Chapter 1
The loud sounds of bustling students reconnecting with their friends after a long summer was a comfort to Marlene as she sat in the train compartment with her two closest friends. It meant that after a long summer with her overbearing parents, she could finally breath again. Her thoughts drowned out the noise around her however as her thoughts driften towards the new year and the onslaught of stressful courses to come.
She was brought out of her mind though when she heard Lily ask “What do you want Severus?” in a bored tone. Marlene looked over and saw a nervous looking Snape wringing his hands. She hadn’t even heard the compartment open. “I was hoping we could talk, Lily. '' He tried to sound confident but his voice wavered ever so slightly.
After the incident late into their fifth year in which Snape had called Lily a “mudblood” she hadn’t spoken to him or even really acknowledged him. Now however he seems to have found the courage to finally seek her out and apologize. “Oh fuck off of you slimy git.” Marlene said while rising from her seat. “After that stunt you pulled last year you’re lucky I don’t break your nose.” “Oi Marlene-” Mary warned in a voice she had to use on Marlene quite often.
Snape backed up and reached for his wand even though no one else had begun to draw theirs. Before he could grab it though, Remus Lupin walked up behind him and asked “Have we got a problem here?” Snape flinched away from his voice and sneered up at him. Remus could look scary if he wanted to, what with all the scars, but he didn’t really seem to be in the mood to argue today.
“It’s none of your business loony Lupin.” Marlene hated when Snape called Remus that “I don’t care that it’s not my business Snivellous,” Remus spat out the nickname the gryffindors had given Snape as if the taste of name itself disgusted him. “Go away. No one here wants to talk to you.”
“Lily- please."
“Save it Snape.”
Snape spared one last glance at her and then turned away.
“Thanks Remus” Lily said with a smile while getting up to hug him. Marlene sat down because with three people standing in one compartment, it had started getting cramped. As the red head embraced Remus, Marlene said “We didn’t need your help you know. We could’ve handled it.” Mary hit Marlene on the shoulder. It wasn’t too hard but it was enough to make Marlene hold her shoulder and glare at her friend. “Merlin, what was that for?!” “Remus was just trying to help. Don’t be rude” Mary said while glaring right back.
“’S fine really” Remus said while looking at his shoes. “Sorry Moony, guess Snivellus just put me in a bad mood, I hate how he can do that.” Marlene complained.
“No I totally get it and anyway I should probably go find Sirius and the rest of them, see you guys later. ” Remus picked up his weathered trunk, and walked away while the girls called half hearted goodbyes after him.
Lily sat back down and took off her jean jacket placing it on the bench next to her. “Sooo, how was everyone’s break?” Marlene laid her head on the small area of the wall next to the window and closed her eyes.
She vaguely heard Mary start talking about some muggle friends she got to catch up with and the road trip they went on. She also heard the train start to move carrying them toward their second to last year at Hogwarts.
When she was younger Marlene had thought that she’d have her life figured out by now. She figured everyone thought that. She also figured that she’d know what she wanted to do and that she’d have a boyfriend. That always seemed to be everyone’s goal for her these days. Her Mum and Pa especially. If she was telling the truth though, Marlene hadn't really thought about getting a boyfriend since second year. Marlene just couldn’t understand the importance of it and sure she had found many boys attractive and all that, she had even kissed a few. And it wasn’t as if they were toads or horrible people or something else along those lines, she just never felt that ‘spark’ that the movies always talk about. What she wanted just didn’t seem to fit other people's definition of ‘a good life’.
Her dating someone was all anyone seemed to want from her, and she just couldn’t give them what they wanted. She doesn’t know who exactly ‘they’ is because they could be anyone. From the boys who got mad at her when she didn’t want to date them, to her parents who seemed disappointed in everything she does. Marlene thought she was defective, truth be told it was a recurring thought that she would have at night when she couldn’t sleep or when she would see a couple walking the grounds of Hogwarts hand in hand.
Eventually Marlene fell asleep and was woken up by Mary gently nudging her. “We’re almost there, you should probably change.” Marlene rubbed her eyes and looked at Mary and Lily and saw that they were both dressed in their robes. “Right ok” Marlene sighed.
She stood up and turned around so she was facing the bench and then tried to get her trunk down. It wasn’t too hard because Marlene was fairly tall and all those years as a beater for the gryffindor quidditch team had helped her upper body strength improve. Marlene took great pride in being a good beater because now whenever people look at her they don’t just see a girl waiting for a ‘man to save her’ or something like that, they see someone who could kick their ass without breaking a sweat. And there was nothing Marlene liked more than scaring people.
Marlene made her way to the bathrooms at the back of the train. She hoped no one was in there because that would make for an awkward encounter that Marlene didn’t have the energy for.
When Marlene got to the bathroom she found that it was indeed occupied. “Of course, that’s just my luck isn’t it.” Marlene leaned against the wall and waited for the door to open. When it finally did open she was met with Dorcas Meadowes, the resident Slytherin beater. She had on her pearl earrings like she normally does and was wearing her uniform accompanied with her Slytherin tie. They had a weird relationship, what with being in opposing houses and every time they did talk it was one insulting the other.
“Oh, it’s you.” Dorcas said upon finding Marlene waiting. Marlene cocked her head to the side. “Yeah it’s me. Were you hoping to find David Bowie?” Marlene taunted. “Whatever.” Dorcas said as she pushed past Marlene making her way back to her seat.
