Tears of a traitor

Pandora's friends were as mysterious as her.

I watched them from afar, my secret hobby. I watched and wished to be part of that, even though I knew I had something just as good myself.

There were four of them, not including my sister, and I knew they were popular; They weren't popular in the way James and Sirius were, but in a romantic way, full of mystery and secrets.

Sometimes I even wished I was a few years older, so I could also be part of it. I knew I would, being a Pettigrew, and I dreamed about it sometimes, perhaps people would be in love with me too.

There was my sister of course, Pandora Pettigrew, eccentric and quirky, but beautiful and smart too. Untouchable . People were always surprised to find out we were related, they would give me the up-down look and then stand there glaring at me, as if it were an insult to her, “You're her brother?” they would ask, doubtfully, and i would nod dutifully.

After her there was Xenophilius, the perfect boy. He was half hippie half impeccably dressed nerd, with well cut blonde hair that just seemed to flow in all the right directions. He was the type of boy girls swooned over, yet he never seemed to enjoy the attention, only ever focusing on Pandora (which personally I hated).

Alice Fortescue, who I had heard of so much, was pretty in a cosy way, like Molly Prewett, with black hair and a fringe that suited her quite well (unlike many girls I had seen sporting the same haircut). She had dimples and brown eyes and everyone knew she was secretly dating a fifth year (though no-one could work out who, and Pandora refused to tell me).

Finally there were the Bones twins, a boy and a girl, who were so alike yet so different.

Edgar was a Hufflepuff, the only non-Ravenclaw in the group actually, with fluffy light brown hair and freckles. He was the golden retriever, if anything he was like James, with his sharp cheekbones and cocky grin.

His sister Amelia, gave off a threatening aura, and I knew a lot of people hated her. There were rumours she killed a 7th year Slytherin for catcalling her. Her hair was very ‘french’ and very ‘modern’ according to her few admirers, it was a dark brown and cropped at her chin like a boys. She had the same sharp features as Edgar, but less of the kinder features he had to make up for it. Her eyes cut through you, and above all else she was intimidating and brilliant, the brightest in her year they said, perhaps the brightest in the school.

They were all so different, and yet they seemed to get along perfectly. Pandora arm in arm with Alice. Xenophilius towering over them, seemingly content just to simply listen to their conversation.

Finally followed by the twins, Amelia listening to Edgar talk, sometimes commenting back, smiling, for once in her life.

It was a day, mid December, when I first really talked to any of them. 

Me and Mary had been sitting in the library (as we always did after school) discussing whether there really was going to be snow for Christmas as everyone said there would be, when we were interrupted.

“Ah! If it isn't Peter Pettigrew!”

I was surprised to find Edgar Bones grinning down at us. He pulled out the seat next to Mary and dumped his satchel on the table.

“No homework?” He asked, and I shook my head, he frowned dramatically.

“Merlin, I miss being a fecking first year, excuse my French, now I've got piles of homework for these bloody mocks after Christmas. I'm going to have to study over Christmas! Can you believe it eh?”

He talked to us as if we were best friends, the three of us, not two gaping (and in Marys case, blushing profusely) first years talking to one of the most popular boys in the school.

He cocked his head at us good naturedly, “Not very talkative are you two? Well what's your name then? I'm Edgar by the way.”

Mary gulped several times before managing to say “Mary”

“Mary what?” He was smiling kindly at her, and she seemed to relax a bit.

“Mary Macdonald”

Edgar nodded, “Mary Macdonald, nice ring to it, you Pete's girlfriend then?”

“Uh-uh no not at all”

“Only kiddin’, first years never date unless they want to make things super awkward down the line. Trust me i dated this gal in first year and now i cant even look at her-”

At that point Pandora and Amelia appeared, holding books, when Pandora saw me she smiled, “heyaPeter!” then turning to Edgar with a disapproving smile, “ Ed what did i say about harassing first years, especially my brother ”

Edgar stuck his tongue out “I'm not harassing them! Tell her Peter! God your so fecking touchy Panda!”

Amelia dragged him up, “Stop being a prat” she nagged and pulled him back to Pandora, until the three were staring at us awkwardly.

Finally Mary smiled up at Pandora “Um, hi! I’m Mary Macdonald”

“Oh I know who you are, I do keep an eye on my brother you know. I dare say you, Evans and that Lupin boy are far better influences on him than James and Black”

Edgar snorted “No way, Black and Potter are great! Take after me if i do say so”

“They don't even know you Edgar, i’d say they’d look up to the Prewetts if anyone” Amelia snapped, “Besides, we have to get to SlugClub or we’re going to be late”

Edgar groaned, “Nooooo i hate those stuffy meetings with fecking Slughorn”

Amelia was already dragging him away though, and he rolled his eyes and saluted as if being taken to his death. Pandora kissed my head quickly then hurried after them, leaving behind a ghost of where she once was, and I missed her and missed her and missed her.

