Silver Linings

Remus had always loved Saturdays.

Saturdays were the days when he and his friends would wander down to Hogsmeade and go to the Three Broomsticks, get tipsy, and stumble back to the castle where they would continue to drink until they were rosy-cheeked and giddy. Or, they would stay behind; walk around the grounds, maybe get high, maybe not. Sometimes, if the weather was particularly miserable they might decide to do absolutely nothing at all, just lounge around in the common room, warm from the fire talking about nothing and everything all at once. 

However, he did not love this particular Saturday.

He woke up with a throbbing headache and the sounds of someone being sick, which set a great precedent for the day. Although, the hangover did not come as a surprise; they all continued drinking once Remus had returned to the dorm after the ball. Their night-cap however, turned into much more than they had bargained for, and they ended up parading around until early hours of the morning.

They had played card games and charades, along with- Remus assumed- performing many other un-godly antics. He groaned out loud and rolled over, only to be met with a face full of curly hair. Dorcas had obviously passed out in his bed last night, (as she often did) and it was apparent drunk Remus either didn’t have the heart to move her or had passed out himself. Both were very plausible hypotheses. 

He frowned and sat up, Dorcas’ hair had been taken out of its meticulously plaited braids- well half of it had at least, and oh was she about to have a shock when she woke up.

Feeling like a troubled detective in a mystery novel, Remus searched through the tangled mess of his memories from last night, an effort made incredibly difficult by the way his head felt entirely too heavy for his body, like someone had replaced his brain with a collection of rocks. Eventually, like a puzzle with half the pieces missing, he managed to get a relatively good picture of what had happened.

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he remembered Barty tossing his cards around the room in a fit of rage after he lost yet another round of some game they had made up.

He remembered the pillow fight that they had, remembered that for a moment Evan thought he had killed Regulus after hitting him so hard the other boy had fallen backwards off the bed and smacked his head on the floor. Regulus had of course, gotten right back up after a few tantalising seconds of silence and chased Evan down into the common room whilst screaming obscenities.

Still, Remus cringed at how Regulus’ head would feel this morning and suddenly his own headache seemed more bearable. He recalled the game of charades; where they had acted out different staff and students from Hogwarts- Dorcas and Barty were particularly good in their silent impressions, Remus not so much, and he had resigned in frustration after his third attempt.

"if you idiots can't tell that is Professor Binns then I give up!" he had slurred indignantly, swaying in his place.

"you can't just walk around the room looking bored and expect us to know what that means!" someone, he can't remember who- probably Barty had retorted. 

"he was being Professor Binns?" Dorcas had questioned, taking a rather large sip of wine and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand lazily, "I thought you were just... well being you."

Remus remembered the way she had cackled loudly at this, setting the rest of them off into a fit of drunken giggles. 

Back in the present world, he felt the consequences of last nights over indulgences, which had probably led to some kind of dangerous physical activity considering his entire body ached.

As he went to try and ease out the tension in his shoulders, he felt something hanging around his neck. He glanced down to see a make-shift gold medal, that had been crafted from a tinfoil sweet wrapper with a string threaded through the middle. In seeing the medal he grimaced, the mortifying 'fashion show' that had taken place coming to the forefront of his mind. Somehow, he had been convinced, along with Regulus, Evan and Barty (although he doubted the latter two needed much convincing), to dress up in various items of clothing from Dorcas’ bag, and give a catwalk performance. Dorcas had been the judge, and had for whatever reason, obviously selected Remus for the winner.

Thankfully, he was no longer wearing whatever outfit had rewarded him such a regretful position of honour and had managed to put some pyjama bottoms on, though he didn't seem to get as far as a top.  

Slowly but surely, he got up out of bed. The dorm was a mess.

There were empty glasses strewn around and what he assumed was champagne dripping from the ceiling, clothes were littered all over the floor, along with the cards that Barty had thrown. There were two pillows with feathers pouring out of them next to Regulus’ bed- which was empty, the sheets thrown back in a manner so untidily that it caused Remus to frown in confusion, Regulus was nothing if not a neat-freak.

Remus soon realised the reasoning behind such an uncharacteristic med manner after hearing strained retching sounds coming from the bathroom. Regulus Arcturus Black, heir to the Noble House of Black, and consequentially the biggest lightweight Remus had ever met.

