mamma mia and table dancing
the cheekiest boys
(2:48pm)
the light of your lives: guys
im bored
when is the next party
sexy stag: pads…
we’ve gone out these past three weeks
aren’t you drained mate?
the light of your lives: yeah im drained
doing nothing has drained me
i need to recharge by going out
worm boy: your logic on that concept is completely flipped sirius
how you passed your a-levels still baffles me
the light of your lives: passed them with flying colors pete
remember that
the next time you want to question my intelligence
n e wayz
party ?? when ??
worm boy: I think alice was talking about some soiree at franks
sexy stag: PETER
WHY WOULD YOU MENTION THAT
I TOLD YOU THAT IN CASE SIRIUS FOUND OUT WE COULD DISUADE HIM
The light of your lives: YUHHHHHH
TEXTING FRANK RIGHT NOW
also “soiree” pete, are you a grandad?
worm boy: ohhhhh
that’s why you mentioned it
soiree is in right now sirius
The light of your lives: THEY READ IT
THEY’RE TYPING
sexy stag: wormtail i am going to
idk what im gonna do
but it is not going to be nice
the light of your lives: THEY SAID YES
PARTY AT TEN BITCHES BE READY
sexy stag: peter you’re our dd
peter: pfft okay
is that my something “not nice”
saving me a hangover james, i should be thanking you
sexy stag: oh shut up peter
wait that sounded mean, i’m sorry
i didn’t mean it
worm boy: its okay mate
i knew you were teasing
sexy stag: oh
oh, okay good
cant have you mad at me pete
the light of your lives: yeah okay
back to me and the party
what should I wear
sexy stag: clothes, I hope
the light of your lives: mmmm, we’ll see
I’ll think about it
have to get to my studio sesh
later losers <33
worm boy: later padfoot
sexy stag: bye pads
pete, up for a little mario kart
worm boy: omw
beauties and a beast
(3:17pm)
mars bar: hi my favorite people in the entire world whom i love with my whole body, mind and soul <3333
lilypad: hmmmmm
rem job: i agree
hmmmmm
she’s up to something
lilypad: hi marls…
what’s up…
mars bar: so i actually wanted to ask if you guys were free tonight ??
wait, im talking to english majors
of course you guys are free
lilypad: hey!
being an english major has its hardships as well
rem job: i mean…
not really
mars bar: HA!
lilypad: remus !! come on now.
rem job: ANYWAY
why are you asking if we’re free ?
mars bar: thank you remus, yes
back to tonight
frank is having a party tonight at 10:00 and has invited us to get our drink on
rem job: gross, never say that again
but im down
haven’t seen frank and alice in a while
lilypad: me neither, i miss them
mars bar: so is that a yes??!!
lilypad: it’s a yes
rem job: yeah sounds good marls
mars bar: YAYYYYY !!
gotta admit I was expecting some resistance
you guys folded pretty quick, are you okay ?
especially you remus, you never go out
rem job: tough week
s’okay, im ready to get absolutely PISSED at franks
lilypad: as you should babes
me and marls will help you unwind
mars bar: of course
what kind of friends would we be if we didn’t help fuel your early onset alcoholism ???
lilypad: exactly
all the best writers were drunks
hemingway, faulkner
mars bar: todd
lilypad: todd?? which author is todd?
mars bar: anna todd
rem job: ANNA TODD ??!?!??
the harry styles obsessor ??!?!?!
lilypad: marlene I know you did not use her as an example
mars bar: what???
no one could’ve written that sober
rem job: DMVKDFJBNJVCDK
lilypad: what’s scary is that you’re definitely right marls
mars bar: i know i am
when am i ever wrong ?
don’t answer that
lilypad: oh well, lets see
there was that time that you mistook this poor unsuspecting person for remus and started rambling about your lady cycles while walking side by side with them for about three blocks before you realized it wasn’t remus
rem job: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO
mars bar: I SAID DON’T ANSWER
AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
WHO ELSE HAS A JUMPER WITH RIDICULOUS PATTERNS AND DRAB COLORS????
rem job: okay… OUCH????
my jumpers are NOT drab
…
are they ??
lilypad: …
mars bar: …
lilypad: let’s move on shall we????
mars bar: yes, yes, let’s
rem job: you guys are the worst
lilypad: but you still love us
right re??
