Doctor Emmet Brown
“Blinkey blimey, Dobby!” Harry gasped in wonder. “Baljeet Tjinder was merciless against your cojones!”
“Yeah, that's right!” Goku murmured.“Man, I wonder if Baljeet would be up for a fight?”
Harry scoffed at Goku for being such a nerd over punching people. “Who cares about fighting when there's another tale of testicle bashing coming up! You do have another story, right Dobby?”
“Dobby has many more tales to tell, Sir!” Dobby nodded confidently. “Our next one begins when Dobby got his balls tortured by none other than Doctor Emmet Brown.”
Harry and Goku were so amazed that they both turned black for a couple of seconds. “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” They screamed in a very African American way, before turning back to their usual skin colours.
“Dayum!!” Goku shuddered as the remaining blackness left his body. He was sad that he was no longer black, but only a little because he liked being Asian too.
“Doc Brown, the inventor of the time machine, tortured your balls! How amazing is that?” Harry jumped up and down in his seat with whimsy.
Dobby nodded reluctantly. “Pretty amazing, but also very painful for Dobby’s balls! Here's how it happened…”
**Begin flashback**
After the events of Chapter Fifteen, Dobby was frozen for an incalculable amount of time. He had no idea of what was going on around him, he couldn't tell if he'd been frozen for hours, days, or months. All he could feel was the cold, especially in his balls.
Dobby was so cold that he felt like he was dead, but just when he felt like he had finally been released from the cycle of continuous ball torture forever, something happened. His balls were warming up!
First it was just a little trickle of heat, but suddenly it started growing to comfortably warm, and eventually boiling hot. Dobby opened his mouth for the first time in ages as his balls fried and everything felt wet around him. “WEEEARRRRGHAHOOHOO!”
Dobby dropped to the floor and shakily stood up in the puddle of cool water the ice he'd been encased in had been reduced to. The ball freezing machine was nowhere to be seen, so whoever had eventually rescued Dobby from its clutches must have carefully extracted him. In front of him was an old man in a lab coat with a laser device, standing next to a DeLorean.
“Great Scott! Extracting Dobby from the ball freezing machine and using my ball unfreezing machine on him worked!”
“Where… Where is Dobby?” Dobby wheezed, struggling through his first gasps of air he had taken in what felt like forever.
“You are in the year 2069, Dobby!” The old man shouted. “I manipulated your destiny through time travelling shenanigans so that you would end up here at this precise time, in order for the prophecy to be fulfilled!”
“Prophecy? What are you talking about?” Dobby asked.
“Yeah, what the hell are you talking about, Doc?” Marty McFly poked his head out of the open car door, looking very confused.
Doc grabbed Dobby by the balls, and pulled him into the DeLorean. “All will be revealed soon. Floor it, Marty!”
At this moment in time Harry Potter was sitting in Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria. However, both he and his surroundings were far different compared to how they were long ago. Harry was now a very old man indeed, covered in wrinkles and grey hair. He did not need to sit on a chair, for he was floating in the air with crossed legs, dressed only in silver robes. He basked in the sunlight pouring in through the hole in the big window, the semen still having not been washed off, now sporting a bunch of fungus that had used the ancient cum for nutrients. Harry Potter was at peace.
“Master, it's time.” A little boy whispered to Harry. He was dressed only in Supreme robes and had a nose Harry wanted to punch, but he would never punch it in real life because he really was at peace.
“Then let us begin, Boy.” Harry said to the boy, whose name was actually Boy. Names were a bit weird in the future.
“Here we are, the Temple of the Tortured One!” Doc cried as Marty parked the DeLorean outside what appeared to be a beaten up looking church in the middle of nowhere, battered cars scattered all around it.
Dobby looked out of the window to see mountains of garbage on the side of the road. “Why is everything so broken? What will happen to the world by 2069?” He was awkwardly sandwiched in between Marty and Doc, and trying not to fidget too much.
“The energy crisis got solved, the seas became less polluted, the notion of global peace is no longer considered wishful thinking, and NFTs have lost all monetary value!” Doc answered brightly.
Dobby still didn't understand. “Hang on, those are all good things! Why does this place look so abandoned?”
Doc quickly opened up a door. “It isn't abandoned, post-apocalyptic aesthetics are just really trendy right now! Now come along Dobby and Marty, we've got to hurry!” Then he scampered into the church as fast as his old man legs could carry him.
Dobby cautiously hopped out of the DeLorean, and Marty followed. “Do you know what's going on, Sir?” Dobby asked the teenager.
Marty shook his head. “I haven't since 1985.”
**End flashback**
Harry and Goku were beside themselves with amazement. “Wow!” Harry gasped. “You really went to the future? And I was there?!”
“That's right, Harry.” Dobby nodded. “Goku was there too!”
Goku was so happy that he got to be included in one of Dobby’s awesome stories that he ran around the pizzeria, telling everyone about the good news. But just when he was almost ready to return to the table, Jar Jar Binks kicked down the door. He was naked, and unlike when Porky Pig was naked, this meant something.
