Coming home
Chapter 22 - Coming home
The dust began to settle, Remus was happy at least Harry didn’t lower his defences until he was sure it was really him. They filled each other in about what was going on. After both parties were updated, Remus finally made his suggestion known to Harry and co. Harry seemed apprehensive at Remus joining, in fact he was more concerned about the fact of him leaving Dora. After much hesitation, Remus told them that Dora was going to have a baby, his baby. The trio congratulated him, but Remus brushed it off, and pressed on the point of him joining them. This seemed to disgruntle Harry even further. Finally Remus was forced to explain the true reason he was leaving Dora.
Anger pulsed through Remus’ veins, why couldn’t they understand his point of view? Hermione was so naïve, just like Dora, in saying that no child of his could ever be ashamed of him. Remus didn’t realise himself rising to his feet, he kicked the chair he had been sitting on, and even seized fistfuls of his hair. He was sure he looked quite mad to them. The final nail in the coffin was Harry calling Remus a coward, he cast a knockback jinx on him before storming off. Remus heard Hermione calling after him, but he ignored her. He slammed the front door shut before disapparating with a pop to the Leaky Cauldron, the nearest place where he could seek refuge.
Remus sat seething at the bar while Tom poured him firewhiskey. Were Harry and Hermione right? Although he felt justified in jinxing Harry who had made him angry, Remus regretted snubbing Hermione. She had always been so accepting of him, keeping his secret for a whole year, without treating him any different once she found out. Maybe now she’ll see me for what I really am.
Congratulations Remus, you pushed away yet another person who was always in your corner, he said to himself. Remus’ mind flitted back to the conversation he had had with Hermione a few years ago about prejudice in the Wizarding World back in Grimmauld Place. Her good heart always went out to non-human beings, even Kreacher. It was a different time then, it felt like centuries ago, Sirius was alive, Dumbledore was alive, and even Mad-Eye was alive. And he hadn’t broken Dora’s heart, twice for that matter.
Was Harry right? Was he being a coward? Would James be ashamed of him? James who knew his son was marked for death, but stuck with him until the very end. Literally putting his life on the line when he tried to hold Voldemort off, wandless for that matter. What would Sirius think of him? First, he had broken his cousin’s heart, twice. And now he was abandoning his unborn cousin, Or his grandniece or nephew. Sirius, who had come back to Britain when he got news of Harry’s scar hurting, and breaking into wizarding homes just so he could use their fireplace to talk to Harry, three years ago. And how he insisted on coming along to the Department of Mysteries when he found out Voldemort had lured Harry there, where he ended up losing his life, all for the sake of his godson. And here he was, drinking away his anger in a pub, running away from his own wife and child.
Remus finally came to his senses, Harry was right, and James and Sirius would be ashamed of him for abandoning his wife and unborn child. How could he have been so stupid? Would Dora take him back a second time? She seemed so angry when he left a few days ago. She wasn’t the same woman Remus had left the year before, she was much stronger now. Would she be so quick in forgiving him the second time? What would Ted, and Andromeda think? Would they still love him, and ask Dora to take him back, or would they be secretly rejoicing that he left their family at peace? A small voice in his head told him that they really did love him, despite his affliction.
Remus paid for his drinks, gathered his things before disapparating to Hogsmeade. Remus thought it would be a good idea to get Dora a gift. He decided on Honeydukes best chocolate and a bouquet of flowers. He thought of getting her blue Lupines, just like the ones she had during their wedding, but that felt a tad conceited, so he decided on white tulips. According to muggles, white tulips were symbolic for seeking forgiveness. Remus felt a pang of guilt as he remembered giving Harry chocolate from Honeydukes all those years ago when he was Professor Lupin, teaching him DADA. If Dora took him back, he would definitely ask her if they could make Harry godfather of their baby. Even though he was only 17, he proved to be a lot wiser than Remus.
Once he got the chocolate and flowers, Remus waited outside their flat. He didn’t want to let himself in out of respect for Dora, and he was uncertain if she had added any security measures preventing him from entering. Remus hoped she would come back to her flat instead of going to her parents’. It was only around five in the evening, Dora usually came home later than that, if she was coming home at all, thought Remus. But he decided to stay nonetheless. Remus settled himself on the ground, to wait. He wasn’t very young, and his monthly transformations had taken a toll on him, but the potions that Dora so lovingly brewed for him every month were a great help. He wasn’t as tired as he used to be, and the pain was significantly reduced. Ah the perks of being married to a highly skilled auror.
It was a few hours later that Remus heard the familiar sound of combat boots climbing up the stairs. It felt like music to his ears.
‘What are you doing here?’ demanded Dora, her wand was pointed directly at Remus’ chest. Her eyes cold and unloving, never before had Remus seen her like this.
‘Dora, I-’ Remus started, scrambling to his feet. ‘Dora, I’m sorry, I was an idiot, I was so, so stupid for leaving you, and leaving our baby…’
Dora just glared at Remus, her jaw clenched, no words had escaped her mouth, prompting Remus to continue.
‘Sweetheart please forgive me, if you can’t just yet, I completely understand, just take me back please, I’m begging you, I know I broke my vows to you, but if you can find it in your good, kind heart to take me back please do,’ Remus made to hold her hand, she didn’t shrug it off, but he noticed she wasn’t wearing her rings. Her neck was bare too. She still didn’t speak.
‘Dora...if you don’t want to take me back, would you be so kind as to let me be there for our child? My parents never gave up on me because of what I was, they could have so easily abandoned me, during-, during my moon days… right now I wish they did...But they stuck with me, until the very end, please let me be at least half the parents they were to me,’
Dora’s expression softened.
‘How could anyone just chuck an innocent child away, Remus? You’re their son, and they would have done anything in their power to keep you safe, it’s not your fault you’ve got this-, this problem. I wish you would stop letting yourself be defined by it, you’re so much more than your affliction,’ her voice was still cold, but she stopped glaring at him.
Remus smiled as he thought of James, and Harry. They had both phrased his condition similarly all those years ago.
‘You know James used to call it my furry little problem, I’m sure he’ll be so ashamed of me when he finds out what I did,’ said Remus with a sad smile.
‘How bout we call it Moon days, that way we’ll both have it, although I won’t for a while,’ said Dora, almost smiling, ‘that could be our thing’.
‘I like that, Moon day’ said Remus half-laughing. Does this mean Dora is taking me back?
‘C’mon let’s go, I’m starving. You’re timing couldn’t have been more perfect, now you can cook dinner while I nap for a bit. Don’t forget, you’re feeding two now Lupin,’ said Dora with a shrug.