[rem job has left the group]
mars bar: LMFAOOO NO WAY
NO WAY HE IS THAT PRESSED OVER JUMPERS
OUR LITTLE JUMPER WEARING GRANDAD
lilypad: HAHSJKSOEWFUH
STOP ITTTTT
im adding him back, we have to compose ourselves
Mars bar: okay okay im done
bring the grandad back in
[lilypad added rem job to the chat]
lilypad: remus we were just kidding
we love your jumpers
mars bar: yes, they’re very…
you
rem job: fine
i’ll accept it i guess
convo change
for this party, can we invite other people?
mars bar: i don’t see why not
i could ask frank just in case
lilypad: who were you going to invite re?
mars bar: yeah all of your friends are in this gc
rem job: just this girl dorcas from my intro to comp class
we’ve had like three classes together this term and barely realized it
she’s pretty cool, i think you guys will like her
and i have other friends, don’t think so high and mighty of yourselves
mars bar: frank said it’s okay!
they’ve invited people who are bringing other people
lilypad: oh yeah remus ?
name two other friends right now
quickly
rem job: my buddy holden and malone white
mars bar: literally who are those people, you’ve NEVER mentioned them ???
lilypad: oh no
rem job: HOLDEN DEEZ NUTZ AND MALONE WHITE DICK IN YOUR MOUTH
GOT EEEEEEEEEMMM
mars bar: NO
NO WAY
lilypad: it was too easy marls
even I saw it coming
rem job: can’t believe that worked
lilypad: Malone white dick in your mouth ???
mars bar: that one was gross and kind of lesbophobic ngl
rem job: forgive me my lesbian goddess
‘twas not my intention
I just had to annihilate you with that joke
mars bar: its okay remus
I won’t like the white dick in my mouth but I know you will ;)
lilypad: SKFKAKFJKBEIBJW YOU DID NOT HAHAHAHAHA😭😭😭
rem job: I mean ur not wrong
lilypad: anyway…….
praying for alice and frank
their flat is going to be trashed methinks
mars bar: party hosts must bear the consequences of their own actions
rem job: alice did tell me once how soothing she found cleaning up the aftermath of a party
said it was like putting the finishing touches of a successful get together
mars bar: how…sweet??
lilypad: i don’t think i will ever completely understand alice
mars bar: i think she’d appreciate that
okay besties, I have to go
just wanted to make sure that I invite you guys to the party so we can vibe and get drunk and possibly eat ridiculously greasy street food after?
lilypad: sounds like a plan marls
meet at ours at 9:30???
rem job: sounds good lils
mars bar: see you then besties
dress nice !!!!
no drab jumpers!!
rem job: you want me to leave this gc again huh ?
mars bar: love you lupin <33
two beauties and a beast
(12:48am)
Lilypad: wellbeing check
Can’t find you guys in the crowd, frank wasn’t lying when they said about the invites
How is everyone
mars bar: m goo d
littlew tipsee
lilypad: misspelling of words
you’re about three more rounds in, mckinnon you lightweight
mars bar: sounddds sexcuall
ar yu finallly cominf onto me lilee
lilypad: hmmm
maybe four rounds
hows Dorcas, I gotta add her soon, shes great.
mars bar: she ss next go me, we’re vibinf
Jesuss, shes so prettye
Fank u remu
Lilypad: lupin, youre awfully quiet
how you holding up?
lilypad: remus??
rem job: DOING GREAT LILY
REAL GOOD
FEEL LIKE DANCING
WHO HAS AUX
I WANT TO SEE IF THEY’LL PLAY MAMMA MIA
lilypad: oh no,
Mamma mia means you’re like 9 rounds in
mars bar: reemux yu littlew minx
9 round s /??
