Godzilla
“Yowza! Your balls really got in trouble thanks to Sally Acorn!” Harry observed as he took another slice of pizza.
“Indeed!” Foxy nodded in agreement. “But who came next, Dobby?”
“You’ll never guess who tortured Dobby’s balls next, Sirs!” Dobby giggled. “Not in a million years!”
“Hmm, I wonder who?” Foxy puzzled, having no way of predicting what words would come out of the elf’s mouth next.
“Tell us! The suspense is killing me!” Harry happily demanded.
“Alright then! The next person to damage Dobby’s balls was none other than Godzilla!”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!” Harry and Foxy both screamed as their eyes popped out of their heads with an accompanying ‘AWOOGA!’ sound.
“No way!” Foxy gasped in awe.
“Do you really mean that you got your balls tortured by Godzilla, King of the Monsters?” Harry whispered in shock.
“Yes, Dobby does.” Dobby clarified. “It began like this…”
**Begin flashback**
Because he had gotten himself injured in the fight against Doctor Eggman, Dobby had to be airlifted to a hospital in San Francisco to recover. He had just started to relax in his bed, when he heard a loud booming noise. Then another. Then another!
He leaned out of his open window to get a better look, and accidentally fell to the pavement, balls first. Cringing from the impact, Dobby looked at the source of the noise to see a gigantic bipedal reptile lumbering towards him.
“Look! It’s Godzilla!” A random citizen yelled.
Godzilla roared at an incredible volume, so loud that every window around the behemoth shattered to pieces, the ground beneath him trembled, and Dobby nearly sharted. His dorsal fins then started glowing blue, which caused sufficient panic in the streets.
“Oh no!” Dobby gasped. “He’s charging up his atomic breath! Dobby must get out of here!”
Then Godzilla released his attack. A blinding cyan ray of concentrated radiation from his open jaws tore apart three buildings, the Twitter, Buzzfeed, and Kotaku headquarters until there was nothing but ashes and rubble left. Everyone, even Dobby, cheered and clapped because now there was no more Twitter, Buzzfeed, or Kotaku in their city.
“He’s a hero!” A woman sighed, so enraptured by Godzilla’s heroism that she dropped her baby onto the cold hard concrete below her.
A man with a big moustache and an ‘I Love Titans’ t-shirt hopped up and down in excitement. “Three cheers for Godzilla!”
“Hip hip! Hooray! Hip hip! Hooray!”
But just before everyone could give the monster a final round of applause, Godzilla used his atomic breath to melt a passing cable car and everyone onboard it into nothing but molten irradiated goo. The passengers were dead before they could even scream in pain.
“Oh, shit! Godzilla’s on a rampage!” The lady said as she ran away in fear, leaving her baby behind.
“I knew he was going to do this!” The moustached man said. His t-shirt now had its slogan crossed out in permanent marker.
“Fucker won’t take me!” The abandoned baby grunted, pulling out a rocket launcher from their soiled diapers and firing it at Godzilla. This did nothing to stop the kaiju, so the baby swore profusely and escaped in a hijacked pram.
Several fighter jets flew in at rapid speed, swarming around the massive animal in a desperate attempt to do anything against him, as he continued to stomp towards Dobby. He swatted several of the planes straight into the ground, as if they were mere insects that violently exploded upon impact with concrete, and took no notice of the barrage of missiles engulfing his chest in smoke.
A jet smashed into the pavement next to Dobby, who helplessly watched the pilot crawl out of the window, having failed to eject earlier, but he was immediately run over by a school bus fleeing the city. San Francisco was in utter chaos, and yet Dobby still couldn't move. He wanted to run away screaming in a panicked frenzy like everyone else, but his fear had anchored him to the ground. Before he even knew it, Godzilla's left foot was speeding straight towards his balls.
“SKREEEEEEEEONNGGGGGOOGGOOGAAGAAAAWAAHAAAAAAAA!!” Dobby wailed as his nutsack was cruelly stamped on by the Alpha Titan, who gave an ear splitting vocalisation of his own but his was a battle cry, not an expression of testicular pain.
**End flashback**
“Oooh!” Harry moaned. “I don't think my balls would be able to endure that!”
“Arrrr! Me neither!” Foxy shouted. “Few men can say their balls faced Godzilla’s wrath and lived, Dobby!”
The little house elf shrugged. “Dobby really isn't sure how he survived Godzilla, to be honest.”
Just before Dobby was about to continue with his story, none other than Crash Bandicoot barged his way into the pizzeria. “WOAH!” He cried before beating up a random customer.
