The other teacher, her wife and Remus lame nickname
With the arrival of the weekend, Remus spends all his time sleeping. Sleeping, taking naps and sleeping again to regain his routine and stop being exhausted.
When he enters school on Monday morning without any clothes that decides to escape spontaneously, and fresh as a lettuce, he feels that the week will go well for him.
And for most days, it’s like this: with the children becoming more and more open to him, his anxiety goes down. With that, he becomes more and more comfortable in the workplace, and he starts calling the teachers (colleagues) by their name, not the letter of the class in which they teach.
Miraculously, he doesn’t have to spend overtime guarding the children either, because as promised, Sirius always arrives in time to pick up Harry. They don’t always speak when it happens, or at least not directly, but their eyes always find a way to find eachother even across the room, and it’s those small interactions that change everything.
The few times they do talk (like right now) are short conversations, quick and full of witty comments.
“ Harry keeps saying how different you teach from McGonagall. ” Stretching out his godfather’s hand to leave, Harry hangs himself from his fingers to drag him away, trying to hide his shame.
“ We are two different people, I can’t help it. ” And it’s always the same with Remus' answers: uncomfortable, quiet and able to end any conversation.
“ Are you sure? Because to me you both have that... aura. “ Any conversation that does not include Sirius Black.
“ What’s that supposed to mean? ” It’s a funny thing, the push and pull they have. Funny and somewhat dangerous when the temptation at the end of the string is Sirius.
“ Padfoot! Can we go now? I’m hungry! “ With the same love as always, Sirius returns his attention to the little one.
“ Yes, we’re leaving now. ” And the looks. Looks are dangerous. “ Say goodbye to your teacher, Pup. “
“ Goodbye, Professor Lupin! “
And another day, they leave.
Remus is left alone gathering his things quietly, happy with how well the day went and how kind everyone is (in addition to Molly, several parents have already filled him with praise and smiles). A week and a half working, he’s already met them all, the Malfoys being the only ones who are still a mystery.
As he walks out into the hallway, he stops to close the door behind him and says goodbye to the cleaning staff with a polite “see you later. ” As he walks to his iconic car (words of his colleagues, not his) Remus can’t help but think of Sirius.
For better or for worse, that man is a constant cloud in the sky of his thoughts, either because he is the person closest to his age, because his situation has impacted him a lot or simply because he was the first person he spoke to.
Lately, however, that cloud stays on his mind due to a single factor: the neglect of his personal image.
Yes, it’s true that the first day he met Sirius that wasn’t much better (Remus is nobody to judge) but the problem is that it got better for a period of time only to get worse much faster.
Remus knows it’s not easy to live with two jobs, and he can’t even imagine adding a child to the list of responsibilities, but his worry is no less when he sees how much of a mess Sirius looks, or how his head falls even standing in a conversation, or the number of times he’s seen his legs shake. It’s not in his place to say it, but whatever Sirius is doing to take care of himself, it’s not enough.
“ Professor Lupin! “ Halfway through the car park, Professor McKinnon’s cheerful voice stops him, and when he looks at her, he finds another woman holding her arm.
“ Professor McKinnon. “ He greets her with a cheerful smile.
McKinnon seems to be about to say something, but the woman on her arm reminds her to say something first.
“ This is Dorcas, my wife. “ She introduces her. “ Honey, this is Professor Lupin. The one I told you takes care of McGonagall’s position. “
“ Yes, I remember. “ She says, holding out her hand. Without hesitation, Remus takes it. “ Pleased to meet you, Professor Lupin. “
“ Remus is enough. “
“ Well Remus, how are you doing with the course? A lot of headaches? “
“ Not really. “ He answers politely. “ The children are very good, McGonagall raised them well. “
“ How lucky you are. “ She says, leaning on her wife. “ When Marlene started, it was a mess. “
Following the conversation, Remus pays his full attention to the woman. “ And why was that? “
“ Those children were earthquakes. “ This time the teacher explains. “ Once, and Dorcas can confirm this, I returned home covered with paint. ”
“ Just once? “ Her wife asks. '' As far as I can remember, there were several times that you came home covered in paint and crying. '' Covering her words with a soft punch on the arm they share, McKinnon forces a scandalous smile to divert Remus' attention.