He sighed and made his way over to the bathroom, avoiding the multitude of obstacles on the floor along the way. He knocked lightly on the door, so as not to wake the others and waited for a moment, when he got no reply he tried again.

“Reg?” he called out quietly after more silence, “you alright?”

“just dandy.” He heard a stiff, sarcastic voice reply.

“you want water?”

“its fine Remus, I have some.”

“do you want me to come in?”

“absolutely not.” Regulus said quickly, “I- I would rather-“

Whatever snarky comment Regulus was about to make was cut off by another round of gagging, and with that Remus winced in sympathy and stepped away from the door.

He began the gradual journey back to the other side of the room, his vision blurred at the edges, his bed looking like a mirage he so desperately longed to reach. Just as he reached the side of Barty's bed he felt something furry snake around his ankle, and let out a loud yelp in alarm, jumping up onto the bed- which happened to be occupied with not just one, but two of his friends.

“what the fuck?!” Barty cried out immediately trying to claw his way out of the sheets as he looked up at Remus, who was stood almost directly on top of him looking like he had just narrowly missed death. This disturbance woke up Evan, who had previously been sleeping peacefully beside him, and who now looked like a very confused circus clown. Someone (presumably a drunken Dorcas) had given him a makeover, with bright green eyeshadow and red lipstick.

“there was- something fucking-“ Remus spluttered out, eyes wide and frantically turning back around to see what had touched him.

And there it was, licking up a puddle of wine that was steadily pouring out of a knocked over bottle, a fucking cat. As if it could sense Remus’ gaze it looked up at him innocently, and meowed.

“you’re scared of a bloody cat Lupin?” Barty snapped after hearing the sound.

“what fucking cat?” Evan murmured beside him, still half asleep.

“that fucking cat!” Remus replied,  pointing to the floor where the cat had returned to licking up the wine.

At the exact same time as Barty cried out in amusement “it’s drinking wine!”, Dorcas, who had also been awoken amongst all of the commotion called out in horror: “don’t let it drink the fucking wine!”

She quickly stumbled out of bed, looking rather ridiculous with one half of her head full of frizzy curls and the other half in braids, and lurched forward to scoop the cat up in her arms, “I mean really, Remus, letting it drink alcohol?” she scolded.

“me?!” he scoffed indignantly, “it scared the shit out of me!”

“this little baby?” Dorcas cooed as she stroked the cat lovingly as it began to purr, “she hasn’t done anything wrong in her life, have you princess?”

The cat meowed in response, and licked her arm.

“how do you know it’s a girl?” Evan asked, seeming to have woken up a bit.

Dorcas shrugged and tipped the cat up to show its underside which made all three of them groan in disgust and look away.

“stop violating the cat Dorcas!” Barty cried out, head still turned.

“I’m not violating her, I was just checking.” She huffed in reply, “stop being such babies.”

When they all turned back in her direction she began to laugh so much she nearly dropped the cat all together, “what the fuck?!” she wheezed.

“what?!” all three of them replied at once.

“you all look fucking ridiculous!”

Remus couldn’t speak for himself, but he certainly could for the other two, and Dorcas was right, they did look ridiculous.

Remus had already noticed the smeared makeup on Evan’s face, but had failed to see the hairstyle that his makeover had come with- his hair had been spiked up with some sort of gel in every direction, leaving him looking like a cross between a punk rocker and a sea urchin. Barty, who was still sat next to him had his school tie wrapped around his head, charcoal makeup around his eyes, and- most notably, a collection of bright red kiss marks all over his face.

Remus paused for a second, and then looked between Evan (who had bright red lips) and Barty who had the imprints of them all over his face, and then he began laughing, laughing and pointing like a playground bully.

The two of them immediately leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom. After discovering that the door was locked they began rapidly banging their fists onto it until Regulus yanked it open, looking dishevelled and equally ridiculous with smudged drawings of stars all over his face and wearing a tight leopard print crop-top.

His unimpressed frown turned into a look of shock as he looked between Evan and Barty three times over before he began to laugh. With a snarl of irritation, Evan swiftly picked him up and shoved him out of the bathroom with such force that Remus had to catch him, still in hysterics, so he didn’t fall.

