incoming call...
Remus woke up.
He almost wished he hadn’t.
He surely looked as bad as he felt, having not left the bed since Henry left. He did nothing for an entire day; only getting out of bed to get water and use the bathroom. He called Lily once, but kept it brief, not wanting her to worry and come see him. He just wanted to be left alone.
The universe however, must have had other ideas for Remus because the sound that woke him up was his phone ringing.
He pulled himself out from underneath the covers and forced himself to sit up straight. There was a pounding in his head right behind his eyes, dried snot in the corners of his nose, and his lips were painfully chapped.
He reached over to his phone that luckily still had battery and turned it over to read the screen.
Incoming call…Sirius
Remus didn’t know how to react. But honestly he felt pretty emotionless at the moment so even if he wanted to have some prodigious reaction to Sirius calling him he wouldn’t have been able to.
“Hello?”
“Remus. Hi.” He sounded almost scared, like he was afraid that he would say the wrong thing.
“Hi.”
“...” he refrained from saying anything for a moment, trying to figure out he right words, “Rey, I just wanted to say I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have told you like that I just-”
“It’s okay.”
“No it’s not. And when Lily told me you two had broken up and that you were so upset I felt awful because you deserve better than that.”
“Thank you. It really-”
“And not just in the way you deserve to have been told better, you deserve someone so much better. And I know I’ll sound like a right prick saying this because I know how much you liked him but you really do deserve so much better than him, Remus. You deserve the entire fucking world at your feet.”
“...” Remus was in shock. Did Sirius really think that highly of him? Even after all of the horrible things he had said to him and accused him of? Remus’ heart started hurting more, now for a completely different reason.
“I’m sorry…I shouldn't have-”
“No it’s- thank you. For saying that…and telling me about him too.”
“Of course.”
“Honestly I’m surprised you didn’t kill him. I know how much you hate cheaters.” He let himself choke out a laugh. It was nice to laugh…it had been a few days since he had.
“Thought about it. I’m just glad you don't hate me for saying something.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“I was a bit brutal about it. Didn't exactly say it nicely, did I?”
“I don't hate you. Not one bit.” He meant it.
“Well at least someone doesn't.”
“Who hates you?”
“I'm sure Lily and James do…kind of ruined another one of their parties. Alex probably does too, seeing as I forced him to go out with Henry again so he couldn't be there.”
“So uh- you and Alex really aren’t-” He knew what answer he hoped to hear, but he didn't want it to sound like that...
“No. Just friends.” Just what he wanted to hear.
“Friends? Just friends?”
“Friends.” He was relieved. Relieved, and then confused. They were so flirty and they looked great together, it really didn't make sense for them to not be together.
“Why? I mean…you guys would make such a great couple if that's-”
“I don't want him.” Oh.
“No?”
“No. And he- he feels the same about me.”
“Alright. Cool.” He felt kind if breathless and it was sort of hard to focus over the pounding in his chest.
“Yeah. Cool.”
“...” Remus didn't know what to say.
“...” He wondered what Sirius must be thinking right now for him to be as silent as he is.
“...” Remus didn't know what he should say.
“Hey, Rey?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you alright?” His throat tightened and his mouth felt like he had just swallowed a spoonful of sand.
“I will be.” The words sounded as painful as they felt.
“Good. If you need anything, text me, please.”
“I will.” He probably wouldn't.
“Good. I’ll let you go then…you probably want some rest.” If only Sirius knew that the last thing he wanted was to sleep…or for him to hang up the phone.
“Okay.”
“Okay. Bye, Rey.”
“Goodbye Sirius.”
His head hurt, his heart hurt, and right now all he wanted was for Sirius to come over and crawl into bed next to him. For Sirius to play in his hair and kiss his nose and tell him that everything would be okay. He knew that if Sirius were to hypothetically come over, he would have made him tea and brought him some kind of chocolate pastry. He would have started a warm bath and sat with him in it, holding him against his chest and placing comforting kisses behind his ears and neck. He knew all this and he wanted it so desperately, he didn’t care how foolish that made him seem.
But he wouldn't call him. Couldn't possibly call him.
So he tucked himself back under the sheet and hugged a pillow tightly against him, wishing it was Sirius.