“ Always exaggerating everything, my dear Dorcas. “
“ Don’t listen to her. “ She keeps going. “ Once she came home so devastated that the very exaggerated woman told me- “
“ Are you going home? “ Interrupting his wife, McKinnon refocuses the conversation on Remus, and Dorcas let’s her.
“ Yes, today I can finally go home soon; no father has kept me for long. ”
“ Not even that father from the last time? The one with the kid with glasses, Mr. . . How was it? Mr. . . Mr Black! “
“ Sirius? “ He repeats with confusion. “ No, not at all. We already talked about it and he made the effort to come and get him soon, and for a week and a half, it seems to have kept his promise. “
“ A father who listens, lucky you. “ McKinnon says jokingly. “ Do you remember Pansy, the girl who had a conflict with the girl in your class? ” How to forget her. “ I heard her mother threaten to report the school if they continued to incriminate her daughter for things she didn’t do, saying things like she doesn’t deserve to be punished for telling the truth. “
“ How awful. “ Says Remus. Both women agree.
“ I agree, but it is what it is. Luckily, the director didn’t let himself be manipulated and managed to avoid the situation, but I think it’s really sad that there are parents who raise their children like this and don’t see anything wrong with it. “
“ It’s sad, but there’s not much we can do. “
“ No, we really can’t. “ Saddened, both teachers look down with regret. They know they shouldn’t take something like this at heart, but it’s inevitable for them to feel helpless.
“ Anyways. “ She says trying to cheer up the atmosphere. “ At least there are well-educated children like yours.
“ My kids? “
“ Yes, those boys who almost took a beating to protect and defend their friend. “ And with that alone, Remus' chest is filled with pride and satisfaction.
“ Yes, seeing children like Draco, Ron and Harry interfere with injustices so passionately gives me back my faith in humanity. “ That changes the expression on Dorcas' face, who until then remained on the sidelines.
“ Harry? Harry Potter? Isn’t that the boy-? “ But before she can finish, her wife gives her a little nudge to stop.
“ The kid who lost his parents? “ He ends to inform them that he knows, that it’s not bad that they bring up the subject and slap him with news that he does not know. “ Yes, it’s him. “
“ Poor kid. “ McKinnon is tremendously empathetic with the situation, receiving comfort with small caresses from his wife. “ I can’t even imagine what he is going throw. “
" He’s a boy, Marlene. “ Dorcas says to her with regret. “ I have seen enough cases to know that he does not understand exactly what has happened, which I don't know if it's fair. ”
“ I know you’re used to seeing cases like this, but I’m not. You know I don’t have the stomach. "
" It was a car accident, wasn’t it? " Questions Dorcas, receiving a distant nod as an answer.
" A horrible one, it appeared on the papers and everything. "
" Really? " He said surprised. " I didn’t know that. " His heart frozes at the thought of such a tragedy written in all the newspapers, just for everyone to see.
" It's even worse. I still remember getting up and watching the scene on TV. " Dorcas has a chill that runs through her spine. " A very public matter that shouldn't have been so. "
“ You have him in your class, how is he doing? From what I could see from a distance, he was very close to his parents: the two always managed to come to pick him up together, no matter what the weather was. " Marlene smiles with melancholy. “ And sometimes, friends of theirs came with them, and you could see that each one of them loved Harry as same as them. "
" So Sirius came with them, huh? " He can see that. Sirius with his friends, leaving whatever he was doing to see his grandson. Just like he does now.
" I don’t know. " Answers, Marlene with honesty. " Harry wasn’t in my class, so I don’t remember anyone’s face, but if Sirius took custody of him, I assume it’s because he did. "
A part of Remus is grateful for not being present at the moment before the tragedy. For not being able to meet the Potters and the perfect family they formed with Harry. The other one is poisoned by the feeling that he didn't meet people that he should, as if the Potters must've been some of the most amazing people he could of meet.
