Lola Bunny
“Jeez!” Harry whistled. “Scorpion really didn’t hold back against your balls!”
“No he didn’t, Sir.” Dobby shuddered, as memories of scorched testicles kept replaying in his head.
“Who came next, then?” Harry inquired enthusiastically.
“Let’s see…” Dobby nebulously muttered. He thought for a little while, then snapped his fingers as he remembered. “The next person responsible for pain in Dobby’s balls was Lola Bunny!”
A man who was passing by the pizzeria from the outside spontaneously ejaculated all over the window next to Dobby and Harry’s table with a massive SPLAT at the mere mention of her name. Harry almost fell out of his chair in amazement at his tiny friend’s words. “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! Lola Bunny?! You mean to say you got your balls tortured by the Looney Tunes’, err… biggest female member?” He spluttered.
The man outside, upon hearing an additional “Lola Bunny”, cummed so hard that he was launched high into the sky by a jet of semen, then broke both his legs as he fell back to the ground.
“Yes, and also no, Master Potter. Lola didn’t really do anything to Dobby’s nuts herself, but she played a part in causing them to experience great agony.”
At the third mention of Lola, the man shot out a final blob of cum that hit a seagull passing overhead right in the face. The seagull, unable to see where it was going, flew straight into the left front wheel of a speeding car at just the right angle and the car rocketed into a truck carrying a massive tank of oil.
Ignoring the huge fiery explosion outside, Harry beamed at Dobby like a child on Christmas Day. “Oh, please tell me about it, Dobby!”
“It would be Dobby’s pleasure.”
**Begin flashback**
After a little healing magic got Dobby back on his feet after the Scorpion incident, the little house elf had somehow ended up as a reserve on the Tune Squad basketball team. The group of sporty cartoons, and the very non-cartoonish Charles Barkley were playing against the Xenomorph Warriors from Planet G-435. The team representing Earth, Dobby included, were having a little meeting before the big game in their locker room. In its entirety, the team consisted of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Charles Barkley, Dobby, Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig, and of course, Lola Bunny. Pepe Le Pew and Speedy Gonzales would have come too, but they were too busy being cancelled on Twitter by whiny zoomers and fun hating millennials.
“Ok, guys.” Bugs, the wisecracking leader, spoke up. “So I may have done some regrettable things in Space Las Vegas, rolled the dice wrong here and there, and basically if we don’t win this game the xenomorphs are gonna attack Earth and kill everyone. But we just need to beat ‘em in said game and they’ll leave us alone forever!”
Lola nodded optimistically. “Sounds simple enough!” The curvaceous young woman said.
Daffy scoffed at this. “Right. And how the thuck are we gonna win againtht a bunch of thuper fatht, thuper thtrong apex predatorth with athid blood?”
“Eh, I don’t know, Doc. Anyone got any ideas? How ‘bout you, Elmer?” Bugs asked the bald man of the team.
“WABBIT!” Elmer shouted before loading his shotgun and firing at Bugs, who casually sidestepped the blast. Daffy wasn’t so lucky, and was killed instantly, bits and pieces of his head splattering everywhere. His eyeballs landed right on Porky’s head, a chunk of his beak hit Dobby in the balls, and a decent portion of his brain would have collided with Lola if her sexy girl aura didn’t deflect it away from her.
Bugs shrugged as Daffy’s lifeless body fell down to the floor and covered it in dark red blood oozing out of the bony stump his neck had been reduced to. “Welp, looks like we’re gonna need one of the reserves.”
“Elmer, why don’t you stick to the sidelines for a while?” Charles politely suggested.
“Ok, I’ll hunt wabbits thewe.” Elmer said before wiping a smidgen of Daffy’s frontal lobe off of his forehead, and running off.
“So have you ever played basketball before, Dobby?” Mr Barkley asked the house elf.
Dobby cautiously shook his head. “Well, um, no. No, Sir.”
“Eh-bub-bub-eh-bub-bub-eh-bub-bub-eh, fuck.” Porky stuttered.
Bugs looked indifferent to Dobby’s confession. “Whatever, Lola can teach you. Basketball’s super easy, right, babe?”
