Daydream Believer

Frozen,

Jesus, that’s how I feel. How the fuck must they have felt. Everything around them, frozen. From their fingers, to their eyes, to the strings which pumped the blood around their veins. Frozen. Still. As if they are to be forever young stuck as the image they left us in.

Us, that being me and my Aunt, Lola. The car accident struck us hard, neither one of us could have predicted such a tragedy to fall upon us. But here we are still moving, never in one place constantly here and there. Never still, never frozen.

Funny init, you forget that with yourself gone others must go on. The story must follow through or the show must go on as my more theatrical friends would say! Of course that would be if I had friends for longer than a West End Show.

The day of the crash I am ashamed to say is lost to memory, obliviated, banished and frozen. But one instant flashback I have is my father trying his mightiest to cheer my mum up. The radio in the background booming the words “Cheer up sleepy Jean oh what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a homecoming queen!” with my dads terrible, and no I do mean terrible singing voice overlapping with what was a delightful song by the Monkees. And then nothing.

That’s what he used to call me, a ‘Daydream Believer’ always stating that my head was ‘off with the fairies’ only for my mother to smile that knowing smile at me, her eyes gleaming with mischievous magical glint.

My mother, much like I am, was a witch. She truly did dance with the fairies, and the nifflers and the bowtruckles at that. But she left that life behind. And I don't blame her the Wizarding World was one filled with hate and prejudice for witches like my mother and men like my father. My father you see was what the wizarding community so delicately put, a ‘muggle’ and my mother a ‘muggleborn’. Unable to face the prejudice and ridicule my mother left that life behind to marry my father. And although cut short, Katie and Matt Swan lived a wonderful life together. However my mother always lived as though one foot was placed firmly within another universe. Which of course it was. Therefore when I was born, Rhiannon Swan, on the 13th of August 1960 my mother was overjoyed. Finally another witch in the family to teach all that she knows and more. She would teach me the properties of the luscious greenery all around us and how to turn a teddy bear into a teapot and most importantly, she taught us the wisdom and ‘gifts’ of her grandmother or my great grandmother if you will.

However, at age fifteen in the year 1975 I must face my toughest challenge yet, I must enter the wizarding world head first, and go straight to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the school my mother attended and learnt all that she knew. And the one I shall attend with my limited knowledge of the true dynamics which reside within this foreign world.

So here I am, trundling along the newest London motorway, the M25, supposedly it's supposed to lessen London traffic but I guess time will only tell; towards Kings Cross Station with an owl, books and trunk in tow. Aunt Lola, never one to shy from a good time, is blasting the latest Eurovision song contest winner’s song, some band from Sweden called Abba. According to her however, they are going to be the ‘next big thing’. Yeah right I don’t think so mate not with songs detailing such things as historic battles. However, there she sits driving fluidly over the speed limit screaming ‘WATERLOO I WAS DEFEATED YOU WON THE WAR!’ with the windows down and wind wooshing through her little car.

Noticing that I am not in fact joining in with the singing although some may call it screeching, Lola turns down the radio.

‘What’s up chicken?’ she says as the song comes to a close, nudging me on the shoulder.

“Nothing, why you ask?” I ask her quizzically back.

“Ya just seem I dunno, a bit in the dumps if you ask me, you usually love singing along to Waterloo, thought listening to it might cheer ya up a bit ya know” she said matter factually.

“Yeah well ya know” I shrug off.

Thinking the conversation to be over I turn my head to look out the window once more.

“Oh dear lord you aint on the rag are ya?” Suddenly exclaims Lola. “Cause wouldnt that be the shitiest of luck to sit on a train all the way to Scotland with poncy wizards while ya bleeding”

“Ugh no no no I am Not!” I exclaim in an annoyed tone. “I repeat, I am not on my period and do you have to be so blunt” I say exasperatedly, the tinge of blush reaching my cheeks.

“Alright, alright no need to get ya knickers in a twist. I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I’m not gonna see ya till christmas chicken and I worry.” she replied back calmly. Aunt Lola always had a way of being so blunt yet so delicate at the same time. Honestly, if not for her blunt nature yet caring ways I don’t think I would be who I am today.