I had come to accept that James was no longer my best friend, he now belonged to Sirius in that sense, and to my surprise, it hurt less than i expected it to, all i felt was a strange sadness and loss.

We had got into a routine, me and the others, and it was a nice one, a thing I liked even.

On a weekday James would wake up early and drag the three of us out of bed, shouting encouragements as we begrudgingly got dressed and slowly made our way to breakfast, yawning and telling James to “Shut the hell up” (Remus often added that if he didnt he would push him out the nearest window, which usually did the job). After breakfast was lessons, then breaktime where we would sit in the courtyard, then lessons, lunch, and finally the last lesson of the day, then we would split up, Me and Mary going to the library, sometimes accompanied by the others, sometimes not. 

On the weekend we relaxed, moped about and did the homework we’d been putting off, or in my case, waiting for one of the others to do it so I could copy off them.

It was nice that life, the childhood we needed before the war, which tore through us like a knife, but the war didn't start for another two years and we were still safe from the horror which befell us all.

It was finally snowing, and Christmas was a week away.

Incidentally i hadn't even thought about where i would stay at Christmas, just that if James was there at least i’d be happy enough.

As long as I wasn't alone, that was all I cared about.

James sat at the table and grabbed the lasagna dish, piling lasagna onto his plate with gusto  while Sirius made a gagging face.

Sirius did not like cheese.

At all.

In fact he detested the stuff so wholeheartedly if you even mentioned it while he was in the vicinity he would start gagging loudly.

“I can't believe you eat that stuff” he said, diverting his eyes away from the offensive lasagna.

James cocked an eyebrow, pulling a face at Sirius’ salad, “and i don't know how you eat that”

“It's good for you”

“Its gross”

I had never realised before meeting Sirius that some people didn't like cheese, I had always assumed it was just one of those things everyone liked, but apparently not.

“Anyways, i've been meaning to discuss something with you guys” James finally said.

“What?” I asked, playing with my food.

“What's everyone doing for Christmas? It would be really cool if you could come to mine! Well i know you will Peter but wouldn’t it be great if you two could as well”

Sirius laughed, “Sorry Potter, there's no way Mothers letting me not go home, tragic as it is”

James turned to Remus, “What about you?”

Remus shrugged, “Im staying at Hogwarts”

“What about your Mum, won't she get lonely?” I asked.

“Probably, but it's just best if i stay here, i don't really want to talk about it”

James glanced around quickly before gravely putting down his fork, “Remus” he said quietly “Is this about your little problem?”

Remus choked on his food, needing Sirius to slap him on the back until he stopped coughing.

“My what ” he spluttered, horror in his eyes.

James seemed taken aback by this reaction, “Well you know… Your illness , the one you get sometimes” upon seeing Remus’ terrified face he held up his hands, “Hey! I'm not trying to pry or anything! Its not like we know what's wrong with you-”

At this Remus’ face visibly relaxed,

“- but we know it's happening ok? All those days in the medical wing? We know you're ill, but that's ok, ok?”

Remus seemed to be going through something across the table from me, so i quickly butted in, “If there's anything we can do Remus, just say”

He was silent for a minute, then he nodded, “there is actually”
“What?” James exclaimed.

Remus had begun to smile, “Don't ask what's going on with me… Please? No prying, that's the rule. Don't try to find out, no investigation or anything like that. Just stay out of it”

Sirius nodded “Deal”

“Deal”

“Deal”

“Ok” Remus nodded, picking back up his cutlery and stuffing his face again, causing Sirius to pull a grotesque face,

“Oh Merlin ” he groaned, turning away.

It was quiet again, and then James said, “I’ll stay here then, for Christmas”
“Wait what-'' I said, because I knew if James was staying, so was I, and I really didn't want to be at Hogwarts over Christmas.

“You will too won't you Pete? Keep Lupin here some company.”

“Fine but you betta get me a good present this year James”

“What did he get you last year?” Sirius said, stabbing a lettuce leaf with his fork.

James snorted and i glared at him “Chocolate he knew was allergic to, so he ate it”

James laughed, slapping me on the back “Poor Pete is allergic to peanuts, didn't even remember”

“Yes you did ”

He put his hand to his heart “I swear to Merlin i didn't…. Plus I got you an owl for your birthday!”

I sighed, “Fairplay”

James looked back at Sirius “Write over Christmas yeah?”

