Wolfstar one shots

“It’s so crazy! In less than a month we will be out of Hogwarts”, James wondered aloud. It was the end of may and the Marauders were spending their last days in Hogwarts together. Outside of the castle drinking firewhiskey and just enjoying their last days here.

In truth they were all trying to hide the sadness that surrounded them. Hogwart has been their home the past seven years and now everything was about to change, just like that.

James had brought Regulus along with them, because ‘Sirius, he's my boyfriend, get over it’. In truth it didn’t bother Sirius at all, he was happy for them. It’s been over a year since James and Regulus had gotten together, and for Sirius's surprise they were still together.

‘Of course we are still together, there’s no reason for us not to be. And he’s lot more easier to deal with then you’

‘I’m not difficult person, Moony still loves me and had loved way longer than you have loved Reg’

‘I don’t have much of a choice, do I Pads?’

‘You take that right back Remus John Lupin!’

And it had gone on from that to Sirius giving Remus the silent treatment, and Remus reassuring him that it was a joke. ‘Of course I love you Sirius, come on! It was a joke!’

Poor Peter had just stood there, not knowing what to do.

And the truth was James was going to miss this, miss having his three best friends always around. But nothing lasts forever, right? And they were going to see each other weekly, if don’t daily. So there was nothing to worry about.

“No but guys I’m going to miss you so much!” drunk Sirius announced, swinging his hands in the air. “Especially you Moony”, he said and took Remus’ face to his hands, squishing his cheeks together.

“We are going to move in together Sirius”, Remus casually said. Sirius dropped his hands, staring blankly forward.

“Right, well I’m still going to miss you”

“Sure Pads”

“What are you guys going to do then, when you are out of here?” Regulus, who had been quiet for a while, asked.

The four of them looked at each other. It’s been something they have been talking about since the holidays and even before.

“Join the Order of Phoenix. We want to help with the war, we have seen what it has done. I couldn’t stand just watching it from the side”, James said and the other one’s nodded their heads, agreeing with everything he just said.

“And maybe I will look for an apartment from London”, James wonderd. It’s been something he has been thinking about. He would move away from his childhood home and get his own place.

Regulus swallowed and nodded, looking down at his hands that rested on his lap.

“Right”

He still had one more year to go himself before he could do all those things the other boys were planning. Regulus had always felt like a loser for being a year younger than James. Not because of the age difference, but because he would always come far behind. Like James was about to have his own place, and Regulus wasn’t even off age yet.

“Hey don’t worry”, James said and wrapped his hand around his waist. “You will finish school and then move in with me. It just a year”

-

It’s been over a week since the night outside the castle where the Marauders and Regulus had drank and had fun. When they had just been teenagers without a worry before the cold truth would hit them.

Or would everyone else expect Regulus. He was still bothered about it.

‘It just a year’ James had said.

To Regulus it didn’t feel like it was just a year. It was a year, twelve months, way too many weeks and even more days. So much could happen in a year. He had started to get to know James better, started dating him, and telling him he loves him in a year. Who knows what could happen when they can’t see each other. James could find someone better and Regulus wouldn’t even blame him for it.

Now he and James were in the Shrieking Shack. He didn’t have any idea how James had come up with the idea of coming here, but he wasn’t complaining. It was nice to have some privacy.

“James?” Regulus asked quietly. They were laying in a bed that was in the middle of the room.

“Mhmm” James answered and got closer to him, wrapping his arms around Regulus' waist. He shoved his nose into the dark mop of curls, inhaling the sweet smell of Regulus. Honey and something else he couldn’t name. Then he moved lower, tracing his nose on Regulus' jaw, pressing his lips to the spot below his ear.

“James?” he said again. He wanted him to listen and not distract them both.

“Yes?” James whispered to his ear, kissing his earlobe. Regulus struggled himself out James touch and sat up. Leaving James confused.

“What’s wrong?”

Regulus was quiet for a sec before opening and closing his mouth.

Here goes nothing he thought.

“What do you think will happen when you don’t come back to Hogwart this autumn?”

“What do you mean what will happen?” James asked and sat up on the mattress. “You will come back here and I will write letters to you every week, visit on Hogsmeade weekends. When Christmas rolls around you will come home with me and we will spend the holidays together. Same goes on the whole spring. Then you will move in with me when you finish school and join the Order”

Regulus exhaled. How did James make it seem so easy? “How do you know it’s going to be that easy?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Regulus almost laughed. “God you are so unsuspecting. You do know it won’t go like that?”

“Why not?” James sounded offended.

“Why not? Really James?” Sometimes James was too positive for him, or maybe he was too negative. He didn’t know. It was hard to talk about things like this when James thought everything goes the same way it does in romantic books.

“What if I don't answer your letters for some reason, what then? You fly here and make everything better? And when do you think you will have time to visit? You’ll be on a mission after mission while I worry the shit out of myself. You meet new people and realise: ‘Oh my boyfriend who is barely off age is so fucking boring and a child who still goes to school. Why wouldn’t I dumb him for someone better who isn’t fucked up from the head and needy and moody and would even look me on the bloody eyes when I talk to them?’ So no James I do not think this will be easy at all”

His own voice was again cold and rude and Regulus hated it, because he didn’t mean it. Why couldn’t he just stop?

