Year 6
During the summer Terry wrote letters, and Seamus wrote back. His father complained that their home started to look like a nature reserve with all the owls swarming about.
Seamus' mother thought it was sweet. They talked about Terry visiting but never seemed to find the right time, and before they knew it, summer had ended.
Seamus couldn’t recall ever feeling so nervous about stepping up to the platform on 9¾. Well perhaps as a first year.
He looked around on the familiar faces and eventually found Dean.
“Hi! Have you seen Terry?” he said and Dean’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. The grin on his face said it all.
“ Hi Dean, how was your summer? I missed you ” Dean said mockingly but still aided his friend in looking around.
“I think he just boarded up front,” Dean said, benefiting greatly from his height. Seamus’ envied that. “Come on, let’s catch up with him!”
They tumbled into the train and started maneuvering through excited first years who stood vibrating with excess energy in the hallways. A few cried, accompanied by friendly prefects who had kneeled down to their level to comfort them.
When they passed a compartment housing Ginny, Luna and Neville, Dean halted.
“I’ll catch up with you later!” he shouted at Seamus’ who kept sprinting down the carriage. Seamus’ glimpsed back in time to see Dean swooping Ginny up in a kiss that truly said: lovers reunited. Seamus’ smiled and kept going. He wanted that too.
However when he reached Terry’s compartment, he froze. Staring at him as he struggled to lift up his trunk to the top shelves. Seamus just stared, finally recognizing he was out of breath. The train shook as it slowly started leaving the station. Students rushed past and bumped into Seamus as they desperately wanted to wave their families off one last time. Seamus’ almost lost his balance. Then Terry finally looked up and saw him.
“Hi” Seamus’ sad breathilly. Terry smiled and pulled him into the compartment. They kissed until Michael showed up, giggling as they were interrupted. Then they talked, trying to include Michael as best they could but eventually he gave up and left to find some other friends who didn’t half ignore him. Then they could make out again.
Before they knew it they rolled into Hogsmeade station, having to rush getting dressed into their robes. Seamus usually looked like he had thrown on his uniform anyway, for Terry it was a new look and he kept adjusting and retying his tie the entire carriage ride.
They never really discussed it, but they were boyfriends. Seamus’ wasn’t sure since when but that’s what they were.
Having to part for the entrance ceremony was torture and again Seamus’ envied Dean and Ginny, but not for the usual reasons. No, it had more to do with dating someone in their own house. Seeing Terry sitting a few tables down and not being able to walk up to him was so unfair.
Dean liked Terry, he was great for Seamus’ and as they were now all coupled up they hung out almost every day. Which meant Dean only ever saw Seamus alone when they were going to bed at night. Just like when they were children, Seamus’ and Dean were still inseparable. Only now there were always other people between them.
They double dated a lot, but when Ginny wanted time alone with her friends Dean had to hang out with Terry and Seamus’ as a pair. It was sort of strange, usually there would always be time for just Dean and Seamus but Terry didn’t seem to ever want alone time.
Dean wasn’t sure that was entirely healthy really…
Still he liked Terry, he was nice. Dean just didn’t get him half the time.
“Don’t I have the most beautiful boyfriend ever?” Seamus’ beamed as Dean approached. He was laying with his head in Terry’s lap. Looking effortless with half his buttons undone, a simple white shirt peeking out underneath and his tie hanging loosely by his shoulders. Terry was picking flowers and placed them in Seamus’ hair. Seamus’ laughed. Dean rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, he’s… sure” Dean said and laughed as he sat down. He picked up some of the flowers as well but instead of gently placing them anywhere he threw them straight at Seamus, some landed on Terry who looked a little annoyed. A serious crease formed between his eyes which it usually did when Dean was around.
Seamus however looked surprised before bursting out in roaring laughter. He grabbed handfuls of flowers and grass and threw them at Dean as well. He sat up and threw his whole body after, wrestling his best friend down.
Dean laughed, Terry smiled a little stifly but said nothing. Seamus seemed to notice, always acutely aware of Terry’s every mood. Seemingly terrified to not upset him. Again, Dean thought it didn’t seem entirely healthy.
“Are you feeling left out?” Seamus said loudly and started wrestling Terry as well, only with kisses this time. Terry shrieked and laughed and Dean once more felt a bit like a third wheel, feeling heavy and uncomfortable with a growing hardness in his chest. He said nothing, just picked at some grass and looked up to the sky. Mostly to avoid looking at his friend locking lips with his boyfriend on the courtyard.
When they finally came up for air, looking dishevelled, the courtyard had filled with students.