“I’m just a lil bit nervous, alright, mum told me about how some of these wizards and witches treated her simply for who her family were or weren’t, and quite honestly I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to deal with it.” I say quietly peering outside the window as we reach closer to the City of London.

“Well you look ‘ere chicken, if anyone gives you any grief you tell ‘em they'll have me to respond too, Auntie Lola will sort ‘em out alright. And if that doesn’t work, remember who you are and remember that you’re Rhiannon Swan and you’re better than any petty prejudices they may have about you alright.” Lola says proudly.

Although not my mum, and never will she be, Aunt Lola has always and will always be there for me and with me. She has been the one keeping me from becoming frozen. And I suppose I have been the one stopping her from freezing too. Living without her, even for a few months, chills me to my very core. I don’t know if I can stop the ice from taking over without her there to keep me moving.

We sat quietly for the rest of the journey listening to Lola’s new Patti Smith cassette. In quiet contemplation waiting patiently for Kings Cross to show its face amongst all the smog and traffic.

1st of September 1975 (10:50)

Of course I’m late, isn't that always the way. The new homeschooled orphan is late to the train notorious for leaving at 11 o’clock on the bloody dot. Great, I think exasperatedly, as if a first year, who happens to be 4 years too old for the title needs anymore attention, guess I’ll just drown myself within my own tears.

I look back at the source of my lateness, who is hellbent it appears to make me even later it seems, with an air of irritation.

“Will you hurry up!” I hiss back at my Aunt who seems to be giving the eye to some poor London commuter. All the while giving him her famous flirty smile.

“So I’m free today at…”

“AUNT LOLA WILL YOU PLEASE STOP FLIRTING AND HURRY UP I’M GOING TO MISS THE TRAIN!” I near enough shout at her.

“Right, right yes, as you were chicken, to the train” she says humorously while running to catch up with me. “Catch ya later handsome” She calls back to the London commuter flirtatiously. Leaving him slightly dazed and entranced. “Righteo what was the platform again?”

“Platform 9 ¾ I believe.” I say with confusion. “But that don’t make no sense who the hell can have ¾ of a platform. Honestly if I wasn’t a witch I would believe that the person who created all of this, also commits hate crimes.”

As I start to be content with the fact that I was in fact gonna miss my train and never become the great witch my mother dreamed me to be, I suddenly saw a girl with deep auburn hair, a girl with unruly curly blonde locks and another with a deep brown afro charge head first in between Platform 9 and 10. And all I could think was. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me”

“What, what is it Rhi? You find this mysterious platform.” Asked Lola.

“Yep” I reply dryly.

“Fantastic” says Lola as she places her hands on her hips and sunglasses atop her head. “Where is it?” she asks while looking all around as if the platform would just, for lack of a better word, magically appear.

“There.” I gulp as I lift my finger to point between platforms 10 and 9.

“You mean it’s.”

“Yep.”

“And we’ve gotta.”

“Uh huh.”

“Excellent” Lola says sarcastically.

We walk over to the platforms now with only 5 minutes till departure, time is truly not on our side. We pause at the wall, wondering what the hell brought us to this moment in our lives, that charging at a wall was gonna end in anything other than a concussion and a trip to the Royal London.

“Well you should go first.” Says Lola.

“What why me? You’re the adult, you should go first!” I throw back accusingly.

“Nuh uh Imma, whatcha mum used to say?” said Lola tapping her chin. “That's right a maggy. I’m a maggy, therefore you should go first” Lola says triumphantly.

“First of all you’re a muggle and secondly I don’t have time for this we’ve gotta go.” I say with utter urgency. Now the anxiety was really settling in. All I have to do is run through this bloody wall, it can’t be that hard can it? Though one whose head appears to be screwed on the right way up does not charge at brick walls in the middle of a London station. Well then I guess it’s a good thing I was born with a few screws not quite in the right place. If not, I'm not sure what I would do.

“Come on” Says Aunt Lola, gently and taking my hand. “We’ll do it together. Ready?”