Lola was caught off guard by Bugs’s remark. “Oh, well, Basketball can be played by most able bodied people but I wouldn’t say it’s-!” She began to argue.
“Yeah, exactly!” Bugs interrupted. “We’ve got thirty two minutes before the game starts. I’ll buy you something nice if you make the midget, like, twenty five percent as good as Michael Jordan.”
“You got it, Captain! When I’m done with him, he’ll be the NBA equivalent of Goku!” The busty rabbit saluted, hoping that her boyfriend would reward her with either that pretty necklace she’d been eyeing up at the mall, or tickets to Fast And Furious 99999: Cash Cow Racing.
“Awesome! I’m gonna go eat carrots, fuck with somebody dumber than me, and crossdress my way out of any trouble that I might get myself into. Charles, you go off and wonder why you’re on the team even though you haven’t professionally played this sport for over twenty years, and Porky can go tell Daffy’s parents he’s dead.”
Bugs, Charles, and Porky all left the locker room, leaving only Dobby, Lola, and Daffy’s corpse behind. The big puddle of blood that had leaked out of the duck’s fatal injury was now so widespread that it was getting hard for the two of them to keep their feet clean.
“Let’s go to the girls’ changing room. Less dead body stink and dirty slippery stuff there.” Lola said as she fiddled with her blonde fringe. Only now that he was alone with her did Dobby truly notice how well developed Lola was. Her breasts were huge, and so was her butt, to the point where her uniform looked more like a particularly skimpy swimsuit. He’d noticed before, but not like this.
Dobby was a pleasant, well mannered gentleman, so he totally did not stare even once when he was walking behind Lola, despite how her rear was jiggling so hard that it looked like it was going to burst out of her shorts at any second.
Once in the girls’ changing room, Lola suddenly cornered Dobby against one of the lockers, bent over so that she was at eye level with the elf and licked her lips. “So, are you ready for a little one-on-one training? Ready to become more of a man? Give me a little pre-game stimulation perhaps?” She asked, placing her arms behind him and ignoring how the way she was positioned over Dobby put her giant bunny boobies in danger of popping out of the tight confines of her already heavily strained sports bra. “Is that what you want?”
Dobby blushed. He could not help saying yes to her in this situation.
“Good. In that case… Drop and give me twenty!” Lola commanded.
“Oh.” Dobby disappointedly sighed.
“Well I know we could start with more leg focused exercises first, but upper body strength is important in basketball! You’ll be doing a lot of throws.” Lola wisely explained as she opened the locker behind Dobby, revealing a training ball. “Once we’ve warmed up, I’ll teach you some basic techniques, then you can try ‘em against me. We can do this, Dobby!”
**End flashback**
“Huh. I thought the testicle mangling would have happened there!” Harry said.
“Dobby wishes something more than that could have happened in the changing room… But Lola Bunny is happy in her current relationship.” The house elf lamented. “Dobby’s balls didn’t suffer until the game had started.”
Harry nibbled on a delicious slice of hot, cheesy pizza. “Oh, right! That makes more sense.”
As the fire outside began to spread closer to the pizzeria, the two friends both took polite sips from their drinks, oblivious to the raging inferno.
“So, um, not to sound like a pervert or anything…” Harry hesitantly inquired. “But, uh, how big were they?”
Dobby munched on a pizza crust before responding. “How big were what, Sir?”
“Her, well, her… You know.” Harry said, gesturing towards his chest.
Dobby stared at Harry with a puzzled look on his face.
Harry sighed, not wanting to ask this question in public like this, but seeing no other way. “Lola’s tits. How big were they?”
“Oh!” Dobby realised what his dear chum had been getting at. “Massive. Bigger than Dobby’s head. Positively gargantuan.”
In response to this information about Lola’s chest being discussed, the guy outside who had broken his legs let loose a mighty tsunami of sperm that completely extinguished the approaching flames, saving the lives of everyone in the building before dying of overexertion.
“Anyway, on with the story…”
**Begin flashback**
After a hurried, yet determined training session with Lola, it was time to play the game to determine Earth’s future. Dobby briefly mused at how this was the second time this week that he had been involved in a competition that had enough power to decide who could take over his home planet, but this time the danger was no con manufactured by Fred and George, it was all real.
