all these people think love's for show (but i would die for you in secret)

Regulus felt isolated, to say the least. Alone. Despite standing in a crowded room filled with students dressed in their very best robes, Regulus felt like he was on display. He felt as if he were an animal in a zoo, stuck behind a thick layer of glass, as everybody stared at him like he was the most interesting creature in the world. Maybe they weren’t staring at him, but it sure as hell felt like it.

Despite it being days since his mother’s Howler dropped right in front of his face in the Great Hall, most of the students at Hogwarts— especially the Slytherins— had not moved on. He tried to forget about it, but it seemed like no one else felt that way.

The morning after Regulus received the Howler, he had sat silently at the Slytherin table, picking at his food. Whispers, loud enough for him to hear exactly what was being said, filled his ears.

”I mean, she wasn’t wrong, was she?”

“Taking after his good for nothing brother, if you ask me.”

“Can’t believe it, never thought I’d see the Black family going to hell.”

It wasn’t until Dorcas sat next to him, throwing an arm protectively around his shoulder and sending a glare at anyone who dared say something, did the whispers and stares stop. Dorcas hadn’t sat at the Slytherin table in years, she had no reason to at this point. Regulus had given her a reason.

Regulus hadn’t built up the nerve to spend meal times in the Great Hall since that morning, despite his best friends’ efforts to protect him. Instead, it was as if his friends had made a schedule— almost like clockwork, one of them would arrive wherever it was that Regulus had decided to hide out, with a plate of food for him, and they would eat in near silence. Remus helped, Lily, Sirius, Dorcas, of course, and even Marlene went out of her way to make sure Regulus knew she was there for him.

But James, he went above and beyond. It was almost as if every time Regulus found himself alone, James was by his side.

However, with Professor Slughorn already worrying about the time he was spending with the wrong people, and not to mention the elevated pressure with his family, Regulus knew this Slug Club party was not one that should be missed, no matter how much he wanted to.

So here he was, once again pretending that everything was okay. Pretending like he fit in, or more so that he wanted to fit in.

His eyes scanned the room for his friends after a couple minutes of standing alone. Severus, Dorcas, and Lily were all a part of the Slug Club as well, and they were the only reason his night wouldn’t be completely awful.

In an instant, Regulus went from looking around to having his arm tugged in the opposite direction, straight into a corner of the room.

Regulus’ first instinct was to whip his wand out of the pocket of his robes and shove it in the face of whoever had grabbed him. If Regulus was being honest, it scared him. He had been on edge ever since that Howler because he knew he messed up, and something could go wrong at any minute.

“Reg, stop— Stop, it’s me!” the person said quickly, holding their hands up in defense.

“Mary?” Regulus questioned, slowly lowering his wand, his breathing heavy.

“Wh— oh, no. No,” they replied, letting out a nervous laugh. “I’m James.”

“That’s not funny, Mary, really. What are you doing here?” Regulus asked and shoved his wand back into his pocket.

“I really am James!” he explained. “Polyjuice Potion. The lads and I were saving it to prank the girls, but I thought this was a little more important. You’re more important.”

Regulus stood there for a second in disbelief, heart racing. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right?”

James grinned. “I know. But I couldn’t let you come without a date, and seeing as I’m technically not allowed to be here, this was my only option. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

“You know Lily, Dorcas, and Severus are all here too. I wouldn’t be alone.”

“But it’s not the same, is it?” James asked and took a step closer.

“No. It’s not the same.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them as they looked at each other, almost like some sort of unspoken agreement. Really, having James there was different than having any of his other friends there. Regulus knew that for a fact.

“This is so fucking weird,” Regulus stated.

“How do you think I feel? I’m a girl!” James exclaimed.

“You did that to yourself. Now I have to look at you all night,” Regulus said, scrunching up his nose.

Mary was very beautiful, but she wasn’t James.

“Ha ha, very funny,” James replied sarcastically before holding his hand out. “Let’s go find the others, okay? And then we can dance.”

Regulus hesitated for a second before he took the hand offered to him. “Okay, but if you ever grab me like that again, I will not hesitate to hex you. You scared me shitless.”

