all these people think love's for show (but i would die for you in secret)

“Peter— Peter— Pettigrew!” Regulus called. He saw the boy scurrying through the hallways near Gryffindor tower, his arms full of Honeydukes sweets. It was clear that he was trying to get out of the corridor as quickly as possible, and as a result, he didn’t stop the first two times Regulus called his name.

Finally, with his last name being called loudly, Peter turned quickly. The sudden movement caused a couple of the sweets to fall from his arms.

“What are you doing with all of this?” Regulus asked, leaning down to pick up some of the dropped candy. “Where did it even come from?”

“I— Well— I’m not really— I’ve gotta go! See you at the match!” Peter said. Without taking the sweets Regulus was still holding, Peter quickly turned to face the portrait of The Fat Lady, and mumbling the password, the door swung open. Peter wasted no time scurrying into the common room, making sure the door closed quickly behind him.

Regulus stood in the middle of the corridor, Honeydukes sweets still in his hand, and a confused look on his face.

No matter how much time Regulus spent with the Gryffindors, he wasn’t sure he would ever stop questioning the quirks and mysteries surrounding them. It was like they had their own little club, and it was a club that Regulus could never fully become a part of —especially when he reminded himself that he wasn’t a part of this. A part of them.

At some point, James and the others would become bored of messing with Sirius. When that point in time comes, Regulus knew that it would be difficult to go back to spending his days in the corner of the Slytherin common room, sitting across the table as he and Severus did their homework in near silence. He would have to go back to only seeing Dorcas when she wasn’t surrounded by Marlene, Mary, and Lily. He would have to go back to slight nods, maybe the occasional smile, when he saw Sirius in the hallways. He would have to go back to being Regulus Black, Slytherin. —He would have to go back to a life that, in hindsight, he wasn’t quite sure was truly living.

The thoughts filling his mind were quickly redirected when the Gryffindor portrait hole opened, out walking James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter.

Upon seeing Regulus standing in the corridor, James’ smile widened. God, Regulus would miss that when this was all over.

“Hey,” James said, slipping his hand into Regulus’. “What are you doing out here?”

“I ran into Peter— I was going to see if you wanted to have breakfast together. Before the match, I mean,” Regulus replied.

It was a Saturday morning, and Regulus had already been in The Great Hall for hours— He was never one to sleep in. It wasn’t something his parents had allowed growing up, and even in his months spent at Hogwarts, Regulus never allowed himself to fall into the habit.

Regulus had been spending his morning at the Slytherin table, his eyes constantly shifting to the entrance of The Great Hall. Severus and Barty had left after nearly forty minutes, Regulus telling them to go back to the dorm, that there was no need to wait for him.

It was nearly 9:30 before Regulus made the decision to wander around the castle, hoping to run into James or the other Gryffindors. He was always anxious on Quidditch days, and he had hoped spending time with his new friends would ease his nerves.

“I ‘spose I could use a meal before the match,” James replied, swinging their hands between them as they walked. “Have you been waiting long?”

“No, I was just walking up to the door when Peter came through— What were you doing, by the way?” Regulus asked, turning his attention towards Peter. It was a good way to get the attention off of himself, hopefully before they realized he had spent the morning waiting to see them.

“I —Uh—“ Peter began, but Sirius cut him off.

“His mum sends him sweets when we have to go a while between Hogsmeade weekends! Pete was just coming back from the owlery!” Sirius said quickly, lying easily.

Regulus nodded, clearly not believing the story. Despite wanting to know what was really going on, he let the thought fall from his mind, handing Peter the sweets that he had dropped earlier. “You dropped these earlier,” he said.

The group of five continued to have little conversations as they made their way to The Great Hall. Taking a seat at the Gryffindor table, Regulus moved to pull his hand away from James’, but James held on. “Come on,” he whispered in Regulus’ ear, leaning a little bit on Regulus’ shoulder. “For good luck— for both of us.”

Regulus couldn’t hide the smile on his face, but he didn’t try to pull his hand away again. Instead, Regulus picked up a slice of toast with his free hand, taking a bite from it as he listened to Remus complain about the inhumanity of early mornings, especially on a Saturday.

