all these people think love's for show (but i would die for you in secret)

The temperatures were dropping. The sun was setting earlier and the days began to feel shorter and shorter. The air felt crisper as the wind whistled through tree branches, causing the few remaining leaves to fall from the trees and blow around the grounds. It was nearing the end of October— It was Halloween.

Halloween was never an especially important holiday to Regulus. His mother and father never let him and Sirius celebrate as children. They called the holiday immature. They believed the holiday encouraged misbehavior, and that was something that Walburga and Orion Black frowned upon severely.

Despite his history of indifference, if not disgust when he was even younger, directed at the holiday, Regulus found himself excited for the festivities of the evening.

The plan was set: Regulus Black would join as an accomplice. He would participate in his first ever Marauders prank. In retrospect, Regulus could see why his parents might hold the belief that Halloween caused nothing but mischief; but where their opinions differed was simple: Regulus was excited.

Regulus was excited to, for one night, feel like part of the Marauders.

The energy in the Gryffindor dorm room was unmatched. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus were known for the pranks around the castle, of course, but Halloween was theirs. Those twenty-four hours practically belonged to the Marauders.

“So,” James said, from where he laid on his bed. Regulus was sitting against the headboard, and James had his head laying in Regulus’ lap. Regulus was aimlessly running his fingers through James' hair as he listened to the Gryffindors go over their plan once again. “The house elves have what they need, right?”

“Remus and I took them down to the kitchen during our rounds last night,” Regulus spoke up.

“And they know to put them in the food tonight? During the feast?” Peter spoke up from where he sat on his own bed.

“Regulus and I took care of everything, they know what to do,” Remus responded.

“Perfect,” Sirius said, nodding approvingly.

With their final plans set in action, the five boys left the Gryffindor common room and headed towards the Great Hall. It was technically still too early for the feast to begin, but none of them wanted to miss the beginning of the antics.

Regulus had begun to walk over to the Slytherin table when James grabbed onto his hand. “Come on, Reg. Can’t you sit with us today?”

Regulus let out an over dramatic sigh, which James took as a win. Regulus allowed himself to be led towards the Gryffindor table, and before he could sit on the bench besides James, the other boy had already pulled him down to where he was practically sitting on his lap.

“Wanted to be close to you,” James mumbled, leaning his chin on Regulus’ shoulder.

“Can’t get much closer than this, can we?” Regulus replied with a roll of his eyes. Despite feigning annoyance, he had a smile on his face.

“Well, we could…” James trailed off before tilting his chin up and placing a kiss onto Regulus’ lips.

Sirius, from across the table, made a fake-gagging noise. “Gross.”

“You have your own boyfriend to kiss, so why are you paying so much attention to us?” James asked. While James was speaking, Regulus slid off of his lap and into the spot beside him.

“It’s not like I can avoid it with you two all over each other!” Sirius pointed out, though his tone was playful. “And right before we eat too! You disgust me.”

“You’re going to eat that?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

“Of course! If we don’t eat the food we’ll look suspicious,” Sirius replied.

“You’ll look suspicious anyways— You’re you,” Regulus said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Sirius asked dramatically, faking offense.

“It means you’re you,” Regulus replied simply. “Any time a prank happens at this school, everyone automatically knows it’s you.”

“That’s because our pranks are genius,” James said with a proud grin.

“Whatever makes you happy,” Regulus shrugged and smiled at him.

“Here we go again!” Sirius complained and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“You act like you don’t talk that way to me,” Remus chimed in, his chin resting in his hand as he sent a playful smile Sirius’ way.

“Moony, you’re supposed to be on my side here!”

“Oh, I’m always on your side. It’s just fun to see you squirm, that’s all.”

“You’re a menace to society.”

“Proudly,” Remus agreed with a nod.

The Great Hall was quick to fill with students. The Halloween feast was anticipated highly by the students and staff alike, and nobody wanted to miss the spread of food prepared by the house elves.

As students began to eat their way through the piles of food on the tables, the chatter amongst the great hall was replaced with the sounds of all kinds of animals— elephants, tigers, bears— even Professor McGongall was meowing from where she sat at the Professor’s table.

