Kitty Pryde
“Arrrrr! Yer balls really suffered at the hand’s o’ Godzilla, matey!” Foxy observed.
Dobby nodded rapidly in response. “Yes, they did! It was a dreadful experience for Dobby!”
“Certainly sounds like it was!” Harry agreed. “Who could have caused your balls any pain after that ordeal?”
“Not many people, Sirs. Except for a certain Kitty Pryde.” Said Dobby.
Harry looked at Foxy. Foxy looked at Harry. “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” The two friends of Dobby bashed their heads against the table in shock and confusion until each of them had dislodged at least two teeth.
“It can't be true!” Foxy wheezed.
“No way! You got your testicles mangled by the X-Men’s very own Kitty Pryde?!” Harry whistled through the fresh gap in his battered jaw.
“Indeed Dobby did!” Dobby gladly confirmed. “Allow Dobby to elaborate...”
**Begin flashback**
Dobby was joining the Avengers on a special get-together with the X-Men, at picturesque Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters. The two superhero teams had been planning this for a while, wanting to do a proper party ever since that disastrous Hellfire Gala from a while ago. On that occasion, everyone had forgotten what good clothes looked like, a bunch of celebrities inexplicably wormed their way in, and nothing worth reading, hearing, or experiencing in any other way happened. This time would be different though, everyone had their cool superhero suits on, there'd be plenty of things to do, and the only celebrity allowed was Dobby.
“Man, this party is so cool!” Falcon said as he drank eighty five gallons of beer in one swig. “Would be cooler if people stopped shipping me with Winter Soldier though.”
“Just kiss already!” Captain Marvel screamed as her fellow Avengers slowly backed away from her. She was completely sober, which made it even worse. Miss Marvel still cheered her on from the sidelines though, so at least someone here actually liked Carol Danvers, even if it was someone who's superpowers were just having big ugly hands and being really annoying.
Dobby took a sip of punch as he engaged with Professor X, Iron Man, and Captain America.
“So, I hear you've gotten your balls hurt recently.” The Iron Man suit stated. Tony Stark wasn't actually in the suit because he was busy being drunk and debaucherous somewhere else, so the suit was only playing a recorded message, but nobody knew that except him.
“Yes, Dobby has had his balls tortured seven times now! They were all terrible experiences Dobby doesn't wish on his worst enemy.” Dobby lamented.
Charles Xavier, being the cool bald guy that he was, read Dobby’s mind and gasped in amazement. He stretched his hands up in the air, shook around in his wheelchair, and joyfully hollered like a little boy on the world's fastest rollercoaster. “WOOOOHOOOOOWEEEHAAAAAWOOHAHAHEEHO!” He exclaimed.
“Professor, what in the name of the glorious United States of America, land of the free, home of democracy, happened?” Captain America asked, patriotically befuddled by the old mutant’s outburst.
“I have journeyed deep within Dobby’ mind. Charles explained. “He's telling the truth about what happened to his balls, but I assume he would prefer not to talk about it.”
Dobby bashfully nodded.
“Dobby, why don't you ask Kitty Pryde to show you around the school while I tell Mr Stark and the Captain all about what has happened to your balls?”
Dobby wandered through the sea of superpowered people until he recognised a brown haired girl in yellow spandex talking to a group of male superheroes in front of a big tv and video game console.
“Come on, Piotr, let's go to my room. I need someone big and hard like you.” Kitty coyly suggested to Colossus, who was fiddling away at a controller with his big metal hands.
“Silence, woman. I must win this game of Gummy Bears Mini-Golf at all costs.” The Russian mutant grunted.
Kitty facepalmed, then turned to Spider-Man.
“Peter, you can shoot your sticky white fluid all over me upstairs.”
“My gamer sense is tingling!” The wallcrawler announced as he continued to play the game, chuckling as he got a gummy-birdie.
“Johnny?” Kitty asked, rapidly losing faith. “Want to, uh, get hot and bothered?”