The Tune Squad assembled on the basketball court, which was in a massive stadium filled with people and aliens too.
“WABBIT!” Elmer Fudd screamed at Bugs, and attempted to shoot him again.
Bugs merely flicked Elmer’s gun away from him. “I’m not a rabbit, Doc. Kim Jong Un’s a rabbit, maybe try him.”
“Ok! I’m gonna hunt Kim Jong Un.” Elmer said before running away again, this time to the nearest airport so he could book a flight to North Korea.
“Ok, now that’s dealt with, what’s the game plan here? Anyone feel smarter than Mr Fudd?” Bugs asked his team.
Charles Barkley spoke up. “We get the ball, we throw it good, and we slam dunk. Then we win.”
Porky was very impressed. “Oh my g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g- lord! He’s a genius!”
Bugs nodded as if he knew exactly what Charles was going to say. “Why do you think I got an ex-NBA dude on the team? Other than to sell merch, obviously. Xenomorphs won’t know what hit ‘em.”
“I don’t know, guys. They look pretty tough.” Lola said, while pointing to their opponents as they made their entrance. The five heavily armoured aliens charged on to court and hissed at the people around them menacingly. One of them grabbed a nearby spectator, ripped him to shreds, and ate him.
“What a bunch of pansies.” Bugs confidently asserted. “We’re totally gonna kick their asses!”
The referee waddled to the centre of the court with a basketball. “Now fellas. And girl. I want a good clean game of-!” He began before one of the xenomorphs grabbed him and stabbed him to death with its tail.
“Eh, I guess that means we start playing!” Bugs decided, before running to the ball and picking it up. “Porky! Lola! Lame pig big ass formation!”
“Got it!” The two obeyed as Lola got closer to Bugs, while Porky ran past the xenomorphs, towards their hoop.
Bugs threw the ball at Lola, who jumped up and bounced the ball off her backside in Porky’s direction. When she did this, her chubby butt cheeks rippled so much on impact with the orange sphere that several men and women in the audience bled to death out of their noses. Once Lola’s lewd maneuver was complete, Porky caught the ball, dribbled it towards the hoop, then threw it into the net, earning the Tune Squad the first point of the game.
Dobby was about to celebrate, but was distracted by a member of the opposing team crouching down, opening its mouth, then biting Dobby’s scrotum with its inner jaw with enough force to bend titanium. “YAAAAAAWWEEEEEEOOOOOOHHHHGH!!” Dobby squealed.
Things weren’t looking so good for the Tune Squad after that. The aliens were seriously skilled, even giving Barkley a run for his money. They were also way stronger and agile than the Earth dwelling players were. Dobby spent most of the game in pain because of the Xenomorphs. They spat acid at his groin, they stung his genitals with their spiked tails, and they kicked him in the crotch relentlessly as well. Dobby was really hoping a referee would intervene soon, but the last one had been killed by the xenomorphs, so it was unlikely.
But this did not mean the Tune Squad was failing, they were catching up to aliens pretty well, and after a super cool technique Bugs and Charles did, which involved paint, riot hoses, and several small firearms, the team was only one point away from winning the game.
Unfortunately so was the other team. After half time was over, it was going to be all or nothing.
Bugs spoke up first. “Alright, we need a new plan if we’re going to win, so I came up with one. I stole the ball while no one was looking, and I’ve created a fake ball that one of us can climb inside and control. Only snag is, their body has to be sufficiently bouncy or they won’t be compatible with the ball.”
“I can do that!” Lola volunteered. Nobody on the team other than Bugs objected, considering certain parts of her body had been bouncing up and down for the entire game.
“Hold it! We need to check if your assets are aerodynamic enough.” Bugs said. He walked up to Lola and grabbed her breasts. First he gave them a tight squeeze, then moved them around, first vertically, then horizontally, diagonally, and then squeezed them again. “Hmm. Very nice. Very nice indeed, but they’re too squishy. We need something a little more firm.”
