Alien Blues
W̶a̶s̶ i̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ b̶e̶s̶t̶ y̶o̶u̶ e̶v̶e̶r̶ h̶a̶d̶?
W̶a̶s̶ i̶t̶ t̶h̶e̶ w̶o̶r̶s̶t̶?
Y̶o̶u̶'d̶ n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ k̶n̶o̶w̶
"-gulus? Regulus!" He startled. In front of him sat Lily, waving her hand in front of his face. "Hm? Oh, sorry Lily. I was... lost in thought, I guess."
Lily looked at him as if to find a hint of what thoughts exactly he had been lost in, trying to break through the invisible yet so obvious mask in front of his true feelings, but it wasn't of use since Regulus had put it on and strengthened it ever since he had been in Hogwarts.
She sighed.
"Reg, we've been having these study sessions for one and a half years, that makes over 200 times. I have spent more than 600 hours with you.
I know you. Don't you tell me you were just lost in thought. We both know that's a lie, and we both also know I hate being lied to. What's going on?"
He smiled. Of course she knew. She was one of his best friends after all.
I̶ t̶r̶y̶ t̶o̶ t̶e̶l̶l̶ y̶o̶u̶ w̶h̶a̶t̶ I̶ t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ a̶n̶d̶ p̶l̶a̶y̶ i̶t̶ o̶f̶f̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ i̶t̶'s̶ a̶ j̶o̶k̶e̶
"Sorry, mon ange, I don't know what to do anymore. Everything's just so complicated and I lost control and my future is down the drain and Merlin I don't know anymore and I'm so so close to the edge and I just need something, anything to show me it will get better but even then I don't know if I'm going to believe it because it never does and-"
"Whoa whoa whoa. Calm down. It's alright. I'm here for you, and I will always be, alright? Whatever it is, we will sort it out. We always will. But first, you have to tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, okay, mefortes?"
That was a thing they did. The nicknames. Lily using latin ones, the language that she learnt in muggle school. Regulus using french, a language that had been taught to him ever since he could speak.
It was a sign of affection, of trust, of the deep bond that they had. They both knew, it was not a romantic one. It could never be.
They did love each other, there was no doubt, but it was not romantic love. It was platonic love. So very strong, deep love.
They understood each other. They knew what the other wanted to say without even looking at them.
Mon ange, meaning 'my angel'.
Me fortis, meaning 'my brave'.
O̶h̶ n̶o̶, m̶o̶r̶e̶ s̶u̶r̶p̶r̶i̶s̶e̶s̶, g̶u̶e̶s̶s̶ i̶t̶'s̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ t̶h̶i̶s̶
I̶'d̶ d̶o̶ a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ f̶o̶r̶ y̶o̶u̶, M̶r̶s̶. H̶i̶g̶h̶n̶e̶s̶s̶
He took a deep breath. And told her everything. Literally, everything. His crush on James, the letter from Sirius, Regulus' happiness, the Quidditch game, Sirius' screaming fit. His concerns about going home, the way he hated himself and his image. The weird clearing, the creepy whispering, the words.
Through all that, she just sat there, looking at him without any facial expression, waiting for him to finish.
When he was done talking, babbling, tripping over his own words, he cried. She moved closer to him and just hugged him.
He was now full on sobbing onto her shoulder and she just sat there, holding him, showing him that she was there. That she wouldn't leave. That she would always be there, always care for him and always make sure he was fine.
All those things, they weren't said, yet they never had to be.
T̶h̶e̶ s̶u̶n̶ i̶s̶ f̶u̶n̶, t̶h̶e̶ l̶a̶n̶d̶ i̶s̶ d̶a̶n̶d̶y̶
I̶ o̶n̶l̶y̶ t̶a̶l̶k̶ t̶o̶ d̶o̶g̶s̶ b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ t̶h̶e̶y̶ d̶o̶n̶'t̶ u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶ m̶e̶
When he was done crying, she still held him in her embrace. Then, she started talking, telling him how brave she thought he was. How everything would be okay.
And he argued, atleast he tried. How could it? He was a failure, the son that his parents didn't want. He was the snotty deatheater brother. The brat. Why would anyone ever love him? Why would anyone ever accept him? It didn't make sense.
M̶y̶ t̶e̶e̶t̶h̶ a̶r̶e̶ y̶e̶l̶l̶o̶w̶, h̶e̶l̶l̶o̶ w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶
W̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ m̶e̶ a̶ l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ i̶f̶ t̶h̶e̶y̶ w̶e̶r̶e̶ w̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ l̶i̶k̶e̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶s̶?
Yet she disagreed, told him how wonderful he was. How lovely, how incredibly sweet and caring. Deserving of everything. She told him that he was a victim of his trauma that his parents were responsible for.
She promised him, she would help him. Everything would be alright, they would find a solution.
I̶ n̶e̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ p̶u̶r̶g̶e̶ m̶y̶ u̶r̶g̶e̶s̶,
s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶,
s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶,
s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶
And for the first time in his life after Sirius, he believed someone. Truly. He believed her words, her soothing voice.
I̶ n̶e̶e̶d̶ a̶n̶ a̶l̶i̶b̶i̶ t̶o̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶i̶f̶y̶, s̶o̶m̶e̶b̶o̶d̶y̶ t̶o̶ b̶l̶a̶m̶e̶