James stared at him shocked, trying to come up with something to answer, “Reg you know I don’t think that way of you, never will. Why do you say those things, you know that won’t happen. Yeah maybe things won’t be as easy as I said they would be, but we will be just fine”

Now Regulus let out a mean laugh and for the first time ever, he raised his voice at James.

“Oh would you wake the fuck up already? You know we won’t be just fine. There’s a war going on, a war! And you’re thinking of going straight to it the second you’re out of this school. And now you’re telling me that it’s going to be fine. That is one reason for you why we won’t be fine, because you’re trying to get yourself killed. And I don’t think I can handle it. So could you just break the fucking happy bubble you’re living in already and open your eyes!”

By the time he was done Regulus felt like there was no air in his lungs. James' face was covered with hurt and shock. He looked down and slowly nodded his head. “Wow Regulus. Literally wow, I don’t even know what to say”

Regulus already regretted his words. He didn’t mean to say those things. He didn’t mean to raise his voice. Fuck, he never raises his voice.

“James.. love I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean those things, I’m sorry”, he reached out for him, but James backet away.

“I know you didn’t, at least not all of them. But I need a minute, alone. I need to clear my head before I say something I will regret too. So please help yourself out of here when you feel like it”

And then James was gone, and Regulus had fucked up.

-

Regulus didn’t know what to do. What do you do after you have hurt someone’s feelings? After you have hurt the person you love the most on this planet. James had said he needed a minute. It’s been a day, so how much is a bloody minute? Is Regulus supposed to go to James, or the other way around? What is he supposed to say?

I’m sorry? No, that isn’t enough.

I’m sorry I said those things I didn’t mean it? Yeah like that would make the situation better.

He was pathetic, this was pathetic. If he was normal and not a fucking walking depression who couldimpress his feeling like normal people did. Yeah maybe then he would know what to do. If he was like James, oh James. The sweet ball of sunshine who made his life better. When he was with James he didn’t feel like burder, he felt loved and like he deserved to be happy.

Break the fucking happy bubble you’re living in

That’s what he had said. The truth was he didn’t want James to break his bubble. He wanted James to gather him to his arms and hide him from the world. Tell him it was all okay and hold him. Hold him until he didn’t feel like the four years old himself anymore. Back in 12 Grimmauld Place standing in the corner of his room, Sirius trying to tell him it was all going to be okay. He had wanted to believe the words his brother had told him, but for many years it didn’t seem like it was getting better. So had Sirius lied?

But then he was fifteen and a certain James Potter came into his life. He didn’t care about Regulus' protest, the mean things he said. He accepted him, told him it was okay, it was okay to be numb or angry. He had shown him that it was possible to feel happy, feel love and not bury everything he felt inside. So after all, maybe Sirius had not lied.

Regulus was not going to let James slip away from him. He wasn’t going to let the dark get the best of him. He was going to tell his thoughts to James and if he had to, beg on his knees in front of James to forgive him and not leave him.

Yeah that’s what he will do.

It wasn’t hard to find James. It was lunchtime so like many other students of Hogwarts he was at the Great hall. Regulus did feel like eating, hasn't felt like doing anything since their fight yesterday.

He slowly walked to the Gryffindor table, hoping he wouldn’t draw much attention. The first one to notice his presence was Remus who said something to the others and James turned his head around.

He didn’t know if James had told his friends about their fight, but it seemed like he hadn’t. Remus smiled at him, but quickly settled into conversations with Sirius and Peter.

Regulus was the first to say something,

”Hey”

James looked at him, observing his face. Trying to look for any difference in Regulus, because even though things were hard right now, if he saw anything alarming about Regulus he would drop anything and everything for him.

That’s just the way he is.

“Hi”

Regulus was nervous and didn’t know if it was right for him to just come up to him.

“I know you said you needed time, but could we please talk. Or at least let me talk, I can just say what I have and leave”
Maybe James saw the desperate look on his face or maybe he was also ready to talk, but he nodded his head and stood up.

“Sure Regulus”

He walked out of the Great hall without even waiting for Regulus. He quickly followed James to the hall.

He never calls me Regulus, he thought. Only when he’s angry, and James never gets angry.

He didn’t know where James was going, but still followed him until they arrived at the library.

Maybe he chose the library, so I couldn’t yell at him again.

James leaned to the table next to them and ran a hand through his face and hair. Regulus thought that maybe he should say something first, but he felt like he couldn’t open his mouth.

“Look-”

“No let me start”, Regulus interrupted, “please”

James looked at him and exhaled, before motioned for Regulus to talk.

“Go on then”

“Okay first of all I’m sorry”, James looked at him and raised his eyebrows and he quickly continued. “I shouldn’t have said those things, it was so unfair of me and the things I said aren't even true. And I don’t have an excuse for the things I said, but I just, I just want you to know that I don’t think of you that way”

He took a break to breathe and then it was James' turn to speak.

