The Holy Grail and the WHAT?!
“Why am I here again?”
“We’re here to help Fiona.”
“Okay, but why am I here?”
“Because you can help us.”
“By doing what, cheering her on from the sidelines?”
“Obviously not. You’re here to help us research.”
“Albert, why does she need help with research, and why me?”
Her brother looked her with a frown as she definitely did not whine. He had pulled her away from some history homework that would’ve given her the position as top of the class. Damn Andrew Sheridan and his ability to pay attention to Professor Binns and his monotone voice.
“We need to devise a strategy so that she can win the honor duel and hex Umbridge into the ground.” Albert said and punctuated his words by slamming a closed fits into his other hand.
“How am I supposed to help her do that? I don’t even duel!”
“You’re a Churchill Diana, and Churchills never back down from a fight.”
“Don’t pull that family crap Albert. It sounds ridiculous.”
“Hey, at least I didn’t pull a Winston.”
Diana shrugged at that. Pulling a Winston had become a bit of a family joke at this point. Any time one of their family members tried to get inspirational everyone else would look at them and frown. Winston Churchill was the man to top for motivation, and he had led Great Britain through World War Two. That was an almost insurmountable bar to pass.
“Okay, I’ll give you that. But Fiona isn’t even here!”
She gestured around the dueling room, and she was a little surprised that Hogwarts still had a dueling room, what with Dumbledore talking about dueling being detrimental for their educations. Which was ridiculous, as Hogwarts had a dueling club, and dueling teams to go with it. It was filled with dueling dummies and various other targets, as well as a section of the room warded off for practice duels.
It was also empty except for Albert and herself.
“She’s running late. Politics and all that.”
“Politics? Hufflepuff is just one big cuddle pit.”
“Badgers stick together.” Albert shrugged.
“Don’t give me that.” Diana said and pointed a finger at her brother. “You don’t understand how many hugs I received after I had the Ravenclaw breakdown. Abbott and Bones were practically glued to my side for every class.”
Diana did not mention how she secretly enjoyed every moment of it. Sophia Abbott and Valerie Bones were two of the softest people she had ever met. And how in the name of Morgana did they hug so good?! Diana wouldn’t admit to herself that she liked the three-way hugs they had. She also tried not to look too deep into their actions. They were just being nice, right?
“Hufflepuffs can’t help it, they see someone in need, and they have to offer help.” Albert said.
“Well, I still blame you, being the cause of my Ravenclaw Breakdown.”
“How was I responsible for it?”
“You just had to be so good at taking tests.”
“O.W.L.s are important, and I can’t help it. I’m just that good.” Her brother got that cocky smile whenever he talked about his grades.
Prat.
“Never mind all that. When the hell is Fiona getting here? We can’t help her if she doesn’t show up.” Diana said.
“Calm down Diana, she’ll be here.”
“Famous last words right there.”
“You’ve been watching too many movies.”
“Oh, come on, tell me you didn’t like The French Connection.”
Albert gave her a look and Diana smiled.
“All right, Popeye’s here!”
“You’re ridiculous.” Her brother said and shook his head, though Diana definitely spotted a smile on his lips.
“All I’m saying is that movie is winning an Oscar.”
“Why do you care about what the Americans think?”
“Because we’re going to Los Angeles this summer! Did you not read Father’s letter?”
Diana had and she had nearly pulled a facial muscle by how hard she was smiling. They were going to visit America! Both the muggle and wizarding parts of Los Angeles. It was going to be great. She almost gave up on trying to beat Albert’s scores for the O.W.L.s, almost.
“I didn’t think he was serious about it.”
“Well, why wouldn’t he?”
Before her brother could answer the door to the dueling room opened and in entered… not Fiona Clearwater.
“So, this is what the dueling room looks like.”
Andrew walked into the dueling room and looked around, like he had never seen it before. He was part of the dueling club for Merlin’s sake.
“You invited Andrew?” Diana asked her brother.
“He’s on the dueling team.” Her brother shrugged.
“Well, if you wanted someone from the dueling team you could’ve just asked for Derekson, you know, the Captain of the Ravenclaw dueling team.”
“I thought Derekson was the quidditch captain?”
“That’s Lucas Derekson. Arnold Derekson is the captain for the dueling team.”
“Oh, well he was busy with other things anyway. And Andrew offered his help.”
“I’m pretty good at dueling you know.” Andrew said.
“Please, you just switched to dueling because Ogden won’t go out with you.”