He recalls the photographs that Sirius showed him so briefly, the perfect family smiling so bright, not realizing that time is not that kind. A knot is created in his stomach.
" Sirius is a relative? “ Dorcas asks, to which Marlene has no answer.
" Not exactly. " But Remus does. " He is the godfather of the kid, but he doesn't share blood ties with him. For all I know, he was his father’s best friend. "
" It must be hard for him. “ Mentions Marlene. " The boy lost his parents, and Sirius lost his best friend. "
" He’s coping. " Remus assures them. “ I guess having Harry in his life is a great motivation. "
" Or one of the best distractions. “ Comments Dorcas. " If he focuses on him, he doesn’t have to think about anything else. "
And Remus wants to think that’s not the case, but considering the state of Sirius (his two works, running here and there and not taking care of himself) maybe that’s the reality. If you keep busy enough with such a good excuse in front of you, the pain and mourning sit in the background.
" Doesn’t sound very healthy. “ Says Marlene.
Having experienced this situation countless times, Remus does not hesitate to say: " Because it's not. "
It’s getting harder and harder to stay away from getting involved with Sirius, but Remus has to do his best, for everyone’s sake.
† † †
After that rough conversation with Professor McKinnon and his wife in the school parking lot, the three of them have decided to change the mood and go for tea and get to know each other better. With his duties almost finished, Remus has not hesitated to accept. Doing so is sure to be beneficial.
Between teacups and a mixed assortment of cookies, Remus discovers that Dorcas is an attorney, known for handling a large number of custody cases and lawsuits involving the welfare of children as a priority. And also that she doesn’t take much pleasure in bragging about that title, Marlene (because she’s not Professor McKinnon anymore, since they're friends now – her words, not his) already takes care of that alone.
He also finds out that the two met at college, during Dorcas' third year and Marlene’s second year. They were introduced by a friend they had in common, and although aggressive sparks came out at first, they softened over time until they blossomed into the relationship they now have.
They got married two years ago, officiated by the same friend who introduced them in the club where they danced together the first time (seeing the way she was so excited explaining it, Remus assumes that the hard-core romantic is Marlene, and that while Dorcas is more reserved, she loves her wife too much to forbid her anything). Now, with both of them in stable jobs and well into their thirties, what they want most is adopting a child (or children, as Marlene continues to make the “mistake” of using the plural), since, unfortunately, Marlene is infertile and Dorcas cannot afford maternity leave because of her job. Despite her initial fear of telling Marlene that she didn’t want to get pregnant, when she finally told her, Marlene was understanding and reassured her that she understood, that there are other ways for them to have children. That was the moment (of so many) when Dorcas realized that Marlene was the one.
In response, Remus tells them about vague anecdotes from his life (saving painful and traumatic details), his disastrous first relationship with a boy, and how the next one he had was with his sister (Remus had no idea). He also makes the effort to tell them about his childhood with his mother, although he saves a great level of detail about how it ended.
After discovering that the man is single, the two decide it's their mission to find someone immediately and exchange numbers.
“ A handsome man like you shouldn’t be on the market. ” Marlene tells him with enough confidence. Remus tries to tell her not to bother, that for now, a relationship is not what he is looking for, but seeing the two of them (especially Marlene) passing pictures of single friends selling him good qualities of them as if it were some sort of flirting show, doesn’t have the strength to break their illusion.
When that loses the fun, they talk a little bit about work (both equally offended to find out that the reason Remus is inexperienced in teaching is his scars) and end up talking about their motivations for doing so.
“ I grew up in a neighbourhood where broken families were the norm. “ Dorcas explains, hugging her already warm cup. “ That’s why I decided to become someone who could fix them, at least a little. That in case of division, the distribution and well-being of the child should be a priority, because I saw too many cases where it did not happen and the consequences they generated. "
“ My reason is not so emotional. " Marlene is sincere when they ask her. “ Simply, I have always liked children, and I think that the delusion and imagination they overflow with is something that all adults should learn. "
When his turn comes, Remus makes up a reason similar to Marlene’s, since the truth is hard to explain.