“Come on, Moony! You don’t want to miss Gryffindor kicking some Slytherin ass!” Sirius said.

“How tragic it would be for me to miss that,” Remus said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. His eyes were closed, his head laying on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Who said Gryffindor was going to win?” Regulus asked, a raised eyebrow. “Slytherin clearly has the better seeker,” he said, a playful tone in his voice.

“Maybe,” Peter replied, a smirk on his face. “But we have James, Sirius, and Marlene.”

It was true, and Regulus knew it— When the three Gryffindors mounted their brooms and shot into the sky, they were practically unbeatable. The chemistry between them, it was like they could read each other’s minds. It was as if they were predicting each other’s next moves as they flew through the sky.

“Well, may the best team win,” Regulus said, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry,” Marlene said, walking up behind the group, her hand in Dorcas’ and Mary and Lily following closely behind. “We will,” she finished.

“Whatever you say, McKinnon,” Regulus replied and playfully rolled his eyes, smiling.

“I’m right, as always,” she said, the group of girls taking their usual seats. Her eyes glanced down to where Regulus and James’ hands were intertwined on top of the table. “Although, I’m not sure Potter’s head is going to be in the game today with all that running around he’s been doing with you.”

“Hey!” James whined. “My head is always in the game. I am a professional.”

Marlene raised her hands in mock surrender, and then she smirked. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Didn’t know bringing up this relationship would strike such a nerve.”

James sent a glare towards Marlene, but he didn’t drop Regulus’ hand. “Well why didn’t you say Regulus’ head wouldn’t be in the game?” he asked with a pout. “For all you know, the Snitch could be right in front of him and he won’t even notice— Too busy staring at me. I wouldn’t blame him, I look great on my broom,” James said. The speed in which he went from pouting to arrogance could have given anyone whiplash.

“I’m going to pay a Slytherin beater to knock you off your broom if you don’t shut the fuck up,” Remus muttered from where his head was resting on Sirius’ shoulder. He didn’t even open his eyes, but the silence that followed for even just a moment was satisfying enough.

“I don’t think you would have to pay them to do that. Any Slytherin would be more than happy to knock James Potter down a few pedestals,” Dorcas said after the moment of silence that had fallen over the table. “Correction, any house would.”

“What did I even do?!” James whined, and he began to pout. “You all hate me.”

“I would never hate you,” Sirius said and grinned.

“Your opinion of James is automatically invalid because you’re the same way. I don’t want to hear it,” Marlene said and then turned back to Regulus. “Anyway, do you agree? James looks good on his broom?”

The answer popped into Regulus’ mind almost surprisingly fast. Where did that even come from? He almost held back the answer, but then he remembered that James was his boyfriend. “Of course he does,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. He leaned into James’ side. “You’re going to give him an even bigger head, though. You should have asked— I don’t know, Lily or someone. Knocked him down a few pegs,” Regulus teased.

“You know, I try my best every day but sometimes it just isn’t enough,” Lily interrupted and shook her head in disappointment. “It’s a hard job, truly.”

“One day you’ll see the light, Evans, and then you’ll realize you missed your opportunity while you had it,” James said to her.

All eyes turned to James, shocked that he had said that, especially Remus and Marlene, who were in on the prank. Remus was wide awake at this point. Regulus involuntarily moved away from James, no longer leaning into his side or holding his hand. This isn’t real.

“What did I do?” James asked, noticing everyone looking at him.

“You’re a bigger idiot than I thought you were, Potter,” Marlene said to him and shook her head.

It was true– James was an idiot. He really hadn’t understood the meaning behind his words until this very moment, and by the look on Regulus’ face, he regretted it. Though this whole thing was fake, it didn’t look good that he was talking about a girl while in a “relationship” with someone else.

“I think we should go get ready for the match,” Sirius said, jumping in quickly. “McKinnon, are you coming?” he asked, already pulling James up with him.

“Yeah,” Marlene said, glaring at James when she stood up. “I just need to talk to Potter about an idea I had— As captain, I mean. We’ll catch up.”