It didn’t take long for the effects of the Zonko’s product to wear off— They were, after all, only teenagers. Despite both the Potters and Blacks being wealthy families, they really wouldn’t have been able to explain the large loss of money it would take for the candies to make a lasting effect.

When the products began to wear off, and only the occasional bark, growl, or chirp could be heard around the Great Hall, Professor McGonagall headed straight towards the group of Gryffindors— and one Slytherin— laughing into their dinner plates.

“You four— my office,” the professor said, looking between the four marauders. Her eyes drifted to Regulus, who happened to be sitting just too close to James to be seen as innocent. “Mr. Black, I suppose you can join us as well, although I’m not at the misfortune of having you in my house.”

The five students began to stand up from their spots at the Gryffindor table as McGonagall looked between them with a deep sigh. “I suppose it can wait until after the feast— The house elves had a supply of food prepared and are replacing the contaminated food now. It seems as if they knew this was happening.”

Without another word, Professor McGonagall had turned around and walked back to the Professor's table at the head of the Great Hall.

“She loves us,” Sirius said offhandedly. “My bet is five points from Gryffindor and a detention each. Probably five points from Slytherin, too,” he added, a grin on his face.

“She loves you?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow. “She came straight towards you.”

“Reg, you have so much to learn,” James said, throwing an arm around his shoulder and pulling him closer. “Notice how she’s letting us stay for the feast? That’s good ‘ol Minnie’s way of saying she practically adores us.”

“Yeah!” Peter piped in. “If it weren’t for us, do you know how boring her life would be?“

“Yeah, having the best Quidditch team and the most well behaved house, almost certain to win the House Cup at the end of the year, what a boring life,” Remus said. “I’m sure she would hate it,” he added with a snort.

As the conversation continued to flow throughout the Great Hall and fresh food replaced the contaminated food, spirits were high. As much as everyone hated to admit it, the air that came along with a marauders’ prank was refreshing— especially one as harmless as a few moments of sounding like an animal.

As students finished their meals and headed off to bed, tired after eating more than their bodies could handle, the Marauders and Regulus were not as lucky.

The group of five made their way towards Professor McGonagall’s office. Regulus took note of how relaxed each of the four looked— the complete opposite of how he felt.

They had barely knocked on the office door when it opened, an exasperated looking Minerva McGonagall greeting them at the door. “Why is it when something happens, it’s always you four?” she asked with a sigh.

“What about Regulus?” Sirius asked, pointing to his brother.

“And why are you,” she began, ignoring Sirius and turning to James, “pulling Mr. Black into your silly little pranks?”

“I always pull Mr. Black into our silly little pranks,” James replied with a grin. “Sirius doesn’t like it when he’s not included.”

“Five points from Gryffindor and one point from Slytherin,” the professor said with an exasperated sigh. “And each of you will be serving a detention with whom I can only hope will be anybody but me. Now please, go to your dorms before you cause any more trouble.”

The five boys, each hiding a matching grin on their face, nodded and left the professor’s office.

Once they were out of the office, Regulus went to separate himself from the group, planning to return to the dungeons, but was pulled back by James grabbing his hand.

“Where are you going?”

“To my dorm room, like Professor McGonagall said,” Regulus answered.

“Come back to Gryffindor, just for a while,” James suggested. “Please? For me?” he asked, pulling on Regulus’ hand a little bit more.

“Fine,” Regulus replied, an exasperated sigh accompanying his words. “But only for a little while. I don’t want to be caught in the corridors after hours,” he said.

“You won’t get caught. Remus and Evans are on prefect duty tonight, and I have the cloak, remember?” James asked, a smirk on his face.

“If I get caught, I’m blaming you, you know,” Regulus said, though that wasn’t the case, and they both knew it.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll thank me later,” James replied with a wink.

“I doubt that,” Regulus replied, rolling his eyes.

The five boys eventually found their way to Gryffindor Tower, the Fat Lady letting them in once someone said the password.