“T-That has nothing to do with it.”
Diana knew that it definitely had something to do with it. Chloe had outright told Andrew that she wasn’t interested, and that she was just waiting for the right one. That right one being Corvus, who obviously wasn’t going to get with her. Andrew handled that as any Raven would.
“We’re not here to talk about your love life Andrew, we’re here to help Fiona in her honor duel.” Albert said.
“Yes, and the girl isn’t even here!” Diana said back.
“She’s coming.”
“We’ve been here for twenty minutes!”
“Why are you yelling?” Andrew asked.
Diana whirled towards him and grabbed him by the robes. She shook him slightly as she looked directly into his eyes.
“I have to beat Albert’s scores. You don’t know what’s at stake here.” She all but whispered.
“This isn’t the end of the world Diana, right?”
“It could be the end of my world.”
“That seems a tad overdramatic.”
“Says the guy who failed to get the seeker position.”
“Hey! I already told you I let her have it.”
The door to the dueling room opened again and in walked… not Fiona Clearwater again.
“Lord President, your call of aid has been received.”
Xenophilius Lovegood walked in with a calm smile and that airy voice that seemed to not have a care in the world but also seemed soul penetrating. It was weird and Diana didn’t know what to think about Lovegood.
“We heard you needed some help in preparing Clearwater for her honor duel.”
Pandora Somerset was far more stable in Diana’s opinion. She was a model student and wickedly smart one at that. How someone like her became betrothed to someone like Lovegood was a mystery. Even more of a mystery was how the two of them got along so well.
“Xenophilius, Pandora, its good that you’ve made it.” Albert said with a small smile.
“We’re still missing the star of the show however.” Andrew said.
The door to the dueling room opened again and oh for Morgana’s sake! Where the hell was Fiona!
“Sorry I’m late guys, I got held up and… why are there so many people here?”
Corvus Black walked into the room with a notebook in hand and a confused look on his face as he surveyed the room.
“We’re here to aid Lady Clearwater in her task.” Lovegood said.
“Right, she might have a couple Nargles that have to be dealt with.” Corvus said.
Diana frowned at that. Nargles? Did Corvus really believe in all that nonsense Lovegood talked about? She hoped that it was just a joke.
“You seem to have two rather persistent ones however, around your head.”
“Don’t remind me about them. I’ve gotten used to those two at this point.”
“Do you know what’s holding Fiona up Corvus?” Albert asked.
“She should be here in about… three seconds.” Corvus said and looked at his wrist, which didn’t have a wristwatch on it.
Diana was about to ask what he was on about when the door to the dueling room opened yet again and thank Morgana and her tits, Fiona Clearwater was finally here.
“Right, I got a History of French Dueling in the Napoleonic Era and Ottoman Dueling Techniquesto Kill, should I have brought the Chinese one as well?” Fiona asked as she walked over to the circle that they had unconsciously formed.
“No need, I have the Holy Grail right here.” Corvus said and held up the notebook. The thing was battered and had teacup stains all over it.
“The Holy Grail, I thought that was still in Jerusalem?” Somerset asked.
“I heard that they moved it to the Vatican.” Albert said.
“Its not in Rome, its still on loan to a museum in Vienna. This however is the Holy Grail of Dueling.” Corvus said and held up the notebook.
“You found one of Merlin’s texts?” Lovegood asked.
“Merlin wrote in paper notebooks?” Andrew asked.
“What, no, this is the Holy Grail of Dueling, as written by Bellatrix Black and Corvus Black. This will guide Fiona to victory against Umbridge.” Corvus said.
“Wait, is it actually called the Holy Grail of Dueling, isn’t that a little pretentious?” Diana said.
“Well, if you’ve ever met Bellatrix, you know that she’s really proud of herself.” Albert said.
“So, she’s a narcissist?” Somerset asked.
“What’s a narcissist?” Andrew asked.
“No, she’s more of a self-focused and self-driven woman.” Corvus said.
“So, a self-made narcissist.” Somerset said.
“She’s not that bad. Not like your cousin Clarissa.” Fiona said.
“Okay guys, let’s get back on topic shall we.” Corvus said and Diana spotted a faint blush on his cheeks. “We have to help Fiona win this duel.”
“Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest for you though? You’re King Slytherin after all.” Somerset said.
“The Crumple-Horned Snorkacks say otherwise.” Lovegood said.
“The crumpy snorkie… what?” Andrew said.
