Chapter 18
Ada-Beth was back in her childhood home, and everything was just as she remembered. Mother and Father were distant, her brothers never home, and silence prevailed. She was locked in her room as normal and occupied herself by reorganising her few possessions again and again when there was pounding on her door, startling her into dropping her shoes. Just as she stood up, Draco burst into the room, closely followed by her father.
“Elizabeth! Help!” Draco shouted. Father grabbed Draco and pointed his wand at him.
“I’ll teach you what happens to intruders!” Father snarled and drew breath to curse Draco.
“Father, wait please! He’s a friend from school!” Ada-Beth screamed.
“You have no friends, and no one would ever want to be your friend.” Father said coldly. “Stop lying or you’re next.”
“Please, Father. I promise he’s my friend. He’s taking care of me with his mother and father and they love me. Please don’t hurt him.” she sobbed and tried to run towards them.
She soon realised her feet were glued to the floor and her father laughed at her. He held his wand to Draco’s head and she watched him slump to the ground, lifeless. Then she realised that lying next to him was the rest of her found family. Blaise, Aunt Cissa, Lucius, they were all there lying next to Draco as her father came to tower above her.
“You will never have a family who will love you. You’re pathetic and weak and disgusting. No one could ever care about you.” he sneered and pushed her to her knees in front of him. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
She sobbed until she couldn’t breath as her father walked away and then was finally able to jerk herself free of the floor and fell forward… right into the cold wood floor of her room at the malfoy manor. She didn’t even register the pain of falling as she curled up into a tight ball and sobbed into her knees. Even knowing that it had just been a dream couldn’t console her or relieve her fear.
Lucius had heard the monitor alarm go off from his study and stood to go grab Ada-Beth. He hadn’t seen her all morning and was hoping that after her nap she might be in a slightly better mood. He really couldn’t blame the child for being grumpy, though. She had gone through so much change in just a week. Musing over this he pushed open her door and immediately paused.
Ada-Beth was curled up on the floor beside her bed gasping for breath between sobs and hadn’t even registered him coming in. As soon as he took all this in, he rushed to her and picked her up, holding her to his chest and trying to calm her. He realised, upon picking her up however, that at some point she had wet herself and her night gown was wet.
“Picolina, hush now. I’m here and it will be alright.” he whispered a quick cleaning and drying spell and rubbed her back.
She clutched his robes and shuddered out a breath before continuing to cry.
“Shhhh, you gotta breathe okay? Match my breaths.”
He began to breathe deeply as she tried to match with him, praising her with every shuddered inhale and heavy exhale until she was calmer. Tears were still running down her face but she was breathing again and more aware of her surroundings.
“There you go my child.” he said softly and moved to sit down in the rocking chair. “What's got you all upset?”
“I had an awful, awful dream.” she hiccuped out.
“Oh love, I’m so sorry. It must have been terrible to put you in such a state. Would you like to talk about it?”
“Draco and my father and he killed him and all of you too and I couldn’t do anything and I’m disgusting and pathetic and weak and now one could ever love me ever.” she wailed again and Lucius held her tightly.
“That all sounds awful but just a dream. See, none of that is true! We are all still alive and here, and most importantly, you are NOT any of those things. You are strong, lovely, and smart, and so many other wonderful things! You mustn't believe lies about yourself, Picolina. You simply mustn't!”
Ada-Beth just sobbed again and Lucius rocked her, waiting for her to cry herself out. While he sat there, soothing her, he recalled again how she had wet herself at some point during her nightmare. He wondered if it had happened before or if this was a new development. Eventually, she ran out of tears and was boneless against Lucius' side.
“That’s better now, Piccolina. I bet you’ve worn yourself out with all that crying. Are you hungry at all?”
Ada-Beth just barely nodded her head against his chest. He summoned a house elf and asked for one of the sweetened bottles that they had pre-prepared. She didn’t protest a bit to having the nipple pushed into her mouth and began sucking without prompting. The motion must have been soothing because before long, her eyes started to droop again and then finally close. He kept rocking, soaking up the time and contact with his niece. After so long searching for her, and then the fright of losing her again, he still almost couldn’t believe that she was here, in his arms. He looked at her face, with features so similar to his own and smoothed back her hair, a perfect replica of her mothers and felt his own tears trying to escape. He refused to let them, though. They could fall later, with his wife, but right now he just wanted to be wholly there for his little Elizabeth. At some point he must have fallen asleep because he woke up to Ada squirming in his arms. Her eyes met his and got really big, as she realised she woke him up.
