Grace clasped her hands together. Boy Jerry and Girl Jeri sat in front of her at their shared desk, just large enough that their chairs didn’t touch. Jerry had a look of disapproval on his face, while Jeri seemed more disappointed than angry.
“Grace, I'm sure you know why we’ve called you in here,” Boy Jerry finally began, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Grace put on a smile, making herself appear much more confident than she felt.
“Oh Jerries, you know It was all just a misunderstanding. I wanted to hug my friend. She was nervous,” Grace explained, placing a hand on her heart. “The poor thing. You’ve heard the rumours about her, I'm sure,” She whispered to them. Girl Jeri looked down, lip quivering.
“Yes. The poor lamb… she’s far too young for that sort of thing.” Girl Jeri took a steading breath. “But that still doesn’t excuse it. You shared prolonged physical contact with another camper, which you know is against the rules. Miss Lauter is free from punishment, as she hadn’t been briefed on the rules yet. But you… we expected better from you, Grace.” Girl Jeri shook her head. Grace nodded, but she wasn’t going to give up just yet. She couldn’t let this infraction stay on her record.
“I know, and it was silly of me to break the rules, but I assure you our hug was of friendly nature. I was just excited to see my best friend at camp this year. You know I… don’t have many friends,” Grace said, playing up her sadness. Girl Jeri seemed touched by Grace's words, and seemed ready to let her go. Boy Jerry’s face was still stern.
“How can we be sure of that, Grace? Are we sure that your feelings aren’t… something more?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Grace felt her stomach drop. Was he accusing her of being…
“I don’t feel sexually attracted to anybody, Jerry. You know that sort of thing must wait until marriage. And I assure you, I would never consider a relationship with a girl. That’s wrong, you know. Unholy.” Boy Jerry nodded.
“Yes, it is, Grace. How often do you go to church?” Boy Jerry asked, not showing any signs of accepting her argument.
“Once a day, twice on sundays.” Grace answered without missing a beat.
“Then how is it that you still live a life of sin?” He hissed, slamming his hands on the desk. Grace gasped quietly and leaned away. Girl Jeri reached out to Boy Jerry, almost touching his shoulder. She mumbled something to him, but he dismissed her with a wave of his hand.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Grace said, regaining her composure.
“You are an unholy creature, Grace. You yourself said it, a girl loving a girl is wrong. But I see the signs in you. Stephanie has corrupted your spirit, and filled your heart with sin.” Grace was astounded.
“What?” Was all she managed to gasp. Her? In love? With Steph? Grace felt the disgust rising in her stomach. She was a good, normal girl. A normal girl who wouldn’t feel any attraction until she was safely married. Especially not attraction to a woman.
“Come with us. We’re going to the confession booth.” The counselors stood and led Grace out of the room. She followed them in a daze. No. She wasn’t one of those people. She was normal. Normal. She felt her pulse pick up. She couldn’t go confess to something she didn’t do. The Lord would make everything right, she knew it. He wouldn’t do something like this to her. He wouldn’t taint her with unholiness. She prayed that some divine intervention would change Boy Jerry’s mind.
They were within sight of the church now. It was small, reserved just for the summer camp. Grace loved the little church, but now it felt sharp and threatening, looming over her as Boy Jerry climbed the steps. Grace stopped, and realized with sudden clarity that she couldn’t let this happen.
Grace turned and bolted away. She’d always prided herself on being a fast runner, and she was lucky enough to have worn her good sneakers today. By the time the councilors had registered what happened, Grace was already tearing into the forest, turning and zig-zagging, trying to make her path unfollowable. Once she felt confident that she was deep inside the witchwood, she stopped to catch her breath. She leaned against a tree, gasping for air. She didn’t need to worry. Boy Jerry would realize his mistake. The Lord would never make Grace anything other than a normal, good, christian woman.
Right?
Grace jumped as she heard voices approaching. Had they found her already? She ducked behind a bush as a hiking group made their way down a forest path, singing ‘Down By the Bay’ as they walked. Grace held still as she watched camper after camper pass her. At the very end of the line, Stpeh walked with a boy wearing glasses, who Grace recognised from school. Grace found her eyes locked on Steph. The boy made a joke and Steph snorted, shoving his shoulder in a friendly manner. She looked away from him, off to the side of the path. Grace ducked, but it wasn’t fast enough.