“Meesa needsa da burritos right now!” Jar Jar screamed.
“This is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, not a Taco Bell. Please leave.” Squidward objected. He was in the back of a queue for the men’s bathroom, since he was still covered in semen from the events of the previous chapter and needed a good wash.
Jar Jar walked over to Squidward and gave him a good sniff. “Hmmm! Yousa saying dat, but yousa smells of da cummy cum, therefore yousa big fat liar!”
“Whatever, fuck off.” Squidward said before Jar Jar grabbed him by the neck.
“No, meesa will kick yousa ass instead! Meesa no likin’ yousa attitude!” And then Jar Jar beat up Squidward. Nobody intervened, because nobody wanted to touch a naked gungan or a squid covered in cum.
“How yousa likin’ dat, cummy cum boy?” Jar Jar bellowed as he punched Squidward on his nose so hard that his head made a crater in the floor.
“SPONGEBOB! HELP ME!” Squidward screamed in agony.
“Sorry, Squidward! I'm too busy clapping Sandy’s cheeks!” SpongeBob giggled merrily from a few tables away.
“Damn it SpongeBob, stop sinkin’ mah battleship!” Sandy banged a squirrely fist on the table. Her butt cheeks clapped whenever somebody was beating her at board games, don't question it.
“OOOWWW! STOP HITTING MEEEE!” Squidward wailed. It was clear that Jar Jar would not stop hitting Squidward for a long time, so everybody else got back to whatever it was they were doing, except Bubsy Bobcat who was jerking off to the very hot gungan on squid action.
Harry and Goku shrugged in unison. “Whatever.” They both said. “On with the story!”
“All right then, Sirs!” Dobby chuckled.
**Begin flashback**
“Great Scott!” Doc bellowed for the eight hundredth time since Dobby had met him. “We made it just in time for the ceremony!”
“What ceremony, Doc?” Marty moaned frustratedly, like a teenager from the 1980s, because he literally was one. “I still don't know what the fuck we’re supposed to be doing here!”
Dobby was also pissed off at the elderly scientist for keeping him in the dark. “Neither does Dobby!”
Doc just quickly shushed the two and pulled them through the massive crowd of people inside the church, just in time for Harry to make his appearance on a stage in the middle of the church.
He was still floating cross legged, but Boy was pushing him from behind so he could go places without having to stop his super important floaty mediation stuff. Harry was followed by several hooded individuals. Older versions of Goku and Foxy were there, but the rest of the figures were too mysterious looking to discern the identities of because they didn't want to spoil any future chapters of Dobby’s Amazing Adventures, even if it would most likely take until 2169 for the chapters they were to feature in to finally be uploaded.
The crowd went wild as a random future woman who wasn't very important to the plot announced “Ladies and gentlemen! Please welcome the Prophets of Dobby, and Lorekeeper Harry Potter!”
Nearly everybody in the church clapped and screamed because they were so gosh dang happy to see those people. The building was filled with the sounds of enthusiastic cheering and pants pooping.
Marty took a quick step away from a guy who ejaculated out of respect for the Prophets so hard that the cum ripped out of his pants and was sprayed everywhere while he screamed “PRAISE DOBBY!” He had no shirt on and had a tattoo of Dobby’s face on his chest, his nipples serving as the pupils of the house elf’s eyes.
Dobby was beginning to piece things together. His likeness adorned the cracked stained glass windows, statues of moments of his life and what had to be moments yet to come were all over the walls, and his theme song was playing on the organ. “Dobby is worshipped as a god in the future?”
Doc nodded with glee. “Yes Dobby, that's right! But only in this single timeline, don't be a smug asshole bitch about it. Not even gods can be smug asshole bitches and get away with it.”
“Oh, ok. I guess I understand what's going on now.” Marty scratched his head. “But who the hell is Harry Potter?”
Dobby only needed to point as the ancient man with the lightning bolt scar floated into the convenient ‘Harry Potter goes here’ mark on the stage. He pulled a tattered old book out of his foreskin, and began to read. “Chapter One, Dumbledore.”
All of the Dobby religion followers, the Prophets included, pissed, shitted, and cummed their pants all at once. “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! PRAISE DOBBY!”
“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” Old Man Foxy yowled while swinging his hook around and accidentally decapitating a few other prophets.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH!” Old Man Goku yelled as he powered up to Super Mega Perfect Ultra Instinct Infinity Plus Two.
“JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK?!” Marty screamed as he got poo, pee, semen, and whatever it is girls ejaculate instead of sperm cells all over his 2015 Nikes that were so much cooler than the Nikes I got in 2015 for some reason.
Dobby shed a single tear. Was this what it meant to be loved?
“Wait! Hold it, hold on everybody!” Doc interrupted, waving his hands until everyone calmed down, except Marty because he still hated being in 2069. “Please listen to me for a second, this is very important! My name is Doctor Emmet Brown, and I have come from the past to fulfil the prophecy of Chapter Sixteen!”