The Human Torch only responded with a cry of “Game on!”
Finally Kitty desperately tried her luck with Iceman. “Bobby, please tell me you want to melt inside me or something.”
“Sorry, I've canonically been gay since 2015.” Iceman apologised before returning to the magical world of Gummy Bears Mini-Golf.
“Damn it.” Kitty sighed before noticing Dobby.
“Um, excuse me?” Dobby asked. “Professor Xavier told me that you could show Dobby around the school. That is, if you've got nothing else to do, ma’am.”
“Well, since my plan of luring male heroes off to my room and draining them of their coolness so that I can be cool enough to have my own solo movie failed horrendously, sure!” Kitty answered happily. She took Dobby by the bony hand and led him down an elegant corridor covered with a thousand X symbols.
**End flashback**
“Ok, so when did the ball torture begin?” Harry questioned Dobby.
“It's coming, Sir! Just hold on a little more.” Dobby said before a fart escaped his little ass cheeks. “Dobby will just go to the toilet first.”
He then got up and walked to the boy’s bathroom, which wasn't too far away but had a sign over the door that read ‘Abandon all hope ye who enter here’, which was a bit weird. But Dobby did need to poop.
He opened the door, got into a cubicle, sat down and released the beast. Dobby honestly did not know how he could even pee after having his balls tortured so many times, Harry and Foxy hadn’t heard any more than five point three percent of his tales. He pissed loudly and lengthily, but he heard a gurgling sound beneath him. But it wasn’t from his ass.
Dobby looked down into the increasingly piss covered bowl, but suddenly a ghost flew out of the toilet and floated around him while making a terrible wailing noise. It was the spirit of a girl in Hogwarts uniform with thick framed glasses and long-ish hair who could only be…
“Moaning Myrtle?” A puzzled Dobby gawked. “What are you doing here?”
“What does it look like, you stupid little man? I’m haunting this toilet!” Myrtle hissed at him from above.
“But aren’t you supposed to haunt the toilets at Hogwarts?”
“I got bored, fuck you!” Myrtle flipped Dobby off with both her hands, which was very rude.
“Easy with the language! What did Dobby ever do to you?!”
“Don’t act so innocent! I bet you’ve had a giggle or two about ugly, irritating, Moaning Myrtle behind my back, just like everyone else!”
“No Dobby didn’t.”
“Not even a little snigger?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
There was a big awkward silence only penetrated by Dobby’s continuous stream of urine. A tumbleweed bounced along the floor, even though there was no wind and the pizzeria was located in Alaska.
“Still, fuck you.” Myrtle said before disappearing through the ceiling.
Dobby shrugged, stopped pissing, zipped up his trousers, flushed the toilet, and returned to Foxy and Harry.
“Good piss?” Foxy asked.
“It was… eventful for Dobby.” Dobby replied. “Anyway…”
**Begin flashback**
“...And that's the English classroom, there's the Punching Other Mutants room, and over there is the Danger Room.” Kitty said as her tour continued.
It had been very interesting, so Dobby was not disingenuous when he requested that Kitty show him the Danger Room in detail.
“Sure! Follow me.” Kitty said, opening the noticeably more metallic door that led into a massive room, full of ridiculously lethal looking gadgets that no school should have. Dobby was pretty sure there was even a pink dildo strapped to a nuclear bomb.
“What is this room used for, Miss Pryde?” Dobby innocently asked, hoping that none of these gizmos would go near his delicate little testicles.
“This is where we train, and while we're training all these machines will try to hurt us so we can work on dodging attacks or something. Oh, and Logan uses the room to shave his ass cheeks sometimes...” Kitty’s voice trailed off as she physically repulsed at the thought of Wolverine’s fuzzy posterior being trimmed by a gigantic chainsaw. “Canadians are so gross.”
“What does the big red button do?”