“Don’t worry Lovegood, I have it all in hand.” Corvus said and patted Lovegood on the shoulder. “Umbridge isn’t a real Slytherin anyway, she’s broken too many protocols to be one.”
“Okay, then what’s in that little book that’s supposedly so great that it should be considered holy?” Diana asked.
“That, my friend, is a great question.” Corvus said with a smile. “Within my hands are the foundations of the greatest compendium of knowle-”
“Lets just skip the theatrics Corvus, we have some training to do.” Fiona said.
“Wow, way to kill my flow, Fiona. Anyway, this book has the combined knowledge of myself and Bellatrix Black, renowned duelist as you may know, on the proper and improper forms of dueling.”
“There are improper forms of dueling?” Andrew asked.
“Shouldn’t you know this stuff? You’re part of the dueling team.” Diana said.
“Well, I just joined recently, I can’t know everything yet.”
“Yes, there are improper forms of dueling. Moves that go against regulations and moves that are frowned upon. The more pureblood elitist among our society would label them as muggle forms of dueling.” Corvus said.
“So, your book has both?” Somerset asked.
“Of course. We must utilize all advantages and the muggles have some as well.”
“Can we get started then? We’ve been here for about half an hour already.” Diana said.
“Do not fret Diana, by the end of today you shall all be more knowledgeable in the arts of dueling.”
“It’s already half past seven though, we’ll need to get back to the dorms soon.” Andrew said after casting a quick tempus.
“Worry not my friends! This book has all our answers! Now shut up and listen.” Corvus said.
Narcissa was not pouting.
She was not!
She also wasn’t curled up next to Andromeda while on her sister’s bed. Definitely not also letting her sister console her like she was a child.
“Its okay Cissy, you can still use my room to study in… just not have sex on my bed though.”
Her sister’s voice was sweet and soft, it sounded almost like cousin Augustina’s, who had a lovely voice.
Andromeda patted her on the shoulder and rubbed it too. It felt good to be close to Andromeda, a part of her had missed these more intimate and private moments between them.
“You know, this isn’t even the first time Corvus had to give the talk.” Her sister said.
The talk? What was Andromeda referring too, and who? Narcissa doubted that there was someone else who was having sex on her sister’s bed.
“Why do you think that he was absolutely livid with Cousin Clarissa for a week during our summer holiday to France before your first year at Hogwarts?”
Narcissa scrunched her brow at that. She didn’t really remember Corvus even being angry at anyone during that summer trip. She did remember that all of Corvus’ cousins has come with them, but they were mostly just chatting about Beauxbatons.
“Clarissa was having sex on Corvus’ bed? But she was like thirteen years old during that holiday.” She said and looked up at Andromeda.
“What? Oh Morgana no! Nobody was having sex on Corvus’ bed during that holiday. No, Clarissa, she-” Andromeda had a smile on her face, and she was laughing. “She tried to seduce Corvus, but being a thirteen-year-old girl, you can obviously guess how that went.”
It took a moment for Narcissa to remember, and then when she did, she felt her mouth hang open slightly. That was why Clarissa was sulking for half the holiday?! Thinking about it, Corvus was also a little awkward during that holiday, and he was always blushing too. That was the reason why?!
“Th-that was the other person he gave the talk to?” Narcissa asked.
“Oh Cissy, how do you think Corvus got the entire lecture down to three minutes, and where do you think he even got the idea from?” Andromeda had a smile on her face.
“So, he wasn’t being mean, Andy?”
“Mean? Cissy he was probably trying not to laugh at the entire situation. He certainly laughed at me though.”
“Wait, isn’t Clarissa visiting us this summer?”
“She is, and she’s bringing Gereon with her.”
“You don’t think that she still holds some… feelings for Corvus?”
“Cissy, she’s already married, and Corvus is all but married to Octavia. I don’t think its going to be like that.”
That was good. As much as she loved both of them, she would always choose Corvus first.
“So, are you done sulking?” Andromeda said and gave Narcissa a few more pats on the shoulder.
“Oh, I got over it a while ago. I just wanted to hug you after that, you’re so soft.” Narcissa said and leaned her head against Andromeda.
“Good, now that you’re over it, we can get to the letter that father sent us. Apparently its important.”
Narcissa watched as Andromeda retrieved a letter from the nightstand. It was still sealed and had the Black family crest on it. Her sister broke the seal and unfolded the letter and revealed their father’s unique quality of writing. It wasn’t sloppy, but unique.
