Chapter 4
"Where is he? Oh, cousin dearest!"
"Dora! Merlin, It's so good to see your old-ass face!"
"Oh shut up, grandpa! You're one to talk about growth and shit!"
Sirius had last seen Tonks when she was just around eight years old. He used to carry her around, just like he did with his infant godson back then, and Tonks absolutely loved spending time with him.
She loved Sirius so much that Andromeda used to bring her over to Sirius and Remus' home all the time. And when it was time to go back to theirs, she used to bawl her eyes out and Sirius would just take her in for the night, playing with her and putting her to sleep, despite his overflowing desire to spend some alone time with Remus, because they so rarely got to spend any time together in the midst of a War.
Sirius and Tonks embraced each other and settled into a comfortable banter.
Remus made tea for them all and brought the tray over to the living room, placing it on the coffee table, taking one cup for himself and settling down comfortably on the arm chair.
"Glad to see Azkaban hasn't done much damage to your beautiful face, Sirius. You still look pretty much the same.. almost just like I remember you." Tonks offered smilingly.
Sirius smiled back at her shyly. "You're being too kind, Dora. Where's your typical Black brutality? I'm pretty much a mess right now… oh, don't give me that look… I know that's what I'm.." He glanced over at Remus, who had his eyes glued to his, expression undetectable.
"So, have you two made up with each other? Remy talks about you all the fucking time, you know?"
"Dora!" Remus shouted at her.
"Remy?" Sirius looked amusingly at them both. Remus just took a sip of his tea and looked back at him, sporting a neutral expression.
"Yeah, oh, I call him Remy. Remus sounds so boring and ancient, don't you think?" She made a gag expression and smiled at Remus. "Hey Remy, how's that new muggle job working out for you?"
She turned to face Remus entirely and settled back on the couch.
"It's fine, actually. Let's wager on how long I can hold down this one."
"Oh you'll do well, Mr. Prefect. Say, Is Mr. Grumpy still trying to figure out where you run off during each full moon? Has he connected the dots yet?" She winked at him, sitting cross-legged on the couch, and leaning slightly forward, hands resting on her chin.
Remus just rolled his eyes at her and scoffed.
"It'd take him another hundred years to even realize that there's a pattern behind my disappearances. Let's see if he can piece together that one first."
Both Tonks and Remus just laughed loudly, drinking their tea and unintentionally ignoring Sirius in the process.
"Hey, are we still on for the library visit this weekend? I've been asking you for quite some time now, Remy. Just help me rent a few books. You know I'm a lousy picker and I trust your choices."
"Fine, I'll take you this time. But you should know that I know very well that this is just a ruse for you to get out of doing things on your own and to get me out of this house and I'm not actually falling for that. I just feel bad for you and I'm only helping out a person with really poor taste." Remus said, rolling his eyes and smirking a little.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Wolf Wolf." Tonks muttered, sticking her tongue out.
Sirius noticed their conversations intently, glaring between them and sipping his tea in between.
He waited quietly for a few minutes and just got up out of nowhere, taking his tea cup in his hand, as he excused himself all too politely to escape into his room.
Remus and Tonks couldn't help but just look at each other, confusingly.
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After an hour or so, Tonks knocked at Sirius' bedroom door and waved him goodbye. He waved back and smiled a little curtly at her, and Remus noticed that clearly from the outside. He saw her to the door, and once she left, he strode all the way inside Sirius' room immediately.
"What is with you?"
"Nothing's with me. Why?"
"Why were you being extremely rude to her all of a sudden, for no real reason?"
"What?! No, I wasn't."
"Please Sirius, I know what goes on behind all your facial expressions, your moods and your gestures. Don't lie to me. You looked like you were about to kill her with your intense glare, as if glaring at her anymore would somehow burn her whole and make her burst into flames. She's your cousin! She used to be here all the time, remember?"
"Don't be dramatic, Remus. I did nothing like that."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes!"
"Okay, then. Say, you won't have a problem with Dora coming over tomorrow as well, would you now?"
"Why?"
"What do you mean why? Isn't she welcome here?"
"Why, as in? She just saw me right? Why would she need to come back tomorrow?"
"I don't know if you've noticed, Sirius, but she and I are good friends. We have been, for a while now. She will come back tomorrow to spend some time with me, at least."
"Oh, I did notice. I actually noticed more than that."
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing, really. Just, leave it."
"No, I won't. Tell me now! What's happening?"
"Nothing, Remus!"
"Tell me!"
"Just leave it!"
"Fucking tell me right now, Siri-"
"You love her!"
"What?"
"You love her." Sirius resigned, deflated. He looked at Remus, his eyes tired, his shoulders slung down, just thoroughly defeated.
"Don't be ridiculous."
"You're the one being ridiculous now. I saw the way you looked at her - All smiles and eyes glowing. I noticed it all, Remus. You reserve that look only for a few people in your life, and I know that. So just cut it out, okay? Cut this you-being-clueless bullshit out."
"What are you talking about?! I don't look at her like that!"
"Please, M- Remus! I've seen that look before. I've seen you like that before. And you're just in denial right now. Just.. just admit it, okay?" Sirius looked at him.
"I don't understand what the fuck has gotten into you, but this is fucking ridiculous, Padfoot."
"You used to look at me that way! Back then, you used to be around me exactly the way you were with her a while ago, before things went to shit and I.. I just fucking know it because of that, okay? Do you want me to say anything else?!"
"You're fucking unbelievable." Remus stated, which only came out as a whisper.
"What?"
"You're fucking unbelievable! You… you're just gonna say something like that and expect me to react to it the way you want, aren't you?"
"Wh-"
"You don't know what I've been through. You don't know anything about the struggles I've been through, the things I've had to witness, the words I've had to listen to and you.. you can't just come back all of a sudden and fucking accuse me of falling in love with someone else!"
"I'm not accusing you."
"Yes, you are! You were looking at her like she was a fucking death-eater or something. Like you wanted to kill her and be done with it! And you just glared at me from across the couch, and even when I came in to call you back. You could not have a decent chat with us and you're telling me -"
"She loves you too, Remus!" Sirius shouted at him, heartbroken. "Yeah, I noticed her, okay? She's in love with you. So maybe, maybe just fucking notice it the next time, instead of wasting your time fighting with me."
"Are you fucking stupid? Dora and I?! You've lost your shit completely and I don't even know what to say to you. I wonder if Azkaban does that to people! "
"Just shut up! Shut up, okay?"
"No, you shut the fuck up! You just shut up and listen to me now! I don't fucking love her! I don't fucking love anyone else for that matter because you've fucking ruined that for me once for all, haven't you!" Remus cried out.
"I can't fall in love with anyone else. Merlin, I haven't even fucking tried, you moron! So don't just come back into my life after 12 fucking years and look at me as if I left you… because you.. you fucking left me! You left me all alone here and I haven't been the same ever since! You left me in permanent darkness and took every single ray of light along with you when you went away. You just… strapped me to the door of the shack forever, the day you got yourself chained up in Azkaban and I'm still here, Sirius… I'm stuck here still, trying to claw my way out, back into place. And you know what the worst part is?" He looked at him, eyes full of tears.
"I never stopped loving you, not for a second! After everything, even after every single fucking thing, I never really stopped loving you and that... that right there is the biggest fucking curse of my life!"
"Moon-"
But Remus was gone, quick as a flash.
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