“Grace?” Steph asked, stopping. Grace held still.
“Grace, I saw you. Come on out.” Grace timidly stood up, avoiding eye contact. Steph mumbled to the boy that she’d catch up with him in a minute. The boy shrugged and kept walking. Steph kneeled down next to Grace.
“Weren’t you getting a lecture from Boy Jerry or something?” Steph asked. Steph pointed at her cheek and made a wiping motion, telling Grace there was something on her face. Grace didn’t really register that, she was too busy looking up at Steph.
My best friend. That’s all. Friendship.
“Yeah, uh, we finished. I was trying to find the rest of the group and I guess I got lost,” Grace said, lying through her teeth. Steph rolled her eyes, tucking her dark hair back behind her ear.
Friends. It’s normal to like your best friend’s hair. She has amazing hair. It’s beautiful. She’s beautiful.
“Yeah right. What really happened, chastity?” She asked. Grace frowned at the mispronunciation of her last name. People said it like that to make fun of her, usually (though she didn’t understand what was so ‘nerdy’ about being chaste). Steph was too bold, too brash. Though Grace had to admit, boldness was a good look on Steph.
Friendship. It’s just friendship.
“I have sinned!” She blurted out. She clapped a hand over her mouth. Oh no. What would she think of her now? Would she ridicule her for the rest of her life? She would be the talk of the town. I’m a normal girl. Normal. Normal.
“Mmm… ‘kay? And?” Steph said, unimpressed. “Everyone sins. It's called being human. I never really got your whole… thing. It’s fine to mess up, Grace.” Grace shook her head, looking down to brush some dirt off her jeans.
“No it’s not! Listen, Boy Jerry accused me of something bad. Very bad. And I… I ran away. I’m scared that he…” She looked back up at Steph.
“I’m scared that he’s right.” Steph scrunched up her eyebrows.
“Wait so- so what did you do? Or did you not do it?” Steph asked, tilting her head.
“It wasn’t an accusation of doing something… he accused me of… of being something.” It took a second, but Steph realized what she meant.
“Oh,” She said, recalling how someone had yelled at Grace for hugging Steph. They’d probably brought her in to interrogate her about that. Grace held back tears. Steph would hate her now, she knew it.
“I’m a monster,” She whispered. She hated how she felt. She hated how Boy Jerry was right. Who was she kidding, Steph was the most wonderful person Grace had ever met. The way she made her felt was like nothing she’d ever felt before. And the things that raced through her mind, fantasies of what she could do if she had Steph alone for herself… Grace felt like throwing up. Why was she thinking these things? She needed to stop. She needed to-
Grace’s thoughts faded when Steph hugged her.
What?
“Grace, you’re not a monster,” Steph said, pulling away. “Ok, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but being gay isn’t bad.”
“But- yes it is!” Grace shouted, pushing Steph away from her. Steph sighed.
“Grace… not everything everyone tells you is true. Listen, I don’t know shit about the Bible or God, but… do you think He'd make you gay as a punishment? You’re probably, like, His favorite person.” Grace felt her stomach flip at that compliment.
“But… but marriage is between a man and a-”
“Ohhhh shut up!” Steph groaned. “No the fuck it isnt! Where does it say that in the Bible? Don’t answer, that was a rhetorical question,” She said before Grace could respond.
“Listen, Grace. The Bible went through, like, a bajillion translations made by homophobic racist guys. Who knows what your God actually wanted?” Grace opened her mouth to argue, but she couldn’t think of anything to say to that. Steph was right. Her eyes began to water, and she looked back up at the beautiful girl in front of her.
“But- Steph, you’re my best friend. I don’t want to- I mean- you and that boy-” She sniffled and wiped her eyes, looking away.
“Hey. Grace,” Steph said, taking the girl’s hand. “We’ll figure it out. Together. Ok?” She said, cupping Grace’s face in her free hand. Grace nodded, and tightened her grip on Steph’s hand.
“C’mon, let’s catch up with the others.”