As soon as the portrait hole had swung open, the group barely had time to duck through the doorway before they were met with bored expressions.

“So how many points did you idiots get taken from us?” Marlene asked, crossing her arms.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Marls,” James said, a grin on his face. He led Regulus to a couch directly in front of the fireplace and sat down, pulling Regulus to where he was practically sitting on top of him.

“Oh come on, I know for a fact McGonagall didn’t let you off the hook this time. Just break the bad news to us already,” Mary said and rolled her eyes.

“It was only five points!” Sirius defended.

“Five points today, sure. What about the five points from yesterday? Or the five points you’ll inevitably lose us tomorrow?” Lily questioned, hands on her hips.

“Don’t forget the one point from Slytherin too!” Peter added.

“What?!” Dorcas exclaimed as all heads turned towards Regulus. “What do you mean, one point from Slytherin? You were in on this?”

Regulus shrugged, giving her a sheepish smile. “It was fun.”

“It’s not going to be so fun when we lose the House Cup!” Dorcas exclaimed.

“Well, at least we know we won’t lose to Gryffindor,” Regulus joked.

James dramatically gasped and shoved the boy off of his lap, only to land in the seat beside him. “Don’t joke like that.”

“I didn’t know it was such a touchy subject,” Regulus laughed and sat up.

“Prongs is just competitive. And avoiding the inevitable,” Remus replied lazily from where he sat next to Sirius in an oversized armchair, Sirius sprawled over him.

“Moony, you have no faith in us,” James said, at the same time as Sirius spoke.

“Maybe if Evans stopped taking points from us!”

“You’re lucky I’ve only taken 10 from you so far, Black. It could’ve been so much worse,” Lily butted in and shook her head. “I cover for you more than I’d like to admit.”

The conversations continued, moving from topic to topic quickly. At some point during the night, most of the other students had gone up to their dorm rooms to sleep.

At some point, Regulus had switched positions from sitting an upright position to laying down, his head in James’ lap. He had tried to stay awake, but at some point his eyes had betrayed him and fluttered closed.

The conversations continued for a little while longer after Regulus had fallen asleep, but eventually, they had all decided to go to sleep for the night.

“Should we wake him up?” Dorcas asked, standing up from where she sat. “I need to get back to the dungeons if there’s any chance of me showing up to double charms in the morning.”

“Let him stay a little while longer, you go ahead,” James said. “I’ll make sure he gets back to Slytherin fine.”

“If you say so,” Dorcas said, a yawn breaking through her words.

James sat with Regulus for a little while longer, in near complete silence throughout the room. The only source of sound was the crackling of the wood from the running fireplace as James raked his fingers through Regulus’ hair.

Through the dim light, he glanced down at a peaceful Regulus in his lap and smiled. He looked warm and cuddly, and James wanted to stay like this forever. Something about this just made his heart skip an extra beat. James wasn’t sure what it was, he couldn’t put his finger on it, but he knew it felt good. Like all the tangled up parts of him were unravelling with every waking moment he spent with Regulus in his arms.

Eventually, about to fall asleep himself, James made the executive decision to let Regulus sleep on his own. He carefully lifted Regulus’ head from his lap and grabbed a spare blanket to lay over him in case he got cold over night.

“Goodnight, Reg,” he whispered, quiet enough not to wake Regulus. A part of James wished he could stay down here, but reality sank in, as it always did, and he had to come to terms once again with the fact that he and Regulus weren’t actually together, even if it felt like it more than half the time. James pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before he headed back to his own dorm for the night.

By the time the morning rolled around, Regulus was sat in Professor Slughorn’s office across the desk from him, his hands folded neatly in his lap. It wasn’t often that Regulus was in here, and never because he was getting in trouble for something.

“So Regulus,” Slughorn began, sitting back in his chair. “I’ve heard you’ve been causing a bit of trouble recently, haven’t you?”

“Like what?” Regulus asked, his voice quiet, as it usually was around authority.

