Chapter 1
During the holiday season, the streets of London were always blanketed with snow and crowded with an abundant amount of people. Hordes of people would be crowding stores attempting to get the bulk of their holiday shopping done as early as possible. Either way and no matter what time of the holiday season, shops were overcrowded. All of this was of an extreme inconvenience for a certain antisocial Potions Master. But alas, he was determined to find a gift for his wife of two years.
Severus Snape never thought that he, of all people, would be shopping for the holidays this early, or rather, at all. Though it was the start of December, which wasn’t particularly early. If he would be doing any shopping, he preferred to do it the week before christmas. So yes, it was exceedingly early for him.
He was never one to really celebrate any holidays anyways. There was never an inkling of an urge to join in on everyone’s joy during the holiday season. There was no need. Too many bad memories were attached to said holidays.
Growing up, his mother, Eileen, had always tried to make those winter months as joyous as she could for Severus by buying him small gifts with what little money she had and cooking what little food was affordable for the occasion. Of course, he loved and appreciated what she did for him. The joy she would create would last only a little while, until his unloving, abusive father decided to ruin everything after he caught Severus’ mother using her magic to make it snow in Severus’ bedroom. Every holiday, without fail, Severus would always spend the rest of those Christmases weeping in his mother’s arms as she whispered comforting words in his ear after he had asked her why his father didn’t love him, stroking his hair while trying not to cry herself. When he got older, he would spend his Christmases holding his mother in his arms while she silently cried after he stood up to his father in her defense and were both smacked around. Every interaction with Tobias always ended in cuts, bruises, and tears for both Severus and his mother.
It was when he had just turned 17 that Eileen died from his father’s hand after a particularly bad fight. Tobias treated him even worse after her passing, making a point of telling Severus that he was his worst failure of his life even though he had already made that fact abundantly clear throughout his son’s life. He missed his mother terribly, for she was the only one who he felt had actually understood who he was. After she died, he turned seemingly closed off and cold in an attempt to protect himself from Tobias and any others who wanted to do him harm.
Now, at the age of 42, he finally had reason to enjoy the holiday season.
The snow crunched under his feet as he made his way to dark back alley where he could discreetly apparate carrying an assortment of holiday items that his wife had insisted she needed, along with a small gift he had gotten her that resided in his coat pocket. She had looked at him in complete utter shock when he offered to pick up her items, but had allowed him to go without many sarcastic words of playfulness, which she had developed to use from him. With the excuse of going out for her as cover, he was able to secretly slip away and buy her gift with her none the wiser.
It wasn’t until they spent their first Christmas together while dating that the need and want to celebrate the holiday presented itself to him again. Never one to enthusiastically show his feelings, he took care in making sure that his newfound emotions were hidden, but one knowledgeable witch could see right through him and often playfully teased him.
He would half jokingly roll his eyes and tell Hermione that she was mad when she would start to put up the Christmas decor immediately after Halloween ended. When he would begrudgingly start to help her without being prompted, Hermione found it near impossible to hide the small smile that befell upon her pretty countenance.
Severus would indulge in all of her ridiculous holiday preparations and activities even if he found some things almost unbearable, but only nearly so. The smile on her face was well worth all the glitter and flock that decorated his robes when they were done. And, if he was honest with himself, he rather enjoyed taking part in all the Christmas preparation with her. Just getting to spend time with her was something so very precious to him.
After apparating into their decorated front lawn, he could just make out his wife’s petite figure seemingly dancing and singing in the kitchen window. The corners of his mouth tuned up at the sight, knowing that she was probably listening to his old Christmas records from when he was a mere boy. They became her favorites to listen to during this time of year after he had shown her his happy memories of himself listening to them with his mother during his childhood as a means of escaping the cruelness of Tobias at Christmas.
He silently let himself in, ignoring the coat rack despite the heat that radiated from the fireplace in their sitting room and made his way to stand in the doorway of the kitchen. He watched as Hermione danced and quietly sang along with the lyrics while she was at work. Her long, curly hair in it’s half up style she used to keep it out of her face swayed in rhythm with her movements.
There was the sweet aroma of chocolate and sugar coating the air. Recognizing the familiar scent, Severus knew that she was baking his favorite Christmas guilty pleasure, which caused his heart to swell.
It wasn’t until the song ended when Hermione turned around to grab the flour from the counter behind her that she saw him. She let out a small yelp, managing to hit the bag of flour in haste to draw her wand. A small amount of the ingredient flew towards the ceiling and rained down around her. Some of it, he noticed, had landed on her cheek and he thought that it made her look adorable.