They read over the letter together and Narcissa was pretty sure her eyebrows had shot off her face they had rose so high. Was she hallucinating these words? Corvus had talked about magical drugs, but this wasn’t it right? There was no way that the words she was reading were true.
“Are you uh, reading what I am Andy?”
Her sister made a sound from her mouth that was wholly undignified, but completely warranted. By Morgana and her perky tits as her father liked to say, it was completely warranted.
“WE’RE GETTING ANOTHER WHAT?!?!?!”
“Okay so this one is venomous if you touch the leaves, and this one is venomous if you touch the stem, and this one is venomous if you touch the leaves and the stem, and this one is-”
“Oh! What about the flowers though? Something that pretty can’t be venomous too.”
Regulus looked down at the book and the picture. The flower did look pretty… and it was also highly venomous to humans. Well, maybe they shouldn’t be reading a book titled 101 Venomous Vines of Venezuela. They’d probably never even see any of these in person anyway, but it was fun to look.
“Nope, sorry. They’re highly venomous as well.”
“Oh, well what about that one?”
He watched as Angelica pointed to the next plant in the book, number eighty-four, a beautiful specimen of greenish-brown vines and bright yellow flowers. It was also named The Fanged Kisser, and if Regulus tilted his head, he could see the fangs.
“I think we should just skip this one.”
“Come on Reggie, it looks so pretty.” Angelica said and leaned her head on his shoulder. He was pretty sure he wasn’t blushing. They had spent a lot of time reading together, so he shouldn’t be blushing.
“Well, what about this one.” Regulus said and turned to the next page and was met by something that was even more dangerous to humans.
The Seven Striped Viper had such a venomous touch that it only took seven seconds from first contact to kill a human. Merlin, why would anyone live in Venezuela willingly? The place was a deathtrap.
Okay, maybe they should move onto a different book. Though that was what he said after they had gotten halfway through The Dangers of Dragon Breeding.
“Its not as pretty as the other ones.”
“Well, this is a highly veno-”
The sound of a crack interrupted Regulus and he turned to look for the source and found Kreacher standing next to the couch that they were siting on. The old house-elf was wearing that small smock that Corvus had gotten him. It was entirely black with a big green letter b in the middle. Regulus had never seen Kreacher wear anything else from the day he was gifted it since.
“Master Regulus be needed in the main sitting room.” The house-elf had a small smile on his lips as he spoke to Regulus, though it dimmed slightly as he looked towards Angelica.
“Something happened Kreacher?” Regulus asked.
“Master Cygnus be called a meeting.”
“Okay, well thank you for letting me know Kreacher, I’ll be right there.”
Regulus watched as Kreacher gave him another small smile and a nod of the head before disappearing with a crack.
“Well, I’ll wait here until you’re done.” Angelica said and took the book out of Regulus’ lap.
“Kreacher didn’t say that you couldn’t come, and besides, if Uncle Cygnus called a meeting than all of the family would be there. We’re basically betrothed as it is, so you’re basically family.” Regulus said and grabbed her hand.
He got a smile in return and his cheeks blushed as she squeezed his hand in return. The two of them left the library and the 101 Venomous Vines of Venezuela on the couch as they made their way towards the main sitting room.
They arrived just as the fireplace burst into bright flames and his cousin walked out. Bellatrix was wearing a simple black dress that had some silver accents on the edges. She flicked her wand and all the ash from the fireplace disappeared from her dress and she looked around the room.
“Ah, Bella, good to have you here so promptly.”
Grandfather Arcturus said from his seat by the fireplace. Grandmother Melania was sitting next to him, and Grandfather Pollux was standing by the fireplace with a cup of something in his hand.
Regulus took a seat on one of the coaches and Angelica sat next to him. Bellatrix gave them all a smile and looked around the room again.
“Why was I summoned so promptly?” She asked.
“Your father has an announcement of some sort.” Grandfather Pollux said.
“Something so important that he had to call a family meeting for it?”
“Apparently.”
“Oh, well my interest is piqued.” Bellatrix said and took a seat on the same couch that Regulus and Angelica were sitting on.
“Hello Bella, was Brigitte still bothering you?” He asked his cousin.
“Oh, not anymore Reggie. I shifted her focus onto someone else, you’d be surprised how interesting the British boxing scene is.” Bellatrix whispered the last part to him.
Regulus couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips. He knew all about Bellatrix and her new hobby of fighting muggles for sport. Using her fists seemed like an interesting way of going about it, and Bellatrix seemed to love every second of it.