I look up at her and nod as two loony girls charge head first, with an owl, books and trunk in tow.
-
The Platform was filled to the brim with teary eyed parents and siblings waving their goodbyes to their children. The train let out a great screech as it signaled itself to all of us of its impending departure. The steam of the train swarmed around the platform making it seem as though we are to be travelling by clouds rather than tracks. The overwhelming sense of adventure, dread and fearful optimism ensnared my body as the realisation hit me like an open palmed bitch slap to the face. I was going to Hogwarts, I was joining wizarding society and leaving the life I once knew behind. I no longer felt freezing in this moment, I don't know if it was the steam from the train, the claustrophobic amount of bodies in the room, or just pure anxiety. But what I do know is this, I am not frozen, and I am not still. I am moving, always moving.

I suddenly remember who I am leaving behind, however, when I make this small leap.

Aunt Lola, is standing there wearing her bright olive coloured flares, proudly showing off her Doc Martens, bringing her whole look together with Jim Morrison plastered across her shirt. I run towards her pulling her into a tight embrace.

“I’m gonna miss you” I muffle into her shirt.

“Imma miss ya too Chicken, but remember you can always use Hermes to contact me, I have owl feed at home and as soon as I figure how to tie a blasted letter to an owls leg I’ll be sending an embarrassing amount of letters your way.” she says with a slight chuckle. “Now get on that train Rhi, you made a big enough song an’ dance getting here, now scamper can’t have ya miss it.”
I slowly nod, smiling up at her, as I finally step on the train letting go of a breath I sucked in, in anticipation.

The train started chugging its way into motion and a plethora of “Bye Darlings.” and “Be Goods.” were shouted from every which end of the station.

“See ya later chicken, love ya!” yelled Aunt Lola above the crowd. I could just about make out her shaggy brown hair with her newest sunnies placed on top.

“Bye Lola see ya at christmas. Love ya too!” I shouted back while waving fiercely.

1st of September 1975 (11:02)

Okay I got this, I think to myself. This will be a breeze. I’ll keep my head down, my gobby opinions to myself, leave with the best marks and live my life as the greatest witch that has ever stepped foot on this godforsaken planet. Now that sounds like a plan.

After asserting my very clear bullet proof plan to myself, I decided I should probably find somewhere to sit. Although I’ve made it through four hours of a David Bowie concert I’m not sure if I can last 8 hours on a train to middle of fuck nowhere Scotland.

However, it appeared my momentary plans at finding a suitable seating area were interrupted when a rather obnoxious voice could be heard somewhere within my general vicinity.

“Oi oi Evans” I heard shouted from way down the carriage. “EVANS” the voice shouted again but this time far louder and far, far more obnoxious. If that was even possible. “Evans, first Hogsmeade trip? You, me and that cosy little booth, Rosmerta keeps free just for me.”

As if the voice could test me anymore it appears to once again have proven me wrong.

“The cosy booth saved just for you, you say” Sniped back a vipirish feminine voice.

“You betcha!” replied the first voice in a manner that can only be described as cocky.

“Well, Potter!” Well I guess obnoxious poncy prick has a name, Potter. “If you say the Barmaid keeps a hold of that seat for you at all times, why don't you and Black just go together. I've honestly never seen two people so wholeheartedly obsessed with one another!” Voice number two huffed back exasperatedly.

“What do you say Sirius? Will you be my date for Hogsmeade? Evans here has broken my poor, poor little heart with her cold and continuous rejections. And I have a Sirius sized hole only you can patch.” wined Potter, cockily.

“Jimmy my boy, you’d know that I’d love too.” said another voice just as poncy and obnoxious which one must assume is this Sirius. “I’ll save you from the wicked wench we all call Evans.” Sirius said dramatically.

“Piss off the pair of you” said Evans. “I want the next eight hours to go by peacefully and not with you two toerags constantly disrupting said peace” This Evans had some fiest to her, maybe I won’t be so alone here, maybe I could make some friends.

“Alright Evans we’ll leave you be, but only because we’ve left dear old Lupin all on his own.” Said Potter. “Goodbye Evans.” he said flirtatiously.

Hmmm I thought, I’ll be avoiding whomever those voices belong too. The last thing I need is pretentious pricks to be anywhere near me. I wish some potioner would create prick repellant cause I would be the number one customer for sure. Especially now that I’m moving on and starting anew.

For the rest of the train journey I sat in complete apprehensive anticipation to arrive at the legendary Castle. All the while reading up on as much as said castle as well as all my future classes. The last thing I need to be is the one brick out of place.