Isabelle
“Butter my breadcrumbs!” Harry whistled as Dobby finished his latest tale of agony. “Gordon Ramsay cooked your balls to perfection!”
“Man, I wish I had been there!” A still hungry Goku exclaimed. He'd been meaning to try house elf testicle soup for a while.
“You'll never guess who tortured Dobby’s balls next, Sirs!” Dobby said with a twinkle in his eyes.
Harry and Goku were so excited to find out who the next person was that they got out a Bluetooth speaker, put on some funky music, and began performing the Official Dobby’s Amazing Adventures Rap.
Goku began the rap as soon as he'd managed to fit a backwards baseball cap over his big spiky hairdo. “So I was bored, doing stuff, not much cause for concern.
When my ears picked up something that made my head turn!
This guy Dobby, he says his balls got tortured!
He's got more stories than apples in an orchard!
Let's see, could be fun, I'll hear a tale or two!
They’ve been battered so much that his nuts turned blue!”
Dobby nodded in approval at the sick rhymes and beatboxed during a break in the rapping. “ARGHAWEEWOOWOOWOOGAHWEEWAHWOO!”
Harry joined in, rapping alongside Goku with complete synchrony. “Yo, did I hear right? Has my hearing failed me?!
Did that house elf just say something totally crazy?!
No way, no how, could anyone survive that?
Turn the page, rearrange, if not prepare for combat!
Yeah, yeah, one hundred fifty chapters, baby!
Dobby’s been ball busted by every man and lady!”
“WOOWEEGAWAWEEWEEWOOGABOOGAWOWOW!”
Goku started breakdancing on the floor while he let Harry lay down some zingers by himself. “This is crazy shit, and I’ve dealt with magic!
What happened to his balls is both inspiring and tragic!
I can't get enough, I have to hear more!
What next, did they get terminated, irradiated, or slammed in a door?
And who did it this time? Were they friend or foe?
Come on Dobby, go on Dobby, you gotta let us know!”
Harry and Goku took over the beatboxing, leaving Dobby to finish the rap, as they felt he deserved to. “WHWHWHAWHAWHAWHWHWHWHAAAAAAT?!”
Dobby confidently grabbed the microphone and rapped to the extreme. “Seatbelts ready Sirs, this one’s a doozy!
The next character in Dobby’s story is no random floozy!
Gather round, brace yourselves, listen up chums!
The next chapter’s here, no time for twiddling your thumbs!
Get ready, get steady, on your marks here we go!
Dobby'll tell you all in three! Two! One! Zero!”
All three friends took a bow as everyone in the pizzeria cheered and/or ejaculated at how epic and cool their rap was, as your friends will surely do if you buy the Offical Dobby’s Amazing Adventures Mixtape for only nine billion dollars.
“So who was it?” Harry asked after getting his breath back.
“Oh, it was just Isabelle.” Dobby said nonchalantly.
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-! Ack!” Harry and Goku choked. All that screaming and rapping they had been doing was making their throats very sore.
“You got your balls bonked by Isabelle, the mayor’s assistant?” Harry whispered so he wouldn't further strain his voice.
“Wow, that's really cool!” Goku croaked while rummaging around in his pockets for senzu beans.
“Dobby didn't think it was very cool for his poor nuts to be so cruelly attacked, but anyway…”
**Begin flashback**
Dobby got off the ground after he recovered from being hit by the taxi. “Owie, that really hurt.”
Just as he was nursing his battered and bruised house elf body, a little yellow dog in a skirt ran up to him. “What happened, are you all right?” She asked Dobby. “You look like you got hit by a taxi!”
“That's because Dobby did get hit by a taxi.” Dobby explained as he picked himself up. “But don't worry, ma’am, Dobby is ok now!”
“Oh, thank goodness!” The dog sighed in relief. “My name is Isabelle. Have you seen the mayor?”
Dobby reluctantly shook his head. “Sorry, but Dobby doesn't know where Dobby is, so Dobby does not know if he has seen the mayor of this place or not.”