“Where did all these people come from?” Seamus asked bewildered, completely unaware that he had lost complete track of his surroundings, including Dean.
“Well, it’s around noon so first years are coming back up from herbology while the third-” Terry started, rationalizing why so many students ventured here right now. About to probably get into detail about how free periods tended to align for students at this time, but Dean thought that was the boring answer so he quickly interrupted.
“Well, my Seamus brings all the boys to the yard” he said grinning.
Seamus laughed until he couldn’t breathe and gripped at his sides.
“Please, continue. sing it!” he said and started singing along as well.
Replacing milkshake with Seamus and singing until they couldn’t anymore, because of laughter.
Terry looked unamused.
“It’s funny cause Dean calls me milkshake, and the original lyrics-” Seamus started but Terry interrupted.
“I know the lyrics, I know the nickname,” he said.
Usually wizards didn’t understand the joke, but Terry who was also mixed caught on fast, he just didn’t think it was funny.
“Sorry Señor Cadbury, my boyfriend doesn't like it when you make fun of my whiteness” Seamus grinned and wrapped an arm around Terry who looked increasingly more annoyed.
“Me cago en dios...He’s not even Spanish,” Terry said and glared at Dean, even though it was Seamus who had said it.
“Sorry” Seamus said and removed his arm from Terry, holding his hands up apologetically. At least Terry had the decency to look regretful.
“No it’s fine, I just… feel a little left out of the joke”
Seamus moved in carefully, slowly like he expected to be rejected. waiting for Terry’s consent as he gave him a soft peck on the lips. Terry closed his eyes and accepted it, smiling shyly.
“I’m sorry” Seamus’ said. Dean almost rolled his eyes again.
“It’s just an inside joke” Dean said, “You and Michael must have them”
“I get it, sorry, I guess I overreacted” Terry said and smiled stiffly towards Dean.
“But don’t you guys think it’s… a bit racist?”
Both Seamus and Dean looked a bit taken aback. Dean stared in bewilderment, he leaned back furrowing his brow. Trying to make sense of being called racist as a black man. He opened his mouth but shut it again.
“What?” he finally got out.
“the whole milk and chocolate thing… isn’t that kind of racist?”
Dean chuckled.
“I wouldn’t call just any black guy chocolate, but Dean’s my mate” Seamus said, desperate to defend himself.
“I’m fine with it” Dean said and crossed his arms.
“I get that it’s your thing, but from an outsider's perspective have you ever considered the problems with belittling your ethnicity?” Terry said and looked between the two friends, who in turn started to look uncomfortable.
“You’re basically comparing yourselves to inanimate objects” Terry tried again.
Dean hated these kinds of talks. Also Terry didn’t know more about his friendship with Seamus than he did so why was he acting like it?
“I really don’t think it’s as big a problem as you make it out to be” Dean said exasperated, just wishing for the conversation to end.
“I think you’re too smart for us Terry” Seamus said, pulling jokingly at Terry’s ravenclaw tie. They dropped it, Seamus and Terry kissed again and Dean made no effort to stop them. He felt it though, that feeling again, that he wanted to tear them apart.
“Why is he always with him?” Dean complained as he pulled Ginny close to his chest. Absentmindedly combing his finger through her hair as he kept ranting.
“Doesn’t he trust him to be alone, with me of all people?”
Ginny mumbled something and sat up, pulling away. She moved and seated herself on the other corner of the sofa.
“What?” he said and sat up too.
“I don’t really feel like cuddling while you’re all mad”
“Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop” he said, a moment of silence.
“I just don’t like how possessive he is, I don’t think he even likes me”
“I’m sorry, how possessive he is?” Ginny said and laughed cruelly. Something she only did when she was annoyed. He must’ve really made her angry this time. He knew the right thing to do was to step back and make it right with her. Still he couldn’t stop talking.
“What's that supposed to mean?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. Actually he was kinda done with adjusting to her moods, which had been prissier and prissier since they came back from summer break.
“I don’t want to fight” she said instead and picked up her cup of tea. Sipping it slowly.
“You never wanna do anything” Dean said, feeling dejected.
Ginny sighed loudly.
“You’re sabotaging them on purpose, you get that right?” Ginny said and gave him a pointed look. Dean gaped, feeling extremely offended.
“I am not, why would I?”
she didn’t answer, just blew steadily on her tea and sipped it again before changing the subject.
“Dean… do you think we’re a good couple?” she asked.
“I think we used to be” Dean mumbled, leaning back against the sofa again, refusing to meet her eyes. Feeling less than chipper about being accused of sabotaging his best friend's relationship and then not even getting an explanation. He knew Ginny well enough to know it was no use to pry though, it would just shut her off more.