“Blasphemy!” Old Man Goku said as he cracked his knuckles like an angry badass. “No one can simply claim to fulfil the prophecy!”
Harry shook his very old head at his saiyan friend. “Now, now, Goku. Let's hear the man out first.”
Foxy did not comment because he was too busy watching holographic porn.
Doc had a cocky smile on his face as he raised a finger. “There's no need to accuse me of blasphemy, good sirs! Would you kindly read the title of Chapter Sixteen, Lorekeeper?”
Harry nodded, and read aloud the title. “Chapter Sixteen, Doctor Emmet Brown.” He and the rest of the congregation broke out into an almighty chorus of “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
“WOW!” Goku shouted.
“The day is finally upon us! Hooray!” Said Harry.
“OOOOOAAAAAGHHHUUHHHH!” Foxy shrieked as he busted a nut all over the organ and the organ player. Holograms and porn as well as religion could make you do that in the future.
Doc looked so cocky that if he was any cockier, he would turn into a giant penis monster and fly away to do sex things with that pair of mountains in Indonesia that look like a big old pair of titties.
“That's right, everybody! And you know what that means! It means that I'm going to be taking Dobby himself, who is in this very church, all the way to before the universe was formed so that his balls may be exposed to the Big Bang!”
Everybody cheered so loudly that the church’s roof turned into liquid chocolate. “PRAISE DOBBY!”
Dobby wasn't so onboard with what Doc had just said. “Wait, what?! Why does Dobby have to have his balls tortured if Dobby is a god? No! Dobby doesn't want to-!” But before Dobby could protest any longer, Doc had grabbed him and was now carrying him to the DeLorean with Marty following. The crowd followed them, singing about how awesome they were and how they had big balls all the way.
“Doc, are we really gonna have to go back to the formation of the universe just so this poor little bastard can get his balls caught in it?” Marty groaned as he reluctantly clutched the DeLorean’s steering wheel.
Doc remained resolute. “Of course, Marty! The future of this whole timeline depends on it, you’ve got to take us there!”
“Don't do it, Marty! Please don't! Dobby doesn't want to die!” Dobby begged.
Doc gently put a hand over Dobby’s mouth. “Marty, this has to be done or the space time continuum will be irrevocably damaged and I'll lose a bet with Sonic the Hedgehog! You don't want me to have to fork over twenty bucks to Sonic, do you Marty?”
“What the fuck is a Sonic?!” Marty screamed as his foot hit the gas and the DeLorean started to fly up into the air. It then began accelerating rapidly, hitting a bunch of pigeons on the way forward.
Dobby tried to get Doc’s hand of his mouth so he could beg for mercy, but all he ended up doing was going “MMMMMMPH!” and maybe pissing himself just a little.
The DeLorean hit eighty eight miles per hour, and in a flash it had travelled fourteen billion years backwards in time. Everything looked very boring compared to 2069, because there literally wasn't anything to do here except wait for things to start happening.
“Looks like we've reached our passenger’s stop, Marty! You know what to do next!” Doc grabbed Dobby by the balls with one old man hand, while he rummaged in his pocket with the other one.
“NOOOOOO! Don't do this to Dobby, please! AAAH!” Dobby was silenced again, but this time by the odd sensation of having a y shaped device strapped to his chest.
“Don't worry, Dobby!” Doc said. “I'm well aware of how much damage to your balls an explosion so powerful that it causes the universe to start expanding could do, so I've got a plan to make sure the pain is minimal! I've just attached a flux capacitor to your sexy little house elf body. As soon as the force of the Big Bang launches you to a speed equal to eighty eight miles per hour, you will be sent back to the moment in time after you were originally frozen!”
“Alright that sounds kind of better, but-” Before Dobby could say anymore, he was flung out of the DeLorean and into the void. The flying car then sped away and disappeared, leaving only a trail of flames that quickly burnt out because of the absence of oxygen.
Dobby floated through the vast sea of nothingness for a few minutes, until he noticed a tiny pinprick of light just under his left testicle. He couldn't believe what he was looking at. It was a baby universe, a premature form of what would eventually become everything.
It was so small, so fragile looking. But Dobby knew it would literally become all that mattered in a few moments. This was a truly beautiful moment that only Dobby would ever witness, and Dobby felt himself tearing up. But then the expansion happened.
“WAHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHAAAAAWWEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAYOOOOOGHAHAAAAAH!!” Dobby screamed as his balls were assaulted by the birth of the universe. He screamed even longer than that, but his voice was lost in the collosal noise and the overwhelming light. It was all encompassing, hurting not only Dobby’s balls but the rest of his body too, but especially his balls. Dobby would have burst into tears at how his nuts suffered, but they were instantly vaporised by the heat.
Dobby blasted forwards at such speed that he knew eighty eight miles per hour would come any second. He braced himself, hoping wherever he arrived was at least somewhat safer for his balls, but knowing he would never forget this moment.
Dobby was never the same again.
**End flashback**