Minerva McGonagall
[May 1, 2004]
"Excuse me?" Light said politely and cursed internally. Sato's words, his own thoughts and Ryuk's laughter had unnerved him so much that he had skipped knocking on the door entirely. He didn't step inside the door, just waited on the other side of the partially open door. That should be enough to salvage this. "Minerva McGonagall?"
The door opened and a stern faced woman in emerald robes stood on the other side. Light smiled politely and made sure his eyes didn't linger on the pointed hat the older woman was wearing. Because apparently, witches and wizards at Hogwarts wore pointy hats. Like in fairy tales. Like in anime and manga. She almost looked like she was cosplaying an anime character and it took all it had in him not to laugh or gape. Yagami Light was a very polite young man and polite people don't stare blatantly at cosplayers. Even if they were not cosplaying and actually were witches.
"Nice to meet you, Mister Yagami," Minerva McGonagall offered a hand and Light shook it with a firm grip. The woman then turned to Sato. "Thank you for escorting Mister Yagami here, Miss Sato."
"It was no trouble, Master McGonagall." Sato Noriko bowed. She turned to Light and offered a comforting smile. "See you later, Yagami-san."
"Certainly, Sato-san," Light smiled back. Sato turned back and left as McGonagall dropped Light's hand and gestured inside. Light walked in and McGonagall closed the door.
"Tea, Mister Yagami?" McGonagall asked and Light nodded. "Please, Master McGonagall," Light said, deciding to adopt Sato's way of addressing her. McGonagall twisted her wrist and a stick of wood landed in her hand. Light watched in wonder as McGonagall waved her wand- for it could only be a wand- and tea set flew over from the cabinet onto the ornate desk near the windows. McGonagall continued her wand waving and preparing tea as she took a seat at the desk. Light followed, seating himself on a comfortable looking chair on the other side of said desk.
"I must say, Mister Yagami, your resume is impressive," McGonagall started as water and tea mixed one cup, then the other. "Frankly, you are over qualified for a Muggle Studies post at Hogwarts. It looks like you were all set for an impressive academic stint at one of this nation's top muggle universities and then a future in law enforcement. What made you decide on Muggle Studies? Why Hogwarts?"
Light reached forwards and took the steaming tea cup in his hands. He was glad these were Japanese tea cups and not English ones. L had those and Light had always felt awkward drinking from them. Not to mention, Light was very firmly a coffee person. If he had to drink tea to get this job, then he would. The tea cup felt like home and made him more comfortable, secure and confident in this situation.
He curled his fingers around the cup securely, letting it warm his hands and inhaling the warm scent. Light's face took on a thoughtful expression. The best way to go here, Light decided, was partial truth. Enough to be sympathetic but not enough to make it look fake.
"As you might know," Light began, "I am a possessed human." McGonagall nodded in acknowledgement. "It was a pretty recent development. December 3rd, 2003 to be exact." That was when Ryuk had appeared in front of him. Light had started using the Death Note much sooner than that, but the actual possession started then. Better not use the date Kira started killing as the start date because who knows, even wizards might want to arrest him.
"The Being possessing me is young-" Ryuk did say he was young as Shinigami go "-and likes to have fun. When I expressed interest in knowing more about being a wizard and my Being heard of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, we decided that being a Professor of Muggle Studies at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a premier school of magic and best in Central Europe, was our first choice. I can learn more about being a wizard, be an actual part of my new world, teach others about being part of the muggle world and help them that way. My Being gets to watch a tournament held for the first time in 200 years. It is," Light smiled wryly, "a win-win for us both. I hope you don't mind my honesty. It is not much as reasons go, for a job at one of the eleven greatest schools of magic and the oldest at that. But it is what I have."
Blatant flattery worked because it was blatant. It showed Light was interested in the position and appreciated the opportunity it presented to go the lengths that he had. McGonagall visibly relaxed and took a sip of her tea. Something in his words must have reassured her.
"Honesty is the best policy, Mister Yagami," McGonagall quipped and Light laughed along pleasantly. "That clears most of our doubts." Our? "Now onto the actual questions." McGonagall took out a scroll from a drawer and unrolled it. "Before starting, know that British wizards live in isolation and our knowledge on muggle events is rather outdated. This," McGonagall raised the scroll pointedly, "is a list of questions given to me by a close associate who works in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office in the Ministry. He doesn't work in Muggle Relations, not really, but it should be enough to give you an idea of what sort of questions wizards and witches have about the muggle world. I am familiar with the muggle world as I work in introducing young muggleborns to magic for the first time. Most of the children wouldn't be. Please answer as if explaining to a class."
Light nodded. McGonagall opened the scroll and her eyebrows rose in surprise. Light assumed she was reading the scroll for the first time because this was a bit too blatant to be acting. He took another sip of his tea to cover up the silence in their conversation-
"What is the use of a rubber duck?"
Light froze.
Rubber Duck? Light kept his facial expression controlled, set to pleasant shock. Internally, he wanted to scream. Because- what the fuck? This was the type of question wizarding children had about non-magical people? The type of questions an adult wizard whose very job was about misuse of muggle items had about normal people? Out of everything? Not even about the Internet, World Wars, Nuclear Bombs or the Industrial Revolution but rubber ducks?