“Noted,” James said. It was odd— the grin on the face he met was so unlike Mary, and in every single way, it was like James.

“You did— Mary knows that you’re here, doesn’t she?” Regulus asked.

“About that—“ James began, a sheepish look on his face. “It can stay our little secret.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes at the boy. “She’s going to kill you.”

“Not if she doesn’t find out!”

“Oh, she will. It’s Mary. And I’ll be laughing on the sidelines when you have to feel the wrath of Mary Macdonald.”

“No need to worry, Reg, I’ve got it under control. I’m here now, so have a little fun, okay?”

James extended his hand out for Regulus, who hesitated for just a second before grabbing it. This was probably one of the strangest experiences of his life. He was holding hands with James Potter, his fake boyfriend, who looked like Mary Macdonald.

Regulus let himself be led through the crowd, weaving in and out of the people either dancing or standing around in conversation. It didn’t take long to find Dorcas and Lily immersed in their own discussion, bright smiles on both of their faces. As the pair approached, the girls turned to look at them, and the expressions on their faces completely changed.

“Well this is new,” Lily said first, eyebrows raised.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” James replied, squeezing the hand he was holding.

“Would someone like to explain to me what the hell is going on?” Dorcas asked, her mouth hanging open just slightly.

“Well, the truth is, I’ve been keeping a secret for a very long time. I am madly in love with Regulus Black and I have been for years!” James exclaimed with a wide grin. He was clearly having fun pretending to be Mary.

Regulus shoved him. “Stop.”

Dorcas squinted at him. “Oh, is that right?”

James nervously laughed. “Uh huh, yeah. I’m gonna go get us some drinks.” And with that, he sped off.

Both girls turned to look at Regulus, clearly awaiting an explanation.

“What?” Regulus asked, feigning innocence.

“That was Potter, wasn’t it?” Lily questioned.

“What? No way,” Regulus lied, looking away and biting back a smile.

“Oh, it totally was. You’re so far gone for him, Regulus, anyone can tell!” Dorcas teased.

“Am not!” Regulus mumbled, his cheeks turning pink.

“You’re blushing.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s not a bad thing, Reg, to be in love.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Regulus bit back, tensing up.

Love. It was such a strong word.

Maybe he was trying to convince Lily and Dorcas, or maybe he was trying to convince himself, but the truth was, Regulus would never admit his feelings towards James. Not like this, anyway.

Before anyone could respond, James was back with two drinks in his hands, one for him and one for Regulus, that stupid grin still on his face.

“You wanna tell us why you look like this tonight, Potter?” Dorcas asked.

“Yeah, you’re lucky I’ve decided not to take any points. You know you’re not allowed to be here after what happened in first year,” Lily butted in.

James shrugged. “For him,” he admitted and looked at Regulus, who softened.

There had been many, many times where James and Sirius had planned to crash the Slug Club parties together. It was a game for them. But this time, no, it wasn’t a game. He was here for Regulus and Regulus only. James desperately wanted to be there for him.

“Okay, that’s the most disgustingly sweet thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth,” Dorcas admitted and rolled her eyes. “I’m bored, let’s go dance.”

Despite his hesitance and the dread he had been feeling leading up to the event, Regulus ended up having fun. He spent the night with his friends— talking, dancing and laughing. Although spending the night with the same group that had led Regulus into trouble in the first place, despite their own involvement in the Slug Club, was most likely not what Professor Slughorn had in mind, he knew that his head of house approved. The slight nod he sent Regulus’ way about halfway through the night was proof of that.

Towards the end of the night, the group of four decided it was time to leave and head back to their respective dorms. Dorcas and Regulus parted ways with James and Lily. Normally, they’d all crash in Gryffindor together, but at this point, Regulus didn’t want to risk it again. There was too much at stake.

James and Lily walked side by side. For once in the six years they were at school, James wasn’t attempting, and miserably failing, to flirt. The potion still hadn’t worn off, for one.

“You know, I think it’s really sweet what you did tonight, James,” she broke the silence.

“You do?”