“Professor McGonagall mentioned that you had a hand in last night’s mess,” the professor explained. “A student mentioned to me this morning that you didn’t return to the dungeons last night as well. Is that so?”

Regulus shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the sudden interrogation. Slowly, he nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“I see.” Slughorn nodded his head and let out a sigh. “Mr. Black, I’ve written to your parents this morning to notify them of your behavior.”

Regulus’ head shot up as he heard those words, staring hard at the man. “You wrote home?!” he exclaimed, and it felt as if his heart had dropped to the floor.

“Yes, yes. Of course. These aren’t measures I’d normally take, but seeing as it’s very unlike you to behave this way, I saw it fit,” Slughorn said, and it was obvious he didn’t understand. The damage had been done.

“Okay,” Regulus replied and sank into his chair a bit. He wished he would melt into it as if he didn’t exist. At least it would be better than this– anything would be.

“I expect better from you. We can get you back on the right track, Regulus. Remember what I told you in your first year? As long as you’re interacting with the right people, you’ll be okay.” Slughorn looked at Regulus, and he smiled. “Don’t forget our Slug Club meeting is tomorrow. You won’t want to miss it, especially not now.”

“No, of course not, sir,” Regulus muttered. He could barely look his professor in the eyes. This conversation was eating away at him.

“Good. I’m glad you’ve decided! Now, best be off to breakfast and your classes,” Slughorn dismissed the boy, who slowly got up to leave the room, looking like he was going to be sick.

During his walk to the Great Hall, thoughts were speeding through Regulus’ mind.

How had he allowed himself to get so tied up in James Potter?

Upon entering the Great Hall, Regulus paused in the arched doorway. He had two options: The first would be to ignore Professor Slughorn’s advice and sit with Gryffindor. The second, and only truly logical option, would be to join Severus Snape and Barty Crouch Jr. at the Slytherin table.

Regulus, ignoring the calls from James to join the Gryffindors, walked towards the far end of the Great Hall instead.

“Sitting with us for a change?” Severus said. It wasn’t stated in a harsh tone, rather an observation.

“Thought I needed a bit of a change, I ‘spose,” Regulus mumbled, grabbing a piece of toast from the large pile on the table.

He couldn’t stomach the idea of eating it, but at the very least, picking at the bread would give him a distraction.

Regulus knew this wasn’t going to end well. He never misbehaved, he never stepped out of line. That had always been Sirius’ job, and Regulus stood on the sidelines as he watched his older brother take punishment after punishment more times than he could count on one hand. Now that Sirius was out of the house, all the pressure fell onto Regulus’ shoulders.

Do what’s expected of you.

His mother’s words would be ingrained into his brain forever. And now that he actually had done something she would never approve of, Regulus knew that things were about to get serious.

Walburga Black had no tolerance for disobedient children. She had no tolerance for games or pranks or fun. Regulus could already sense the rage that was going to fill her when she read that letter from Slughorn. She probably read it hours ago. If he wasn’t already nauseous, well, he was now.

The idea of being at the receiving end of Walburga’s wrath for once was enough to freak him out more than he’d like to admit.

And it was as if the universe was reading his mind because only moments later the owls came swooping into the Great Hall with notes and packages from home. Only when a familiar owl landed right in front of Regulus, it came with a bright red envelope. Any wizard could tell exactly what it was.

“Is that…” Barty started, his eyes wide as he stared at the letter that Regulus was now holding. Regulus had never received a Howler before.

Regulus swallowed hard as he stared at it for a long moment, knowing that it was going to start shouting at him at any moment. He wished he would just evaporate.

In an instant, Walburga Black’s shrill voice was sounding through the Great Hall.

”REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK

I AM ABSOLUTELY APPALLED BY YOUR BEHAVIOR AS OF RECENT. YOU MUST KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING IT IS FOR YOUR FATHER AND I TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF BLOOD TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS ALL DAY LONG INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON YOUR STUDIES AND WHAT REALLY MATTERS. AND PULLING THESE SILLY LITTLE PRANKS? WE EXPECT THAT BEHAVIOR FROM LESSER FAMILIES BUT NOT FROM THE HEIR OF THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK. WE HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND YOU DON’T WANT TO BE GIVING OFF THE WRONG IMPRESSIONS.