Evan and Barty didn’t waste a second and were standing in front of the bathroom mirror, matching expressions of horror as they turned towards each other in synchronisation mouths open with no words coming out.

“soooo, you guys are-“ Remus’ spoke up, breaking the tense silence. His comment was cut off rather swiftly by Evan stepping forwards and slamming the bathroom door shut, leaving Dorcas, Regulus and Remus standing on the other side with matching smiles.  

The three of them nosily pressed their ears to the door but could only make out the quite muffled sound of kissing and quickly moved away, hands covering their mouths to quieten their laughter. After a moment they managed to collect themselves and Regulus turned to Dorcas, eyes wide in quiet surprise.

“er, Cas…” he began, his lips twisted in a combination of cringing and trying to supress a smile.

“what? What Regulus?” she said startled, placing the cat down onto the floor and pressing her hands all over her face.

“your hair…”

Dorcas’ eyes filled with horror as she scrambled over to Remus’ bed and retrieved her bag from underneath it. She spent a few seconds rummaging elbow deep into it before pulling out a hand mirror and shakily lifting it to her face. When she saw her reflection she let out a loud gasp and reached up to touch the curls on the left side of her head, as if the mirror was playing tricks on her and she had to check herself.

She pressed her lips together and shut her eyes, collecting herself before placing the mirror down on the bed and looking up at Remus and Regulus with a very threatening gaze.

“which one of you little fuckers did this to me?” she asked calmly, her eyes spoke for her anger- glistering with rage, as she stepped towards them.

It was no secret that an angry Dorcas was nothing to dismiss. One time in their third year a boy had called her a mudblood, and being muggle born Dorcas had never heard the insult before, but from the reactions of everyone around she new it was bad. She didn’t cry or run away but held her head high and laughed, asked the boy if that was the best he could come up with, called him a cunt and punched him in the face so hard she nearly knocked him out.

That was the day Remus knew that he wanted to keep Dorcas around for as long as she would let him.

He was now regretting that decision, as he and Regulus were backed up against a wall and Dorcas was approaching, looking a little more than crazy, and giving Regulus’ cousin Bellatrix a run for her money.

“not me” Remus said immediately and then, “well I don’t think it was…”

“you don’t think it was?” Dorcas said narrowing her eyes as she came closer, “well Lupin, do you think you will miss your eyebrows?”

“please don’t take my eyebrows Cas.” Remus pleaded desperately, bringing his arms up to cover his face.

“what about you, Baby Black?” she asked, turning sharply to face Regulus.

“well I know it wasn’t me” he replied calmly, “I couldn’t have done that if I tried, it was probably Barty.”

Dorcas ground her teeth together and stalked back towards to bathroom door, opening it with such strength it nearly fell off its hinges.

“times up love birds!” she said walking in, “one of you is responsible for my hair and I will make you pay”

Within seconds she walked back out, holding them each by the ear and practically dragging them into the dorm room and shoving them down onto a bed. Looking guilty and flustered, both of their faces now smeared with lipstick they looked up at her in a mixture of fear and confusion.  

“Merlin, what happened to your hair Cas?” Evan asked casually after a lapse of silence, scratching the side of his head.

“that is what I would like to know. Barty- care to explain?” she shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“what makes you think I did it?!” Barty scoffed, looking as insulted and indignant as ever.

“process of elimination” Dorcas replied with a shrug.

“well- if I did do it, I don’t remember doing it!” he said, “so maybe instead of being all threatening you would just relax and maybe- just maybe, we might offer to help.”

Dorcas looked at him as if he had just insulted her to the highest degree, she opened her mouth and then closed it again before shutting her eyes and flopping down onto the bed next to him, her fury disintegrating into the sheets.

“I’m too hungover for this.” She grumbled into the bed.

Evan patted her lightly on the back, “its not that bad.”

“I look ridiculous!” she cried out in despair.

“it’s a statement!” Evan tried again, although he didn’t look entirely convinced himself.

“yeah- a statement that says I look like a fucking idiot”

The room was silent for a moment and then, to everyone’s surprise Regulus cleared his throat.

“Dorcas, its French”

“it is?” she mumbled sitting up at last, eyes wide and a little watery.