Sirius smiled, “Of course Potter, you’d die without me”

I wasnt that upset about Christmas, especially when I discovered Pandora would also be here.

It was strangely sad watching all the people leave back to their loving, warm families, leaving the unwanted behind.

I wrote to Mother telling her, waving goodbye to Benjamin as he flew through the snow. 

I did not receive a letter back, only Benjamin.

James got more hell, Euphemia was not particularly happy about the new arrangements, it took several letters back and forth until she finally permitted it, sending mine and James’ Christmas presents with it.

Sirius and Mary’s departures were bittersweet ones, we stood on the platform waving them off, running after the train as Sirius stuck his head out of the window, yelling cheerful words and promises to write.

After we had run out of space to chase the train we stopped and watched it move along in the distance, brushing snow from our shins and huddling close together for warmth.

The next morning the great hall was virtually empty, a couple of students from each house sitting alone or with another person, slowly eating breakfast.

We were discussing what the next prank could be when Edgar sat at our table.

“Little Pettigrew! Welcome to Misery!”

Pandora shook her head, sitting next to me “Oh shush Ed, it's not miserable”
Amelia wasn't there, which surprised me.

Edgar, seemingly having read my mind, nodded “Amelia is up in her dorm sulking”

Pandora shook her head, “I dont think its exactly sulking, she's upset Ed, you know she wanted to go home over Christmas”

“ Yeah and she could’ve , it's not my fault the journey home is so freaking tedious it's ridiculous! Hogwarts express to Edinburgh, then a muggle one to Glasgow, then another to the dock where we have to get a boat to Belfast and then like 20 modes of transport until we finally get to our miserable house in pissing Mullingar!”

We were all staring at him now, a slightly worried look on our faces, except Pandora who took a large mouthful of porridge which she had practically drowned in honey, “You should still apologies”

He groaned, “Ok mam , Oi Potter, got any pranks lined up?”

James shrugged, still slightly startled, “no, you had one in mind?”

Edgar grinned “Oh yeah”

Pandora pulled a face at me and Remus “Oh no”

Pandora shook her head, “I cant believe how stupid your plan is”

We were all sitting in the Ravenclaw common room, which was nice, but not as cosy as the Gryffindor one.

James and Edgar had Remus’ map of the school out, and Remus was drawing out all the secret passages and such.

(He had been bribed by the two with 10 chocolate frogs)

I was sitting beside Pandora, leaning into her with her arm around me. I had missed her smell so much I realised, her arm was warmth and safety, and i never wanted to leave it.

Amelia walked in with a yawn, and threw herself down on the other end of the sofa, a book in her hand.

Remus glanced up and then smiled, “Is that Jekyll and Hyde?”

She nodded, “You’ve read it?”

“Yeah, my Mum used to read it to me when i was younger, gave me nightmares”

“I can imagine'' Pandora said, “Aw Pete, remember when I used to tell you bedtime stories? It was so cute, what was that one you loved….?”

She was teasing and i tried to worm my way out of her grip, embarrassed, “ Pandora your so annoying ” i said through gritted teeth

James laughed, “He never told me about that, i would have told you bedtime stories Petey wetey”

“Oh shove off James” I said, trying to kick him, but he dodged and looked back at the map.

Edgar took a sip from his drink, “So how come Black isnt here, if you three are?”

“He wasn't allowed to stay,” Remus replied, circling moaning myrtles toilets and adding a note on the side.

Amelia sighed, “I do feel sorry for him, the Blacks are ruthless”

“Amelia!” Edgar exclaimed dramatically (and in a very james-like way) “Do not speak to me of that family”
To my surprise at this Pandora started to laugh, “Oh I remember that. In… what was it Ed… Second year? Third year?”

“ Second ”

“Right, yes… Well in second year Edgar had this massive crush on Narcissa Black ”

“SHUT UP! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!”

“-And of course she was some untouchable Slytherin 4th year at the time, yes? Bellatrix would have been in her….What, 6th year then? And Andromeda was in 5th…. So anyways Edgar had this huge plan to ask her out, like flowers and all that type of thing”

Amelia chortled, “Oh lord the flowers-”

Pandora laughed aswell “Well of course we thought he was completely stupid and told his dorm mates, who being the type they are hexed his flowers to spurt this gross smelling pus at her when he asked her… You can guess what happened next…”

Edgar groaned, “Jelly legs, vomiting slugs and levicorpus”

Remus smirked, “Peter take notes for when James tries to ask out Evans”

“James, you have a crush on Lily Evans? Well i didn't think she was quite your type!” Pandora said with an amused smile, and James rolled his eyes.