“You don't know where you are? Why, you're in Animal Crossing! Surely you know where the mayor of Animal Crossing would be, right?”
“Nope, sorry. Dobby has no idea where the mayor would be, because Dobby has never been here before.”
Isabelle cracked her knuckles and rolled up her fists. “Alright, if that's how you want to play…”
“WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MAYOR?!” Isabelle roared at Dobby as she kicked him so hard in the balls that he went white as a ghost.
“OOOGH! DOBBY TOLD YOU HE DOESN’T KNOW!” Dobby wailed.
Isabelle did not believe him. “LIAR! I KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS! TELL ME WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW!”
She kicked him again and again, even harder and faster each time. Dobby could feel the hot tears rolling down his face as well as the horrendous pain in his balls.
“DOBBY IS TELLING THE TRUTH! PLEASE STOP KICKING DOBBY’S POOR LITTLE NUTS!” He begged with the angry shih tzu, but to no avail.
“THEN TELL ME WHERE THE MAYOR IS!” Isabelle screamed as she whipped out a big metal hammer and swung it right into Dobby's crotch.
“GOOOOOOOOOGOOOOOWOOOHAHAHAHAWAWAWAWAWAWAHOOO!!” Dobby wailed pathetically.
“I'm super mega preggers and he's the father. He disappeared the second I told him, and I won't stop until I find his ass.” Isabelle muttered as she let Dobby sink to the ground and wallow in his agony, and also sink in the fact she was actually pregnant the entire time. Isabelle quickly thought up a new interrogation method and got ready to enact it upon the poor little elf.
**End flashback**
“Yikes, that's one sick puppy!” Goku wheezed as soon as his throat recovered from the intense strain it had been through.
“I'm so glad that your balls can easily be tortured by pregnant women! Accessibility is important!” Harry tittered.
“Dobby assures you, sirs. That was only the beginning!” Dobby said, and was about to tell more of his encounter when Harry interrupted him.
“There's just one thing I don't understand. What does it mean to be pregnant?” Harry asked. He was so confused that his glasses were steaming up and if you put an ear to his forehead you could hear his brain mildly sizzling.
“Well, Harry! As a father of three, I can tell you I have no idea!” Goku exclaimed.
“And that's when I come in!” A little blonde fairy, with such a bloated stomach that it was a miracle she could fly, cried as she flew into the pizzeria through the broken semen covered window. “Hello! I'm the Pregnancy Fairy! I'm like the Tooth Fairy but the money I put under your pillow is immediately spent on diapers and baby food!”
“WHAAAAAAAAAT?! YOU’RE THE PREGNANCY FAIRY????” Harry screamed in amazement as the fairy’s sparkly magic flew everywhere and made his stomach feel strange. “Wow!”
“That's right, Harry! My job is to teach misinformed boys and girls, and people who don't want to be called boys or girls for whatever contrived yet ultimately valid reason they come up with, all about pregnancy!”
“Ok then! Are you going to teach us about where babies come from through a whimsical magic adventure?” Dobby asked the fairy, only to be laughed at.
“Oh, no, no, no!” She laughed, which made her pregnant belly jiggle up and down in a highly nauseating way. “Pregnancy isn't about reproduction anymore! It's a fetish!”
Dobby, Harry, and Goku all stared at the Pregnancy Fairy dumbfoundedly, barely able to believe that anyone could seriously get off to a pregnant woman of all things.
“Don't act so surprised, boys!” The fairy laughed. “Everything’s a fetish nowadays! Farting, sneezing, wedgies, rich white women buying Wonder Bread and ruining the environment! It's all fetishes!”
Harry scratched his head, even more confused. “What's a fetish?” Neither Goku or Dobby could answer.
“Why, in order to answer that question, we're going to need to go somewhere very special!” The Pregnancy Fairy announced. She waved her magic wand, which was also super duper preggerino, and suddenly she and the trio were whisked away to a land of white grass and green clouds. “Welcome… TO FETISH LAND!”
