Chapter 8
“Get the- Peter get down there”
I glared up at James, who was standing with his arms crossed.
“James please dont make me go down there”
He shook his head, “Well Remus just got out the hospital wing, so you don't have much of a choice do you?”
And with that, he pushed me down the sewer.
I hadn't wanted to go down the sewer, I had protested, argued, and threatened. Nothing seemed to work on James and Edgar, it was totally unfair. Pandora and Amelia had been in the library checking over the necessary spells when they broke the news that due to Remus’ illness i was stuck doing the sewer duty with Edgar. Before I could request a lawyer present James was dragging me off to my ultimate demise.
I hit the floor hardly, and struggled up. Luckily I had not landed in the water, which had a horrible smell coming off of it.
I pulled out my wand and the note with Remus’ directions on it.
“Lumos”.
My wand lit up and I checked the instructions, muttering to myself as I began to make my way to where I was to meet Edgar.
It was dark, eerie, and worst of all, packed with rats.
I didn't have anything against rats, they were just big mice really, but this many, and in such a dark, tightly packed space, I was terrified.
I finally found the opening, an immense octagonal room with different sewage pipes and ladders.
The surprising thing was though, the sheer beauty of the place. It appeared as if it had been some sort of secret hide-out, and I wondered how Remus had found it.
The floor and walls were tiled in green mosaic, with lit oil lamps on each wall, giving the room a strange warm light. The ceiling though, I came to see, was glass, and with a shock I realised I was in the great lake, deep under clearly, by the looks of the type of creatures brushing past far above me.
The water exiting the pipes fell in waterfalls down to grates all around me, they weren't noisy as you would expect though, in fact strangely quiet, only the muffled sound of running water to indicate their existence.
“Scary huh?”
I jumped, and glared at Edgar who laughed at my fright, “Don't worry Peter it's only me, but god i had such a fright walking in here, like something out a Slytherins dream”
I sighed, “I wonder what other hidden rooms are in Hogwarts”
Edgar laughed with a shrug, “Hundreds! Thousands! Anyways, we don't have time to ponder over other things, James told you the spell?”
“Oh yeah wait…” I turned the paper holding the instructions over to see the incantation name and movement, “Here it is”
He was already walking away from me, counting the pipes, “Ok, you can do those 20”
I groaned, “twenty?”
“Oi shut it, I have thirty to do, we live in a fecking castle. What did you expect?”
I wasn't sure how long it took us, time seemed separate in a place like this, distant, unnecessary.
We eventually came to the last pipe, the biggest one.
“That's it?” i asked, “Why is it so big?”
Edgar shrugged, “Maybe moaning myrtle needs bigger pipes.”
I sniggered, “She's going to have the time of her life.”
“Damn right, good for her i say, she deserves it”
“We should probably get back”
He sighed, then smiled down at me, “Yeah your right, well done Pete”
“Thankyou”
“JAMES! REMUS! PETER!”
Sirius jumped off the train, dropping his trunk and running over to us, wrapping his right arm around James’ neck and his left around mine, making us stumble backwards.
He looked up at Remus, who was standing behind us.
“Hey Lupin, you alright?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Not bad… Not bad at all”
Before he could say anything more, James was shaking him in excitement, “A prank Sirius! The perfect prank! You’ll love it! Its our Christmas present to you!-”
He began walking off with Sirius, and with an exasperated look Remus grabbed hold of Sirius’ collar, pulling him back.
“OI! What was that for?”
“Forgetting something?”
“Oh right!”
He twisted round and with a flick of his wand his bags disappeared, then he ran back to where James was standing.
I shook my head as the two of us began the steady walk behind them, “You know” I said, “You’d think his parents illegally taught him magic before he came to Hogwarts, I think he's the first student to ever do a speechless spell aged 11”
Remus laughed, “He's so weird, i can't figure him out.”
At the castle James slapped Sirius on the back.
“Alright mate, this is where we leave you, we’ll see you at the feast yeah? Say hi to Evans and Macdonald from us”
Sirius sighed, “This better be good, after the christmas i had i need it.”
Remus and James shared a look, and I wondered if they knew something I didn't. Before I could question them though, James had waved goodbye and we were walking towards greenhouses. The snow was deep and we huddled together as we walked, me pulling my hat down as far as it could go to ward off the cold.
