Chapter 9
Ernst kept his promise from the previous night.
Ernst
you good to call now?
Hanschen Riow
Yep
I just wanted to ask
Do you think we can FaceTime?
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY WOULD I ASK THAT OH MY GOD FUCK FUCK FU—
Ernst
hmm sure
hold on a moment
Shit. Okay. This was happening again. Except this time he was about to see Ernst. He was going to see his face. Holy shit. If he thought he was nervous last night, boy was he wrong. It was nothing compared to how he felt right now.
Ernst
ready whenever you are
Hanschen ran his fingers through his hair and turned a lamp on so that there was better lighting. He did all the little things, like pushing his glasses up slightly and then back down to right where they were before, and even readjusting the wooden beaded bracelet that Thea had made for him and Melitta when they were younger.
And then he clicked the button. Not without hesitation, of course. The 10 seconds that his finger hovered over that white camera button felt like an eternity.
Ernst had his phone tilted up at an angle where you could only see the very top of his hair— just a sliver. It was either dark brown or black, Hanschen couldn’t really tell due to the boy’s terrible lighting.
Hanschen hadn’t done the same as Ernst. He sat at his desk with his phone propped up on the wall, facing towards him so Ernst could see from his lower stomach and up. He swore that he heard Ernst’s breath hitch and a quiet ‘God’ whispered under his breath, but perhaps he was just hearing what he wanted to hear.
“Hi.” Hanschen said nervously, smiling slightly.
“I feel bad that I’m not showing my face or anything.”
“It’s okay, I guess. Show me whenever you’re comfortable.”
“I like your eyes. They’re very pre— I mean, they look nice.” Ernst said shyly, smiling. Hanschen could tell that he was smiling from his voice. Oh how he loved to hear it.
“Thanks.” Hanschen ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly incredibly self-aware.
There was a moment of silence, and then Ernst finally turned his camera down so that Hanschen could completely see him. It was now Hanschen’s turn for his breath to hitch, because holy fuck this guy is hot. No— to call him ‘hot’ would be an understatement and also just not a good enough word to describe him. He looked as though he were carefully molded by the gentle hands of Aphrodite herself; light freckles sprinkled all over his pale skin and a gorgeous swoop of dark hair and dark eyes that both contrasted so perfectly against his skin.
Hanschen felt a lot of things that he couldn’t exactly identify in the moment, but whatever feelings that he felt were definitely not platonic. Perhaps this is where he accepts his fate of being in love with Ernst.
Ernst noticed the silence and was worried. Did he not like him? “Hanschen?”
Hanschen snapped out of it and lightly shook his head.
“You’re— you’re..” I can’t say beautiful, even if that’s what he is. “You look good.”
What the fuck man. ‘You look good’? That’s embarrassing for you and probably disappointing for him to hear. ‘You look good’ my ass.
“Thanks.” Ernst laughed lightly, and this time Hanschen could see it. He saw the way his eyes squinted slightly, his incredibly cute dimples, and how instead of pointing up, his lips pointed more down as he smiled— and it was the most cute, adorable, attractive thing he’s ever seen.
Oh he’s fucked.
Hanschen smiled back, not by choice, but subconsciously, because man was that boy’s smile contagious.
Ernst seemed more shy on FaceTime than anything else, and Hanschen understood that. I mean, showing your face to a stranger you met on the internet just a week ago? Completely valid reason to be nervous.
Hanschen was nervous as well, of course. He kept on fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and running his fingers through his hair, trying to keep the nerves down. And to keep him looking good.
“Do you usually play with your hair this much?” Ernst joked.
“Ah, yeah. Gotta keep the hair looking good, y’know?” Hanschen smiled, a light blush creeping on his face. He blamed it on embarrassment.
“Uh huh. It looks exactly the same before and after, though.” Ernst’s eyes widened, and he quickly added, “which is good, since your hair is like— perfect.”
Okay, fuck. That didn’t help the feeling of heat growing everywhere in him. Especially on his face.
“Ah, yeah.” He responded, glancing away for a moment to recover.
Goddamnit, Ernst.
“What school do you go to?”
“Oh— I go to East Münich International School— EMIS.”
“Wait, really?”
Hanschen nodded. “What about you?”
“Ost Münichen Akademie.”
Had he heard that right?
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.”
“So you’re actually the enemy.” Hanschen joked, raising an eyebrow.