“That activates the hologram projectors and starts up a randomised danger scenario… Wait a fucking second. You pressed it, didn’t you?”
Dobby gave Kitty the most sheepishly apologetic half-smile in the universe as the silver walls dissolved into a version of Washington D.C. engulfed in flames. “Dobby may have pressed the button, Ma’am.”
“Shiiiiiit… Ok, just try not to die while I shut it off. I'm good with computers.”
“HA HA HA! GET FUCKED, X-MEN!” An evil voice laughed from an indeterminate location within the simulation as several massive Sentinel robots crashed through the White House, accompanied by screaming from President Biden. Dobby wasn’t sure how Professor Xavier had gotten his hands on such authentic audio clips of Joe Biden in distress, but he supposed it was probably one hundred percent morally justifiable and did not warrant investigation. What did warrant investigation was why the Sentinels appeared to single Dobby out and immediately began stomping on his balls and shooting lasers at them.
“KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! TURN IT OFF!” He squealed as his balls were mercilessly attacked. The pain felt very real in his testicles, even if this was supposedly just a training exercise.
“Don’t rush me! This whole situation is your fault anyway!” Kitty stropped as she typed away at the control terminal. “Come on, just shut down already, you bastard…” She grunted at the computer.
Tears rolled down Dobby’s agonised face. Why did these things always happen to him?
“Oh, stop crying! It can't be that ba-” Kitty abruptly cut herself off as she dodged a giant fist flying her way, using her powers to phase through the virtual sentinel attacking her. “Man, that was close…”
Then Kitty realised something. She had phased and solidified directly inside Dobby, fusing her and the house elf together. “HOLY SHIT!” Kitty screamed in pain like she'd never felt before. “AAAAAAAARGH!”
“NOOOOOORRRRRGHHHHHHEEEEEEEWEEEEEEENNNERERRGGGHHH!!” Dobby howled as Kitty’s leg bones and pelvic bone roughly squeezed his balls.
“ARGH! It hurts so much! Why can't I phase out of you?!” The young mutant desperately thrashed around, which inadvertently made her skeleton and muscles grind Dobby’s nuts even harder. “It's your magic, isn't it? Your stupid elf magic is stopping me from phasing! OW!”
Another sentinel came over to the suddenly conjoined duo and kicked them like a football, both of them wailing in distress as their bodies got even more messed up.
“Urghnninggernmergugg!!” Dobby choked. Kitty’s left arm was now occupying the same space as his mouth and throat. His balls were now being slammed against her rib cage.
Kitty, while trying very hard not to puke, got an idea. “That did something! If we let the sentinels hit us, maybe they'll knock us apart!” She then taunted the sentinels, calling them cucks, liberals and not based. Every single sentinel in virtual Washington looked her dead in the eye and charged towards her.
“We are based! We are not liberals! Die!” The Tri-Sentinel roared as he punched the two with all six of his big metal fists.
“Wong morm ourter bee eenuf!” Kitty dimly giggled. That last beating had resulted in Dobby’s ass cheeks becoming the new centre of her brain. “Hur hur!”
Dobby was less optimistic. “Make it stop! Please!” He screamed, unusually horrified to have his head right between a woman’s breasts. “Dobby doesn't want to be disfigured!”
And as if it was directly answering their prayers, the final sentinel fired a powerful plasma beam, which successfully ripped the two apart.
“Oh, thank fuck, it's over.” The female X-Man groaned as she clutched her pained sides. She then kicked the computer so hard that it exploded into a thousand pieces, ending the simulation for good. “And now that's over too.”
“Ooooh…” Dobby moaned on the floor. “Dobby is so glad his balls are not suffering anymore.”
As if on cue, Kitty kicked Dobby in the balls, which somehow did not also explode. “That's for pressing the button!” She then walked away from the doubled over in pain house elf, and went back to the awesome party where she continued to fail to seduce male superheroes in order to get her own solo movie.
Dobby was never the same again.
**End flashback.**