Chapter 5
"You know, I actually forgot how lousy of a cook you always were."
"Lazy git! If my cooking skills bothered you so much, you should've offered to just take care of it yourself, like long back. But glad to know your arrogance hasn't diminished even a little, all these years." Remus muttered silently.
Sirius laughed quietly. "I've forgotten how to cook a proper meal, Remus. Hell, I had even forgotten what a lot of my favourite dishes used to taste like, before I crashed here."
"And despite all that, you manage to ridicule my ability to cook. Oh, you amuse me, Sirius!" Remus mocked him.
Sirius chuckled a little and slowly came up behind him. It was funny how short Sirius was when he stood anywhere near Remus. They were practically half a foot apart in height. Remus was standing over the kitchen sink, cleaning the vessels using wandless magic, a lesson he was exceedingly good at, ever since their days at Hogwarts.
He stiffened a little when he realized Sirius was standing right behind him, his warm breath ghosting over his bare shoulders.
Remus suddenly realized that he was wearing nothing but his shorts. Sirius, however, was surprisingly more clothed out of the two of them at that minute, wearing a pair of knee-length trousers and a thin t-shirt.
He slowly looked over his shoulder, and realized their faces were mere inches apart, yet a million miles away.
"I never stopped loving you too." Sirius whispered quietly, his voice trembling a little.
Remus' breath hitched the very second Sirius finished that sentence.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for putting you through everything. Only I'm to be blamed for it all, Remus. Not you, not James, not anyone else. I was the one that fucked it all up. I.. I was too reckless... I.. I was unable to think and.. and see things clearly, and I fucking destroyed everything we had built together. I didn't abandon you, Remus. I kept myself fucking tied up because I couldn't be around you and not surrender myself to you completely. And at that time, the war was messing with my head but… but it was you… it was my Moony.. and I don't know how I could have ever suspected you of all the people in the World.. but I did that anyway and it has been eating me up alive, inch by inch, all this time, every single fucking minute... "
"But.. but despite my stupidity, my fear, my paranoia and everything else, the one thing I could never stop doing was loving you. Even in Azkaban, the thoughts of you kept me from going thoroughly insane.. the memories of you helped me hold on to my last shred of sanity.. and I don't think… I don't think I deserve you.. I know that I don't deserve to get anything back and I.. I just fucking die.. I die a little every single day when I realize I can't do anything about it but.. I just … I can't ... I can't stop loving you, nevertheless!" Tears rolled from his eyes, as Sirius sobbed helplessly, and rested his face against his back, drenching Remus' neck, clutching him tightly from behind, one hand on the left arm and the other around his right shoulder.
"I love you, Moony." He whispered, sniffling.
Remus squeezed his eyes shut, tears rolling down his cheeks, wetting his face. He let out a choked sob in response, and clamped a hand to his face, crying like a child.
Sirius had called him by his nickname, after all those years, and the sound of that was enough.
He was thoroughly conquered, then and there.
He remembered all those days in Hogwarts, when Sirius used to purposefully whine out his name to get whatever he wanted.
___
"Just give me a tentative time, Remus. How long are you planning on revising your boring notes now? How long should I be waiting here, feeling ignored and neglected and thoroughly forgotten?"
"All those mean the exact same thing, Sirius. I told you already how important this one's for me, so can you please stop disturbing me every single bloody second?"
"Moo-nyyyyy… please… just take a break for a minu - ooomph!"
"Needy" - kiss - "whiny" - kiss - "clingy" - kiss - "dog." Remus muttered in between. "It's so unfair how easily you get what you want every single time, but… I indulge you.. " - kissing thoroughly - "because it also happens to be what I want most of the time, you little shit."
The books, notes, parchments - literally everything else was now ignored, neglected and thoroughly forgotten, as Sirius would say.
___
Remus pinned him against the wall, right beside the door, even before Sirius fully entered their dorm.
"What were you thinking?"