We ducked into the last greenhouse, the one that was abandoned long before we were here. It smelt stale and earthly, and luckily, it was warm.
We waited in silence, and I shed my coat and hat before hoisting myself onto an old table and swinging my legs.
Edgar was the first back, waving a sheet of paper at us as he took off his coat and gloves.
“Sorry about the wait lads, Pandy asked me to go say hi to Alice and Xenophilius.” He said Xenophilius’ name with distaste, but before any of us could wonder why he continued, “anyhow i got the bleeding spell off some ravenclaw nonce, told him i was going to use it on my sister HA”
James took the instructions from him wearily, Edgar was clearly on edge, which was strange to me, he didn't seem like the type to ‘be on edge’.
Edgar stopped laughing and sniffed the air, “Oh bloody hell the 6th years have been smoking pot again, and without me! Bloody cheek!”
“What's pot?” I asked, causing Edgar to smirk.
“Well Peter its-”
“Please refrain from telling my brother what pot is Ed”
Pandora and Amelia walked through the door, unwinding scarves and taking off hats.
Edgars head snapped away from me, until he was grinning at Pandora, “Pandy, nice of you to join us!”
Amelia walked over and sat next to me, shaking her head, she leaned into me slightly, as if sharing the darkest secret with me, and with a slight smile whispered, “I have a tiny feeling that my brother is slightly in love with your sister”
“Wha-” i began, but was interrupted, with Edgar brandishing the potion the girls had gotten.
“The antidote ladies and gents!”
He put his head up and tapped a couple of drops down his throat, “No diarrhoea for me no sir!”
Amelia cringed, leaning over and snatching up the bottle, “shut up you nonce” and did the same thing.
We passed around the bottle until there was enough left to split into the spare bottle which James tucked into his jean pocket “for Sirius” he muttered at me, seeing my questioning look, “and Mary, of course.”
“And Evans” Remus finished.
James shrugged, “Only if she wants it that is”
We were all set and it was time to put the plan into action.
It was complicated, very complicated, but two weeks of meticulous planning and two Ravenclaws had ended with the perfect plan.
As James had already said, the best pranks are the most chaotic, and this, for sure, was one i wasnt sure we could ever out do.
On the way to the great hall we went over the plan one last time.
“The timing spells have been placed on the pixies, correct?” Remus asked,
Pandora nodded confirmation.
“Edgar, have you memorised the spell for the professors yet?” Amelia asked her brother, who was staring at the piece of paper with the spell on it.
“Nearly maybe if you stopped fecking talking to me i would have done it already”
She ignored the comment and turned to Remus, “You have the rain spell done?”
“Yes Amelia, I had it done last week” he shot Edgar a look, who stuck his tongue out back.
Pandora grinned, “I still can't believe we’re doing this”
And neither could i.
The prank had begun.
Mary, Sirius (and a very suspicious Lily) had taken the antidote and from across the hall I could see Alice and Xenophilius had as well.
Lily had wanted to take Snape some as well but James had bluntly refused, telling her that he would ‘magic’ her to her seat if she tried.
She snorted distastefully, “How mature Potter.”
The stages were very on point, and we all knew that if one was missed, everything would fall apart.
Dumbeldores speech was coming to an end, and Remus was clutching his hand tightly, pointing it upwards discreetly under the table so only I and Mary could see.
The speech began, and people began to dig in, to relax, and we knew it was time.
Remus took a deep breath in, and hissed the incantation as quietly as he could.
Fat drops of potion began to rain down on us from the ceiling, making people drop their food and cover their heads, screaming in horror.
Edgar must have done his spell well, because as the teachers stood to speak loud animal noises erupted from their mouths, a confusing horror story.
Sirius clapped his hands in delight, “MERRY CHRISTMAS BOYS!” he shouted over the noise.
we grinned back at him, before following the crowds out into the corridors, right into the arms of a swarm of cornish pixies.
Screams erupted, and the potion began to take its magic.
“What did that potion do to them…?” Lily asked, horrified as we stood in the corner, unnoticed.
James snorted, “It gave them diarrhoea” he said, as if it wasn't a big deal at all.
Sirius and Mary started laughing, leaving Lily opened mouthed, “WHAT?!”
