Prove It
August 1976
“Are you coming to the Potters?” Marlene asked.
Lily sat up and massaged her tired feet, she’d stayed late at the dance studio last night. Too late. The McKinnons had all been asleep again when she’d returned home.
It was easier to ignore the screams, the flash of green light that now seemed to live at the edge of her vision, when she was concentrating on her steps. Ballet was the distraction that she needed from the memory of what that curse had felt like, but she wasn’t sure that she could convince her feet to step into her pointe shoes again today.
“So I can just sit around with James while you and Sirius go off for a shag–” Lily broke off as Nicole opened the bedroom door. That hardly seemed an appropriate conversation for Marlene’s eleven year old sister to hear.
“Shut up.” Marlene muttered, aiming a pillow at Lily. “We haven’t, actually.”
“Haven’t what?” Nicole asked, looking between the two older girls.
“Mind your own business.” Marlene snapped. “So are you coming?” She asked again.
“Coming where?” Nicole asked, flopping down on to Lily’s bed – well, her own bed really – and narrowly missing Lily’s feet.
“The Potters.” Lily said, though at Marlene’s glare she realised that perhaps maybe she shouldn’t have.
“Can I come?” Nicole asked, sitting up excitedly.
“No, Jeremy is off work today, you can stay here with him.” Marlene said, and Nicole threw the pillow back at her. Lily didn’t think the eldest McKinnon child was that bad, but she suppose that he wasn’t her brother.
“I’ve looked after you all week, Dad said I don’t have to today.” Marlene protested, getting up and holding out a hand to pull Lily to her feet. Lily took it before realising that it was an agreement to spend the afternoon with James. “Mrs Potter is cooking dinner for us all tonight, you’ll be coming over later with Mum and Dad anyway.”
“I don’t need looking after.” Nicole whined, and Lily shot her an apologetic look as they left.
Lily was still considering staying with Nicole even as she spoke the Potters address into the fireplace. She steadied herself against the stone when she’d stopped spinning, and stepped out quickly so that Marlene wouldn’t crash into her.
“Lily!” James said suddenly, taking his feet off the coffee table. “This is a nice surprise–”
“Put the kettle on, Jamie.” Marlene instructed, dusting soot off her clothes and flopping down onto the sofa beside him. “Where’s Sirius to?”
“Where’s he to?” James grinned. “Thought you lived in London now?” Marlene shoved him. “You know where the kitchen is, make it yourself.” James said, shoving her back. “And do us one too.”
“I’ll do it.” Sirius said, poking his head around the living room door. This moved Marlene pretty quickly, and she followed him out.
“Don’t you dare have sex on the counter!” James called out. “Don’t worry, Mum and Dad are out.” He added, catching Lily’s eye as she folded herself carefully into the armchair.
As Lily suspected, as soon as Sirius had brought their drinks in, the two of them disappeared up to his bedroom.
“You don’t mind me being here do you?” She asked him, though she was sure that she already knew the answer.
“Course not.” James said very quickly, turning slightly red at his own eagerness. “It’ll be nice to have someone to talk to, might have to drown them out if they get loud.”
“You’re alright with them together then?” Lily asked, Marlene always talked about James like he was her brother, and Lily could see why James had attached himself so completely to the McKinnon siblings, it must be incredibly lonely to grow up an only child. Petunia was awful, but even arguing with her was better than nothing. Lily had spent so much time starting fights with her, it was preferable to the aching silence.
“Well, he’s a vast improvement from her previous boyfriend.” James muttered darkly. Lily glanced at him, wondering if he knew more than she did or less. She imagined more, Marlene probably told him everything. “Anyway, Sirius is one of the best people I know–”
Lily snorted, was that why he spent so much time hexing random students?
“He’s heroic.” She muttered sarcastically, staring into the now empty fireplace. Even as she said it, though, she knew that she was being harsh. She’d seen the gentler side of Sirius, just as she’d seen the gentler side of James.
“Stop it, Evans.” James said quickly. “He’s a better person than you give him credit for. And he’s been through a lot… you don’t know the half of it… I mean it, Lily,” she resisted the temptation to look at him, but this was always harder to do when he used her first name. “That’s why he’s sometimes so… so…”
“Is that your excuse too? We’ve all been through a lot, Potter.” Lily said, it came out colder than she’d intended it to. James had watched a man die, was that why he was so quick to lash out at other students? Well, mostly Severus…
She hadn’t felt the need to hex everyone in sight.
“I’ve changed, I swear. You were right, I was acting no better than Snivellus.” James said, she could feel his eyes on her but she didn’t dare meet them.
“You’re going to have to prove it.” It was one thing him saying that, but she had years of witnessing him act like a bullying prick – it conflicted horribly what she knew to be true, that he was good, and kind and brave.
“I will… Hang on, what do you mean we’ve all been through a lot?” James asked, moving from the sofa to sit on the coffee table in front of her. “I knew there was something up with you the other morning–” He muttered. “What happened?”
Lily turned to look at him; it was a mistake. His hazel eyes bored into her green ones, and she suddenly found it very hard to swallow.
She could tell him… James would understand. But she knew for sure that he would overreact, she wasn’t sure which she wanted less, his pity or his anger… not anger at her of course, but anger in general, anger at the Death Eaters that had hurt her, anger at those who bought the shit Voldemort was selling, anger that would get him hurt.
James cared about her, more than she really liked admitting to herself – it made her chest flutter painfully when she did – and it was going to get him hurt.
“Nothing happened.” Lily said forcing her lips into a smile. She was sure that she hadn’t quite been able to reach a convincing level of confidence.