A new perspective, some comfort, and a little healing.
Saturday, January 18th, 1992
Alex sat down on her bed, curling up on her side. It was around 3:00, she hadn't been back from therapy for long, and would have United in a few hours.
Alex felt...better....A lot better....
She had taken a long shower that morning, putting on one of her favorite outfits afterword. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and washed her face. She ate breakfast and lunch.
They were such meaningless, everyday things, but....After the past weeks....Alex wasn't liable to forget their importance soon....
Therapy had made things a lot better as well. She had really needed to talk to someone else about what was going on, and Dr. Carlos Miller really understood her. He didn't think she was being over-dramatic or disgusting....He didn't judge her....
He did, however, say something she didn't really want to hear....But, she needed to here it...probably.
Carlos had told her that what she was experiencing sounded a lot like depression. Alex didn't want to be depressed! But...she didn't have much choice in the matter.
Alex didn't think she was depressed, but....The symptoms list sounded really familiar....
Sadness, frustration, hopelessness, emptiness, irritability, lose of pleasure, conflict with family, guilt, sensitivity to rejection, concentration problems, etc.
Alex had felt all of that and more very often in the past few weeks....It only took two weeks of it for depression to be considered....She could actually be depressed....
But, why?! Her life was great! She loved life...usually....
She had amazing parents, two great siblings, a lot of friends, she was smart, talented, went outside when possible. It's not like she was super anxious or shut in. It's not like she was a loner or neglected or anything.
But, Carlos said anyone could get depression. Sure, certain people were more likely to develop it, but it didn't mean they were the only ones who could be depressed. So, Alex could have depression, though nothing had been confirmed or tested for yet.
But, still....A cause? What was a possible cause?
She hadn't had a recent loss or stressful life event. It wasn't genetic in her family, as far as she knew. She wasn't anymore unsafe than anyone else...well mostly....
So, why?
Carlos said that she shouldn't worry too much about the cause, she likely wouldn't find one, or one that she would consider acceptable. But....That's not how Alex worked. She NEEDED to know. But....But, it would be almost impossible to figure the cause out....Especially since she didn't actually know for a fact that she was depressed.
Alex didn't want to be depressed!