“You really hurt me with your words” he took a break, like he was thinking what to say next. “But I can’t say that you aren’t right. Maybe I do live in a happy bubble sometimes, but I am not sorry about it. Things aren’t great right now and if finding the positive things of our days means I have to try and be positive not only for myself, but for other people too, then that’s what I will do. And I’m sorry about saying this, but I will do it even if you can’t take it”

“Me being trying to be positive doesn’t mean I don’t understand or see the things that happen around us every day”

Regulus just stared at James, not knowing what to say. He hadn’t thought of it that way. He just always thought James was positive about everything, but how stupid could he be? Of course James was suffering too like they all did. But he just tried not to show it, for other people’s sake. Because that’s what James is, he cares. He cares about other people, sometimes more than he cares about himself.

“If you’re not going to say anything then I guess I'll just go”, James said and woke Regulus from his thoughts.

“No no no, please don’t go yet”, he took a hold of James’ hand, but immediately dropped it like it burnt his own fingers to touch him. More like he didn’t deserve the privilege to touch him.

“You’re completely right, and you shouldn’t ever be sorry about being the way you are. It's just that maybe I was jealous of it, you know? Because I couldn’t be positive the way you are. I wanna be able to tell people it’s going to be okay, but I- I can’t. And I know it’s stupid of me to turn this converstation to myself”

James shook his head like he didn’t agree with him, but Regulus raised his hand up to let him know not to interrupt.

“Poor Regulus right? Parents never loved him, not the way they should have at least, and now he can use it as an excuse with everything. No I can’t. Look nothing of this is making sense anymore, but basically I’m a selfish man”

James smiled. “Can’t disagree”

“And because I am I want all of you to myself, I want you to wrap me around the bubble of positivity and never let go. That’s probably what started this all, because I don’t want to lose you and the past year maybe I have taken you as an self-evident. Because you have always been there whenever I needed you, and now I just realised that you won’t be here next year. And the truth is you could have anyone, but you chose me. Maybe I’m not the best and easiest opinion. I’m clingy and insecure and need reassurance about stupid things. Oh and so passive, but still mean at the same time and the list goes on. But like I said I’m selfish so please don’t leave me, because I am desperate enough to kneel in front of you and kiss your feet if that’s what you want”

He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged the roots of his hair, a habit he did when stressed.

James got closer to him and Regulus hesitated and almost took a step back. “Please don’t run away from me like you don’t deserve me”, he took a hold of Regulus hands and took them out of his hair. Then he smoothed down the black curls, tucking a strand of too long hair behind his ear. “You need a haircut or you will look too much like your brother”

And Regulus laughed, it felt like it’s been a decade since the last time he did.

“I know I have talked too much already, but I need to say this and then I’m done”

James nodded.

“I love you, I love you so much that it physically hurts sometimes. I don’t say it enough, I know that. But I do love you and I want you to know that I do, even if I don’t say it”

James wrapped his hands around him and Regulus pressed his head on his shoulder as James rested his cheek on top of his head.

“Oh Regulus, my beautiful boy”, he raised Regulus' head up with both his hands coming to rest on his cheeks. “I love you too, so much and I know you love me too. It’s the actions and the things you do that shows me it”

“But first of all I’m not going to leave you, never if I can make that choice. Of course there are some flaws in you, I have my own ones too. They make us who we are. Maybe you are clingy and maybe you need reassurance on things, but I love those parts of you as much as I love every other part too. And we will together work on ourselves if that’s what you want, but to me you will always be perfect. Even when you are sixty years old moody grandpa, with grey curls and wrinkles”

Regulus didn’t know what to say, but he felt like he didn’t have to. So he just wrapped his hands around James tighter than he did a moment ago, and pressed his lips on James lips.

And he almost moaned, because fuck it felt nice. He had missed James and it hasn’t even been two days. Then he broke the kiss to speak for the last time.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice, I have never done that to you and I don’t ever want to do it again”

“Yeah well it was kinda reassuring to see you finally lose your shit”, James teased. “No but seriously, I’m always the one who does it. Maybe I’m fucked up, but I don't feel so bad about the times I have raised my voice anymore because of it”

“That is fucked up, but you know what else is fucked up?”

“Tell me”

“The fact that you raising your voice and you getting annoyed with me, kinda turns me on”

“That’s kinky”

“Oh I know”

Then they were laughing, and it didn’t stop for a good couple of minutes. It felt good to laugh together, because then they knew everything was okay again. Things would be okay as long as they had each other.

James was the first to speak through the laughter and suddenly got very serious. “There’s one thing I have to disagree with you”

Regulus got nervous, he had just thought everything was okay again. “What?”

“You called yourself a man”, Regulus was confused now. “But I don’t think you can call yourself a man, more like a boy”

Evil grin spread on James face as he looked Regulus face go from confused to annoyed.

“Oh shut up and just kiss me”

And he did.