Harry is a menace and everyone is paying the price [DISCONTINUED]: Chapter 6, harry potter - j. k. rowling fanfic

Daddy_Seyton

Characters

Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Lucius Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Narcissa Black Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Luna Lovegood, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Ron Weasley/Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Theodore Nott, Tom Riddle/Severus Snape, Peter Pettigrew/These MFing hands

Tags

The Author Regrets Everything Slytherin Harry Potter The Author Regrets Nothing anyway Nobody is Dead Everyone Is Alive Remus Lupin is So Done Sassy Harry Potter Heir of Slytherin Harry Potter Severus Snape is So Done Draco Malfoy & Ron Weasley Friendship Draco Malfoy is So Done Theodore Nott is a little shit Short Harry Potter this is shit SIKE Because I need my chaotic twin duo in my life Tom is alive and is a rude bitch Voldy & Snape are married to fuel my many crackhead ideas I am so sorry but at the same time I'm lying Harry Potter is a little bitch Harry Potter is his father's son peace was never an option James & Sirius make me want to cry Blaise Zabini Flirts Sassy Ron Weasley Hermione thinks she's better than everyone and she's right Luna Lovegood is an angel Lucius Malfoy is a drama queen Everyone collectively bullies Peter Even Voldy Narcissa is two seconds from drowning Lucius Harry is a menace Severus is the wine aunt Crackhead Golden Trio The Golden Trio are bottoms Sassy Bratty Bottoms The twins wreak havoc Rude Bitch runs in the Potter family "I should have swallowed" Lily J. Potter at some point "You should have swallowed" Draco L. Malfoy to Narcissa at some point Tom is the crackhead uncle who gives you twenty bucks if you can hold your breath for thirty minutes

Summary

I already have a MHA chatfic so I thought "Why the fuck not?"

Note

I have zero regrets but at the same time I wanna German Suplex myself off a bridge

Chapter 6

April 21, 2025 at 12:14 AM

GoldenBitch: Just stabbed a man

GoldenBitch: Probably gonna laugh about it later

Pothead: You did what??!

Woof: Excellent jobs Prongslet

Pothead: Sirius!

Woof: Right

Woof: Did he deserve it?

Pothead: SIRIUS!

GoldenBitch: Oh 100%

Tired: Am I going to have to lie to the Aurors about this?

GoldenBitch: Probably not since I did it in the middle of the ministry

Tired: Excuse me?

GoldenBitch: You're excused

Tired: I'm trying to comprehend how you could be this foolish. It must be the Potter genes.

GoldenBitch: I'm trying to comprehend why the Minister didn't have me arrested.

Woof: Well who did you stab?

GoldenBitch: Pettigrew

Tired: Oh thank Merlin.

Tired: You're not entirely like your father then.

Pothead: The hell is that supposed to mean?

Tired: What it means is that he's not so foolish as to assault someone important in front of the Minister.

Tired: Unlike a certain someone.

Pothead: When have I done anything like that?

Woof: Well there was that one time you kicked Umbridge in the ankle and tripped her up

Pothead: 1. That was an accident

Pothead: 2. She deserved it

Woof: Mate the only reason the Minister didn't reprimand you is because Umbridge was following him around for a date again

Pothead: Okay but how is she important then

Tired: As irritating as it is, she is still the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, and assaulting her would normally end with a term in Azkaban.

Pothead: Okay but that's just one person

Woof: There was that other time when you punched Malfoy in the face and got suspended

Pothead: How was I supposed to know he was there to meet the Minister?

GoldenBitch: Why did you punch him in the first place??

Pothead: His dumb voice annoyed me

GoldenBitch: Sometimes it's hard to tell which one of us is the child

Woof: Yeah cuz there was that other time when you punched Auror Jackson into a floo because he said your cooking smelled like dragon shit

Pothead: Whose side are you on right now??

Woof: Honestly I'm just bored and giving Snivels ammo is keeping him from turning on me

Tired: Oh don't think I forgot about you.

Tired: I'm still pissed with you for eating my Blancmange.

Woof: For the last time, I didn't know it was yours.

Tired: Dragon shit.

MamaBear: Language.

Tired: Apologies.

Tired: But how do you expect me to believe you when my name was on the box?

Woof: Reading is pointless when I'm hungry

Tired: Reading seems like it would be pointless for you in any situation.

Woof: I'm going to ignore that obvious disrespect and volunteer Prongs to be bullied

Pothead: The betrayal. The audacity. The disloyalty.

GoldenBitch: The shock. The tragedy. The drama.

Pothead: My best mate and my own child

Pothead: To betray me like this

GoldenBitch: I disowned you two months ago

Pothead: Snape stop trying to steal my kid

Pothead: He's turning against me

Tired: I didn't have to try to steal Harry. Besides, I don't see how any of this is actually my problem, so I will take my leave.

GoldenBitch: Mother please don't leave me here to deal with them

Tired: You're sorely mistaken, Harry, if you think I'm just going to leave you with these two idiots.

GoldenBitch: Thank Merlin

Tired: You are to write me a four-foot essay on why exactly you stabbed Pettigrew in the Ministry of Magic of all places, and in front of the Minister of all people.

GoldenBitch: Dammit

Woof: Oh yea why'd you do that Prongslet?

GoldenBitch: I wanted to prove to Fudge that the Ministry has no power over me and my actions and he can eat shit

GoldenBitch: I also wanted to wipe blood on his shoes

Tired: How you are still alive and not arrested is beyond me.

GoldenBitch: Trust me, it is a mystery to us all.