“Merlin, Severus! Announce yourself next time! You know how jumpy I can be! I could’ve hexed you.” She held a hand to her chest and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to slow her racing heart, dropping her wand on the counter in the process.
“Nothing I couldn’t deflect,” he smirked.
Recognizing his witch’s distress, Severus set the bags he was holding on the counter and immediately wrapped her slightly shaking form tightly in his arms, knowing that she found it most comforting to be held by him.
“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean to startle you. I know it’s still difficult even after all this time,” he breathed in the ear that was pressed against his lips.
The truth was, the aftermath of the war still greatly affected them both. The couple both suffered from post traumatic stress, bouts of depression and anxiety, along with other things. Severus also severely suffered from survivor’s guilt. Particularly closer to the anniversary of the end of the second wizarding war did he feel like he shouldn’t be allowed to be alive and actually happy for once. He still had difficulty sleeping and when he did, he was plagued by nightmares of reliving the horrors he had to carry out and witness as a double agent. Hermione would always be there to hold and comfort him.
Of course, there were moments when the memories would become too much to endure by their lonesome. When this happened, they would grasp on to each other tightly, providing comfort that words simply could not, choosing rather to suffer together than alone. Some days were much harder than others, but together, they got through them.
Because of the tortures his witch had been suffered, unexpected noises sometimes startled her. The possibility that an unexpected noise or surprise could come from someone who wanted to cause her harm made her uneasy at times, especially when she was alone like today. Her torture at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange and other Death Eaters was almost always on the back of her mind.
Hermione nuzzled into his warm chest, allowing his firm hold on her to provide the comfort that she so loved. “No, don't apologize. You startled me, that’s all.”
“No, I should have announced myself or sent you my patronus to tell you I was on the way. I got caught up watching you,” he said with a small chuckle. “I sincerely apologize.” Severus looked down at her wanting to reassure her that he wouldn't do it again. He didn’t like to see her upset. She turned her head to look up at him, chin resting on his chest and arms wrapping around him on the inside of his coat. Severus noticed that gold in her brown eyes was more vibrant due to the golden glow of the lighted garland hung above the cabinets.
“Well, if you insist. Apology accepted.”
Severus and Hermione stayed wrapped around each other for a few moments, enjoying the feel of being held by the other. They hadn’t noticed the slow, romantic rendition of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” beginning to play until now. He discretely cast a nonverbal, causing the volume of the music to increase.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles
Will be out of sight
Severus started to sway them back and forth in time with the music. He watched as Hermione went back to nuzzle against his chest with the sweetest smile on her face, holding him tight to her, leaving room for nothing else. He did the same as he began to softly sing along with the lyrics, allowing the deep rumble of his voice soothe her further. His singing was something he only allowed his wife to indulge in, and only her. He wouldn’t be caught dead singing or even humming by anyone else. His singing was something reserved for her ears only and she absolutely loved it.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on our troubles
Will be miles away, oh ooh
Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore, ah
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us, once more, ooh
His rich baritone voice always had its own ways of comforting her. For Hermione, it is something that provided magic in a way that was different from casting any spells or charms, it was something all its own. It was beautiful, sexy, intimate…
Now, listening to him sing along to one of their favorite Christmas songs, his voice provided its own kind of magic, transfixing her. Her eyes closed on their own accord as his surprisingly beautiful voice continued to soothe her worries, the deep rumble casting rhythmic vibrations against her body, putting her even further at ease.
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
As the song continued on, he twirled her around, the feel of her body moving in time with his proving to be almost overstimulating. At multiple moments throughout their dance, her soft curls would brush against his hand that was curled around her lower back.
When the break in the lyrics came, and they were back to holding each other tightly as they swayed, Hermione sighed, “Oh, Severus. I love you so much.”
He chuckled in response. “Anything for you, my love. I love you more than you know.”
They continued like that for the better part of an hour as different hauntingly beautiful Christmas songs continued to play out of the old record player.
Baking then resumed with the both of them this time. The sounds of laughter, kissing, and carols filled the air as they spent the rest of their night just being with each other,basking in the holiday atmosphere.
Even though Severus didn’t particularly like or enjoy the holidays much before, Hermione proved a change of that for him. She brought a whole new meaning to Christmas, providing him with joyful and loving memories connected to the holiday that he hadn’t felt in a long time. For the first time in his life, Christmas wasn’t just something to get through.