Lily nodded. “Of course. You care about him.”

“Yeah, I do,” he said and then shrugged. “It was nothing though. I would do anything for him.”

“I know.”

The two arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady, said the password, and entered the common room. Sitting in front of the fire was Marlene and the real Mary, the boys nowhere to be seen. Their heads turned to see who was coming in, and Mary immediately shot up from where she had been comfortably sitting before.

Marlene instantly burst out laughing. “No fucking way.”

“Which one of you idiots is it?” Mary asked, arms crossing over her chest.

“I don’t know what you mean. I’m Mary,” James replied, letting out a laugh.

“I’m going to fucking kill you, Potter.”

“Hey, you don’t know it’s me!”

“I do now,” Mary said, eyes narrowed as she approached him.

“I don’t regret a single thing,” James admitted teasingly. “By the way, you have a detention next Wednesday night. I ran into Minnie earlier.”

“Oh, you’re dead. So dead,” Lily muttered from beside him, noticing the way Mary was looking at him. “You probably have, like, three seconds to run to safety.”

It was almost instantly that James bolted across the room, but Mary wasn’t far behind. She had a couch pillow in her hands, yelling his name and curses over and over again. Marlene was cheering Mary on, and Lily looked horrified in the corner.

At the commotion, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had come down the stairs from their dorm to find out what was going on. James was about to run up the stairs as an escape, but the path was blocked by the three boys, and Mary had caught up to him.

Mary repeatedly hit him with the pillow in her hands, and as much as he tried to block it, James gave up. Maybe he deserved it.

“That’s. What. You. Get,” Mary said, hitting him after every word she spoke.

When she stopped, she was out of breath. Everyone else was laughing, except James, of course.

“That hurt,” he whined, rubbing his arm.

“Good.”

“Oh, while we’re on the subject, people might ask why you were holding hands with Regulus Black. You’re on your own with that one,” James said and flinched when Mary raised the pillow again. “Okay, okay, sorry.”

“Would anyone care to explain what the fuck is going on?” Remus cut in, rubbing his tired eyes. “We were trying to sleep until we got interrupted by a bunch of screaming girls.”

“Wormy might have been trying to sleep, but I know better than to believe you and Pads,” he said, a smirk gracing his features. “Now, will you let me through before Macdonald gives me permanent brain damage with that pillow of hers?” James said, appearance still altered by the potion.

Remus blinked at him for a few moments. “Prongs?” he asked and then let out the heaviest sigh he could. “I’m not even going to ask. Good fucking night.”

He grabbed Sirius’ arm and started to drag him up the stairs, not turning back.

“Me too,” James said, feigning a yawn. “I’m just exhausted, ‘night, everyone.”

“And stay the fuck out of Black’s bed tonight while you’re in my body, Potter. I know you two like to cuddle,” Mary said, gave him one last whack on the arm with the pillow, and walked back to the couch with Marlene, who was still cracking up.

The boys all went upstairs after saying their goodnights. They went to sleep without saying much else, and when they woke up in the morning, the Polyjuice Potion had officially worn off. James was James again.

Dorcas had managed to convince Regulus to sit with the Gryffindors for breakfast after last night, and he reluctantly agreed. As long as he kept out of trouble, it should be okay.

“Good morning. Look who decided to show up as himself this morning,” Mary spoke up when the boys arrived, waving her fork around. “Explain yourself. Now.”

“If I must, we’ve been working on a Polyjuice Potion as a prank, but I decided to take it last night so I could join Regulus at the Slug Club party,” James explained.

“You took my hair?!” Mary exclaimed, her hands on her head, at the same time that Sirius shouted, “You took the potion?! We’ve been working on that forever!”

“Everyone needs to stop being so dramatic. There’s still some left, anyway,” James pointed out.

“Good, so now you can serve that detention you got me. Works out perfectly,” Mary grinned and went back to eating her food.

“Anyway, now that the dramatics are over,” Remus started out, shoving a piece of toast into his mouth as he looked at Regulus. “Do you think you could cover my prefect shift tonight? I was supposed to go with Lily, but– I just– something came up.”