Sirius nodded and trailed behind the two.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Marlene snapped at James, flicking his ear.

“I’m sorry!” James exclaimed and swatted her hand away from his head. “It just came out.”

“You’re a moron. You can’t be talking about Lily when you’re supposed to be in a relationship with Regulus,” she explained.

“But it’s Lily! I always joke like that with her,” James defended.

“Not when you’re dating someone else. Besides, I think you hurt Regulus’ feelings.”

“I did?”

“He looked upset, that’s all,” Marlene said.

“Why would he be upset?” James asked, defensively. He never liked to be the bad guy. In reality, he knew that it wasn’t right— but Regulus had no right to be upset. “It’s not like this is real.”

Marlene groaned. “This is something you need to figure out on your own. I can’t deal with it,” she said, dramatically.

“What do you mean?” James asked, more confused than ever.

Marlene gave him one final glare before sighing. “Let’s just go. We can’t be late.”

James let out a whine but still followed her, Sirius not far behind.

Walking across the grounds of the castle, James noticed he was only a few steps behind Regulus and his teammates. Marlene’s words echoing in his mind, he sped up and put a hand on Regulus’ arm, holding him back.

“Can I talk to you? For a minute?” James asked, his voice quiet.

Regulus looked at his teammates, who all looked back expectantly. “I’ll catch up,” he mumbled. His teammates didn’t look happy, but they continued walking towards the pitch.

“What do you want?” Regulus asked, once they were far enough out of earshot from any of the other students making their way towards the stands.

“I’m sorry— About the Lily thing, I mean. It was dumb,” James admitted, barely meeting Regulus’ eye.

“It’s fine— I mean,” Regulus began, sighing softly. “It’s not like you’re actually my boyfriend, James, I’m not upset.”

“Marlene thought you were upset,” James pointed out.

“I just didn’t think letting Sirius catch on this early— It would be like all of this were for nothing,” Regulus said. Was that really why he was upset, though?

“Oh,” James said, unsure of why the word nothing hurt so much. “You’re right,” he agreed, shaking the thought out of his head. “We should go— We don’t want to be late. Not like they could start without us, but y’know,” James said.

They walked together, and once they got to their destination, James turned to Regulus. They were still alone, out of sight of any other students. “Good luck, Reg,” James said. He leaned in, leaving a soft kiss on Regulus’ lips. There was no time to process what had happened, with James running off to join his own team in the Gryffindor locker room, and Regulus followed suit towards the Slytherin one.

Regulus had no time to process the fact that James had kissed him with nobody around. Before he knew it, he was out of the locker room and on the grass, hundreds of students staring down at him.

“Mount your brooms! I want a clean game now. On my whistle!” Madame Hooch said, the whistle hanging from her lips.

The screech of the whistle filled the air, and Regulus pushed up off his feet, soaring into the air. He flew higher than anybody else on the pitch, keeping his eyes peeled for the winged ball of gold.

“And they’re off!” called Mary, from the commentators booth. “Immediately, Gryffindor Chaser James Potter has the Quaffle. Marlene McKinnon blocks a nasty bludger headed towards Potter—”

Regulus drowned out the words as Mary explained to the crowd of students and staff what was happening. His eyes scanned the entire Quidditch pitch, but the golden Snitch was nowhere to be found.

It never failed to amaze Regulus the ratio of red and green during the Slytherin vs Gryffindor matches. Of course, there was a portion of the crowd dressed in emerald green. However, it was nothing compared to the sea of scarlett red. It was clear that Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw wanted to see Slytherin lose more than they hoped Gryffindor would win.

Students in red and green robes were speeding through the air, the Quaffle being passed around from player to player.

“Ten points to Slytherin!” Mary called, her voice amplifying throughout the Hogwarts grounds. Regulus didn’t take any time to celebrate the points gained for his team, keeping watch for the Snitch.

The clouds were starting to cover the sun, which only made it more difficult to see.

The game continued, both the Gryffindor and Slytherin team racking up points. It had become clear that players on both sides were becoming irritated at their respective seekers; they had been playing for at least an hour and a half, if Regulus had to guess, but the golden Snitch had yet to be seen.