And so they spend the afternoon, so comfortable in each other's company that when the sun goes down, they don’t even notice.
With the same good humour that has lasted throughout the tea, the two groups finally split up when Remus drives them home in his car (since they live near the school and Dorcas came to pick up Marlene on foot), promising to repeat the activity another day.
Driving home, Remus is happy to say that he has made new friends, and that the atmosphere at work promises to be so good.
† † †
He finally throws himself on his bed at half past ten at night, his body passing through the shower and a light meal in his stomach. Today he dares to say that it has been a fun day, and when he receives notification that he has been added to a group called “The Beauties and the Beast” (a name that Marlene assures will be temporary) and Dorcas sends a first sticker, the anxiety of having made friends only in his head suddenly vanishes.
Under the blankets and with only a small light on, Remus responds nervously, continuing a stickers war that lasts longer than necessary.
Cas:
Marlene, honey, I’ve told you a thousand times to leave the sticker thing to me, you don’t know how to use them.
Marlene:
Shut up 7-7
After an hour of chatting, the two say good night and complain about having a baby’s sleep schedule.
Marlene:
We just don’t have the stamina of today’s youth like you, Remus.
Case:
Speak for yourself, sweety.
Seeing them disconnect, Remus assumes that the discussion has become in-person and leaves the app with a nice feeling in his chest. It feels good to have people to send messages to beyond the ones you are committed to.
As he is still not very sleepy, Remus strolls through several of his apps, a strange feeling biting the yolk of his thumbs.
A feeling that doesn’t go away until (somehow), he recalls Dorcas’s words about the publicity of the accident, an old article from six months ago lights up his screen.
Remus almost throws the device to the other end of the room when he realizes what he’s done. Instead, he just closes the article with his heart beating at a thousand an hour flooded with guilt.
Even if he has slowed down before reading the body of the article, his head has already absorbed the headline: Three people and four injured after the fateful accident at Godric’s Hollow.
Yes, the chances of it not being the same accident are quite high, since his only knowledge about it is that it was six months ago and a car accident, but what if it's the one? He knows he's not doing anything wrong, just satisfying his curiosity and learning more about what happened, but for some reason, he feels like he's crossing a line if he keeps reading.
After all, this is Harry’s story, how his life changed tragically from one day to the next without a chance to go back. It’s up to him, his right to privacy, even if it’s published for the world to see. Remus knows that his own story is also published in a small article in some forgotten newspaper, and if someone were able to find it, wouldn’t he feel more comfortable if no one he knows reads it?
Remus tells himself it’s best to forget it, that if there’s anything in that article he should know, he’ll hear it from Sirius. But at the same time, what if there’s something important he should know but Sirius doesn’t consider it as such? Isn’t it better to read it and make sure?
It’s not like either Sirius or Harry could know about his reading.
His finger is nailed at the top of the search application.
This is an invasion of privacy in a way, right?
But only if the article is about that accident.
And Remus ends up opening it, the same brightness burning in his eyes.
Last Tuesday xx of xxxx, on the peaceful night of Godric’s Hollow, the calm was disrupted by the collision of two cars caused by. . .
But the guilt has a lot of sorrow, and the anxiety that consumes him is terrible, so he slams the tab, puts his phone on the table, and turns off the light.
No matter how much he orders them, his eyes do not close for a long time, activated by the incessant argument in his head that keeps telling him to read it, while another reminds him that he is a scumbag if he dares to do so and that if Sirius finds out, he will stop coming for Harry.
Let’s just say Remus' good sleep schedule has come to an end tonight.
† † †
Every night since then, Remus has had the same internal conflict about that blissful article. It's true that his reading has not progressed much (just an article) and that it's no longer something that carries so much weight to read, but it's still a problem.