I ghought guys coulndt last thattl long
goos fo r u
rem job: NICE AUX BLOKE SAID HE’D PLAY DANCING QUEEN
GONNA FIND A TABLE TO DANCE ON
lilypad: oh sweet jesus
the cheekiest boys
(1:13am)
the light of your lives: Y’S DANCING QUEEN PLAYINNGG
JAMIE WAS THIS UR DOING
sexy stag: yes it was
some bloke was very persistent about it
had to oblige
the light of your lives: wbos thst dancing onth e tabke
doind a good jonb
th e jumperrr is kindaa h ot
worm boy: james, sirius Is drooling
like some kind of dog
just staring at the table dancer
sexy stag: I know I can see him from across the room 😭😭😭
close your mouth pads, you’re gonna let the flies in
the light of your lives: n o! hes so hto
I wanfr to dancew ith him
gonan dio it
sexy stag: gonna fall off and bash ur head in pads
worm boy: PRONGS HE LEFT
HE ESCAPED MY GRIP
the light of your lives: just…
let’s just see how this turns out
lilypad created groupchat 2
lilypad added rem job, mars bar, and Dorcas
(8:32am)
lilypad: good morning everyone
how we feelin
rem job: like shit
it’s 8 in the goddamn morning why are u awake rn
mars bars: fucking lilibeth
psychopath behavior fr
dorcas: she had like two drinks, I think shes fine
rem job: DORCASSSSSSSS
lilypad: hey Dorcas, welcome to our demented group
mars bars: hi
hi dorcas
how d
how do you feel
dorcas: gm everyone :)
and I feel okay, drank a lot but I know how to handle it
unlike you marls ;)
two beauties and a beast
(8:38am)
mars bar: omg
is she…
is she flirting with me ?????????
rem job: im seeing blurry and typing based off of core memory and hoping its right
I literally could not tell you
lilypad: I mean she was really friendly when we met last night
Its probably just her
mars bar: you guys suck
why won’tyou agree with me and let me live my lesbian fantasy
groupchat 2
(8:40am)
dorcas: quick question tho
whos couch am I on, doesn’t feel like mine
lilypad: oh that’d be mine and remus’
thought itd be safer to keep you lot here so we could get through our collective hangovers
mars bar: oh so shes speaking french now
saying “we”
dorcas: LMAOSKFJIOS
rem job: don’t say “we” as if ur feeling the same stuff marls and I are, Lilibeth
lilypad: sorry im just better than you guys
AND THAT’S NOT MY NAME
dorcas: okay so who cooks in this bitch
im hungry
I wanna guess remus
mars bar: AHAHAHHAHA
LILY DID YOU HEAR TJIS
lilypad: YES I DID SKJEIJFCJS
THAT’S THE BEST THING IVE HEARD
rem job: 😐😐😐
you done ?
mars bar: LAUGHING THIS HARF SHOULD BE ILLEGAL WHEN IM THIS HUNGOVER
dorcas: so I gather he doesn’t..cook
rem job: no I don’t cook
everytime I try, I ruin it somehow
marls bar: this man burned WATER
WATER
Lilypad: LIKE HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?!?!??
never let him step foot inside a kitchen ever since that fateful night
mars bar: but to answer your question cas
I cook ackshully
dorcas: ahh I see
so she’s pretty and she can cook
mars bar: hehehe
that’s me I guess :)))
two beauties and a beast
(8:57am)
rem job: ??? that’s me I guess ???
lilypad: cas ???
mars bar: SHE MAKES ME NERVOUS OKAY ????
but omg isn’t she def flirting with me
she wants this blonde baddie to be her wife so bad 😫😫😫
rem job: …
lilypad: yeah… anyways
groupchat 2
(9:02)
rem job: since marls is
As CAS so eloquently put it
the one who “cooks in this bitch”
I say she makes us breakfast
dorcas: I second that
lilypad: thirds
mars bar: fine, but itll just be toast bc I don’t think I can stomach even looking at food rn
rem job: s’okay, we have some spreads and jams in the pantry
mars bar: ahhh bisexuals and their strange needs for spreads
lilypad: hey hey hey don’t diss the spreads
rem job: why are we having this convo over the phone when we are all in the same space rn
dorcas: Ive been wondering the same thing…
Its so lonely on this couch (really comfy btw)
mars bar: on my way !!!!!!