I EXPECT YOU TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE FROM THIS POINT FORWARD. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR OF YOU MISBEHAVING AGAIN. YOUR FATHER AND I WILL NOT ALLOW OUR ONLY CHILD TO EMBARRASS US IN THIS WAY. I ASSURE YOU THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT OVER AND WE WILL BE ADDRESSING IT THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE HOME.”

There was a moment of silence, all eyes on Regulus, before Severus decided to speak up. “Regulus…” he started.

“I don’t really want to hear it right now, Sev,” Regulus mumbled as he started to stand up from his seat, head high and shoulders up. He would not break down in front of these people.

Regulus made it out of the Great Hall, but almost as soon as he was out of eyesight of his peers, he slid down the wall, face hidden in his knees and tears streaming down his face.

Back at the Gryffindor table, James was already on his feet when Sirius pulled him back down. “Fuck off, Prongs. You can’t help him right now,” he snapped, already standing up from his spot.

“You can’t help him either, Black, you need to sit down,” Dorcas said.

“Did you not hear what you just called me? I’m his brother. I’m the only one who understands.”

“Not if you walk up to him dealing with your own feelings— If you’re upset about what she said about you, you won’t be any help to him,” Dorcas snapped. “Let me talk to him.”

“She didn’t say anything about me,” he snapped back. “You’re all pissing me off right now. I’m talking to him alone. If anyone follows me, you will regret it.”

And with that, Sirius hurried out of the Great Hall. He saw Regulus against the wall and sat beside him.

Regulus hadn’t looked up yet, but he knew was beside him. He’d always know. “Go away, Sirius.”

“Reggie,” Sirius began. “You aren’t okay.”

“What gave you that idea?” Regulus snapped, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “You know how our dear mother is. That was practically a hug from her.”

“Regulus, I understand. You know that I understand,” Sirius said.

Regulus sniffled and lifted his head to look at his brother, his eyes red and brimmed with tears. “I know,” he whispered, using the back of his hand to wipe his tears. “I think– I get it now. The pressure. Being the heir and all, I get it. I didn’t realize how bad it was for you. I didn’t realize why you had to leave until now.”

Sirius frowned. “I wish you didn’t have to understand it,” he said. “It’s not fair.”

“Nothing about our lives is fair, Sirius, I think you know that by now,” Regulus said. “But that’s the way it is. For me, at least. I’m not like you.”

“You might not be in Gryffindor, but,” Sirius began. “But I think you’re braver than you know, Regulus.”

Regulus scoffed. “That’s easy for you to say. You have people– you have,” he paused. “I just don’t know them like you do. It’s not the same.”

“You’ll always have me. I don’t care what that wench says, you’ll always be my brother.”

Regulus wiped his eyes one more time. “Yeah.”

Sirius started to stand up and extended his hand out to the boy still on the floor. “Come on, we’re going to the hospital wing.”

“Why?”

“You look sick. Madam Pomfrey will let you take a nap, and that way, you won’t have to go to classes,” he explained.

“I’m fine, Sirius.”

“No, seriously. Let’s go.”

Regulus stayed silent for a moment before finally meeting Sirius’ eyes. He let out a deep sigh and took the offered hand to help him stand. “Yeah, okay. I guess— I think you’re right, maybe I’m not feeling too great.”

Sirius led the way to the hospital wing, throwing an arm casually over his brother’s shoulder as they walked. “Will you be okay? By yourself?” Sirius asked, right before they entered Madam Pomfrey’s office.

“I’ll be fine,” Regulus promised. “I’m serious, go to class.”

“Okay,” Sirius nodded and took one more look towards his brother before he started to leave.

“Sirius?”

SIrius turned his head to look at Regulus, a questioning look on his face. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Sirius gave his brother a smile and nodded his head before officially leaving.