“Another ten points to Gryffindor! That brings the score to Slytherin, one hundred and twenty, Gryffindor, one hundred and ten! It’s a close game, but it can only end when one of the seekers catches the golden Snitch!” Mary announced.

Almost as soon as the words had left Mary’s mouth, Regulus spotted a quick movement across the pitch.

He dove quickly, but was fast to pull up on his broom and come to a halt as Mary spoke. “Gryffindor captain James Potter takes a nasty bludger— Bloody hell, he’s falling! James has been knocked off his broom! That foul Slyth–” she started, though the microphone had been taken away from her before she could even complete the sentence.

With Regulus distracted by James, the Gryffindor Seeker used it as a perfect opportunity to catch the Snitch, effectively ending the game. James was able to regain balance and pull himself back up onto his broom, but he almost fell off again as he celebrated Gryffindor’s win.

Mary, who had taken control of the microphone once again, was announcing the win. “The Gryffindor Seeker has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor wins with two hundred and sixty points to Slytherin’s one hundred and twenty. Slytherin Seeker Regulus Black was paying more attention to the Gryffindor captain than the game, it seems,” she said, and Regulus rolled his eyes as he could hear the smirk on her face. He lowered to the ground, and he didn’t miss the glare on his teammates’ face as they walked back to the locker room.

Evan Rosier, the Slytherin team captain, was pissed.

“You cost us the game,” he spat at Regulus, who was already disappointed with himself with the turn of events. “If you weren’t too busy making eyes at Potter all day every day, we would’ve won.”

“I didn’t mean–” Regulus started, but he was cut off.

“I don’t care. Gryffindors are the enemy and the last thing we need is for you to go fraternizing with them,” Rosier responded.

“They’re– He’s not–” Regulus could barely get the words out, but Rosier’s fury got the best of him, and he continued to overstep.

“You’re going to turn out just like your poor excuse of a brother if you keep it up. Oh wait, he’s not technically your brother anymore, is he?”

That struck Regulus harder than anything Rosier had said yet. The Slytherins could go on and on about how much they disliked James Potter and Gryffindor house, that was one thing, but to bring up Sirius, especially the disownment, that was another.

“Don’t you dare,” Regulus muttered through gritted teeth.

“Or what?”

Regulus was ready to start a fight. It was extremely unlike him to do so, as he was typically more passive than his brother. But he couldn’t sit back and let Rosier get away with that.

Both of them knew, however, that if either of them started a fight, Slytherin’s season was over. It was a mutual agreement between them, and they backed down.

The team finished changing back into their casual robes, a tense silence filling the air. As they walked out of the locker room, James was waiting for Regulus.

He pulled Regulus off to the side, but Regulus could feel Rosier’s gaze on him.

“Reg! There’s a party in Gryffindor. Do you want to come?” James asked.

Regulus glanced back at the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team and met his gaze— Neither looked away as Regulus responded. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll be there.”

“Great!” James said, not noticing the clear tension between Regulus and his teammates. He was still on the high of winning that game. James extended his hand out for Regulus to grab. “Let’s go?”

Regulus nodded and smiled at him, lacing their fingers together. “Let’s go,” he said.

The two walked back towards the castle together and towards Gryffindor tower. “You’ve never been to a Gryffindor party, have you?” James asked, amused.

“Never,” Regulus smiled. “I heard they can get crazy though.”

“Oh, you bet. People from all houses usually come. It’s fun, I think you’ll like it.” James grinned.

Regulus was sure that he would enjoy himself. He was never the party type, and even when the Slytherins did have celebrations, it was never to the level of a Gryffindor one. If Gryffindors knew one thing, it was how to party. So to say the least, he was excited for a new experience.

As they approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, Regulus could hear the sound of cheer and laughter and music from inside. James said the password, and the portrait swung open to reveal a mass of people inside. It was unlike Regulus had ever seen before. The common room was decorated with various emblems of scarlett red and gold, music blasting from the record player in the corner, with bottles of butterbeer and firewhiskey strewn everywhere and groups of students dispersed into different sections of the room.