“I’m not sure we were” she said.
He didn’t like where this was going. He had sensed it for a long time though, Ginny was done with him.
“So what, you want to break up?” he muttered, she sighed again, more annoyed than despondently.
“I don’t want to, but I think we have to”
This made him sit up entirely, reaching for her hand half expecting her to pull away. She didn’t. Just looked at him tiredly. she squeezed his hand and sipped her tea again with her free one. He kind of got the sense it was no use arguing. This was the end of them, it was a long time coming and they had probably waited too long to end it too. Hopefully he could at least salvage some sort of friendship.
“Why aren’t you sure we ever were a good couple?” Dean asked, releasing her hand. He stayed seated right next to her though.
“I couldn’t compete with him” she said, Dean looked confused.
“I was never actually sure you weren’t just dating me because I reminded you of him”
“Who, what are you talking about?”
“Seamus”
Dean leaned back, looking shocked.
“That’s what I meant when I said you’re sabotaging them” Ginny looked at him now, so intently it was impossible to look away “you’re not even aware you’re doing it”
He spluttered nonsense, trying to find the right word to argue. Why would he sabotage them, just because he was a bit jealous about having to share his best friend? Okay, so maybe he was. Why would he sabotage them for it? and why would his girlfriend feel like he compared the two? It was ridiculous.
“You’re not making sense” he said, hating how defensive he sounded.
“You’re in love with him Dean”
Dean stared at her, suddenly feeling immensely sad for some reason. Confused, surprised maybe? Cold, like someone had dumped a bucket of ice over him. Dean wasn’t even sure he knew what love felt like, why would Ginny think he was in love with someone else? With Seamus of all people.
“I love him like a brother, I just want what’s best for him” Dean said, his throat felt dry and there was a prickling sensation over his skin, like he wanted to crawl out of it.
“Keep telling yourself that”
Eventually they managed to be friends, it took some tense months but eventually…
Dean pointedly never thought about what Ginny had told him, not until he got comfortable enough to ask her why she even thought that. She proceeded to tell him about things she shouldn’t even know. Things she couldn’t possibly know if she hadn’t seen them together in their dorms, when they were alone.
“Neville told me” she said pointedly.
“Neville?” he asked.
“He’s my best friend, he tells me things that he thinks I deserve to know”
Dean couldn’t help feeling a bit betrayed by his classmate, but it was overshadowed with the baffling thought that Neville Longbottom was apparently Ginny Weasley’s best friend? Ginny could read his expressions like an open book.
“ He’s my best friend” she assured him.
They were walking to the great hall together, having exited their common room at the same time they figured they were on good enough terms to keep company.
“Why?” Dean said, regretting how mean it sounded.
“I spent my entire first year possessed, when I came out of it all my classmates were already grouped up” she said. Making Dean feel guilty for even asking.
“No one felt like letting the weird possessed girl into their groups, luckily Neville was lonely too” she gave him a pointed look, he pretended not to see it.
He thought about it though, maybe they had left Neville out of everything. He supposed they had just kind of assumed the others were his close friends? It wasn’t like they didn’t talk to him or anything, he was always with them when they hung out in groups. Playing stupid parlour games from their beds and trying weird candy. He was always there. Dean had never stopped to think about who he hung out with the rest of the time. Guess he knew now.
“Glad you have a good friend” Dean said. Simultaneously as he felt like a terrible friend to Neville, he also realized he might’ve been a bad boyfriend after all. He hadn’t even known about her best friend.
Seamus’ hadn’t thought their puppy love would end so fast, looking at other people it seemed to last longer. Perhaps he hadn’t really paid attention to how much time had actually passed, perhaps everyone felt like this when you started coming down from early stages of love. The problem this time was that Terry really didn’t like Dean.
“You don’t see it?” Terry asked, looking wild and flushed.
“You can’t ask me to pick a side against my best friend” Seamus furrowed his brow.
“That’s not the problem, the problem is you always pick his side”
Seamus groaned, and rubbed at his eyes.
“He’s my best mate ” he tried again, Terry wasn’t having it.
“Admit you still have a crush on him”
“Yeah, I do, but I like you more,” Seamus said, shrugging indifferently. It had been the wrong thing to do.
Terry stormed off, dragging Michael with him who had the audacity to snicker at Seamus’ as they went. Fucking Michael Corner, it was bad enough he had to stand beside them as they argued, now he thought he could laugh at Seamus? He hated him, apparently he hated Terry’s best friend just as much as Terry hated his.