Regulus spent a majority of the day in the hospital wing taking a much needed nap. He let Madam Pomfrey fuss over him, and he didn’t complain. It was nice being alone. It was nice being cared for, for once in his life.

He found himself at the top of the Astronomy Tower later that night, sitting criss-crossed on the floor, just staring at the night sky in silence. This was Regulus’ safe space. He could be sad and alone and no one had to worry about him up here. It was a nice place to go if he didn’t want to be found.

Under normal circumstances, Regulus could trust that nobody would be able to find him when he was in the tower. However, unlike his normal nights spent at the very highest point of the castle, he was found.

James Potter had taken it upon himself to search high and low for Regulus, and he had found him.

“Hey,” James said, leaning against the archway leading to where Regulus sat beside the open window.

“How did you find me here?”

James, shoving an old piece of parchment in his pocket, shrugged. “I had… a feeling.”

Regulus didn’t respond. Instead, he looked back towards the open window, his eyes scanning the grounds. It was getting chillier outside, but the cold breeze didn’t bother Regulus. If anything, the bitter cold made Regulus feel more aware— It reminded him that this was reality. It reminded him of the consequences. It reminded him that this was his life— He was the heir to the House of Black.

James walked towards Regulus, sitting in the spot beside him. The two sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

“You haven’t spoken to me all day,” James reminded him after some time had passed, once again breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I was obligated to spend every waking minute with you,” Regulus snapped before his face softened just a bit, only seconds later. “I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean that. I just– it’s been a hard day, okay?”

“I know,” James replied, his voice soft. He stayed silent for a moment before speaking again. “I’m here for you, you know that, right? If it’s been a hard day— You don’t have to build these walls up around me.”

Regulus didn’t reply, so James spoke again.

“You don’t have to go back, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Regulus asked.

“You can come home with me,” James answered, as if it were as simple as that.

“You know I can’t do that,” Regulus replied.

“Why not?”

“They’re going to make it harder for me. Harder than it was for him. If I’m gone, the Black family line won’t exist anymore.”

“To hell with this whole heir thing. Regulus, you aren’t happy. Who cares about a name? About this lineage?”

“James, it’s not that simple. I know you don’t get it, but the Black name— It’s more than just a family. It’s a status. It’s—”

“I don’t care what it is, Regulus. If you make this choice— If you come live with me— My parents, they can protect you from them. I’ll protect you from them. All you have to do is say the word.”

Regulus stayed silent for a moment, as if he were contemplating something.

“Slughorn, he’s having a party this weekend. Would you like to be my plus one?” Regulus asked, deciding to change the subject.

James stared at him for a split second before coming to terms with the fact that the previous conversation was over, as much as it pained him. He managed to let out a short laugh. “You know, I’d love to, but I’m not allowed.”

“What do you mean, not allowed, James?” Regulus asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“I got banned from old Sluggy’s parties. First year.”

“As interesting as that sounds, I really do not need details.”

James let out a soft laugh, standing from where he had been sitting next to Regulus. “Are you ready to go back down?” he asked.

Regulus, taking one last look across the dark grounds, nodded. James unfolded the invisibility cloak that he had used to make his way up to the tower.

“Come here,” James said, pulling Regulus closer to him. He pulled the cloak over both of them, his arm wrapped around Regulus’ waist as they carefully made their way down the stairs and through the corridors.

They stopped first at Gryffindor Tower, where James carefully lifted the cloak. “You take this to Slytherin— I’ll get it from you tomorrow,” James said.

Regulus thought he saw James hesitate for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he had imagined seeing James move slightly closer, as if he were going in for a kiss, but at the last minute decided to hug Regulus instead. Regulus was maybe even a little disappointed at that.

“Take care of yourself, okay, Regulus? I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, James.”

“Goodnight, Reg.”

And with that, James was whispering the password and the portrait swung open. With a glance back at Regulus, James disappeared inside.

Regulus began his walk towards the dungeons, the invisibility cloak covering his body as he made his way down the dark hallways.

Regulus, covered by the invisibility cloak, couldn’t help but think— maybe being invisible was a better way to walk through life.