Lola looked over each member of the Tune Squad while Bugs happily continued to fondle her giant rabbit milkers. “Oh, I know!” She suddenly went over to Dobby, and crouched down to investigate his nuts. It was a bit difficult to fully examine them with Bugs’ hands all over her chest, but she flicked them, pinched, prodded, and twisted them as Dobby winced in discomfort. “Guys, I think Dobby should go in the fake ball! His balls are super bouncy, and I can tell they’ve been hardened by the fires of war! They’re way better than my silly little boobies!”
“All right then.” Dobby hesitantly said. “If it wins us the game and saves the world, Dobby will do it!”
“Perfect!” Bugs cried. He gave Lola’s big lagomorph honkers one more squeeze, promised to return to them after the game, then guided Dobby to an orange spherical contraption. It had a tiny circular door that Dobby could easily climb into. Once inside, he was surrounded by walls of the same color, but could see a little screen showing him a frontal view of the outside world. He sat down, but as soon as he did that, he felt his balls fall into a slot, and a locking mechanism clamped shut around them.“Um, Bugs? Are Dobby’s balls meant to be in a slot? They feel like they’re outside the ball!”
“That’s the plan! The bounciest part goes on the outside!” Bugs confirmed. “Looks like half time’s over now, so we’d better get out there!”
Dobby immediately regretted participating in the plan as the game started up again. Bugs had reached him first, but accidentally chucked him and his balls straight into a puddle of acid that one of the Xenomorphs had bled out earlier in the game. “AAAAAAAAGOOOOOWEEEEEWOOOO!!” Dobby shrieked in terror, as the corrosive liquid splashed all over his testicles and began painfully melting away the skin.
Porky quickly got his hands on the ball, just before one of the aliens could lunge at it. The pig yelled out Lola’s name before passing it to her, then he screamed “E-E-E-EA-E- SUCK MY PORCINE DICK, YOU ALIEN FREAKS!”
Dobby quickly got to work, putting his hands on the ball’s joystick and piloting it away from the second Xenomorph Warrior before he could catch it. His spherical craft landed in Lola’s beyond sizable cleavage, and the house elf’s monitor was filled with the bunny girl’s friendly smile as well as overboob. “Nice work, Dobby! I’m gonna pass you to Charles Barkley now. We’re counting on you!” She cheered before launching Dobby towards the enemies’ hoop at breakneck speed through the power of big titty propulsion.
Dobby flew the ball over the heads of the confused aliens and straight into the right hand of Charles, who grinned proudly at his friend. “Excellent! We’ve got this game in the bag now, but I have to end it on my own terms. Get that seatbelt on, Dobby!” Barkley explained as he performed such an incredibly powerful leap that he and the house elf had left Earth’s atmosphere before anyone in the stadium could blink.
“WAIT! THIS BALL DOESN’T HAVE A SEATBELT!!” Dobby shouted.
“TIME FOR THE MOTHER OF ALL DUNKS! OOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAH!!” Charles Barkley roared as he began his descent. Dobby couldn’t even bring himself to scream as the overwhelming torment his balls felt as they experienced reentry took hold.
And then, Charles came crashing down from the heavens and slammed Dobby and the ball through the hoop in a fantastic explosion that made the Tsar Bomba look like a baby squirrel’s weakest fart. And of course, Dobby was sent into the epicentre of the impact of this mighty dunk, testicles first.
“Oooooooh… Dobby’s balls…” Dobby whined before fainting. The Tune Squad looked around them, seeing no stadium, only a smoking crater. Not even the xenomorphs had survived the blast.
“Alright, we won!” Lola triumphantly declared. “Thank you, Dobby!”
“That was am-am-am-am-ama- spectacular!” Porky oinked.
“Couldn’t have done it without you, little man.” Charles Barkley humbly told Dobby’s unconscious body.
“Yeah, that was pretty cool!” Bugs admitted, before immediately going back to groping his girlfriend, who giggled in response. “Now I can go gambling in space without any negative repercussions! After we’ve gone to Daffy’s funeral of course. And after I’ve got Lola’s bra off.”
Elmer Fudd didn’t say anything because he was too busy hunting Kim Jong Un.
Dobby was never the same again.
**End flashback**