“well- yes, to some extent.” Regulus said, giving a small smile.

“very chic” Remus added, knowing the word to mean something positive from his regular fashion lectures from Dorcas.

“thanks.” She said and sniffed, “but I still really need your help to get the other half out, I’m not sure the Chic-French style is very popular around here.”

With that, the four of them got to work un-braiding the rest of Dorcas’ hair. This was an activity that may have been more enjoyable if they weren’t all hanging out of their asses, but Remus supposed he would rather help Dorcas than have his eyebrows singed off.

Once they were done and Dorcas had added the necessary products to her hair she looked wonderful. Her large curls surrounded her head in a makeshift halo, bouncing down just above her shoulders.

“I think I prefer this to the braids.” Evan hummed approvingly.

Remus nodded his head in agreement and pulled on one of the curls, it bounced right back up.

Dorcas blushed lightly and shook her head, “thanks guys. Now, if you are all done drooling over me lets go eat.”

Remus spared Regulus a concerned look but he seemed to have recovered and was looking significantly less green, so after they had all showered and refreshed themselves, they headed down to the great hall for some well deserved food. Making sure to leave the mystery cat in the common room so that whoever it belonged to might find it, much to Dorcas' disappointment, who spent ten minutes saying her farewells. 

Once they had eaten breakfast, and more crucially, managed to keep it down. The five of them returned to the dorm and got to work cleaning up the mess.

Evan and Barty were awkwardly moving around each other, no longer confident in their feeling for each other it seemed, practically jumping out of their skin whenever their hands met. Once the room was in a much more acceptable manner, (an easier effort with the appliance of Regulus' cleaning charms). Remus returned back to bed after downing a bottle of Dorcas' secret hangover potion.

Amongst the chaos of the morning he had seemingly forgotten all about the task he had charged himself with, and it dawned on him that he would have to be very strategic about how he was going to find the boy from last night. He was certain it could be done, the boy wouldn't be that hard to find, especially not with how determined he was. After all, how many charming boys could there be in Hogwarts? Surely he would stick out like a sore thumb. 

-

Remus’ dramatic declaration that he wouldn’t stop looking for his secret prince until he was found proved to be a lot harder than he had initially thought it would be.

A week had passed and Remus still had no luck, and he was becoming very obsessed with peoples hands, always looking for that mark and always being disappointed.

One night, after a particularly gruelling day of observing hands and being teased by Dorcas for being- as she claimed- a ‘lovesick puppy-wolf’, he was beginning to feel rather hopeless about the whole ordeal. He began to wonder if the boy regretted it, perhaps he felt ashamed by dancing and the flirting with another boy and had removed the mark all together, sending Remus on a wild goose chase. Admittedly, the thought alone made Remus’ heart plummet and he decided to place his pessimism at the back of his mind until further notice.

To make matters worse, Evan and Barty had taken to ignoring each other which resulted in an unavoidable air of awkwardness within the dorm room, something that Remus sought to avoid at all costs.

It appeared that after their impromptu kissing session the morning after the ball, both Evan and Barty had recoiled back into their shy shells and were suffering from a case of self-delusion and denial of their feelings for each other. Dorcas only felt it was necessary to mock them- which certainly made matters worse, much to her amusement of course, as she wasn’t the one that had to share a confined space with the two of them. Regulus was of course no help either, and only rolled his eyes and excused himself whenever something incredibly hard to watch would happen.

Like the other day when Barty bumped into Evan on his way to the bathroom and they spent five minutes mumbling and blushing whilst making unnecessary apologies, followed by the awkwardness of both of them trying to get past each other in the same direction. It was all so very painful to see and Remus very much wanted them to either fuck each other, or just plain fuck off.

Due to this ‘I’m not gay for my best friend denial’ phase Evan and Barty were going through, Remus found himself very involved in his school work- in fact he hadn’t been late to one class all week, which was a very new prospect for him that certainly surprised all the professors and even more so, Lily Evans.

“how on earth have you managed to beat me here again, Lupin?” she had complained in frustration when once again, he was already sat at their shared desk in potions, ten minutes before the lesson was due to start.

“ah, a magician never reveals his secrets” he replied slyly, tapping the edge of his nose with his finger and leaning back on his stool.  

