Chapter 1
It’s autumn evening the sky is growing darker by the minute, as a cold chill runs though the open window making Remus shiver tucking further into himself. He pulls his grandpa jumper tighter around his huddled frame. A lit cigarette placed delicately in between two finger while his other hand which is going pale in the chill of the room holds his place in the dusty old book splayed across his lap. The scene is picturesque when a boy of slightly below average height (not that he’d admit that) burst through the door breaking the serene nature of the space.
Sirius black stood in the door way wide eyed at Remus, who simply smirked raising a questioning eyebrow in response. “Moony I have something to tell you.”
Remus turned to face his boyfriend, trying not to overreact to sirius’ over dramatic ways like he usually does, as he stubbed out his cigarette on the outside ledge of the window. “Okay what’s up pads?”
Sirius took a deep breath walking forward he sat down on Remus’ bed, the closest available seat to Remus. “You know how I’ve been feeling quiet sick recently?” Remus hummed in response. “Well it’s not all the time, and I’ve been really tired, and today I’ve been craving really weird foods and I wouldn’t eat the brownies in the great hall and you know how I love the brownies. And then James made a joke and I didn’t think much of it but then the more it sat in my brain the more it made sense and now I think I’m pregnant… Moony say something?”
Throughout Sirius expiation or more like rambling of words Remus’ mouth slowly opened more and more until it fell completely slack. He gaped a few times before shaking his head and sighing at Sirius. “Padfoot… no.”
Sirius smiled weakly placing a hand on Remus’ knee. “Moons i know it’s scary and shocking hell I have a living thing inside me, but I think we can do this… together!”
Remus looked Sirius dead in the eye and said “You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Hey you’re the one who said we didn’t need protection!” Sirius pointed an accusing finger at Remus.
“Sirius you’re a cis male, I’m a cis male there isn’t a single uterus in this room.” Remus just stared at Sirius as a look of confusion broke across his features.
“But- you said… you said men have them in their bum…?” Sirius scratched his head, his brows drawn down into a slight frown.
Remus didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at his boyfriends stupidity. “Prostates Sirius… men have prostates in their bum.”
Sirius gaped his mouth for a few moments before saying “oh… that’s not the same thing?”
Remus rolled his eyes sighing, before shaking his head. Remus thought to himself I’m dating a fucking moron, before picking up his book and choosing to ignore said moron while he tried to pester Remus asking what a uterus is.