EMIS and Ost Münichen had been rivals for a long time now, always competing against each other in everything. Sports, maths, science, you name it. They were both incredibly shocked to find out about each other’s schools, to say the least.
“Wait, we have a game against you guys next Wednesday.” Hanschen said excitedly, his eyes wide. Then he noticed Ernst’s confused expression and clarified.“A football game.”
“But our school doesn’t have— ohh, do you mean soccer?”
Hanschen rolled his eyes jokingly and nodded. “Yes, soccer.”
“Oh my God, really?”
“Yeah. We’re going over to your school.”
“Holy shit, that’s great.” Ernst sounded excited now and that made Hanschen infinitely happy. He loved hearing Ernst like this. “Will you be going to it?”
“Of course.” Hanschen said as if it were obvious before remembering that he hadn’t ever actually told Ernst that he was on the team. “I’ll be playing. I’m kind of, like, our team’s star player, actually.” He joked, checking his nails to try and seem more cocky.
“That explains it.”
Hanschen froze and stared at the camera, one eyebrow raised. “Explains what exactly? The fact that I’m incredibly ripped and hot?”
Ernst turned away from the phone for a moment, staying silent, and then turned back and nodded. “Sure. It also explains the ego.”
“Woah there, my ego isn’t massive, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.”
“Mhm. Okay.” Ernst laughed, grinning. Hanschen had tried to keep a straight face to be convincing but failed, laughing along with Ernst. It was hard not to laugh when the dark-haired boy did.
“Hanschen?” A voice from outside of his room called and his heart dropped. He swiftly jumped out of his chair and onto his bed, turning the volume on his phone all the way down, shoving it under his duvet, and then grbbing the book on his bedside table.
“Hanschen, are you alright in there?” His father asked, opening the door.
“Yes father, it’s just this book. It’s quite funny.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
“Alright. Now be quiet and go to bed, son. It’s 12 AM for God’s sake.”
“Yes sir.”
Hanschen’s father stared at him for a moment, and in those few seconds of intense eye contact, he was sure that his father would find something to yell at him for. Was his room clean? He glanced around his room quickly. It was. Had he done his homework? He racked his brain to remember, and then decided on yes.
Luckily Mr. Rilow didn’t find anything to yell at Hanschen for and left. Not even a ‘goodnight’ was said.
Hanschen waited for a moment, making sure that he heard his father go all the way back upstairs and into his own bedroom before grabbing his phone again and turning the volume up to hear Ernst.
“Sorry about that.” He whispered, placing his book back on his bedside table.
“That’s okay. And he’s right, you should go to sleep.”
“Ugh, not again.” Hanschen jokingly groaned, leaning back, “you should go to sleep.”
“I can’t. I have things to do.”
“So do I.”
“Ernst raised his eyebrows, looking at him suspiciously. “Such as..?”
“Talking to you.”
Shit. He needed to stop being so risky.
If Ernst goes quiet one more time I swear to God.
After a few seconds of the painfully awkward silence, a small smile crept onto Ernst’s face.
Phew. I thought he hated me for a second.
“Go to sleep, Hanschen.”
“You’ll call me tomorrow right?”
Another pause.
“If I have the time to. It was my youngest sister’s birthday recently so our parents wanted to take us out to dinner to celebrate.”
“Ah, okay. Have fun then.” He smiled, trying to hide his disappointment.
Why do I care so much? Obviously he has a life outside of this. He’s going to have plans, and I’m going to have to deal with that.
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to text you the whole time about how annoying my siblings are. You’ll get every detail.”
“Aw, you’re too kind.”
“Thank you.” Again with the smile that could make Hanschen’s heart stop. He was just so cute.
What the hell. Why am I thinking that?
He knew damn well why he was thinking that.
“You should come to the game next week. You can watch me play if you’d like to.”
And hopefully more than that.
“I’ll think about it.”
Well. That was better than a flat out ‘no’.
“Okay, let me know what you decide,” Hanschen gave him a small wave, “good night, now.”
Hanschen took one last look at his face, taking in every detail and freckle and just his entire face, trying to burn it into his mind. He didn’t want to forget.
“Good night.” Ernst waved back, smiling.
And then, just like the night before, there was nothing. Only his sad reflection staring back at him from the dimly lit screen.
This boy— Ernst Robel, as he had told him the night before, had single-handedly turned Hanschen Rilow into a hopeless romantic, and Hanschen was scared of that.
But he was also incredibly grateful and made sure to include that thought in his nighttime prayers that he prayed only when he was desperate for something or overjoyed.