Rising dread pooled in Light's stomach. This was why Ryuk said the job was as good as his and McGonagall said he was overqualified. A middle school graduate would be over-qualified. If the job qualifications were a hole in the ground, then Light's qualifications were over the moon.
"Rubber ducks," Light said with a small smile, "are used for both practical and developmental reasons. Their most important, and really, the only use that matters," Light laughed lowly, "is to distract children in the bath tub."
McGonagall blinked, as if she had not expected this answer. Then she made a small gesture with her hands, as if to tell Light to go on.
"Have you ever given a bath to your younger brother or sister?" Light asked blandly, amusement coloring his voice as he recalls when his mother had made him help during Sayu's bath time. "They never sit still, always splashing water everywhere and soap goes in places it's not supposed to. Well, hand them a rubber duck and see how their attention goes from putting soapy fingers in your mouth to drowning the duck. And failing." Light gave a blatantly fake smile. "It's made of rubber, after-all. Thankfully. Imagine if it was wooden duck. Much more painful for all involved."
McGonagall smiled. The expression brightened the stern woman's face and Light knew he was on the right track.
"For this very reason, rubber ducks can also be used for your cat or dog's bath time." He added on, almost as an after thought. "Little brothers and sisters aren't the only ones difficult during bath time. Animals- pets and familiars can be too. And other people, if they're suddenly struck by boredom in the middle of a bath. Squeaky ducks can be rather distracting."
Minerva McGonagall laughed. Light didn't know why but that didn't matter. This job was his and now Light had a potential ally in his new workplace.
"Developmentally, they're used to sharpen and improve muscle strength and coordination. But that's not a very interesting use, is it?" Light asked mildly.
"That's enough, Mister Yagami," McGonagall chuckled. "Never heard that one before. Or had anyone tell me that." She rolled up her scroll and shook her head. "The rest of the questions are also ridiculous. I have a feeling that your answers to them might be just as ridiculous."
Well, yes, Light thought sullenly, if the questions are ridiculous then the answers would equally be so. It would be fun, of a sort, to come up with the most inane answers to the go along with those nonsensical questions.
"Let's move on to more serious questions," McGonagall smiled at him. "Why do Muggles use electricity?"
"Because they don't have magic," is the most obvious answer. Light said that just as well. McGonagall's smile turned into more of a tight press of lips than a smile. Light continued, as if he had always intended to do so. "Because it helps make life better. Muggles can't wave their wands to pour tea in cups or ah- apparate to the city over. Electricity is the power they use. They use it to turn on tea kettles, to drive cars, airplanes, motorcycles and buses. Electricity is the power Muggles use in their everyday life while magic is power wizards use in everyday life. It is," Light shrugged, "equivalent."
A very simple answer, made up of bits and pieces Light has picked up from Ryuk's random facts and what he has observed since coming to Mahoutokoro. There were missing parts he had not mentioned, parts that Light was just itching to get his hands on. He wanted to know everything about magic as he had once wanted to know about the Death Note and Shinigami. That was just how Light was. The unknown always made him curious and kept him interested. His incomplete answer to McGonagall was enough for now— realistic enough that she relaxed once again, the smile on her face turning genuine.
"Well put," McGonagall said. "A bit succinct but given that you're explaining as if teaching children, sufficient." McGonagall took another sip of her tea and Light followed. It was good tea and Light saw no reason to let it go to waste. "Our next test would be to see how the candidate navigates Muggle London. Muggle Tokyo, in this case. But given that you've been a muggle until recently, I suppose that covers that." Light nods, because yes, if a normal wizard and witch dresses as McGonagall does, then they would certainly attract attention in Muggle London. Muggle Tokyo, however-
"You would not have any problem navigating muggle Tokyo," Light mused. McGonagall raised a questioning eyebrow and Light explained, "If you just say you're cosplaying a less known anime character, you can get anywhere, and I do mean anywhere, in muggle Japan."
"Cosplay?" McGonagall asked, curious. Light nodded.
"Cosplay means dressing up as a fictional character," Light said. He pointed at McGonagall's hat. "You would, in this case, be cosplaying a witch. If you say you're staying 'in character' as a cosplayer, that is, you're acting as that fictional character would have acted in the real world, then you can get away with exhibiting weird behavior and asking random questions."
"Oh. Like Halloween," McGonagall said, sounding interested. "Is this 'cosplay' limited to muggle Japan? Can this excuse be used in other parts of the world? Say, muggle London?"
"I'm not sure if cosplay culture is well known in other parts of the world but," Light shrugged. "Most probably yes. You could say you were trying out a foreign trend." McGonagall leaned in with cat like curiosity in her eyes and Light knew he had it. McGonagall was charmed. She was invested in what Light had to say and by relation, in Light himself. He was doomed to spend the next year teaching kids whose questions ranged from rubber ducks to electricity.
On the bright side, Ryuk wouldn't kill him. Being alive was always good.