He told Marlene what is going on very briefly during her break, and he dissolved the situation before she could open her mouth to offer a solution and changing the subject immediately. Each time she has tried to talk to him about it, he avoids it like the plague, and it arrived to a point where Marlene has nothing to do but respect that.
The worst thing is that his paranoia has been increasing because of Sirius, who every time he has come to pick up Harry, has done it at a record speed, making their conversations short and their encounters of looks practically non-existent, and Remus can’t help but think it’s because he knows it. How? He has no clue, but he knows.
He knows that he wanted to investigate something that does not concern him, that he hasn't trusted him to explain it if necessary, and that his “friendship” (if you can call it that) is non-existent.
Even today, to punish him for being a gossip, he has broken his pattern of coming soon, anchoring Remus to keep Harry.
“ Padfoot told me to tell you he’ll be late today. ” Harry informs him by painting something in his notebook, the class already empty. " And that he’s sorry. "
“ You can tell Sirius not to bother himself. “ He answers, leaning against the table, all his attention on him. " You know I don’t mind staying with you. "
And it’s true. Over these three weeks, both Harry and his group of friends have managed to create their place in Remus’s heart. Each so special in their own way.
" I will! “ And as if nothing happened, Harry goes back to his business.
Seeing him as he is now, happy and busy, it’s hard to accept that he’s been through such a monumental tragedy not so long ago.
But at what level did it go?
Remus, let it go.
“ Hey, Harry. “ Returning his attention to the teacher, Harry looks up from his paper. “ Why is his name Padfoot? “ And as if that were his favourite anecdote to tell, Harry’s expression lights up like a Christmas tree.
“ Dad used to call him that! ” He shouts while Remus feels oppression in his chest. ” Dad called him Padfoot, and Padfoot called him Prongs: Dad used to say that friends who love each other have funny names, so that’s what they did. ”
“ Did your mother have one too? “ And just seeing Harry so excited, Remus understands that he shouldn’t talk to him as if he were stepping on eggshells, that talking about his parents is a good thing.
“ Mom didn’t like it, but Dad and Sirius called her Red. She said that unlike them, her name came with malice. "
“ And why is that? ”
But before the little one can explain it, the classroom door opens.
“ I thought you wouldn’t make it. “ Remus comments somewhat evasive, happy to see Sirius, but with that pinch of guilt because of the blissful article. “ If I have to-. ”
But Harry screams in horror, and that sets off all his alarms at once.
In the classroom door is not Sirius, not even a face he can recognize, just a woman with a long neck and a threatening presence. And just like the first time he met Sirius, Remus is quick to take a protective position on Harry and lift him from his chair to cover him with his body. This time, Harry does appreciate the shield and clings to his teacher’s leg with a sort of desperation and an almost dangerous silence.
" Can I help you? " He asks in a voice that he feels trembling too much.
" No. " The woman spits out. " I’m just here to get the kid. "
This is not good.
" And who are you? "
" His legal guardian. "
" I beg your pardon? "
As if losing patience, she snorts and Remus doesn't let her intimidate him.
" Have you not listened to me? The child has to come with me, now. " Ignoring the obvious evasiveness with which Remus is treating her, the woman approaches them with strong footsteps, and with each step she takes, the two move away.
" I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. " Manages to tell her with the firmness needed to prick a reaction.
" What do you mean? It’s my right. The boy’s coming with me. “ And from the same proportion of her neck, her long, thin arm stretches out to grab Harry, but Remus is faster and holds him up, not thinking too much about how inappropriate everything is. Harry does not take long to hold on to his neck.
“ I told you I can’t do that, ma’am. First, because it’s clear that Harry doesn’t want to go with you, second because I know that you’re not his keeper- "
" You mean that loser? “ She shouts all red and tense. “ That unemployed faggot who attached himself like a parasite? Please- "
" I beg you to leave. “ And even if those words are not addressed to him, they hurt as if they were, and Remus cannot tolerate that. ” Right now. “ She seems more offended that Remus dared to interrupt her than what he told her.
