Burn, Butcher, Burn
I̶ h̶e̶a̶r̶ y̶o̶u̶'r̶e̶ a̶l̶i̶v̶e̶, h̶o̶w̶ d̶i̶s̶a̶p̶p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶i̶n̶g̶...
I̶'v̶e̶ a̶l̶s̶o̶ s̶u̶r̶v̶i̶v̶e̶d̶, n̶o̶ t̶h̶a̶n̶k̶s̶ t̶o̶ y̶o̶u̶
Pushing himself off the ground and into the cold night, Regulus was finally able to form a clear thought. A thing he hadn't done ever since he ran. 'What the fuck was that today?!' What exactly he meant, he didn't know. Starting from then, his brain started to follow a trace of questions that never seemed to get to an end.
The weird, beautiful pond? Why had it been there, and what magic did that place hold? It looked like a sunny spring day, nothing like the cold, harsh winter that was actually happening at Hogwarts. What had those whispers been, and what did their words mean? He only knew one of them, horcrux, but that was about it. And that too, he only vaguely recognized. It was sort of a part of ones soul split off to put in an object. But what had that to do with him? He didn't want to live forever, the opposite actually. Nothing made sense anymore, then he thought back to the root of all this. Sirius.
He started moving, slowly gaining speed. What was with Sirius' unexplainable rage session? Why had he suddenly changed his mind? He made a hard turn to the right, aiming directly for the Gryffindor curve. If he had been so sorry for leaving him, why would he do it again? What caused this change of mind? Had Regulus been that horrible? Speeding up again, he decided to do a "Hard Fall". He really didn't think so. On the contrary, hadn't he always tried to protect him, to make things better?
D̶i̶d̶ I̶ n̶o̶t̶ b̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ y̶o̶u̶ s̶o̶m̶e̶ g̶l̶e̶e̶, M̶i̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ "o̶h̶! o̶h̶-l̶o̶o̶k̶-a̶t̶-m̶e̶"?
N̶o̶w̶ I̶'l̶l̶ b̶u̶r̶n̶ a̶l̶l̶ t̶h̶e̶ m̶e̶m̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ o̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶
Speeding up again, he felt the cold air hit his face and bring tears to his eyes. He had taken the blame for him oh so often, had always taken care of his to the best of his ability. Was it because of how he behaved when Sirius left, leaving him to suffer alone? Suddenly, the bitter taste of anger lasted heavily on his tounge. He was now very close to the seats,and just 1 meter before the stick would hit the old and used up wood, he pushed his broom down.
So Sirius was the hurt one now? The brother who had been left alone? The one trying to escape reality as much as possible? The brother that had had to suffer through another two years in that horrible house and ongoing? Was Sirius the one with so many cruciato curses cast on him, he had scars that looked like goddamn burns? The floor was rapidly approaching, the snow on the grass glistering far away in the moonlight. How could he? How could fucking Sirius be mad at him, when all he had done was try and save his brother? How dare Sirius even think of doubting his brothers love and loyalty towards him? How could he, after all they had been through together, just forget about him?
D̶i̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶ e̶v̶e̶r̶ e̶v̶e̶n̶ c̶a̶r̶e̶
W̶i̶t̶h̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶ s̶w̶o̶r̶d̶s̶ a̶n̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶ s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶ h̶a̶i̶r̶?
N̶o̶w̶ w̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ m̶e̶ l̶a̶u̶g̶h̶ a̶s̶ I̶ b̶u̶r̶n̶ a̶l̶l̶ t̶h̶e̶ m̶e̶m̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ o̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶
Not one letter, not even a secret one. No smiles in the corridors, not even glancing at him. Laughing together, them being there for each other. Bonding, doing things they like together. Staying up at night, finding their own constellations, as they had called them. Their own place in the sky, where no one could harm them. Where they were alone, always chasing after each other. They ran away together when they were about to be caught doing something stupid or "unacceptable", as their mother would always say. He was still zooming towards the white on the ground, about 10 meters away. All that, all those things that once brought him joy, Sirius did with Potter now.
That stupid prat that he had the misfortune to fall for. How goddamn stupid could someone tells possibly be?! Fall in love with their replacement?! The person that took everything from him, that's who he had a crush on?! Now he was angry at himself for slipping like that. Why could he not fall in love normally? Like a pureblood girl, get married to her and live that life. That's all we needed to do in order to make his parents atleast a bit happy, if that was even the right word for it. Still flying down, faster and faster. Only a few more meters were left between him and the ground now. He did know that his parents were horrible, of course, but when you get something imprinted onto your mind from when you could hear, it's not easy to get over it. He knew better. He knew better, yet he still gets an ick when he walks to the studying sessions of him and Lily, though he knew there was no reason to. On the contrary, Lily was one of his friends. Why would her "blood" matter?
That was the only problem with their blood.
That hatred, it was in his.
W̶h̶a̶t̶ f̶o̶r̶ d̶'y̶o̶u̶ y̶e̶a̶r̶n̶?
I̶t̶'s̶ t̶h̶e̶ p̶o̶i̶n̶t̶ o̶f̶ n̶o̶ r̶e̶t̶u̶r̶n̶
Just as he was about to hit the floor, he finally pulled up the stick again.
A̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ w̶e̶ d̶i̶d̶, w̶e̶ s̶a̶w̶
Y̶o̶u̶ t̶u̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ y̶o̶u̶r̶ b̶a̶c̶k̶ o̶n̶ m̶e̶
His only. His problem, his fault. As everything was. Always. He said no when Sirius asked him, he now didn't get the privilegue to undo it. The adrenaline was cursing in his veins, feeling like gasoline being poured into the big fire in his heart.
B̶u̶r̶n̶, b̶u̶t̶c̶h̶e̶r̶, b̶u̶r̶n̶!
He really didn't know what to do. Go back to Grimmauld Place? Become his parents' puppet? But he knew, he wouldn't be able to stand it anymore. He couldn't go to the Potters, he was certain Sirius had made sure of that. Then, where could he really go? Where was he even welcome? He was sure that wouldn't be a matter for Sirius in his shoes.
B̶u̶r̶n̶, b̶u̶t̶c̶h̶e̶r̶, b̶u̶r̶n̶!
Everyone thought they knew Regulus. The bad Black brother. A Deatheater, loyal to you-know-who. A prat that thought that anyone without "pure blood" was worthless. Great. So making up to Sirius for... well, for being nice to him was his only option. Oh how he wanted to scream at him right now. Scream all those things in his face, so that he, for once, would see that not everyone thinks he's right and great. But he couldn't. Not when that entitled, spoilt prick was his only possibility to get out of that bottomless pit of darkness that he called life.
He hated it.
W̶a̶t̶c̶h̶ m̶e̶ b̶u̶r̶n̶ a̶l̶l̶ t̶h̶e̶ m̶e̶m̶o̶r̶i̶e̶s̶ o̶f̶ y̶o̶u̶