I Love You

It was raining, of course it was. Remus couldn't help but think about how it was the perfect cliche for it to be raining in this situation.

Everything was wet. His hair was stringy and had water droplets falling off of the ends and into his eyes, his jumper was sopping, clinging to his skin and making him shiver, water had gotten into the gaps in his boots so now his knit socks were wet and making squeaky noises every time he took a step, it was a highly uncomfortable situation but Remus wasn’t miserable because of that. 

Remus was miserable because the wetness on his cheeks wasn’t only from the rain but from tears. He told himself not to look down at his phone, knowing that it would just make it all sting again, but he did anyway and he read over the last messages again and again.

Lover Boy <3

we need to talk

sirius please

we need to talk Rey

okay

im on my way

I love you

the door will be unlocked you can just walk in

The one thing he never wanted to happen, did.

Sirius broke up with him.

They were done.

And Remus walked down the wet street faster, not wanting anyone who may also be braving the storm to see him like this.

It was 4 am. They really should be in bed, they had class in the morning for christ’s sake, but somehow they had ended up in some random neighborhood, on a random playset, smoking a blunt and getting far too high for a Wednesday night…well a Thursday morning.

Remus and Sirius were on a swingset laughing and swearing that they were touching the clouds.

“Rey! Rey! I swear to god I’m touching that cloud right now! I can feeeeeel the raindrops in it!”

“Do you think we could touch the moon? I think we could touch the moon! Sirius! I’m touching the moon! I’m on the moon!”

“Oi! Rey! It’s a full moon! Aroooooooooo!”

Remus laughed as he pumped his legs to get more height, “Why are you howling you bloody dog?”

“It’s a full moon! I’m howling at the moon like a werewolf! Howl with me! Go on! Get all moony! Aroooooo!”

“Aroooooo!”

“Aroooooo! I’m floating with the fucking stars!”

Remus laughed again, this time feeling slightly ill from the joint that was still in between Sirius’ fingers.

“Let’s fly Remus! On three let’s fly!”

Without needing explanation, Remus pumped his legs even harder, “One!”

“Two!”

They both looked at each other and grinned widely before yelling together “three!”

They both let go of the metal swings and let themselves fly into the night sky…well there was a lot less flying and a lot more falling as they both hit the hard ground with grunts and groans.

After a few moments of cringing in pain and highly regretting their attempted trip to the moon, they rolled so that they were lying on their backs next to each other and let themselves laugh.

Sirius took another puff of the joint then passed it to Remus, who did the same but with a small cough at the end.

“You know, this is the sixth and a half time we have hung out.”

Remus snorted as he took another small drag, “and a half?”

“Yeah. The first time we met only counts as a half cause it was only for a moment and James and Lily dragged us along.”

Remus turned his head to watch Sirius. He was beautiful. Annoyingly so. Even as high as he was, he was still the most attractive Remus had ever seen. “Alright. Six and a half.”

“Yep. Means I’ve fancied you for six and a half…uh meetings?”

Instead of letting Remus react to his declaration, he simply gestured for Remus to pass him the blunt. A part of him was terrified that he might reject him, but the risk of it all excited him.

Remus had heard him and actually felt like he was flying for real this time. He went to pass Sirius back the cigarette but instead of handing it to him, he laced their fingers together.

Sirius looked at him and smiled the biggest smile Remus had ever seen. Then, with his free hand plucked the joint from between their entwined fingers, took a quick puff, put it out on the ground next to him, then grabbed Remus’ face with his once more free hand and kissed him. It was just a peck, but Remus saw the green light and went for it. He threw himself over Sirius and leaned down and kissed him hard. 

Sirius kissed him back eagerly, keeping a fast hold on Remus’ cheek and using his other hand to pull him closer by the back of his thigh. Remus had both of his hands on the ground framing Sirius’ face, not letting up on the snogging for a second.

Their tongues were twisting together and Sirius was amazed that the joint they had just been smoking tasted so different on Remus’ lips than his own…he was getting high all over again and loving every moment of it. They were groaning against each other’s lips with every negligible press of their bodies, which were now covered in blush and goosebumps.

“Who’s out there?” The yelling from an obviously angry mom from a nearby house, sent Remus and Sirius jumping apart.

“I can smell that bloody drug from here. When I catch who you are-”

“Cmon!” Sirius grabbed onto Remus’ hands once more and together they ran off into the moonlight giggling and stumbling against the ground and each other.

Sirius woke up, his head pounding from having cried himself to sleep. He knew that if he looked even half as bad as he felt…he looked like shit.

He rolled over to see his phone laying next to him on his mattress. He vaguely remembered turning away from it last night, not wanting to deal with the pity that people were sure to be sending him.

He groaned and reached for his phone, but it wasn’t condolences and sympathy on his phone, it was much much worse.

Loverman <3

i dont want us to be over

sirius

I love you

I love you too *message failed to send

im sorry *message failed to send

Sirius threw his phone in frustration and hurt. He could feel his tears threatening to fall and the spilling of the tears were sure to be violent, so he buried his face into his pillows, quieting his yells and his sobs all at once.

Remus woke up. 

He almost wished he didn’t, but he did.

He hadn’t gone back to his flat that night, he didn’t want to be alone staring at the walls of his apartment with nothing but his thoughts and memories of Sirius, so he had gone to Lily’s.

She had known right away what happened and pulled him into her neck as he cried until he couldn’t anymore. She had taken him into her room, so as to not be disturbed and had fallen asleep in her bed. 

He could hear Lily showering in the next room and spent the moment he had to himself to not think. He felt like he had done nothing but think for his entire life and wanted more than anything to just not think. He didn’t want to think about his finals that were coming up soon, he didn’t want to think about how much he missed his mum, he didn’t want to think about how bad his eyes were throbbing, he didn’t want to think about how grim his tiny little broken heart felt, but mostly he didn’t want to think about Sirius.

He didn’t want to think about his blue eyes, or his stupid grin that made his stomach do backflips, or his voice whenever he sang cheesy love songs, or the way he would grab his face when he kissed him, or the way he would tickle his stomach underneath his jumpers when he was stressed or-

Remus felt tears cross against the bridge of his nose, burning into his skin as if it left a horrid, nasty scar. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to not think about him, but having obviously failed, Remus saw no harm in hurting himself more.

He reached for where his phone was laying with a near-dead battery on Lily’s nightstand. He wanted more than anything to see a text from Sirius. To hear him say he loved him or was sorry or already missed him. He honestly at this point would even be okay with having a text from Sirius telling Remus to leave him the hell alone…because at least then he would be talking to him, but just as he expected, nothing.

He laid his phone against his chest and stared up at the ceiling as swallowed hard painful breaths down back into his body.

“You alright, Love?” Lily walked out of her bedroom, wearing a soft white bathrobe, drying her hair with a towel, and looking at her sad, little Remus laying miserably in her bed.

“Yeah.” he sounded sad and his voice cracked with emotion, “I’m alright.”

Lily walked around to his side of the bed and placed a soft hand on his forehead, pushing his frizzy blonde hair out of his face, “Do you want some tea?”

He let himself smile, just a small one, and nodded.

Some tea might be nice.