Chapter 1
"Albright, Eric"
"GRYFFINDOR"
...
"Hurst, Lionel"
"SLYTHERIN"
...
"Lestrange, Caelum"
"GRYFFINDOR"
"NOOOOOOOO"
...
"Weasley, Percy"
"GRYFFINDOR"
"Wood, Oliver"
"GRYFFINDOR"
Caelum Lestrange is a grumpy storm cloud sandwiched between Eric "asshole" Albright and Percy "tattletale" Weasley. (In the near future, he will come up with a better pet name for Eric: All-dim.)
(Bill and Charlie have already declared pairing Caelum and Percy together as best friends through any means necessary as their first semester project. This doesn't strictly succeed, but they don't regret the results.)
Caelum and Eric are s w o r n enemies at first sight. this will never get better
Leo identifies Caelum as a potential issue, being socially and politically aware of both of their precarious situations. Leo is okay in slytherin bc snape will protecc the smol potions child, and the Hursts, while Light leaning, are technically Neutral. Caelum is legit gonna die as soon as Bella finds out he's not a snek. he is not A Fan. SO: the Plan(tm), is that Leo thinks the best survival tactic for Caelum is for him to pretend to be in slytherin, aka, make all the right connections, not die from his mother's hands, etc. this means that Leo basically clothes and room swaps w Caelum during non-class hours.
Percy is Not A Fan And Will Tell Bill That There Is A Snake In The Lion's Den Please Leave. Albright supports his campaign loudly and causes Percy to reconsider. Leo argues that He Is A Lion Bc His Name Is Lionel
Caelum spends most of his evenings in the dungeons w a tie that isnt his trying to convince prof Snape that he should be moved to Slytherin for his own safety, but ofc he doesn't word it like that, more like "oh i'm such a credit to whichever house im in, it would really be a shame if gryffindor had such a fantastic student such as myself and slytherin missed out on PRIME legacy material..."
Snape is half exhausted beyond belief, half annoyed, half worried for caelum's life at home, and half too tired to do any math gd shut up smol child get out of my office go do ur hw
(also plz note that snape is legit 26 yrs old. he just finished mylenating and has no idea how to be an adult. he swears that he will not pull a bruce wayne and adopt every dark haired blue eyed child w a tragic backstory he will not--)