“I’m sorry!” She squeaked. “I have to go to the bathroom though so would you mind setting me down?”
“Of course,” Luscius said and released his hold on her. “When you’re done though I have a question for you.”
She was already halfway across the room by the time he finished speaking but he saw her nod her answer. He waited patiently for her, and when she came out she was slightly pink but came back to stand in front of him.
“You have a question?” she prompted.
“Yes, I do. Now I don’t mean to embarrass you but during your night terror you wet yourself. Does that happen often?” he asked and carefully watched her face.
The colour drained from her face, she blushed bright red, and then she went white again. She didn’t try to run but did hide her face in her hands.
“I’m so so sorry. It doesn't happen very often anymore but…. but…” She tried to continue but couldn’t and shook her head vehemently.
“Hey, it's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me and I won't think any less of you, or judge you, or be angry with you.” Lucius promised gently, and pulled her back into his lap. “Would it be easier to tell me if you weren't looking at my face?”
Elizabeth thought about it for a moment and then slowly nodded her head. She looked across the room, fixed her gaze to a spot on the wall, and took a dap breath in.
“My parents never potty trained me, and the house elves changed my diapers, but when I was seven I potty trained myself, except I would get locked into my room for long periods of time if we had company over or if I did something wrong so I had a very hard time controlling my bladder and it got better when I was at Hogwarts because I could go whenever I wanted but sometimes at night I still wet because I sleep so deeply or because I’ve waited to long in my sleep and so I wake up and can’t make it to the bathroom but I’m really good at cleaning spells so no ones ever found out until just now. I am so so sorry and it won't ever happen again” she spoke this as quickly as possible and all in one breath.
At the end, she turned and buried her face in Lucius' shoulder and he rubbed her back as he took a moment to comprehend her deluge of words. His immediate reaction was anger at her adoptive parents but as soon as he realised she was shaking, his anger melted and was replaced by a deep sadness for the little girl before him. For she was, he realised now, just a little girl still. A very damaged one two, who had never been loved as she deserved and needed that love very desperately now.
“I am very proud of you for telling me, Piccolina. That was a very brave thing for you to do and I’m glad you feel safe enough to tell me that. I am also very sad though, not because of you, but because of the people who adopted you. I want you to know that you will never, ever, receive any sort of malice, or neglect, or hatred in this house or from this family. I swear it. You are a beautiful, wonderful, brave, kind, and deeply intelligent child and you deserve the world and then some. I love you very much.” As he spoke these last few words, he hugged her tightly and held her like that for a few moments.
After a couple seconds he realised she was crying again but when he pulled back to see her face, she was smiling.
“No one’s actually ever told me that they love me.” She whispered. “But you love me and I know you meant it… I could feel that you meant it and it felt so warm and nice. I’ve never felt like that before.”
Lucius was crying now too and hugged her tightly again. He truthfully never wanted to let her leave his arms. He wanted to be able to protect her from everything out in the world. He knew he wouldn’t be able to forever but for now he could and so he would. She certainly had no objections, snuggling closer to him even as he tried to hold her closer. He gently rocked her back and forth, watching her soft and sweet little face slowly relax. She looked the happiest he had seen her since she arrived. Certainly a far cry from the trepidation and anxiety she wore across her face when she first met them at the train station. He knew there would still be some hard days but was pretty sure they had just turned a corner for the better.
Ada-Beth snuggled close to Uncle Lucius, relishing in the warmth and strength of his arms. She’d never felt loved before but she was pretty sure this was it. She’d never been looked at in such an adoring way, or held so gently and closely, or even held at all by someone besides Draco or Blaise, and even they had only been around her for a couple weeks. And no one had ever, ever told her they loved her before and meant it. Her parents occasionally had said the words when they were with company but there was no warmth behind their eyes or emotion in their face besides indifference. When she was little she had pretended that they meant it but feeling it for real was so much better than any sort of pretend. She was perfectly content to curl up here for as long as Uncle Lucius allowed her too.
They stayed this way for another half hour, until the dinner bell chimed. Ada very grudgingly squirmed out of her uncle’s warm embrace and shivered slightly at the chilly floor on her feet. She wished she had a pair of nice thick socks right about now. Uncle Lucius stood and stretched, smiling warmly at his niece. She shivered again and he quickly noticed that her poor tiny feet were bare. He grimaced, knowing all too well how cold the floors were at this time of year.
“Let's find you a pair of socks,” he said, and steered her towards the wardrobe. “There’s bound to be some in here, Your Aunt Cissy would have made sure of that.”
