Chapter 14
Tina decided that what she really needed was a week of lying on the beach to leave her year behind. When the opportunity came, as soon as they were dismissed from their last media conference, she booked two plane tickets and made one big suitcase for her and Bette.
They really needed a break from the madness that the last couple of months had represented.
In retrospective, she was grateful for how the public had reacted. She knew they had a devoted fan base, but she also understood that as much as they loved them as a couple, they were also always eager to know more, to dig deeper to find some gossip. When she turned pale as a vampire in the middle of that freaking Linda Holster interview, though, her fans built an online barrier around her that protected her from every intruding journalist and paparazzi. They had flooded social media with pictures and stories about Emma and Laura, memes and ridiculous videos, so every time someone would search her name, they would find that and not the interview.
She responded to such kindness with an old picture of her and Bette when they were younger that her girlfriend had found on her computer, and a silly message that said something along the lines of “whatever happened between us is not anybody’s business”. Fans went crazy (the hashtag #BabyTibette trended for three days in a row and their publicists were thrilled) but ultimately, they left them alone. Tina felt pretty pleased with herself.
So now they were laying on some unknown Spanish beach, spending everyday under the sun and every night tangled in one another, enjoying a little apartment that Bette had found online that was miles away from the nearest city. This feels like paradise, was the most persistent thought in Tina’s head.
“How do you feel about going to some fancy restaurant tonight, for a change?” Bette asked, breaking her train of thought.
She was laying on a towel on the sand right in front of her, her perfect body exposed to her eyes like a work of art in a museum. It was hard to form any coherent thought with such a sight, let alone think of putting any kind of clothes on to go to a restaurant.
“I say sure, but I wouldn’t mind staying here and fuck all night”, she replied nonchalantly.
Bette put her glasses up and smiled at her, a red blush spreading on her cheeks.
“Tina Kennard!” She exclaimed, laughing. The sound was as delicious as the sight. “You’re back at it again with the dirty talk. You know you don’t even need it.”
The brunette got up and started walking her way, swinging her hips a little bit more than usual.
“I know”, Tina responded, looking directly and shamelessly at the other woman’s boobs. “But I like it.”
Bette finally got to where she was sitting and sat on her lap, both of her long legs around Tina’s body. She traced the blonde’s face, her cheekbones and her jaw with her long fingers, slowly, finally dropping one digit into Tina’s mouth. Without wasting a second, Tina sucked on it, circling her tongue around it, looking directly into Bette’s eyes.
The brunette got down slowly, taking her lips on hers, kissing her with a practiced rhythm. She then pulled away just briefly, before starting to leave a trail of wet kisses on Tina’s face until she reached her ear.
“If you like it so much” she whispered hotly, her voice merely audible, “then tell me what you wanna do with me.” She pulled back, looking at the blonde in the eyes, and Tina felt a shiver down her spine at the fire she saw in her girlfriend’s pupils.
She tightened her grip on Bette’s hips, digging her nails there.
“I want to fuck you” she whispered back hungrily, the sound of the waves almost covering her words. “I want to lay you on the sand and eat you out until you can’t even use your legs anymore” she remarked every word with a brushing of her fingertips over the brunette’s burning skin. The little moans she received as a response were everything she needed to keep going. “And once I’m done, I want to lick every part of your body and fuck you with my fingers until you come undone, and I want you to ride my hand in the middle of the sea as if it was that red dildo you rode last night in bed.” She took a fistful of Bette’s hair and pulled it down, revealing the other woman’s neck. She traced that freshly exposed skin with her tongue before adding “and when you can take it anymore, I want to start all over again, but this time inside, so I can sit on your face.”
That night they didn’t make it to any restaurant, but Tina went to sleep satisfied, all her promises fulfilled.
-
“Baby, refill my cup, please” Bette asked from the kitchen counter, while Tina walked behind her.
The blonde took the glass cup from her girlfriend’s hand and filled it back up with the red wine they were sharing. She also picked up the food they had bought earlier: some Spanish ham, cheese and bread that made Tina feel like she should just pick her passport and go live in Spain.
“Here you have, pretty girl” she said while placing a kiss on Bette’s neck.
Bette smiled softly, holding Tina’s head in place with one hand, cupping her face before turning around a kissing her. The life I deserve, Tina thought.
“I love how tanned you got” Bette said, letting go of her mouth. “You look so, so beautiful.”
“Oh, thank you” she responded, putting the food down on the table and reaching for her chair. “Summer looks good on us, I’d say.”
“This kind of summer”, the brunette clarified. “Summer in L.A. might be the only thing in the world that can drive me insane.”
“I think I used to have that ability, too” Tina joked, sipping her wine. Her girlfriend looked at her, trying to decipher whether she was joking or not.
“You kind of did” she admitted. “But I did everything in my power to bother you, too. So, we balanced each other out.”
Tina took a second to process what the other woman was saying. She was right, of course. They both had tried to be as insufferable as possible with one another for years, but in reality, she had never given Bette a chance. Like Helena had once told her, she was quite charming and sweet to everyone else on set, so maybe the fact that she had been so passive-aggressive towards Bette at the beginning had set up their working relationship to the disaster that they were at the beginning of the seventh season’s filming.