Fetish Land was really weird, and that's saying a lot considering what kind of fanfiction this is. Each individual blade of grass was spanking the blade of grass next to it and moaning, the mountains kept getting bigger and fatter all the time, and the sky kept getting shot in the butt by some kid with a slingshot.
“You see children, even though all of you are at least 18 years old and cannot be classified as children anymore, this is the magical place where fetishes are born! Everything is kinky and horny in Fetish Land, even the air itself, so they keep inventing new things to do in order to sexually gratify themselves in increasingly obscure ways! And since anything can be a fetish, that means they're all trying new things every day!”
The wind blew around Harry's crotch and gently whispered “I'm into this.”
Harry had never felt so violated in his entire life.
“Ok, but there's got to be a limit to all of this!” Dobby argued. “Surely not everything can be a fetish! Like doorknobs, nobody could possibly find doorknobs arousing, Dobby couldn't fathom how that would make any sense!”
“Doorknobs are a fetish!” Said the fairy. “Just like pregnancy is! Everything is a fetish.”
Goku was equally baffled as Dobby. “What is so sexually appealing about pregnancy? It doesn't seem pleasurable at all, it just looks really uncomfortable and difficult for the woman to go through!”
“Thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable, to be honest.” Harry confessed.
The Pregnancy Fairy scoffed. “Oh really? Not sexually appealing, is it?” Then she took off the sparkly pink dress she'd been wearing until now, revealing a grotesquely huge stomach which bulged and wobbled an awful lot. “What do you think now, boys? I'm almost nine months pregnant and it looks like I'm having quadruplets! Wow, I feel like I'm going to pop at any second! I'd surely burst if one of you put another baby in me!”
Goku and Dobby stumbled backwards in disgust, while Harry threw up.
The fairy squinted at the males, her patience beginning to wear thin. “Come on, this isn't even getting you guys a little hard right now? What are you, asexuals? You're literally being the biggest prudes in Fetish Land right now, just take off your pants and help me have septuplets already.”
“No, stop it!” All three of the friends answered in complete unison. “None of us are into this!”
“This place is horrible! I mean, Hermione and I always have a great time in the bedroom when I bust out the chocolate pudding, but I would never show our kink off in public, let alone try to force others to share it!” Harry gasped as he hastily turned away from the disgusting pregnant belly he was faced with before he would feel sick again.
Dobby nodded intensely. “There's nothing inherently wrong with having niche sexual tastes, but Dobby thinks everyone in Fetish Land needs to develop some self awareness and keep these urges more private!”
“Yeah, it may be sexy to you guys, but to everyone else it’ll probably look weird and disturbing. You could end up seriously alienating yourselves from the rest of society!” Goku told the other denizens of Fetish Land. Even the grass blades had stopped spanking each other so they could listen.
“Stop kink shaming us!” A worm in bdsm gear shouted at Dobby and his friends.
“Yeah, we'll coom as we please, no matter how many innocent bystanders we do it in front of!” A flower dressed up as a baby screamed.
A big cloud in the sky took a break from sniffing the sun’s farts to yell at the gang too. “Not even the children will be spared from our degeneracy!”
“Except my children! I'm just a poor, defenceless pregnant woman after all…” The Pregnancy Fairy coyly interjected, which got a tree with a face really excited.
“Ha ha! I've got wood!” The tree laughed as the fairy began stroking off a very phallic looking branch he had just a few feet away from the ground.
A couple of moles burst out of the ground and began aggressively licking Goku’s toes, which he did not appreciate. “Hey, knock that off or I'll go super saiyan four on you! I mean it!”
Goku shook off the moles, but Harry nearly had his trousers pulled off by a bee in a fursuit and a rock who was also a dominatrix came dangerously close to whipping Dobby in the balls. “Run for it!” Harry cried, and the gang quickly dashed away from the growing army of sexual deviants.
“Don't let them escape through the very conveniently placed portal that leads directly to the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria in Alaska! Let's keep ‘em here so they can satisfy the rape fetishist mice and the foxes who have a murder kink!” The Pregnancy Fairy commanded her friends. She didn't actually say that because she was too busy avoiding getting splinters while giving the tree a blowjob, but since everyone in Fetish Land can fluently speak fellatio, they all understood.