They made up later that evening, but so it went. They argued by noon, made up at breakfast. They argued at breakfast, made up by dinnertime. And so on.
It was tiring.
“I’m sorry I’ve been irrational” Terry said and grabbed Seamus hand after potions. Gently he sat them both down on a bench.
“I… sorry? I’ve been irrational too?” Seamus asked, not sure if he had been but it felt safer to say he had.
“I get jealous… and I do like you a lot, it's just…” Terry trailed off. Seamus could feel the dread taking shape in his chest.
“I don’t want to be the jealous boyfriend, I hate it” Terry said and fidgeted with Seamus' hand, picking at his fingers one by one. His eyes were starting to tear up, Seamus felt helpless to it and just stared numbly.
“It's too dramatic for me, I hope we can still be friends” Terry met his gaze, his eyes were glossy from tears threatening to fall. Seamus rubbed his cheek and smiled tensely, feeling the sour burn around his own eyes.
“Yeah, me too” he said and wiped away the tears falling down Terry’s cheek.
Lavender Brown was a lot more clever than people gave her credit for.
She had figured out Seamus a lot last year and had taken it upon herself to be his little helper. After Ron she had promptly decided not to date for a while and that left a lot of energy to put into Seamus’ dating life.
“It really was a shame about you and Terry Seamus, but it’s not like he can be Dean anyway” she said as she picked at her old nail polish. Seamus was sitting on the floor next to her, picking up bottles of different colours, looking lost.
“ Lavender , please shut up” he said as he anxiously looked around, to see if someone had overheard
“Besides, just because I’m gay it doesn’t mean I know any of this stuff” he said, dropping a bottle of crimson polish.
“You don’t have to be gay to know colour matching Seamus” she said and tilted her head.
“Dean knows it” she then added teasingly, just to jab it in that Seamus' impossible crush was his straight best friend. Honestly how was he ever supposed to be happy when his own emotions kept sabotaging his actual relationships. He threw a bottle at her, she feigned offense and picked it up.
“Coincidentally, this colour is perfect”
He snickered and lay down on the carpet.
“You wanna do something fun to keep your silly head off Terry?” Lavender purred as she leaned over him from her spot.
“Wanna play truth or dare with the others?”
Seamus furrowed his brow suspiciously, then shrugged.
They all sat down in a circle on the big red persian rug. Parvati, Lavender, Dean, Seamus and Neville. Even Ron and Hermione joined after a while, albeit throwing worried glances towards Harry who sat sunken in his potions book. Sure, Harry liked potions just fine enough, but no one had ever seen him this submerged before. They let him be and started the game with Parvati and Lavender kissing. Seamus wondered cheekily why they always were so eager to do that, but said nothing. Then Parvati asked Neville if he’d ever been kissed and surprisingly he said yes. Neville asked Ron who his crush was and Ron promptly changed his mind to a dare. As punishment he had to streak through the corridor outside. They all stood giggling at the common room entrance as the fat lady protested being kept open like that. A glum Ron returned accompanied by a tired looking professor McGonaggal who said it was all fun and games, but to please keep within their common room and be smart about it. They decided to implement a rule that you couldn’t change your answer, and you couldn’t lie. Ron asked Seamus. Hoping for vengeance since he had suggested the streaking
“Truth” Seamus quickly answered, not trusting Ron to give him a dare.
“Are you gay?” Ron asked, clumsy question on its own but as per usual said without tact as well. Even he seemed to realize it was a mean question, cause he quickly looked apologetic.
“Sorry, I can change the question” he blurted but Parvati shook her head.
“He has to answer, that’s how the magic works”
Seamus’ shrugged.
“I mean I’ve been openly dating for months so I don’t mind saying it” the knot in his stomach made him think otherwise.
“Yeah, I’m very gay Ron” he then said and chuckled at the embarassment on Ron’s face.
Seamus in turn dared Dean to write an anonymous howler to a teacher. He chose Snape, and it was planned to be delivered in the morning. They all giggled and had to take a short break to orchestrate the perfect content of the letter together. Hermione protested once, but sighed and decided she wanted no part in it. When they finally returned to the game they struggled to remember who had even gotten the dare since they were all involved now. Finally remembering that it was Dean’s turn, he seemed to hesitate, then he picked Parvati. Parvati answered that she had basically gotten to third base with that Durmstrang boy she danced with at the yule ball two years ago. Then she grinned and locked eyes with Seamus’. Lavender looked worried and she shared this with Seamus’ through her eyes. Seamus decided to interpret it as her having some terrible dare in mind for him.