rem job: wow
lilypad: someone’s excited
dorcas: making room for u rn marley !!!!
rem job: me and lils are going also
wheres the excitement for us ???
mars bar: wow that’s such great news 😐
me and cas cant wait 😐
bring some aspirin pls :))
the cheekiest boys
(9:37am)
the light of your lives: uggggghhh
my head is THROBBING
who let me drink that much
sexy stag: sirius….
we tried to stop you countless amount of times..
worm boy: when we had to leave you stomped your foot like a CHILD and POUTED
the light of your lives: oh
inch resting
I forgor
Why do I have this massive bruise on my big beautiful body
worm boy: coulda just ended the sentence after “bruise”😐
The light of your lives: no its my duty as the hottest in this friend group to remind you of my beauty 😍😍
N e wayz, the bruise ??????
sexy stag: OH YEAH !!
I HAVE TO SHOW YOU
you have to watch this pads, it’s the funniest thing
sexy stag sent a video
the light of your lives: no way…
I FELL OFF A GODDAMN TABLE ??
worm boy: YA YOU DID HAAHAHAH
THAT’S SUCH A GOOD VIDEO JAMES
REMEMBERING THAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
sexy stag: I KNOW!!1
the light of your lives: WHY DID NONE OF YOU HELP ME ?!?!?!?
sexy stag: oh no way
don’t start that shit pads
me and pete tried to get you down for ten minutes before you threw your empty cup at us
worm boy: I got vodka in my eye Sirius 😐😐
the light of your lives: my sincerest apologies, my wormy boy pete
I was simply, in the moment
dancing on a table next to quite literally, the most beautiful person ive ever seen
after me ofc
sexy stag: hey🙁
worm boy: hey🙁
the light of your lives: and you two ig 🙄
no but im being me rn
so pretty
pls tell me I got his number or married him or sum
sexy stag: not to be the bearer of bad news
but you did neither :/
the light of your lives: youre kidding ?!!??
BUT WHY NOT??????
worm boy: you fell off the table and he left
laughing might I add
sexy stag: I mean we were ALL laughing
even you pads
the light of your lives: yeah I laugh a lot when im drunk
but you know what that means
we just gotta keep going to falices parties 😼
worm boy: oh god NO
not unless you fall off of more tables
the light of your lives: we have too!!!!
I have to dance mamma mia with that beautiful stranger again
swear we’re soulmates
sexy stag: pads we’re not going to every party just bc you might see the mystery table dancer again
he probably goes to the same school
the light of your lives: THE SCHOOL
SO TRUE PRONGS
I CAN CHECK THE UNI’S IG
SEE IF I CAN FIND HIM
Sexy stag: sirius no
that’s not what I meant 😭
worm boy: how are you even going to accomplish that
it’s gonna be a waste of time fr
the light of our lives: wormtail, who am I if not dedicated ????
i WILL find him
ill follow him and then boom we’ll be in love
worm boy: hmm…
im scared to ask if you mean follow him on ig or follow him in real life…
the light of our lives: ehh
whichever occurs first
sexy stag: padfoot youre absolutely mental
if only you put this much work into school
worm boy: yeah or cleaning up after yourself
imagine how much different our lives would be
sexy stag: it’d truly be a sight to see
the light of your lives: ha ha 😐
yall done ????
sexy stag: never
we’re never done with you
anyways bruvs
im STARVED
worm tail: same here
fancy some maccies ?
the light of your lives: that shit sounds so good rn but idk if I can keep it down
worm tail: tough 😐
james since we were responsible
fancy some breakfast ??
sexy stag: already tying my shoes
the light of your lives: rude
you guys are being really homophobic rn 😐
sexy stag: im literally pan ??
worm boy: im ace, sirius 🥱
the light of your lives: damn, that usually works
fuck you guys then
worm boy: fine, get ready then
but youre paying, bloody git
you better not throw up in my car sirius
the light of your lives: already waiting in the living room :)))