First Hogwarts Valentines day
Friday, February 14th, 1992
Alex didn't like anything that messed with her schedule. Especially her United schedule. So, she was not pleased when the group voted to not have a meeting on Valentines day. Apparently some of the older kids had dates, and the older and younger kids who didn't still wanted a day off. It all seemed pointless to Alex, but....
She didn't complain. She didn't throw a fit. She didn't tell them they had to have a meeting. She didn't tell them not having a meeting would make her want to die. She didn't act at all like she was upset. But, she was.
Alex was very upset. Friday was a United day! Why didn't anyone but her want to have United then? Were they getting bored of it? Bored of her? Did she need to change things to make them more interesting?
Alex didn't know, and she didn't know how to find out either. She couldn't ask the others, it would seem rude and expose her desperate need for a meeting. There wasn't an adult she could go to that would understand and explain it. There were no books on the subject.
Alex was on her own.
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Normally after school Alex went to the library to study, do homework, work on United, or just read, but not today. There was already no United, why keep anything else the same? Alex knew it would just make her feel worse to go. But, this didn't make her feel better. She just felt miserable.
Alex knew something was wrong with her, but she didn't know what it was. She should be out hanging with friends or talking to a crush or planning future dates or something like every other kid in the school. But, she didn't want to.
Alex wanted to go to the library and read. And then she wanted to go to United. And then she wanted dinner, normal dinner not the surprise dinner the teachers had been gossiping about behind the kids backs.
Alex just wanted it to be a normal Friday. But, it wasn't a normal Friday and she couldn't pretend it was. Everything was so different from how it was supposed to be, Alex despised it.
Normally difference was good. Alex created United for a reason. But, not this kind of difference.
Alex wanted different people to come together and make the world a better place. She didn't want those people to choose not to have a meeting making her schedule different! That was bad, very very bad.
Alex couldn't pinpoint when she started loving schedules and she didn't know why she did. But, she could pinpoint when she realized everyone else didn't. Alex didn't want to think about that day, but...minds can have a mind of their own sometimes.
It was five years prior, when Alex was six.
During the first semester of school Alex had P.E. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Tuesday and Thursday was art. But, after winter break it switched. So, art was Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while P.E. was Tuesday and Thursday. Alex didn't find out this would happen until the first day back.
It was a Monday meaning they should have P.E., but instead they had art. Alex was very confused and scared and angry. At first she thought there was some mistake, but then Ms. Adone explained it.
Alex....Alex wasn't pleased at all. She was very angry and very confused. The original system worked just fine, why did it have to change?! She tried to explain calmly, but she wasn't getting through to the teacher or anyone else. So, she reacted not calmly.
Alex hadn't meant to, she was just so frustrated on top of her other big feelings. And the next thing she knew, she was on the floor screaming. It was humiliating even in the moment, but she couldn't stop.
Everyone was laughing and pointing, the teacher not stopping it or the teasing she would get in that class for the rest of the year. Once she calmed down enough to not be wailing, she was sent to the principles office. He was 'nice' enough not to suspend her, but she was warned heavily and told she was too old for tantrums.
'It wasn't a tantrum' Alex had wanted to insist, but she knew she wouldn't be listened to. So, she just nodded, feeling powerless. That's when Alex learned three important things.
1) Other people didn't care about schedules and rules and routines nearly as much as she did, so she needed to hide how much she relied on them to function.
2) Showing non-happy emotions was wrong, humiliating, and a punishable offence.
3) She was different from the other kids, in multiple ways, and that was bad.
Even now Alex couldn't see where she had gone wrong. She was right! Besides, none of that would have happened if the teacher had just listened to her. Maybe she shouldn't have that...reaction....But, she couldn't control it. If she could, it wouldn't have happened.
But, it did happen and everyone was convinced she did it on purpose. Now Alex monitored her emotions closely, she knew if she got too upset that that would happen again. Alex would rather die then let her classmates and/or teachers see that part of her.
It was bad enough at six, but eleven? She would rather die. Like actually. If she ever did that in front of someone here, she would probably kill herself. She couldn't handle it.
Alex shook her head. She didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to think about any of this, yet it was so hard not to.
What was wrong with her?