“I’m sorry” she said, finally. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, but what I mean now is that I’m sorry for how I treated you ever since I got into set. You deserved a chance to, I don’t know, say something before I just started to act like a jerk. I’m sorry for not giving it to you.”
Bette’s eyes softened at her words, a look of pure love filling her face.
“That’s okay, T. You resented me. And, to be honest, now that I know the whole story, I deserved the cold shoulder. I walked away from that fucking play and I just… kept living my life. I went to college and did my thing, and thought of you often, but my life was pretty much the same as before.”
“I appreciate you trying to take the blame, I really do, baby. What I did was still wrong, and we both know it” Tina replied. “And by that time, I had already healed, and I didn’t resent you that much. I just didn’t know how to deal with everything you made me feel, and everything you reminded me of. It was hard going to work every day and having this walking reminder of the worst time of my life.”
Bette took a minute to collect her thoughts before admitting:
“You were pretty harsh with me, yeah” she nodded. “I still remember the first time I ever saw you on set. You were wearing that white T-shirt you still have, you know which one? The one that has a knitted collar.”
Tina smiled at the memory.
“Yeah, I remember. I spent an hour choosing that outfit.”
“And you looked so pretty” Bette continued. “Claire had told me that I was going to meet a new actress, because Emma was going to have a lesbian romance in that season. I was thrilled, because, you know, finally I had a gay character. I knew they had already cast someone, but I didn’t bother asking, ‘cause I would’ve been fine with anyone. But then I saw you, and it was like… I don’t even know how to describe it.”
Tina paused for a second, taking a sip from her wine before speaking. She had thought plenty of times about that first day at work, and everything that unfolded after it, but she felt like she had never been quite honest with herself about everything she had felt back then. Putting everything into words now, that she had been completely disarmed by Bette in every possible way, was a challenging task for her pride.
“I remember too.” She started, cautiously. “You looked so almighty around that set, and everyone kissed the ground you walked on. I knew you would remember me, of course, but I also knew that I was the new girl in town with nothing on my résumé to back me for such a role in a huge show. I couldn’t handle everything at the same time. So, you know, I did the same thing I did back then: I took it all out on you. I was so unfair, that’s what I’m sorry for.”
From across the table, she could see Bette’s glossy eyes, shining with some unshed tears. Tina knew, objectively, that she had done the best she could with all the shit she had been given to handle in her life. She just wished she hadn’t been so hard with the person she knew, now, she had always loved.
“That’s okay. It’s in the past now” Bette said, reaching out to hold her hand. “But I accept the apology, and I’m glad we can talk about this stuff. It’s not like I backed down or tried to de-escalate, right? And by the time you came into the show, I still hadn’t even apologized for outing you in that stupid play.”
“I never apologized for ghosting you in the first place” Tina admitted, too. “And I’m sorry for that too. I feel so stupid now” she laughed, a sincere laugh that had taken her years of therapy and inner work to find. “Robert and Louisa knew about you and about my sexuality from the first time they ever asked me about it. It’s obvious to me now, but back then I still hoped that they had no idea. So, I just thought, you know, ‘I get away from Bette, I find some random boy, and everything will just work itself out’. When I told my Aunt about all of this she just told me that, in the end, you outing me like that was a blessing, because if you didn’t then maybe I would’ve lived a lie my whole life. I’m not sure about it, but now that I see everything my life has turned into, I know I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Bette kissed her hands, a single tear finally rolling down her cheek.
“I get it, my love. But you’ve been through so much pain. It’s not fair.” She got up from her chair and went to hug Tina from behind, her arms circling her waist. She left a feather-like kiss on her neck before asking, with a lighter tone. “I’ve always had this question on my mind, tho. I just want you to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth!”
Tina could sense the mood of her girlfriend shifting, all the seriousness they had just shared left behind to a playful tone.
“Shoot me, babe.”
“Why did you even audition for Dupont and Associates? I’m sure you knew I was the leading actress.” Bette was smiling wide, but there was a clear and genuine curiosity behind her question.
“Isn’t it obvious, honey? I couldn’t get away from you” Tina joked, laughing. “Just joking. I never auditioned for the show, baby.” She admitted, finally. “Irene saw one of my films and she called my agent. At the beginning I refused, but ultimately it was the biggest opportunity of my career”.
Bette opened her eyes, surprised.
“You didn’t even audition? What the hell! That’s rock star behavior.”
“Nope. Irene saw my pretty face and thought it would look good next to yours. And she was right.” Tina said, a smug smirk on her face.
Bette laughed loudly at the comment.
“Of course she was” she said, still laughing. “I’ll thank her lately for her good eye.”
“Oh, I thank her every night when I go to sleep” Tina said, turning around and wrapping her arms around the other woman’s neck. “In my mind” she clarified, planting kisses all over Bette’s face.
The brunette kissed her deeply, pushing their bodies together. Tina tasted the wine, the balm her girl was using to hydrate her lips after the long journeys in the sun, the salt of the sea that still lingered on her skin. Bette always had a way of overwhelming all her senses, of making her feel full of everything she ever needed.
She made her feel brave, too.
“I love you” she whispered, her voice so soft it was almost inaudible, “and I think I've loved you my whole life”.
Bette looked at her in the eyes, smiling once again. She looked so pretty Tina thought she was hallucinating.
“I've loved you all of mine, baby” the brunette replied, kissing her. “So, so much”.