“And even better…” Edgar said, strolling up to us, making Mary freeze besides me, “The only toilet unclogged is moaning myrtles, me and Pete made sure of that.”
Before I could complain about my adventures in the sewers, Mcgonagall began making her way over to us, her face completely outraged, and we ran for it.
Dumbledore laughed, his eyes crinkled and mouth wide.
Mcgonagall raised an eyebrow and sighed, “Albus please, lectures first, laughter later”
He cleared his throat, wiping away a tear and turning towards us with a wide smile, “I'm sorry Minerva, but that was quite a spectacle, don't you think boys?”
Remus shrugged, but James smiled as if he had won a prize, “I do indeed sir”
“You see though, I really doubt that three of you alone could have done it, especially as first years no less, you don't - now excuse me for saying this - have the ability nor the knowledge of the school to have done something as complicated as this without some help no?”
“You underestimate us sir” James retorted, he had that look on his face, the one certain to land us in detention.
“I'm sure i do my dear boy but that does not devoid from the fact i know quite well, or as well as one could, which fourth years helped you but…” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, “There is no way to prove it without confession or the confirmation of guilt from known offenders, if you boys confirm my suspicions no punishment will behold you.”
“It was only the three of us sir, no one else”
To my surprise, I realised Remus had finally spoken, which made Dumbledore's smile widen further.
“Well then, Minerva, they are all yours.”
“Holy Shit” I said under my breath.
“Since when do you swear Pete?” James asked, surprised.
“Since this”
I gestured at the mass of dusty equipment piled up high on the walls, as far as any of us could see.
“I do admit this is a little worse than the animal cages-”
Remus started laughing, “A little worse… A little worse? James Potter I am going to fuck you up what the hell is this?”
“You guys are so fucked”
We all turned and glared at Sirius, who was sitting on one of the old cabinets, ankles crossed and adjusting his hair in a dirty mirror. He looked up startled at our faces “what?! You guys kind of asked for it im not going to lie to you”
Remus shook his head at him, “Shut up Black, honestly this was your christmas present”
Sirius shrugged in return, “Not my problem Lupin”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because i am your guys’ emotional suppo-”
James pulled a face at me, and we walked away from there bickering, far into this never ending room.
James coughed as he bent down, shaking the muggle spray can thing and the flannel we had to use to dust this place. He coughed, spraying a rickety desk and wiping off what seemed like a 100 years of dust.
“Honestly” James muttered, “They act like an old married couple.”
I had also begun dusting, prioritising a big old wardrobe with fancy glass bottles in it, “Who does?”
“Remus and Sirius”
“Oh '' I said, turning to face them, quite far away now, still arguing as Remus wipes down something out of view, and Sirius, with his arm outstretched and lazily pointing at things, telling Remus about all the spots he's missed. “Yes, i suppose they do”
Remus didnt come to join us, which i had expected he would, and eventually the noise from down the hall stopped, and i turned to see Sirius helping Remus, using his jumper sleeve to wipe dust away, they seemed to do this in silence, and i wondered how they went to shouting bloody murder at eachother to this perfect silent companionship.
James noticed too, and shrugged at me.
After an hour or so of work James called me over.
“Yeah?”
He looked confused, biting his lip like he did when he was trying to remember something.
“Pete… What's the date?”
“Um…. Like the 5th? Of January? Nineteen seventy-”
“Yeah yeah i know the year Pete i'm not a dunce”
He sighed, and looked over my shoulder to see Remus aggressively hitting a drawer that wouldn't shut.
He cleared his throat and leaned into me, “peter” he whispered “I think it's Remus’ time of the month”
I was startled, “time of what?!”
“Shhh! Shhhhh!” he slapped his hand over mouth, “you know, where he gets all angsty and miserable because he's sick! Though… It's still a bit early, he still has a week or so i think” He shook his head sadly, like an adult when they hear sad news, “poor poor Remus”
There was a loud slam and I turned around just in time to see Remus storming out of the hallway, having budged past a bewildered Sirius, who was still standing there, outraged.
“Maybe we should go after him…” James said, sounding as though he really didn't want to go after him
“I suppose we should,” I replied.
He wiped his nose on his sleeve, gathered the strength required to deal with Remus on his sick days, and marched off, and thought in that moment that he was the bravest person i had ever met, to put Remus first, and i knew i would never have the strength to do that, however much i wanted to