“Seamus-”
“Truth” he quickly said, before she could even ask.
“Fine, who do you have a crush on?”
The room fell silent, at least to Seamus’ as he felt the air get sucked out of his lungs.
They all stared at him.
It wasn’t a big deal. With Terry fresh in his mind he was the easy answer and no one would be surprised. Then why had Parvati even asked him? Unless she just wanted solid proof that they had been dating.
“ Terry ” he tried to say, but the words came out jumbled and like gibberish. Which meant he was lying. A consequence of the magic Hermione had put on the group to make sure Ron couldn’t weasel his way out of the rules. The group laughed hysterically, the words Seamus said still not making any sense to anyone. They gripped at their sides and laughed as a sort of calm fell over Seamus. He would have to say it.
“Dean”
“Yeah?” Dean said between laughter, thinking he was asking him for his attention. Seamus swallowed as realization struck Dean’s eyes. Their eyes met, Seamus’ completely serious. Dean went quiet, finally understanding it was Seamus' answer.
“Wow” Parvati said, breaking the silence.
“I should go” Seamus said, standing up. Dean stood up as well, almost tripping on his own robes in his hurry.
He followed Seamus out to the great stairs. Gripped his arm before he could disappear down into the depths of the castle.
“We should address that right?” Dean said, looking worried.
“Don’t worry about it, just forget I said anything” Seamus said, still feeling eerily calm about it. Numb sort of.
“I don’t feel the same” Dean said, looking guilty. Like it was his fault.
“I’m fine with that, I’ll get over it” Seamus said, finally feeling his emotions starting to thaw. It felt bad, but he’d be fine.
Dean smiled and nodded.
“Okay, can I hug you or will that make it worse?”
Seamus chuckled.
“No, I would really like a hug, my good Cadbury friend”
They went back to normal surprisingly fast, both of them making an effort to pretend Seamus’ confession never happened. It had been coaxed out of him so it didn’t count, and perhaps they didn’t want to remember. At least that’s how Dean felt.
Dean spent the summer at the Finnigan residence which helped their sense of normalcy, they were still close enough to spend their summers together. Except this time Seamus was out, and spoke freely about his former relationship with Terry. It was kind of funny, Terry wasn’t even Seamus’ boyfriend anymore and he still managed to bother Dean. Most urgently because Seamus had planned to bring Terry to their summer house as well, and kept talking about all the special places he wanted to take him. Dean had been to these places too since they were Seamus’ childhood hideaways, but that was different than a romantic partner. Perhaps Seamus spoke so much about his relationship with Terry to diverge from the fact Dean now knew he liked him. Perhaps to make it easier to know that Seamus did have other things going for him. It wasn’t, it just made Dean mad.
“You remember where we used to play cowboys, that big rock hidden away by the trees?” Seamus said as they trekked through the English wilderness. Wellingtons sploshing against the mud.
“I had this fantasy that I would take Terry there, so we could make out on it” he said.
“Of course, it didn’t have to be Terry, I’ve had that fantasy since puberty” he continued “I just figured now was the time you know”
Dean hm’d and followed him up to a cliff overlooking a small creek.
“I also planned to have a picnic with him here”
“and then make out?” Dean asked cheekily, most of these stories seemed to end that way.
Seamus grinned cheekily back, dashing smile and flushed cheeks. Dean felt his heart clench just like it had when he saw Seamus with Terry. To think it persisted from just hearing about them.
Secretly he was sort of happy Terry never got to share this with Seamus.
These were their places, two best friends who had played there since they were eleven years old. In a way it pissed him off that Seamus would even think about sharing it with someone else.
They made it to their old hut, built against close growing trees. It would’ve fallen apart long ago if he and Dean didn’t still care for it every now and then. Reassembling the planks which had fallen and switching the rotten ones. They sat down on the fallen trunk which they had dragged inside at twelve, still intact and sturdy. Dean looked towards Seamus sitting beside him, sensing he would soon tell him how he probably fantasized about kissing Terry here as well. That pissed him off more than anything. If Seamus didn’t feel some sort of connection to them and all those other places, fine, but this was Dean and Seamus’ special place. They built it with their own bare hands, no magic or anything. Just the thought of Terry sitting here in his place boiled him from the inside. The emotion he was feeling...
“In this place, we would-”
Dean firmly placed his hand on the side of Seamus’ face and kissed him.
Jealousy, the emotion had been jealousy.
Seamus hmphed in surprise but soon kissed him back, first slowly, unsurely. Then feverishly as he seemed to realize it was real. Grabbing and pulling at him to get impossibly close.