The bandicoot punched and kicked at the man until he was bruised all over and ran away, but not before stealing his wallet and all his clothes, leaving him naked and financially endangered on the floor of the pizzeria.
Coco Bandicoot, Crash’s sister, came in next with a distraught expression. “Crash! Crash, where are you? I told you to keep taking your meds, damn it!”
“He went that way!” Harry helpfully pointed towards the window.
Coco looked at the window, which was still covered in a ton of semen after the events of chapter four. “He went into the cum?”
Harry casually smashed the glass into pieces with a magic spell, revealing Crash assaulting another dude, stealing his car, and driving away with just a “WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH!”
“Oh, I see. Thanks!” Coco jumped through the empty frame left behind after Harry broke the window, and ran after the speeding car into the distance.
Dobby was silent for a few seconds after that had just happened, but he soon perked up again. “So! As Dobby was saying…”
Dobby was interrupted for the second time, as he heard several tons of metal smashing together. Then Crash drove back to the pizzeria in a tank. “WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH!” He bellowed, then sped off onto the motorway. There were soon sounds of heavy artillery being fired and screaming civilians in the distance, as well as plenty of WOAH!-ing from Crash.
Coco ran back to the pizzeria. “Shit, looks like he REALLY didn't take his meds at all! I've gotta go give him the pills!” The blonde female bandicoot cried, then handed Foxy a little note. “Call me, you're cute.” She winked at the animatronic, then ran off to stop her crazy brother.
Foxy blushed as Harry clapped his hands joyfully. “Ooooh!! Looks like someone's got a girlfriend!”
Foxy became very flustered at the young wizard’s remark. “Arrr! It be not wise to tease an old sailor man, Harry!”
Dobby was completely unfazed by what had just happened. “As Dobby was saying…”
**Begin flashback**
Dobby moaned in agony as he lay down on the ginormous footprint Godzilla had left behind, clutching his testicles as if he expected them to fall off at any second. A short distance away, the mighty beast battled against the military, who had sent dozens of tanks, planes, and battleships to stop him. But Godzilla would not be stopped. He incinerated an entire aircraft carrier in seconds with his atomic breath, flattened several tanks under his tail, before biting a skyscraper in half.
The army slowly dispersed, realising that all they were doing was endangering themselves without standing a chance to even slow the kaiju down, leaving him free to turn back to Dobby.
“What does he want with Dobby?!” Dobby screamed in fear as the monster began to stomp towards him again.
“I know!” A nurse from the hospital, who was also Daisy Duck. “While you were unconscious at the hospital, you did a really big fart. Godzilla must have heard it and thought you were challenging him to a fight!”
Dobby turned pale and sprinted away as fast his bony little legs could take him, knowing that he could never best Godzilla in such an encounter. Godzilla roared as he noticed the house elf fleeing, and started to chase him, pushing several smaller buildings and vehicles aside in order to get to his enemy. Dobby shrieked as an entire Starbucks was almost tossed straight into him, but thankfully missed by a few feet and instead knocked over the Polygon headquarters, so nothing of value was lost.
Dobby was still in trouble, however. He fell to his knees, having thoroughly run out of breath. He wheezed and sweated profusely as he became utterly helpless before Godzilla. “No! Please… don't torture Dobby’s balls! Stay back!” He wheezed at the titan.
His pleading fell on deaf ears. Godzilla took in a deep breath of air, ignited his dorsal fins with fantastic blue energy, and blasted deadly blue light all over Dobby’s balls. “EEEEEEAAARRRRGHHHAAAGAGAGAGAGREEEEEEPEEE!!” Dobby screamed. The sensation coursing through his testicles was even worse than Scorpion’s hellfire attack, he could see that his balls were soft and glowing red in Godzilla’s beam, like molten glass.
“Dobby, there's only one way to end this! Submission!” Daisy called out to him from behind the ruins of Kotaku headquarters.
“HOW DOES DOBBY SUBMIT?! HOW?!” Dobby shrieked back, praying to every god he could think of that today was not the day his balls melted. “HOOOOOOOOOOOW?!!”
Daisy sat on the floor and had a little think. “Uh… Maybe do a fart? A non threatening one that doesn't sound like it challenges his authority?”
Dobby, although in immense pain, mustered all his strength, clenched his skinny house elf butt cheeks, and let out a simpering squeaky little fart in his final attempt to survive.
Godzilla somehow heard the pathetic butt trumpet, and immediately stopped attacking. He roared one final time, then went back to the cold, dark depths of the sea where he came from.
“Nice one, Dobby.” Daisy said, patting Dobby on the head. The house elf was too unconscious to hear her, as he had passed out from the pain his balls had suffered.
Dobby was never the same again.
**End flashback**