“It’s the full moon, Remus, I know. I’ll cover your shift.”

“What are you— I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “You’re never on prefect duty during the full moon. I know, and it’s okay. I’m not– I’d never judge you for that.”

“Oh,” Remus said, looking down. “Thanks, Regulus.”

Sirius cut in, gesturing towards Regulus’ plate. “Hurry up and eat, we have to go.”

“Go where?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To Hagrid’s,” Peter said, as if it were obvious.

“I’ve never even spoken to Hagrid. Why would we go there?” Regulus asked.

“He’s our friend,” Sirius said, a sharp tone in his voice. “No matter what mother might have said about him.”

Before they went to Hogwarts, Walburga had sat her sons down to explain, for the utmost time, that some people in the wizarding world were better than others.

And in their mother’s eyes, Rubeus Hagrid was below just about anyone else they would come in contact with.

“We go after every prank,” James said, sending Sirius a sideways glance. “We have since our first year— He pretends like he hates hearing about them, like we’re telling him something he shouldn’t know, but we know he looks forward to it. Always has an open door for us, at least.”

“I’m not sure if I should,” Regulus trailed off, the Howler still ringing in his ears.

“You’re going,” Sirius told him sternly. “And if she has anything to say about it, she’ll hear it from me.”

“Okay,” Regulus agreed and looked at his brother. “But I can deal with it myself, whatever happens. You’re not getting involved ever again.”

“Come on, let’s go,” James said, standing up from his spot at the table. “He’s probably heard all about it by now— I’m sure he wonders why we haven’t been by.”

The five boys left the Great Hall, stepping out into the cold air. The walk to Hagrid’s hut seemed longer than Regulus could have imagined as the cold air pressed against his face, pushing his hair back. Regulus never thought he’d be relieved to be stepping into Hagrid’s home, but when the door opened and he could feel the warmth from the fire overcome him, he was grateful.

“‘Morning, lads!” Hagrid greeted with a wide smile, looking down at the boys.

“‘Morning, Hagrid!” they all responded in unison and stepped forward to hug the half-giant.

Well, all of them except Regulus. This was new to him, and he couldn’t help but feel a little awkward, like he didn’t belong quite yet.

“And who’s this?” he asked.

“This is my brother,” Sirius said, pulling Regulus by the arm closer into the hut so they could shut the door behind them.

“Ah, Regulus. ‘eard all about yeh, haven’ I?” Hagrid said kindly.

“You have?” Regulus asked, his head turned upward to look at Hagrid.

“‘Course! These lot talk abou’ yeh all the time, especially yer brother here,” he explained, gesturing to Sirius, who rolled his eyes playfully. Regulus’ cheeks heated up. “Though I cheer for Gryffindor, yeh make a fine good Seeker.”

“Hagrid, we have to tell you all about our latest prank. It was a good one, if I do say so myself,” James butted in and threw himself into one of the chairs. “Can we have tea?”

Hagrid got to working on the tea for the five boys, who lounged around the little hut and made themselves comfortable. James had started going into a proud and in-depth rant about their latest prank on Halloween, only to get reprimanded for it, despite the smile on Hagrid’s face. It was their thing, really. They’d come and share all of the inside prank information with Hagrid, and he would tell them that he didn’t want to hear it, even though he secretly looked forward to it every week.

They were sure to include Regulus this time, and though he hadn’t been sure about it before, he was glad he made an effort. Hagrid was one of the kindest souls he ever met. He was warm and welcoming, and Regulus couldn’t fathom why anybody would treat him with anything less than the utmost respect. Well, he knew why, but he didn’t think it was fair. Nothing that his mother said was ever fair, if he really thought about it long enough.

Hagrid treated him as if he had been coming with the other four boys all along, like he cared about Regulus. And it warmed Regulus’ heart once again to feel like he was a part of something.

The Howler was still burning in the back of his mind, and he knew his duty as the Black family heir, but he also knew that things weren’t black and white. There had to be a way he could, at the same time, appease his mother and still have a bit of fun on the side. If he lost this, everything they had built the last few months, he had nothing.