“well, you are not a magician- you are a wizard, and an increasingly infuriating one at that!” she huffed, brushing a strand of wavy red hair that had fallen out of her ponytail away from her face.

“awh Evans, don’t be jealous just because Slughorn is starting to like me more than you” Remus grinned teasingly and cocked his head to the side, “maybe I’ll even get an invitation to the slug-club!” he added in faux-excitement.

“you wish” Lily shot back, narrowing her eyes at him, “deviant criminals are not on the guest list.”

“deviant criminals?!” he gasped in mock astonishment, “what would ever make you say such a thing? I’ll have you know I’m as sweet as milk and honey.”

“oh I’m sure you are” she scoffed, “that’s right, Remus Lupin sweet cherub of Slytherin house, wouldn’t hurt a soul- certainly wouldn’t accept a blowjo-“

Remus clasped his hand over Lily’s mouth before she could finish her sentence.

“I told you that in confidence!” he scorned, “and that was nearly two years ago.” He reminded her with a huff and removed his hand from Lily’s mouth, which had formed into a cheeky grin.

“who’s the deviant now, Evans?”

“well, I leant from the best.” Lily shrugged happily and turned away from him to search for something in her bag, “and don’t pout” she jeered, “it’ll give you wrinkles”.

However, since it was now the weekend and he had somehow completed all his homework and there were no lessons in which he could hide away from the second-hand awkwardness he felt from being around Barty and Evan, he had to find other methods. These methods consisted of walking around the school grounds and smoking pot with a friendly Hufflepuff who was always too stoned to ever make anything awkward. Although being far from one himself, Remus enjoyed the joyful company of Hufflepuffs, what he enjoyed even more was their tendency to be generous, or as Barty liked to say ‘the Hufflepuff puff-puff-pass complex’.

As he was sat next to the honorary man of the hour; Amos Diggory, with their backs resting against the glass of the greenhouse, which had been heated by the sun and offered warm comfort against the chilly November air, he had a thought. Could it have been Amos? Was he in fact the mystery boy from the ball? Although he thought fondly of Amos, and he certainly wasn’t bad to look at, something in him hoped that he wasn’t- and he felt a rush of relief when Amos passed the spliff and there was no crescent moon on the back of his hand.

“man, do you think anyone has ever tried to make edibles but like without the weed?” Amos asked slowly, letting his head fall against the glass of the greenhouse wall with a soft thud.

“I’m sorry?” Remus choaked out around a mouthful of smoke, “what?”

“you know like, like virgin edibles.” He replied and nodded at the spliff, indicating for Remus to pass it back to him.

“do you mean food?” he replied in disbelief.

“oh fuck-“ Amos sighed and then began to laugh, “I’ve really fried by brains out with this shit man”.

As his Amos continued to laugh, bright hiccups of laughter that made a smile grow across Remus’ own face, he took the spliff back and placed it between his lips, digging out his lighter from his pocket to relight it.

“you used to be what they called a ‘gifted child’ back in first year, what ever happened?” he asked tauntingly.

“that shit happened” Amos grinned pointing at the joint that was perched between Remus’ lips, “it is the very bane of my existence” he sighed, and then lowered his voice to a dramatic whisper “and the object of my desires”.

This set the two of them off into uncontrollable laughter, which quickly became a coughing fit that had them both wheezing for the better part of ten minutes.

“besides” Amos cleared his throat and continued once he had collected himself, “I’m not a ‘former gifted child’, I am still a gifted child- put me in a first year charms lesson and I’ll annihilate them all just like I did the first time- fucking wingardium leviosa and all.”

“that I’m sure you would Diggory” Remus affirmed, nodding his head. “now- here’s a question that only your gifted expertise could grant the answer to” he began purposefully, shifting in his position so he was facing Amos, “do you think Mrs Norris and McGonagall- in cat form of course- speak to each other?”

“oh Lupin! I’m so fucking glad you asked, I have an entire theory- with plot lines- developed around this very subject.” Amos gasped in delight, putting out the spliff with the bottom of his shoe and throwing the end in the opposite direction, before launching into his self-proclaimed ‘theory’.