"Oh I knew you'd get all riled up if I so much as talked about Gideon, all because I told you I had little crush on him when I was 12, but, Merlin Moony, grumbling and growling like that in the dine hall… what happened to your prefect-ly behaviour? Oooh, I didn't think I'd win these reactions from you by simply touching his hair once because I wanted to see what gel he used. Hmm… I can only imagine what you'd do if I -"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" Remus warned him.
"No?" Sirius smirked at him, eyebrows raised.
Remus just shook his head, glaring at him, eyes boring right through his whole body.
Sirius stopped smirking and teasing him right away. His expression was now serious (ha!) and his eyes, too soft.
"You know you don't have to worry about anyone else, right?"
"Sometimes I'm not really sure, Pads. You tell me. Don't I have to?"
"Moony -" Sirius just whispered too quietly, looking right into his eyes, the sound of it reaching Remus' soul.
He didn't need to hear anything else. Remus took him then and there, against the wall, every single inch of him, even though their beds were less than two feet away.
And that was exactly what Sirius had wanted too.
__
"I love you, Moony." Sirius whispered softly, sniffling once, as tears just poured down his face, the sound of it grazing Remus' back softly.
Remus made a 180 degree flip and kissed Sirius like he always did, when they were fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen or even twenty two - and now at the age of thirty four, he kissed him like they were just two school boys that fell hard in love, waiting to go back to the dorm and make out all night, waiting to sneak into the greenhouse in the evenings and snog the faces off each other, waiting to summon the room of requirement at the quiet of the night to find their own selves inside each other, wanting all the little things, wanting everything in the World and beyond.
Sirus tasted like spice and salt, the latter being an aftertaste of the tears from their eyes, and the former, just unapologetically Sirius-like.
Remus wanted to kiss him until his mind, his heart, his body and every inch of his soul was just thoroughly filled with the taste of Sirius once again in his life, and he hungrily took him apart slowly, hands holding his face steadily, lips blissfully tasting more and more of him. He flipped their positions around and pushed Sirius against the sink counter, tongue delving into his mouth fully, driving the dark haired Marauder absolutely crazy in the process.
Sirius fisted Remus' curls tightly, behind his ears, angling their faces in such a way that it was near impossible for either of them to break free from each other without taking fully what they desired.
A few seconds later, Sirius wound his arms around Remus' shoulders and almost leapt up on him, as Remus lifted him up gracefully, wrapping the smaller man around himself, lips not leaving each other's even for a split second.
Remus pushed forward, holding Sirius tightly in his arms, capturing more and more of his mouth, carrying him steadily, while he simultaneously pushed him against the counter.
Sirius broke apart for the first time, and gasped, breathlessly, looking at him with his glassy eyes - meeting Remus' teary yellow ones.
Remus too, was thoroughly breathless but he decided to speak, despite.
"And you.. you thought.. you thought Tonks and I… you seriously fucking thought.."
"Well, yeah… you know? Black, disinherited, intelligent, impulsive … just figured she'd be exactly your type - mmh"
Sirius was cut off abruptly but he couldn't care less. He just clung on to him desperately, mouth wanting more, his whole body wanting - and desperately whispering in his ears "more, more" of this and everything else for every single minute of the rest of their lives.
Remus broke apart this time, more breathlessly, but eyes incredibly determined and brimming with love.
"Yeah.. you.. you're right on all accounts…"
"Uh-huh.."
"Except one."
"Is that so? How, Mr. Moony?"
"She's not you."
He kissed Sirius again, slowly and passionately, exploring his lips, his mouth all over, relearning him inch by inch, as he carried him, walking over to his room - their room from that very second - one hand holding his hip, the other his neck, Sirius' arms around his shoulders, his legs around his waist, their lips not leaving each other's, until Remus decided that Sirius' t-shirt was an hindrance in their agonisingly long journey to the bedroom, which was approximately five feet away. He lifted his offending piece of clothing up, as he walked them backwards over to the room, and pulled it over Sirius' head swiftly, tossing it away and quickly recapturing his lips, holding his face between his hands.
They broke apart once again, gasping for breath, just at the doorway to their bedroom, their foreheads resting against each other's, as Remus whispered gently, looking at the man in his arms,
"She's not the Black I fell in love with."
___