Harry, Dobby, and Goku sprinted towards a glowing blue portal that would take them back to the pizzeria, but it was a long way away and the fetishists were gaining on them.
“Dobby, in case we don't reach that portal, I'd like you to do something for me. Please, tell me how your encounter with Isabelle ended!” Harry begged Dobby as he desperately dashed towards the light.
Goku agreed as he kicked another toe licking mole away from his precious tootsies. “Tell me too! If I'm going to die in a painful and overtly sexual way, I'd like to at least go out knowing how the rest of the story played out!”
“Dobby supposes he had better grant your dying wishes in that case!” Dobby wheezed. He was running even faster than the time he was trying to escape the Island of Sodor during Chapter 9. “So the next thing that happened was…”
**Begin flashback**
“You'll tell me where the god damn mayor is, or your balls will suffer even more!” Isabelle yelled as she angrily grabbed Dobby the crotch.
“DOBBY DOESN’T KNOW WHERE THE MAYOR IS! HONESTLY!” Dobby shrieked back at her.
“WRONG ANSWER!” Isabelle lifted Dobby over her pregnant shoulders and tossed him right into Tom Nook, who just so happened to be passing by at that momen. Isabelle threw Dobby at such a high velocity that the tanuki was immediatly torn to shreds by the impact and bits of his spine clattered against Dobby’s nuts as he continued to fly forwards. “Oh no!” Said Tom Nook as this happened.
“PLEASE STOP! DOBBY HONESTLY DOESN’T KNOW!” Dobby howled.
Isabelle responded by running around the planet and catching Dobby before he could go any further, then tossed him into Blathers balls first, killing him on impact. Blathers did not comment on this like Nook had, because he was already dead.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Dobby cried. It was bad enough that his balls were in pain, but he truly could not bear his balls causing suffering for others. This was just too much!
“SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T TELL ME THE TRUTH?” Isabelle said as Dobby flailed around in the owl’s fresh corpse. “INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE! How many of them will we have to go through before you tell me where the mayor is for real!”
“No! No more killing!” Dobby begged the dog woman. “Please, you have to believe me, Dobby honestly does not know where the mayor is!”
“You expect me to believe that, you little-?!” Isabelle was about to hit Dobby in a way that would cause the death of Mr Resetti, when suddenly the mayor walked over to her.
“Hi, Isabelle!” He said cheerfully.
“M-Mayor?!” Isabelle gasped while clutching her very pregnant belly. “You came back?!”
“Of course I would, I was only going out for ten minutes.” The mayor explained with a smile on his face. “I had to go buy stuff for the baby!”
Isabelle looked down at his hands, and they were holding plastic bags full of diapers and toys and other things babies like. “So you weren't being kidnapped and/or planning to leave me to raise our child all by myself?”
The mayor shook his head. “Heavens no! That sounds way too kinky for me!”
Dobby stared up at Isabelle in horror. “Then… that means you killed these poor people… all because of a stupid mistake?!”
“I wouldn't say killed, just disappointed, yes yes.” Tom Nook said, while looking down at the corpse of Tom Nook.
“Indeed.” Blathers said. He prodded Blathers’ lifeless body with a stick, and seemed pretty happy to do so.
Dobby was beyond confused now, so confused that he felt the only thing he could say right now was something that a close friend would often scream aloud. “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
“Did nobody tell you?” Isabelle chuckled innocently. “Tom Nook commissioned Tails the Fox to make him a cloning machine for extremely nefarious reasons that I'm not going to tell you, so some of the villagers cloned themselves for shits and giggles! I'm afraid I got a little too angry and killed them though.”
“It's alright, Isabelle. No use crying over spilt clones!” Blather quipped.
Everyone except Dobby laughed ecstatically, while the clones remained on the ground, dead. They tittered, guffawed, chuckled, and cackled at how funny this whole situation had turned out to be. Only Dobby did not laugh.
Dobby was never the same again.
**End flashback**