Marlene stepped into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She had someone walk in on her changing in her first year so now she was always sure to lock the door behind her.
Marlene grabbed the edge of the sink and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit. She had bags under her eyes and her long blond hair was lying limp against her head. She figured she should cut it soon.
As she got changed she found her thoughts starting to wander towards Dorcas Meadowes. Thanks to Mary, Marlene could now identify Dorcas’s hair style as locs and she hated to admit it but they looked good on her. They reached down to her mid back and always swayed when she walked. She had that type of walk that could captivate all the boys who saw her, though she never seemed to see any of them. And her glare was never something anyone wanted to be on the receiving end of, Marlene knew this from personal experience. She and Dorcas had never really gotten along. They were in competing houses which made talking a little difficult. They always shared a few classes though but every conversation seemed to end in fighting. Besides, Everyone knew Dorcas Meadowes was a bitch.
Once she was done changing and back in her own compartment it appeared that they had arrived at school. It was raining but what else was new. As they made their way off the train and onto the platform, they met up with the boys.
Sirius, James, Peter and Remus appeared to be waiting for them. No doubt that was James’ idea because as of last year he seemed to be infatuated with Lily. Marlene could understand why, she was exceptionally smart and kind to just about everyone. And if Marlene was being honest, she was quite attractive. Lily had confided in Marlene and Mary a few years back that the kids at her old muggle school used to bully her about her weight which didn’t make any sense to Marlene because she was probably the most beautiful person Marlene had seen and she made sure to remind Lily of that every day.
“Oi Evans! Over here!” James called. “I have a first name ya know.” “Yeah, and what are we James? Chop liver?” Mary asked with a smile letting everyone know she didn’t actually care that James didn’t address her. “Huh?” James was often confused by muggle sayings. Mary sighed and waved her hand “Nevermind Potter.”
“Hey Marls.” Sirius said while walking up to her. They had become very good friends over the last 3 years and after several long late night talks they probably knew each other better than anyone. “Hey dickhead.” She replied and Sirius gasped and grabbed his chest with one hand while the other flew to his forehead like a damsel in distress. “You wound me my love.” “Oh get over yourself Black.” The group watched this exchange with amusement.
“C’mon guys we gotta go or there won’t be any carriages left!” Peter reminded them. “Right you are Petey boy, lets go!” James cried with a strange amount of enthusiasm. “ARGHHHH!” Sirius and James yelled while running towards the carriages scaring the younger students who weren’t yet used to their outbursts of energy.
Remus laughed. “Well guess we’d better follow them if we want dinner.” “And to get out of this rain God!” Mary added and they all laughed even though in hindsight it probably wasn’t even funny. But to their teenage minds the whole world was at their fingertips and they were limitless and they could think whatever the hell they wanted to think.
The sorting hat ceremony was the same as every other. That wasn’t to say that it was boring because it was anything but that.
Ever since their third year, the group of gryffindors would try to guess what each new student’s house would be. Remus and Lily usually won, while Mary and Sirius probably held the record for getting the most wrong.
“That one’s gotta be hufflepuff they just have to be! I know I’m right this time.” Sirius was so confident in his answer that it was almost comical when the sorting hat said “SLYTHERIN!” Sirius dropped his head to the table and started muttering things only James could hear apparently because seconds later he was laughing so loud that the whole hall had gone quiet. He cleared his throat and lowered his head while the rest of the gryffindors laughed at him.
After the sorting ceremony Marlene didn’t think she had any more energy to smile and nod. She had no idea why but this day had just been so draining. Maybe it was all the existential thinking she was doing. She might have to stop that if she wanted to get through the school year.
The rest of the night was a blur, from eating dinner to walking the never ending walk to gryffindor tower and saying their goodnights. Once Marlene had gotten into bed and closed the curtains she was lost to the world. She always had some form of escape that she could use to ignore the real world and tonight she felt like maybe she should pick poetry back up. She hadn’t written anything in a while but of course she had still brought her old journal to school. Like a safety net of sorts.
She fished it out of her trunk along with a pen she knew she would need and began to write. She didn’t have much light, only the lumos charm and she didn’t want to wake her roommates.
1/7/76
My mind is an accumulation of thoughts and if only one would
Look close enough they might
Decipher them
But no one has
And no one will
So I sit in stifling silence
Wishing, waiting to be heard
Though I do not speak.
Marlene looked at the page and vowed to herself to never let anyone see. She already felt a bit better and thought she should do this whenever she felt alone or just needed to vent.
She was never truly alone though and she knew it was all in her head because she also knew that Mary and Lily would never leave her. Unless maybe they died of course. Or ran away. But they are together now, and that’s all that matters.
They were close, but sometimes it felt like they weren’t as close as Remus, Peter, Sirius and James were.
Marlene knew the boys had some weird name they called themselves, and she’d heard it once or twice and laughed at them for it. ‘The Marauders’. What a silly name, and yet, Marlene couldn’t help but be envious because she knew nothing would tear them apart. They loved each other with everything they had. They were brothers in every sense.
Marlene had never had that. Never had someone she could be completely vulnerable with. Even Sirius didn’t know all her troubles though he knew more than most. Marlene always had a way to protect herself and no one could change that.