" I won’t do that. I’m his guardian- "
" Do you have proof of that? " Remus interrupts her again, enjoying pressing the button that makes her nervous.
“ Not right now, but- “
" Then leave. “ He repeats more forcefully. " Immediately, before I call security. "
She raises her head looking to show pride, showing her horrible feeling of superiority over him.
" I see. “ She comments too proud and disgusted for Remus to dare to let his guard down. " You’re just like him. "
Don’t let it destroy you.
“ I’ve asked you to leave, do so. ”
“ That’s because that asshole has put the wrong ideas in your head. ” On this occasion, the woman is talking to the child. “ Don’t worry, now that I’ve found you, you won’t escape. You’ll come back with me, remember these words, ungrateful little boy. "
And with those, she finally leaves the room.
Feeling tingling to the tip of his toes, Remus takes several minutes to get the child down again, and the only reason he does so is that the child begins to breathe and inhale with remarkable force, and Remus has lived long enough to know what’s going on.
" Hey. “ So he pulls him off and sits Harry on his table, his short legs hanging from the edge. " Harry, look at me. “ They are already crystalline when their eyes make the small movement of looking at him. They feel distant, but Remus doesn’t force him to do anything else. " Do you know what’s happening to you? " After a long silence, the child manages to move his head a little to the side. " Has it happened to you before? “ This time, it’s up and down. " Okay, okay. Then you know what’s going on, right? What happens to you is called a panic attack, it’s when you feel an emotion so strong that your body doesn’t know how to handle it. " He just hopes Harry understands it enough not to make it worse. “ It’s normal, I have them too. So now I’m going to help you, okay? Do as I say and I promise you’ll feel better. "
So with patience, a quiet voice and various simple exercises, Remus teaches Harry how to deal with the situation. After a while, Harry finally calms down, but now comes the crying.
Feeling strong helplessness of not being able to provide him with physical comfort (like a hug or a simple handshake) he entertains himself by looking for handkerchiefs and handing them to Harry whenever he sees that he needs them.
" Are you going to tell me the story of why his name is Padfoot or not? " And when he’s just sobbing, Remus pushes the situation away. He knows the best thing now for him is to focus on something completely different, cheer up, and then if that’s what he wants, talk about it.
And at first, Harry is reluctant to obey, but after encouraging him with little jokes that give him a small, subtle smile, Harry tells him.
It has to do with his name, on the one hand, but the most weighty is undoubtedly how the man dressed as a young man and how little he cared for his mane.
" Dad said he looked like a dog. His wild hair, the necklaces he wore and how he loved to play and do stuff in nature. So he named him Padfoot. And he’s always been my Padfoot. "
" And you? Does he call you anything? "
" I’m Pup. " That makes him smile.
" It fits you a lot. “ Harry agrees with him with a nod.
" I used to call myself Prongs Junior, after Dad. But it’s hard for Padfoot to say, so I’m Pup. " Harry tries to smile. " But it’s okay, I like to have my own name. "
And Remus thinks about the article again.
The article that probably talks about Prongs and Red distantly and coldly, keeping Padfoot and Pup on the sidelines.
That’s not Harry’s story, it’s the event Remus has been purring about all week, because Harry’s story, his family’s story, is that: the anecdotes behind the name, how they met, what happened and what they went through. Not how they ended up.
And if that’s not their story, why should Remus read it?
" Do you know what they called me? “ Siping his snots, Harry looks at his teacher. " Lemus Rupin. " And finally, after the whole situation, Remus manages to hear that sound so beautiful that it is the laugh of a child, so loud and long that it spreads to him.
" It’s horrible! "
Remus nods. “ There was a problem with my class lists and, well, that’s how they knew me all year. "
The class is filled with laughter thanks to the child, and at last, Remus can feel the much-awaited relief.
" We have to find you another one! “ Harry tells him when he stops laughing. “ My Padfoot is good, he’ll give you a much better one. ”
" I don’t doubt that. “ And at the very moment he gives him a little tap on the nose, the door opens again, and through it, this time, Sirius appears.