Sure enough, one of the drawers was full of thick wool socks in just about every colour and length. Ada-Beth quickly grabbed a long pair of grey socks and pulled them on, relishing the almost immediate warmth. They were surprisingly soft and cushy too, she loved them.
“Ready?” Lucuis asked.
Beth nodded and held her arms up for Lucius to pick her up. She didn’t mind all the childish rules so much after the past hour. Initially she felt like they were made specifically to punish and humiliate her. After thinking about it while snuggling with her uncle, however, she realised that they were rules put in place to care for her. She’d never been cared enough about to have rules for her good before… It was actually really nice. She’d been left to do everything on her own for too long. It was time to allow someone else to step in.
Lucius was more than pleased when she reached for him. He would never pass up an opportunity to hold this sweet child in front of him. She buried her face in his shoulder with a small hum of contentment. It was so soft and pure that he couldn’t help the smile that broke out across his face. The boys and Cissy were already at the table by the time he got there, but had patiently waited for the other two before starting the meal, a great feat considering the appetite of teen age boys. Narcissa sent her husband a knowing look, taking in the dopey smile on his face and the way Beth comfortably leaned into him.
Once everyone was settled, the meal started and Beth didn’t protest being fed at all. She was content for now, being taken care of like this. The food was delicious too, which helped. She had always loved a good pot roast. After dinner, the boys became very restless prompting Beth to look at them curiously. Something was up with them but she hadn’t the foggiest idea what. Narcissa and Lucius seemed to be in on it too, though they were more modest in their excitement.
“What's going on?” she finally asked.
They all looked at each other before looking at her. She squirmed slightly but didn’t hide like her instinct told her to. She was safe here, she reminded herself.
“Well, do you want to be told or do you want to see for yourself?” Lucius finally asked.
“Um, see?” she said nervously.
“If everyone is done with dinner, I suppose we can go now.” Narcissa said and primly dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin.
The boys shot straight up and Narcissa laughed. Lucius picked Ada up again and she clung tightly but didn’t hide her face, instead looking out ahead of her. Her uncle gently rubbed her back, trying to help her relax but he figured it would be quicker just to show her what was going on. The family moved from the dining room, out to the front parlour. They all paused at the door to make Beth close her eyes before continuing in.
“All right Ada, you can open your eyes now!” Draco said excitedly.
Beth did and immediately gasped. The room looked like it had come straight from a child’s Christmas dream! There were paper snowflakes draped about the room, soft light orbs cast a warm glow over the room, and holly and evergreen boughs were artfully placed on the mantle, around door frames and the windows. A Christmas tree stood in the corner ready to be decorated and a fire was roaring in the fireplace. There were even stockings hung on the mantle. She’d never had her own stocking before!
“Do you like it?” Blaise asked.
She just nodded mutely, eyes shining in wonder.
“Good,” Narcissa said with satisfaction. “Now let's get this tree decorated and the Christmas Holiday underway!”
Under Narcissa’s careful direction, the tree was soon beautifully decorated. A house elf had bought eggnog for the family and they sipped on it while admiring their handiwork. Beth let herself be cuddled into Narcissa’s side and her aunt felt a glow of warmth from the action. After talking for a while, Beth began to grow sleepy again.
“Are you ready for bed, Ada-Beth?” Narcissa asked softly.
“Yes please, and if you’d like, it's just Elizabth or Beth now. Ada-beth is kind of a mouthful and I never liked my name to begin with.
Blaise snorted at her honesty. He hadn’t particularly fought the name Ada fit her either so
He wasn’t going to argue. No one apparently was.
“All right Beth, Narcissa said warmly. Let's go to bed then.”
Lucius scooped her up again and they followed Aunt Narcissa up the stairs. Ada was more than content. She was completely blissed out. As far as she was concerned, the past couple hours had been absolutely perfect. She wasn’t even aware that she was humming a christmas carol until Uncle Lucius joined in, his chest rumbling.
“All right Picolina, before bed I think we should talk super quick okay?” He said when they reached her room.
She nodded and let him place her on her bed, as he and Narcissa sat on either side of her.
“I am so proud of how brave you were for sharing what you did with me earlier, do you mind if I fill your aunt Cissy in? Or would you rather do it yourself.”
“Um, I can do it. You mean the incident right?” She asked and he nodded. “Okay, um, I have accidents at night sometimes, not as often anymore but especially during night terrors or when I’m really really tired and I had one today, I’m so sorry!”
“Oh slow down, kiddo. It's okay, you don't need to apologise.” Cissy said kindly. “It’s okay that that happens. Have you always had accidents like that or is it a recent thing?”
