu's hands for the second time that day as she wrapped her arms around her brother.