“If any of you made my flowers spurt pus at Evans i would murder you myself” He said, holding up the map to the light of the fire.

At that moment he said it though, a seventh year Ravenclaw walked in, gave him a grossed out look, and quickly hurried up to their dorm.

We all burst into fits of giggles, even Amelia, her eyes creased and a body trembling.

It was Christmas eve, and we were ice skating, well five of us were, Remus had refused, opting to sit in the warmth of the library with his homework. (The illness was starting to set into place now, i could tell, and it worried me horrid, more so that i wasn't allowed to know what it was)

Edgar and James were taking a break from ‘the great post-christmas prank’, much to the relief of the rest of us.

The great lake was frozen over, and Pandora had transfigured our shoes into ice skates.

It turned out I was not very good at ice skating, and had to cling to James and Edgar to stop myself from falling (much to their amusement, they highly enjoyed pretending to nearly drop me).

Pandora and Amelia were very good though, skating off happily and racing one another, laughing and holding onto each other so they wouldn't fall.

James nattered on in my ear as I watched Edgar watch the other two.

He watched Pandora particularly, a smile on his face I couldn't quite understand, and he only tore his eyes away from her when l fell straight on my arse pulling the other two with me.

Pandora and Amelia found their way back to us, laughing at the three groaning boys trying to stand up.

It was nice being close to Pandora again, and I wondered what I would do when Christmas ended and she drifted away again.

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP YOU TITS THE PRESENTS ARE HERE!”

I sat up slowly, yawning, turning to see James scanning his massive pile of presents.

Remus threw a pillow at him, “Did you just call us tits James?”

James ignored him, moving onto my pile, scouring through them.

“Oi” i said, sitting up, “Take your grubby hands off my presents”

“You have three less than me, sucks to be you Pettigrew”

“I actually don't really care Mr spoilt” I said, getting up and putting on a jumper.

Remus glanced at his pile carelessly then took a second glance, eyes wide.

“ Why the fuck are there so many presents ”

James grinned, “Any friend of mine is a friend of the families. My Mum didn't want you getting left out on Christmas day. It's really weird, when i told her your full name she gasped and was like-”

James sat up straight and did his Euphemia voice, “ Oh that poor boy! What type of things does he like? Books? Clothes? ” He relaxed again with a shrug “I don't know why, so i just told her some stuff about you and tada!”

Remus looked at James, then the presents, then back at James. 

“How did they even appear here? I'm sure they weren't here when I went to sleep, and i didnt sleep for ages last night.”

“Oh I know this!” I said, dumping my presents on my bed, “Dumbledore gets the head of houses to write to their pupils' parents right? And then when the presents arrive the house elves bring them up.”

James nodded in approval, “correct Peter!”

“ There were ELVES in here last night? ” Remus whispered, and James nodded.

Remus looked around, “ What. The. Fuck ”

The three of us had a successful haul of presents.

Remus had gotten the two of us chocolate frogs (“Sorry about that” he had said sheepishly, “I don't have much money right now and it's kind of difficult-” but he was cut off by James, who stuffed his in his mouth and grinned at Remus, “Thankyou Remus, i love chocolate frogs”, followed by a hug of gratitude from me)

James had given me the peanut free version of the chocolates he had (tried) to give me last year, and a self spelling quill, (“so you’ll do your own bloody homework”)

Remus had gotten fancy journal (“for all your depressing poetry” “But i don't write poetry” “Now you do”)

I had gotten James a hairbrush (“Haha Pete you utter twat”) and Remus was given a list i had written titled: Why Remus Lupin is less annoying than James Potter and Sirius Black who are both actually really annoying and a box of chocolate cauldrons i had managed to bribe a second year hufflepuff to give me on the last day of term when i realised i had to get Remus a present. 

Remus had stuck the list on the wall above his bed where it proudly read (in my bad handwriting):

Why Remus Lupin is less annoying than James Potter and Sirius Black who are both actually really annoying:

• he doesnt ever call me a twat

• he helps me with my homwokhomework

• Is much nicer in genrelgenral general

• doesnt nag me to play quidichquidditch with him because he doesnt know what it is (thank Merlin)

• Likes chocolate too

• Sat on the express with me

When the feast happened all the children left behind sat on one table and chatted merrily.

Pandora was proudly wearing the sparkly butterfly clip I had given her, and I had my new knitted gloves from her on the radiator upstairs in my dorm after they had gotten soggy from building Merlin the snowman.

(Edgar had wanted to add boobs to it, “Why not ? Merlins tits are iconic!”. He had been outvoted though, 5-1, so Merlin the snowman remained tit-less)

The candlelight gave it a dream-like feel, and it did feel like a dream, one long, perfect dream.