A Confession
Victoire slipped the invisibility cloak off her as she approached Teddy, feeling vulnerable as she eyed him looking as handsome as ever in jeans and a white button down shirt that fit his broad, muscled chest snugly.
"Hey," she said to break the silence as his honey brown eyes looked at her in a way that made her feel as though she were naked. He took in every inch of her in the tight-fitting blue dress and struggled to find words that accurately conveyed how gorgeous she was.
"You look stunning, Victoire," he said at last, his voice a low rumble.
She stood awkwardly, wondering how she ever managed to be in his proximity for so long. She never truly got used to it; he always left her feeling breathless.
"Thank you," she said, resisting the urge to hold her arms over her chest and hide herself. She felt that somehow Jade would find out if she made such a shy, shrinking gesture and would yell at her. She had to fake the confidence she didn't feel as she stood in the company of the man whose touch on her body she'd imagined thousands of times; who she created a million fake scenarios within her imagination of being a together with.
It was terribly tense, as if the energy Victoire had always felt around him became too tangible to ignore. He remembered himself, clearing his throat as he offered, "Happy Birthday."
"Thanks," she answered, the fakest smile she could muster plastered on her face as they began walking. He didn't return the smile, seeing right through it. He was never good at playing pretend; though he was a master at hiding his most meaningful feelings.
"I have something set up for us a little further ahead. Your gift is there, too."
She cocked her head, curious as to what he could've set up in the middle of a hidden passageway.
"So, uh...How are your cousins doing?"
"They're good. James lent me his cloak for the week for the low rate of ten sickles," she rolled her eyes, earning a laugh from Teddy.
"And here I was, worried you'd be against breaking the rules a bit with me tonight. What have you been using the cloak for?"
"Er..." For a moment, Victoire hesitated. She didn't owe Salvatore a damn thing, and it was true that he infuriated her. But she suspected there was more to him than he'd allow her to see, and it felt so wrong to tell Teddy about his suspicious movements. Then she recalled how Jade had called herself 'muggleborn scum' earlier, and something within her steeled. If Salvatore was truly playing a part in the attacks against muggleborns, she couldn't defend him.
"Well, I actually have to talk to you about that. I've been following around this guy, Salvatore Rookwood. I have Potions class with him and I've noticed him lurking around the castle a lot - actually, near this very corridor. Then the other day, I caught him sneaking into the Forbidden Forest. I know it's not conclusive proof of anything, but you did ask me to tell of anything suspicious."
Teddy frowned. "Rookwood, you said? His uncle was a Death Eater."
"It doesn't feel right to make assumptions about someone based on their families," Victoire said in Salvatore's defense. Perhaps Teddy sensed something more to her defense, but he didn't question it.
"Yeah, I guess that's true. Thanks for the information. I'm gonna set up some protection spells around us, just in case that kid shows up here."
Victoire didn't miss the way he dismissed Salvatore as 'that kid', and wondered whether he somehow sensed that Victoire was downplaying their relationship. She stopped walking as they reached a small table covered in a white tablecloth, lit candles dotting it between a bottle of champagne, a small cake, and her favorite dessert - macarons. Lanterns hovered above, magically illuminating the otherwise dark passageway in a warm light. She turned to him, incredulous at the thought that he'd set this up just for her. For them.
"Teddy, this looks great. Thank you," she smiled naturally. He basked in the glow of her smile, feeling his energy being recharged by it.
"It's nothing," he said, not wanting to accept any praise he didn't feel he deserved after the stunt he'd pulled a few weeks ago. He'd been so mad at himself for fucking things up so much beyond just the letter - she didn't even know the half of it. But tonight, he'd tell her. Hopefully he'd find the right words this time around, while they were alone.
He pulled out a seat for her, tucking her into the table before casting protective charms around them and seating himself facing the Hogwarts entrance so that he could see any unwanted trespassers approaching.
She took the champagne bottle with a cheeky grin, popping it open and pouring them both full glasses. She raised the glass to her lips before he held out a hand to stop her. Her eyes widened questioningly before he admonished, "We have to make a toast first."
"Go on, then."
"Here's to..." He paused. She looked at him with a raised brow, clearly expecting him to say something funny. But he wasn't in a humorous mood. Victoire brought that playful side out of him, but his default temperament was serious. He took everything quite seriously, hence why he'd ended up in this situation to begin with. Because Teddy Lupin was a stickler for the rules, and always tried to play by them. But following the rules he'd set for himself had only led him to the hurt he'd been harboring these past few weeks knowing there was a good chance he'd missed his opportunity for happiness with Victoire. With this in mind, he toasted, "Here's to breaking the rules once in awhile."
