Chapter 5
At night Dazai would contemplate the happenings of the past week. She felt terrible for running out on Nakahara, but she didn't know how to apologize. She also wanted to apologize to Kunikida, whom she liked even more than Nakahara. Kunikida was perfect and beautiful. Dazai sighed as she dug through the cleaning supplies. Guilt swelled through Dazai, but she knew this was for the best. Her mental health was decreasing by the day. Everyone around her was being hurt. Dazai grabbed the bottle of drain cleaner and snuck back into her room. Dazai knew she would never take either Kunikida or Nakahara's place, nor did she want to break them up. In her mind, it would just be better if she was taken away from the equation entirely. She didn't want to cause anymore problems between the two girls. No matter how much she wanted to be with them, morally she couldn't. She set the drain cleaner down on the floor and unscrewed the lid.
Dazai looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a disaster. Her cheeks were stained with her tears. Her bandages were partially off, her scars exposed. She looked horrendous. She just wanted to die. She grasped the drain cleaner in her hand, but before she could take the bottle to her mouth, she burst into tears again. She couldn't do this. No matter how many times she tried, she just couldn't do the simple act of taking her own life. She didn't want to deal with her problems. However, she knew that if she died, she would put pressure onto everyone else. Nothing she would do would make anyone's life easier, but maybe she could fix one problem at a time. That didn't mean she had to start right at this moment. Dazai leaned against her bed and let the tears fall down her cheeks.
School. Something Dazai dreaded everyday now. Avoidance. Something she did everyday now. Nothing was the same after the day that Nakahara had kissed her. Dazai hated the drama and stress. Whispers had started to struck the hallways. Talk of a love affair within the confines of the all-girls school. Most of the talk was negative. Not everyone was okay with the thought of two girls being romantically involved, and maybe that's what Nakahara thought Dazai was like. Dazai was shook out of her thoughts when the first bell rang. She was tempted to skip class, because she didn't want to run the risk of seeing either Nakahara or Dazai. At the time it seemed like a good idea, so that is what she did; however, what Dazai didn't know is that would be a terrible mistake.
Like she did every time she skipped, Dazai snuck into the bathroom and into an empty stall, putting her feet up against the stall door. She was getting deja vu. The last time she did this, she ran into Nakahara for the first time. The inciting incident if you must. After double-checking no one else was in the bathroom with her, Dazai let her feet fall down. That’s when a knock drew on the stall door. Dazai’s heart beat quickened. She kept silent. The knock sounded again, but this time it was followed by a question, "Dazai, are you in there?" The voice sounded desperate and vulnerable but familiar. After a moments contemplation, Dazai clicked the lock open and the door swung open, revealing Nakahara. She was dressed in her school uniform, as usual, but she looked more unkept than normal. Her hair was tied back into a messy ponytail, rather than down, and she was wearing barely any makeup.
"You shouldn't be skipping class." Dazai joked bitterly, too nervous to make any other comment.
"That's coming from you, Miss Never in Class." Nakahara retorted, but there was no sourness in her tone.
The brunette sighed and stood up, "I'm sorry for running out on you."
The other girl stood there for a moment. "Just don't do it again." Before Dazai could process her words, Nakahara grabbed Dazai's face and kissed her. The kiss was desperate, rather than the softer kiss from before. Taken by surprise, Dazai didn't move or pull away, which would prove to be a mistake. She could hear the door of the bathroom shut, and she could see who entered from behind Nakahara. Then, Dazai pushed Nakahara away from her, staring at the other girl who walked in.
"Chuuya?"