As soon as James entered the room, the crowd erupted into a chant. “Potter! Potter! Potter!” James, the Gryffindor he was, basked in the glory of a Quidditch win. While the team equally put in the work, he was the captain, after all.

Regulus let go of his hand so that James could join in the mini celebration. He was disappointed, of course, that Slytherin lost, but this made up for it. Being happy made up for it.

The party went on for hours. Regulus had barely seen James over the course of the night, but he finally came face to face with him. Albeit, a much more drunk James Potter than the one he had let leave his sight hours ago.

“Where have you been, Reg?!” James asked excitedly, his words slurred and he lazily threw his arms around a drunk, but much less drunk, Regulus.

“I was speaking with Lily,” he said, laughing. “Letting you have your moment, of course.”

“You talk so funny,” James hummed, his head falling into the crook of Regulus’ neck. “So proper and posh.”

“Oh, be quiet, would you?” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. He had a smile on his face, though, and he made no effort to push James away.

“I’ll only be quiet if you dance with me,” James said, head still hidden in Regulus’ neck.

“I hate dancing, James,” Regulus said.

“Yeah, but you’ve never danced with me before.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll do it. But only because it’s you,” Regulus replied and pulled away from him just slightly to grab both of his hands. “Come on.”

Regulus allowed James to drag him onto the dance floor. Dancing with a very intoxicated James Potter wasn’t something that Regulus had ever expected, but when the song switched from the upbeat closing of the song before to a new one, he was completely okay with the way things had turned out.

“You’re a good dancer,” James mumbled. “Such a good dancer,” he repeated.

Regulus laughed softly, shaking his head. There was no need for a response. James and Regulus danced in silence until the song ended, and Regulus led James to one of the couches near the back of the common room. The spot was much quieter, because although many of the students had retired to their own dorm rooms for the night, a large sum still remained on the makeshift dance floor.

“I’m so lucky that you’re my boyfriend,” James said, a huge grin on his face as he emphasized the word. James’ grin faded a little bit as he leaned in slowly, giving Regulus plenty of time to back away if he wanted to.

The kiss was slow and gentle, drastically different from the way James had been acting since he and Regulus found each other again.

James brought his hand up to cup Regulus’ cheek. The kiss lasted longer than the others they had— Much longer than the one that seemingly came out of nowhere behind the Quidditch pitch earlier that day.

It would occur to him later why James might have done it, but in that moment, it felt real.

It was a party, people were around. He’s supposed to be my boyfriend. He had just won a game, of course we would want to celebrate. That’s why he did it.

And why Regulus felt such a need to remind himself of this, he had no idea.

When James and Regulus finally pulled apart, they had matching looks on their faces— Whether those be looks of surprise, or maybe something different, they didn’t last long. As soon as they pulled apart, James’ gaze latched onto something behind Regulus.

“Evans!” James called, a grin taking over his face. “Come on, admit it, I looked pretty great out there,” he said, his words slurred.

“You played a good game, Potter,” Lily replied, rolling her eyes. “I’ll let you and Regulus get back to it, though,” she said with a giggle, excusing herself by finding Mary on the dance floor.

With Lily out of earshot, Regulus moved to get up. “I should go,” he said.

Regulus didn’t know why James’ obvious infatuation with Lily Evans bothered him so much. Maybe it was because Regulus didn’t want to get caught in a lie, or maybe it was because he didn’t want to feel like, although fake, he wasn’t a good enough significant other for James. That James wanted to get out of this as quickly as possible.

“Stay here tonight, you’re so comfy,” James said, nestling his head into Regulus’ shoulder.

“I—” Regulus began. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to stay with James. He wanted to feel wanted. “I can't,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, James,” he said, pushing James away safely.

Regulus had to ignore the sad look in James’ eyes as he walked out of the portrait hole. Dorcas saw him leaving, and was quick to follow.

“Reggie, what’s wrong?” Dorcas asked. It was clear she had been drinking, but not nearly as much as James had been.