Her full lips pulled up slightly at the corners while her eyes contemplated him. She clinked her glass to his before taking her first sip of bubbly, the erratic feel of it in her mouth similar to the pounding of her heart. They sat quietly, staring at one another intensely with so many words left unspoken. She wondered how they could ever begin to voice them.
With a lazy flick of his wand, he lit the candle on the cake. "Make a wish."
She smiled at him adoringly as she had so many times before, thinking foolishly that he'd never noticed; never deciphered the feeling behind her expression. There so much unconditional love within her look that he never quite knew how to accept or begin to deserve.
She leaned forward, pausing before blowing out the candle. He allowed his eyes to dip to where her perky breasts threatened to pour out of her dress whilst she was leaning, and his cock gave a jerk in his pants as he imagined licking the cake's icing off of her perfectly round little tits. He was grateful that the table separated them and therefore she wouldn't see his hard on that inevitably began to build. He wondered if she'd worn that dress earlier, and wished he could gauge out the eyes every punk that undoubtedly ogled at her. She'd always been the most stunning creature he'd ever laid eyes on. He played it cool when she dated those other losers a few years ago, knowing that she wasn't serious about them. It was cute how she'd tried to make him jealous. But there was nothing cute about her being eighteen and surrounded by the likes of Link Stone. He wasn't some little boy that he could laugh off dismissively, he was a fully grown man like himself; and she was older now and things were different. He'd been so foolish to assume that she would wait around for him for at least this long as he'd hoped she would. Of course, that's how life went for him. As soon as he decided that maybe it wouldn't be improper for him to pursue her, she'd lose interest in him.
He cut them slices of cake and watched as Victoire brought a macaron to her full, luscious lips. How many times had he stroked his cock thinking about those lips? He'd felt guilty every time he'd jerked off thinking about her in ways he knew he shouldn't. He'd felt disgusted with himself many times over and tried so many times to get over her. She'd never even known he'd been interested in her - he was damn good at hiding his feelings, because he felt he had to. He'd dated other girls and tried to forget about his feelings for Victoire. But sometimes he'd be balls deep in his ex-girlfriend with his eyes closed, imagining she was Victoire instead. He felt like a disgusting, horrible person for it. He'd broken up with his ex, knowing that she deserved someone who thought of her and wanted her while they had sex and otherwise. But it didn't change the fact that he'd lusted over the girl he'd grown up with.
His grandmother Andromeda had been loving, but nothing could replace the love he'd missed out on from his dead parents. But it was true that the Potters and all of the Weasleys welcomed him into their homes. His godfather's house had been his second home growing up, and him and Victoire had seen a lot of each other all the time for most of their lives. He called her parents his Aunt Fleur and Uncle Bill, even though they were, of course, not related. He'd been given presents by them for his every birthday and Christmas and treated as a part of their family. More than anything, he wanted to make them all proud of him as he could never make his own parents proud. And he had always feared that if he'd acted on his feelings for Victoire, that it'd be a poor way to repay them. In his mind, Victoire was always strictly off-limits. Because he couldn't fuck things up with her. There were too many relationships at stake to him beyond their own - he was afraid that if they dated too young and things didn't work out between them, maybe he'd lose her family, too. He just couldn't risk losing any more of his family. Without them, he'd truly be alone in the world.
He'd taken it for granted that Victoire was in on his mental plan that eventually when they were older, they'd end up together. It seemed she couldn't wait for him any longer, and he wasn't sure that he blamed her. But now that she was eighteen, he felt it was less indecent for him to admit to his attraction to her. Two years wasn't much of an age gap, but in his mind it always was. The rules were the rules, and he felt weird when he was eighteen lusting after a girl two years younger. He realized that the silence between them had lasted a beat too long and he decided it was high time he had out with it.
"Victoire, I...I owe you an apology."
She shook her head. "You've apologized already, Ted. It's alright."
"No, Vic. It's not. Because you were right."
She looked up at him with widened eyes, and he saw a hurt there that broke him. Fuck, he'd caused that. There was so much trust within her gaze and he wanted nothing more than be deserving of that look, than to be the person she trusted above all others. There was nothing for it now than to be completely honest with her.
"It's true that I demanded your company like a prick in that letter out of fear that you'd have other arrangements. But it's also true that I took it for granted that you'd just...always be around."
Something hardened in her expression at those words, and he licked his lips before continuing. "I know that you used to like me, Vic." A faint pink blossomed across her cheeks as she reached for another sip of her champagne. "I don't know how you feel about me now, but I can't take hiding what I feel for you anymore." She looked up at him at those words reluctantly, hopefully.