“Corvus said he would be showing me something called clay shooting this summer? He said that it would be fun and something I’d like.” Regulus said.
“Corvus does clay shooting?” Angelica asked.
“Apparently he does, though maybe not in Britain.”
“I’ve never heard of it, though knowing Corvus, he’s probably right.” Bellatrix said.
The fireplace burst into flames again and out walked… Aunt Cassiopeia!
“My, was this place always so dreary?” Aunt Cassiopeia said as she vanished the ash from her rather bright grey and blue dress.
“Cassiopeia, good that you’ve deigned to acknowledge the summons.” Grandfather Pollux said.
“No need to be so morose Pollux, this is Cygnus we’re talking about.”
Grandfather Pollux frowned at that as Aunt Cassiopeia gave him a smile and walked over to his couch.
“Angelica, Regulus, Bellatrix, its good to see you all getting along well.” His aunt said in French as she took a seat down next to Angelica.
“Its good to see you too Aunty.” Angelica said with a smile.
“Oh, my little niece and nephew, if Amelie saw you right now, she’d want the two of you married yesterday.”
“Where is Aunt Amelie anyway? Shouldn’t she be here?” Bellatrix asked.
“She should be coming along shorty. Just needed a change of outfits is all.”
Regulus knew that Aunt Amelie liked brighter colors for her clothes, which didn’t really work with 12 Grimmauld Place or The Black Manor. Even Aunt Cassiopeia was pushing it with her grey and blue dress.
“Does anyone know why Cygnus called a meeting for the entire family?” His father asked as he walked into the room. Regulus also saw his mother following not too far behind, and she steered clear of one side of the room, which so happened to have Angelica.
“Not yet Orion, though it must be a serious one.” Arcturus said.
“This has to do with Sirius?” Bellatrix asked.
“No, not Sirius, serious.”
“You know when you say it like that you can’t tell the difference.” Aunt Cassiopeia said.
“Well pardon me if my enunciation is of a subpar quality.”
“It’s all about finesse Arcturus.”
“Aye, but my Britishness overpowers all others.”
Bellatrix snorted from beside Regulus, and he had to fight a smile from his lips.
The fireplace burst into flames again and out walked Uncle Alphard and Aunt Isabella. They both vanished the ash and dust from their clothing and Uncle Alphard cracked a smile for the entire room while Aunt Isabella came over to his couch.
“It’s been a while since we had one of these.” Uncle Alphard said.
“Good to see you too Alphard.” Grandfather Pollux said.
“Ah no need to be so dour father, Cygnus has an important announcement or something.”
“How are you all doing my dears?” Aunt Isabella asked them after she gave a small kiss to Aunt Cassiopeia’s cheek.
“We’re doing well aunty.” Angelica said.
“As to be expected from a family meeting.” Bellatrix said.
“I’m fine.” Regulus said.
“Well, no need to be so put out Bellatrix. Family isn’t that bad.” Aunt Isabella said.
Bellatrix just shrugged.
“Has there been any progress on the betrothal Isabella?” Aunt Cassiopeia asked.
“Arcturus is still sitting on it. Seems like someone is willingly to do anything to obstruct us.” Aunt Isabella said and looked towards Regulus’ mother.
His mother was sitting next to Grandfather Pollux who had also taken a seat and was not so much as glaring at Aunt Isabella as she was casting glances at Regulus himself.
“Oh, she’ll come around eventually. Everyone else has already agreed that it’s a good agreement. Even old Licorus.”
“Where is Cygnus?” Uncle Alphard asked.
“Right here people!” A voice shouted.
They all turned to look and saw Uncle Cygnus walking into the room with a huge smile on his face and he was wearing what looked like his best robes. He looked dressed to dine with the Queen rather than a family meeting.
Aunt Druella walked in from behind him, and she too was dressed to impress. Regulus was sure that he had never seen that dress before, a black gown of silk that had golden accents woven into it. His aunt was also blushing and slightly hiding behind Uncle Cygnus.
“Finally, will you tell us what this meeting is about?” Grandfather Pollux asked.
“The newest addition to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black will be arriving in seven and a half months’ time!”
Uncle Cygnus gestured to Aunt Druella who had her hands around her stomach, and everyone looked between Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella.
Regulus swore that nobody moved for a whole minute. It was as if they were all frozen in time. Then, seemingly as one, they all collectively yelled.
“WHAT?!?!?!”