“I just wanted to head back to the dorms, I’m feeling really tired,” Regulus said, giving Dorcas a lighthearted smile.

“Well, I’ll come with you,” she said. It was clear she didn’t believe Regulus, but the two walked along the corridors in silence.

When they entered the Slytherin common room, Dorcas turned to Regulus. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.

“I’m going to go to sleep,” Regulus corrected. Before Dorcas could get another word in, Regulus was walking to his dorm room. “Goodnight, Dorcas,” he called down to his friend.

“Goodnight, Reggie,” Dorcas replied, a sad tone in her voice.

Regulus went to sleep upset, and he still didn’t fully understand it. But despite himself, he pushed those emotions to the back of his mind and tried his best to fall asleep, ridding his mind of all thoughts of James Potter.

In the morning, he wasn’t feeling much better about the situation. In an attempt to get his mind off of things, Regulus went down to the owlery to visit his owl, Asteria, and give her treats.

Every time Regulus was feeling down, ever since his parents gifted him Asteria upon his sorting into Slytherin his first year, he would go to the owlery. He could push everyone else out of his mind as he sat in the window, Asteria perched on his shoulder.

He had only been there for about fifteen minutes before his thoughts were interrupted.

“Dorcas told me you were upset,” James said from the doorway. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed.

Regulus turned to look at the boy behind him and took in his appearance. James looked like he had been partying all night.

“I’m not upset,” Regulus spoke quietly, looking back at Asteria.

James, his hands shoved in his pockets, moved towards him.

“Really? Because if it’s something I did…” James trailed off, a frown set on his face.

“James, I’m fine.”

“You’re not acting fine, Regulus,” James said, sitting down beside Regulus. He let out a sigh, and his voice softened. “Reg, you can talk to me.”

“If there was something to talk to you about, Potter, I would talk to you about it. But there’s not,” Regulus said, standing up. Asteria, surprised by the sudden motion, flew to the nearest perch and rested on it.

“Can we not fight?” James asked, a sigh accompanying his words. He walked over to Asteria, stroking her feathers.

“I don’t want to fight with you, but like I said— Nothing is wrong. Dorcas is just overreacting,” Regulus replied, watching him with Asteria.

The truth was, Regulus didn’t like to talk about his feelings. He didn’t want to, not to James, at least. In his head, he was being dramatic and there was no reason to be acting the way he was. So being Regulus, he was just going to pretend like nothing had happened.

“Okay,” James said, letting out another sigh. He glanced around for a second before fixating his gaze on Regulus. “What’s her name?”

“Asteria,” Regulus responded, giving a small smile.

“Pretty,” James said and then fixated his gaze on Regulus again. “Did you have fun last night?”

Regulus nodded, his smile growing just a bit. “I did. You weren’t kidding, Gryffindors know how to party.”

“You’re always invited, you know,” James told him.

“Even after this is over?” Regulus asked, his smile fading as he met James’ eyes.

“I’m still your friend, Reg. That isn’t going to change once we tell Sirius everything,” James replied in a serious voice. “I’m not throwing this friendship away.”

Regulus allowed a small smile on his face. “Good, because I’m not throwing this away either,” he said.

Regulus sighed quietly, sitting back down in the window. From this spot, he had a gorgeous view of the Hogwarts grounds.

“Do you spend a lot of time up here?” James asked, taking the spot next to Regulus.

“I visit Asteria a lot,” Regulus answered. “When I need to get away from everything else,” he elaborated. “Sometimes it’s just easier to be with her than it is to be with other people. She helps me think through things. She helps me clear my mind, if that makes any sense.”

“It does,” James said, nodding his head. “I think it’s sweet.”

James and Regulus sat in silence, both looking out the window. After a few moments, James reached over and grabbed Regulus’ hand.

There was nobody around. It was only James and Regulus, and after their miniature argument, they both needed the gesture. It reminded Regulus that James was here, and that was a comfort to him.

Regulus needed to know that, even when all of this was over, he would still have James in his life. At the end of the day, Regulus knew that James wasn’t his to lose, but he needed him, and it made him almost angry.

It almost made him angry knowing that at any moment, it could all be over.