Introduction to Muggle Studies by Yagami Light

[April 27, 2004] - late night

Light stared at the owl sitting on his desk. Then he lowered his head and stared at the letter in his hand. No, not letter. Owl post. The cover felt different from normal paper under his fingers. Was it parchment? It was closed by a red wax seal, inscribed with a lion, snake, badger and eagle inside a shield.

"What the hell?" Light felt the need to voice his words out loud. Because despite Death Notes and Shinigami, L and his sugar addiction, a second Kira being an idiot and sending tapes to TV stations, owl post written on parchment was a whole new level of weird, even for him.

"What you lookin' at, Light-o?" Ryuk's head came up through the floor of Light's room, having eaten his fill of apples for the evening. Light raised the letter up high pointedly, trying to look at it under his ceiling lights. Ryuk tilted his head to stare at it for a moment before remembered what it was. "You got it!" Ryuk crowed and jumped up. "Open it, Light! This is a fun one!"

"What is it?" Light asked, making no movement to open the letter. In fact, he considered burning it outright. Ryuk was a hedonist and anything the shinigami considered fun was often dangerous to Light's stress levels. He didn't need anymore right now, not after the stunt the second Kira had pulled just the day before. Mentioning 'Shinigami' in a video sent to the TV Station and being broadcasted to the general public. 

"That, Yagami Light, is a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," Ryuk said. "The fun place of this year. Shinigami Betting Pool sets it at 12 out of 10 that it's going to be the most happening place to be these next five years."

Light blinked. And then blinked once more. "Come again?" Light asked just to be sure. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?"

"Ya," Ryuk nodded. "The school for mages across the pond. Well, the oldest school for mages across the pond."

"Wizards? Witches? Mages?" Light felt a bit weak. This was too much information for late Tuesday night on a school week. That there were other humans, magical humans, thus superior humans, that he had been unaware of till now. Wait, were wizards and witches even considered humans? Would writing their names in a Death Note work? Is this why the Death Note specifies 'human' in all it's rules? Does that mean vampires, werewolves and yokai exist? But most importantly, "Why are they writing to me?" And then to answer his own question, "What did you do, Ryuk?"

"I got bored of all this L, Kira, second Kira non-sense," Ryuk says dismissively. "Writing lotsa names in my Death Note is well and good, an interesting use by a human. But see here, Light-o, if all I wanted was to see names written in a Death Note, I coulda just watched a fellow Shinigami up in our realm. So I thought, let's do something interesting with my favorite human. Let's see a Death Tournament! At least 33% mortality rate guaranteed!"

"If you were bored, then you could have told me," Light replied in a tense voice. This was a serious matter because a bored Ryuk was a Ryuk more likely to write Light's name in his Death Note. "I would have got you a new game. Maybe an MMORPG this time. Or better apples." What else did Shinigami enjoy? Light thought back on on his days and felt his heart sink. Ryuk was a hedonist but he seemed to enjoy drama rather than the finer things in life. The moments when L challenged him on TV, the ploy with Penber, Naomi Misora and her fake name putting pressure on Light and lately he enjoyed the times when L and Light were in the same room together.

Basically, Ryuk enjoyed Light's discomfort. It was not nice to know Ryuk's primary source of entertainment was a reality show with Light as the main character.

"Nah." Ryuk's yellow eyes gleamed. Light looked up from his thoughts to see Ryuk's grin had somehow widened even further. "Those video games would still be there months later. But this is the first Tri-Wizard Tournament in 200 years. Who knows when the next Death Tournament will be held? Come'on live a little, Light!"

Light had absolutely no interest in a so-called death tournament with a minimum mortality rate of 33%. If the name of the tournament held true, then that meant that at least one of the three participating wizards died every time. Those were terrible, horrible odds. Light might like using the Death Note to kill criminals but he had absolutely no interest in being a spectator for gladiatorial matches.

On the other hand, Ryuk was bored.

Light might not like blood sports, but he liked being alive even better. He loathed the idea of dying via Ryuk before he had completed his goal. His sacrifices to become Kira would be for nothing then.

"Alright," Light agreed and opened the letter. "Just one question. Can I kill witches and wizards using my Death Note?"

Ryuk cackled. "Magical or not, humans are all humans. Everyone dies, Light. Everyone." That, Light thought, was oddly the most reassuring thing he had ever heard from Ryuk.