"I've had feelings for you for forever, Victoire. I've hid them well. Maybe too well, I think. But I felt I had to hide them."
Her mouth opened, her breasts straining against the fabric of her dress as her chest heaved. "Why? Why now?"
He lifted from his chair, not knowing why, but knowing he had to touch some part of her as he revealed the deepest secret of his heart he'd been harboring for so long. "Because, Vic. Your whole family has raised me like one of their own my entire life. We'd played together as kids and grown up together...Your family is like my own. And I always feared that if I acted on my feelings for you, well...As much as I know your uncles love me, they'd beat the living hell out of me if I ever fucked it up between us, which I was always so scared of doing. Losing you in my life would break me, Vic. But I would also lose your family, too. And with my grandma dead, I wouldn't have anyone left. But I'm grown now, Vic. And so are you. You're eighteen, so it's not inappropriate anymore for me to have these feelings for you. I know how I feel about you and I would do everything in my power to make you happy, Victoire. I trust myself more now and I know I wouldn't mess it up between us if you gave me the chance to prove that much."
His heart was racing beneath his shirt. He looked up at her pleadingly, not knowing what to expect there but not expecting to see the look of pure anger on her face.
"Talk to me, Vic. Please, I can't take pretending anymore."
She laughed derisively. "Oh, I'm sorry. It must've been hard pretending like you didn't have feelings for me all this time. I wonder what that's like."
Teddy stiffened. "Your feelings always show on your face. You grew up with easy expressions of love around you, it comes easier to you. My grandma wasn't like that. I always knew she loved me, but I always knew that part of her died along with my mother and grandfather. She was a bit more aloof, and I never really..." He trailed off, wondering what he said wrong. He'd spend forever tormenting himself about this moment, wondering how he might've handled it differently. He'd imagined himself this moment so many times, but never planned for it going to shit.
Victoire seemed to soften some as she saw the troubled look on Teddy's face. Tears built up in her eyes and she could do nothing to stop them. She'd dreamed of this moment for what felt like her whole life. She'd always wanted nothing more than to know that Teddy felt the same way about her as she did him. But now, things were too complicated. Her heart wasn't whole enough to give to him anymore; pieces of it belonged to three other men in a way she couldn't deny.
"Oh, Teddy..." She cried, and he reached up to her face to brush away her tears. "Why did you have to wait so long?"
He lifted her up out of her chair, sitting on it himself and placing her on his lap. The physical contact felt so fucking good. He'd dreamed of having her in his arms for so long, but never while she cried over their fucked up situation.
"Please, love. Don't tell me it's too late for you. For us."
She looked up at him again, her beautiful blue eyes bright with tears. "Teddy, I've wanted you forever. I want you still. But now I...There's others that I want, too."
He swallowed hard. He suspected she'd been dating Link, but she'd just used a plural. "Others?"
"I-," She stuttered, her breasts brushing against his chest. "I didn't plan for it. It just happened. There's Link and two other men that I've been...not really seeing, but, I...I'm starting to have feelings for them," she admitted, her tone so utterly devastated and broken. "It doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand it. But it's the truth. I've wanted only you for so long and it's killing me that now that I know you like me back, I'm...I'm too fucked up for you."
She sobbed into her hands, and he felt his throat burning and his heart breaking. He pulled her hands away from her face. "Don't ever hide from me, Victoire," he said in a low growl.
"You...you didn't know how I felt. It's my fault. You're not to blame for something you can't help. I'm sorry I waited so long. I don't understand your situation, I can't pretend to. I've only ever wanted you, even when I was with other girls. I know I can't start making demands on you just because I've finally been truthful about my feelings. But do you think you could...tell me what this means for us? Because I've tried to get over you, Vic. It's impossible."
Her breathing hitched and she became aware of his strong arms around her. Despite how devastated and scared the emotional territory she was wading through made her feel, his arms felt like home. Like safety. And something innate within her told her that they'd figure this out.
"I can't get over you, either, Teddy. I'm just as confused by my situation as you are, but I know one thing. I can never get over you, either."
He leaned for the box on the table, opening her present for her. He fastened the necklace around her neck, his fingers tickling the back of her neck gently as he did so. The necklace was silver like her bracelet, and held a light blue precious gemstone in the shape of a heart.
She admired it, gratitude in her eyes for the beautiful gift as he lifted her chin and pulled her face closer to his. "Then let's stop trying to ignore this between us and explore it instead."