“Always.” she said softly. “My other parents didn’t bother potty training me so I didn't learn until I was seven. I never really got full control of it.”
“That is completely okay. Now there's a few ways we can go about helping you with this okay?” the mediwitch in Narcissa taking over. “First, we can have a house elf wake you up during the night to go to the bathroom. We can obviously limit your fluid intake before bed, but you’re still taking a nutrient bottle at night so we can’t completely remove liquids. The last thing I’ll suggest may be a bit out of your comfort zone but it's still an option on the table, okay? We can also use a nappy or nappy-pants. That option means we don't have to wake you up every night and also protects you in the event of a night terror. It's totally up to you though!”
Beth sat quietly for a long while, playing with her nightgown. After about twenty minutes, though, she made a decision.
“I’ll try the nappy pants.” She whispered. “I’ve tried the alarm method myself and it doesn’t work great.”
Narcissa hugged her niece tightly and kissed the top of her head. “That's so incredibly brave of you!” She said proudly.
Lucius also kissed her head then gently squeezed her hand and bid her good night, leaving her in his wife’s capable hands.
“I’ve got a couple options here, let me summon them okay?”
Beth nodded before a question struck her. “Why do you have options here?”
“Oh, well Draco started having night terrors during second summer home and also wet himself during the night. They didn’t last long, thank Merlin, and I overstocked. You’re about the size he was then so this will work wonderfully. I will warn you, nappy pants don’t hold quite as much as nappies. We’ll see how the next few nights go and then evaluate, okay?”
“Okay.” Beth said.
She watched the box her aunt summoned fly into the room with some trepidation. She was embarrassed but also knew she was more embarrassed when she wet herself so she really didn’t have a choice. The box landed gently in front of her and she bent over slightly to peer inside. The nappy pants were thankfully plain and not overly childish. Aunt Narcissa hadn’t been kidding when she said that she overstocked.
“Do you want a bath tonight?” Narcissa asked.
“No thank you.” Beth politely responded.
“How about I at least braid your hair back then? It's a bit of a mess right now from your nap. Your Uncle Lucius forgot to have you brush it.”
Beth nodded and sat down below her aunt, not at all minding the fact that she had to put off trying the nappy pants just a few minutes longer. Aunt Cissy’s hands were gentle and quick as she brushed and plaited Beth’s hair back into two neat french plaits. When she was done, she secured them with two blue ribbons to match her nightgown and patted her cheek.
“All right sweetheart, it's time for bed. Go on and use the toilet then put on your pants and climb into bed. I’ll fetch the boys so that they can say goodnight.”
Ada did as she was told, brushing her teeth for good measure. As she stood there, she carefully considered the feeling of the nappy pants. They definitely didn’t feel like her normal pants but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as she had expected. She looked in the mirror to see if it was noticeable under her nightgown and was relieved to see that it was not. She jumped when she heard a knock on her bedroom door and hurried out. Narcissa was folding down her quilt while Draco drew her curtain closed.
“Were you warm enough last night?” Aunt Cissy asked.
“I was a little cold, ma’am.” Beth said, fidgeting by the bathroom door.
“I wondered about that, I’ll add an extra quilt tonight. Ready to hop on in?”
Beth nodded and padded over to her bed. She slid in as Narcissa held the covers up for her. When she was settled, with the quilt snugly pulled up to her chin. She was just wondering where Blaise was when he slipped into the room. He was holding something behind his back but she didn't get a chance to ask what it was before Draco had stolen her attention away. He had settled on the end of her bed and was crushing her feet.
“Draco,” she whined. “You’re hurting me! Get off please!”
“Sorry love, didn’t see your feet there.” he said and hurriedly stood up.
She glared at him half heartedly and smiled sheepishly.
“Come on boys, time to say good night.” Aunt Cissy said soothingly.
“Night Beth,” Draco said and kissed her head. “Sleep well.”
“Good night Elizabeth,” Blaise followed. “Sleep well dear.”
Blaise tucked a teddy bear into her arms as he squeezed her hand and left before she could say anything about it. Beth looked up at her aunt curiously and she smiled sweetly.
“That was his teddy when he was a first year. I didn’t realise he still had after all these years. He must really love you and trust you to give you that.”
Beth blushed and held the bear a little tighter.
“Good night, my dear. See you in the morning.” Narcissa said and gently caressed the side of her niece's face with the back of her hand.
Beth closed her eyes, listening to her aunt’s steps fade away and the door close. Once it had, a soft wizarding lullaby started playing and Elizabeth smiled, knowing the boys had remembered their earlier conversation.