*****

Dear Mr. Yagami,

We are pleased to inform you that your job application for the position of Professor of Muggle Studies at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been selected. Please avail yourself for an interview on May 1st 4 pm. We are aware of the difficulty international travel might pose and thus propose to hold the interview at Mahoutokoro School of Magic. Please find your interview schedule attached. Your interviewer will be Minerva McGonagall. A decision will be provided no latter than May 7.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Light read the letter and checked his calendar. 1st of May was a Saturday. He could make up some excuse and get himself to the pickup spot mentioned in the letter by 3 pm. He could do this. He had to do this. Ryuk was bored. His game with L would have to be paused. Besides— 

"This says there is an interview I have to pass," Light said. "What are my chances of getting selected?" Because if he didn't, then Ryuk's threat still held. Would he have to run away to this Hogwarts place and buy tickets for the death tournament? Did witches and wizards even sell tickets for tournaments? Where and when? Surely if they were sold online, Light would have known before now.

"Don't worry, Light," Ryuk crunched through a new apple. "They will love you. Just do your magic and," Ryuk wiggled his fingers, "charm them." 

"I don't know magic," Light deadpanned. Did Ryuk want him to pull a rabbit out a hat or ribbons from his sleeves? "Except my Death Note. Should I use my Death Note and kill someone to demonstrate? How did they even get my resume anyways? I don't remember applying to any professorship at a magical school. What even is muggle studies?"

Ryuk raised a finger. "Muggles are humans without magic," another finger, "The person in possession of the Death Note is possessed by a god of death, its original owner, until they die." A third finger was raised, "A muggle possessed or bonded with a magical being, similar to a muggle infected by a werewolf and surviving, is no longer a classified as a muggle. They are, for all intents and purposes, a wizard/witch." A fourth finger. "So you, Light Yagami, owner of the Death Note of the Shinigami Ryuk and bonded by our contract that your life is mine, are a wizard." Ryuk curled his fingers to point at Light.

"You are my human. I was bored. Tri-wizard tournament is interesting. Hogwarts needed a new Muggle Studies Professor. So I applied for you. Don't worry. Your only competition is a witch named Charity Burbage who's never even studied past kindergarten. Your prestigious To-Oh representative status guarantees you will get the spot. Or well, Justin said that when he told me to get you there so we Shinigami can get front row viewing seats from the window of our realm. It's the difference between a fan-cam and an official live broadcast stream."

So, Light was now a wizard. Right. Yes. Yes. Light suppressed his growing excitment, that childish boyhood desire bubbling up from inside him once again. "Can I do magic?" If yes, then this would all be worth it.

"Nah," Ryuk shook his head. Light pushed down the sudden disappointment. Ryuk continued on. "But since you're my human and possessed by me, your life is mine. You're mostly immune to curses, hexes and jinxes. Congratulations, Light. No wizard, witch, ghost, undead or any magical being thereof except me can posses you, control you or kill you. Harm with the intent to kill is also covered. But that doesn't give you magic yourself. No dice. Magical Contracts and Unbreakable Vows can only do so much."

So, Light was not a wizard. But he couldn't be killed by one. And Death Notes worked on witches and wizards. This was sounding better and better by the minute. Not. Light was only a wizard because he was possessed by a Shinigami. Chances were high they knew he had a Death Note. If anyone died under suspicious circumstances, the people in charge would know Light was responsible.

Light took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He was Yagami Light, ex-top student in all of Japan, To-Oh freshman representative and someone who scored a historical full marks in the entrance exams. He went toe-to-toe against L, the world's greatest detective for the past five months. He could use the death note to save the world and he could do this magic teacher thing as well. 

Step one: passing the interview. Light needed to come up with a plan to ditch L for one day, avoid all surveillance, make some reason why he needed to take a one year sabbatical from To-Oh,  some reason why he needed a break from the Kira Investigation for one year—  all that plus avoid getting executed and then survive as a spectator of some death tournament.

"Tell me more about the magical world, Ryuk."

Light resigned himself to his fate. It could have been worse. Ryuk could have entered him into said tournament. Instead, he just needed to teach some kids. This was fine. Everything was under control.

If he thought it enough times, Light could almost make himself believe it.