It was lunchtime when the two of them eventually parted ways, Amos hurried off to the great hall with an extreme case of the munchies and Remus, not wanting to be around noise- or people for that matter- began to make his way back to the common room. He decided to take the long route to the dungeons, enjoying the lazy and content feeling his slowly fading high was giving him, and looking around at all of the paintings that he usually paid no attention to. He was looking at one depicting a group of men all playing different instruments when he walked headlong into something, or rather someone.

He stumbled back in surprise at the sudden collision and was about to mutter a quick apology when he realised exactly who it was who he bumped into or rather- with a new perspective of distain now applied- who had bumped into him.

“watch where you’re going Lupin.” Sirius snarled, bushing down his jumper as if Remus had some contagious disease that would contaminate the very fibres of his clothing.

“grow up.” Remus drawled languidly, lulling his head back as he rolled his eyes.

Sirius paused for a moment, looking him up and down with a frown before positively sniffing the air, “are you high?” he hissed, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

“am I what?” Remus frowned, “sorry, you’ll have to speak up- can’t hear you all the way down there” he grinned lazily, still far from sober.

“high.” Sirius repeated grumpily, ignoring the insult.

“hello?”

“merlin Lupin, you really are a waste of space aren’t you” Sirius huffed, “you reek of weed, it’s the middle of the day, it’s Sunday- do you have any thoughts on that?” he asked condescendingly.

“Sunday is the day of rest” Remus shrugged, “and by the looks of it, you could use some- is that a grey hair I see?” he enquired, tilting his head and squinting at the non-existent grey hair on Sirius’ head.

Instinctively, Sirius raised his hand to his hair and Remus smiled triumphantly- and then he stopped smiling. He was frozen, eyes focused on Sirius’ hand, focused on his hand and the mark on it, the mark that he had made, the mark that he had made on Sirius Black’s hand. He felt a rush of panic travel through his entire body, his heart clenched and began to beat too fast in his chest. All of a sudden he was too high.

Sirius’ confused voice was muffled under the ringing of his ears, only his eyes moved, following the mark of the moon. Trying to snap him out of his state of stillness Sirius waved his hand infront of Remus’ face, and without meaning to Remus grabbed it, turning his hand over and looking at the mark in horror. He ran a thumb over it, to check it was the same one, to see if the ink would rub off, but of course- it didn’t budge. He looked up, Sirius’ hand still in his and met the other boys gaze. Then Sirius’ mouth went slack in realisation, his bottom lip dropping down before he pulled it back in with his teeth, and bit down. Slowly, as if he couldn’t bear to accept the truth, he looked down at his own hand and then back to Remus’ eyes, which were already focused on him an shook his head.

“you?” he breathed out, hardly audible, a million emotions seemed to pass over his stormy eyes in a matter of seconds.

Remus was speechless. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and seemed incapable of doing anything other than looking at the boy infront of him.

Finally coming to his senses, he dropped Sirius’ hand. His own felt empty without its presence now, but he just squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment and then shook his head. He spared Sirius one last look before pushing past him and stalking down the hall in the opposite direction, as fast as his legs would allow him, and ignoring the other boys calls of protest.

Once he had rounded enough corners to be sure he was no longer in danger of Sirius’ pursuit, he allowed himself to stop to catch his breath. His vision was fuzzy, and blood was pounding in his ears, making it hard to think straight. He rested his back against the cool stone wall and tried to breathe.

Anyone else. Anyone but him. Why him?!

Remus couldn’t believe his misfortune, how could it have possibly been Sirius- the arrogant, obnoxious, selfish, idiotic brother of his best friend.

Oh God, the brother of his best friend.

The brother who Regulus hated, the brother who abandoned him, who left him alone in a house full of hatred, in a family whose name was now his burden to shoulder. Remus wanted to throw up. No, he was actually going to throw up. He pushed himself off the wall and ran through the halls to the dungeons.

Once he reached them he sprinted up the stairs to his dormitory, nearly tripping up over his own feet in his haste, willing the bile that had risen in his throat to stay down for a moment longer. As soon as he reached the bathroom he threw himself down on the floor next to the toilet and threw himself at its mercy, like a poor beggar to a king.

A poor beggar indeed.

After several minutes he pulled himself up off the floor and staggered over to the sink to wash his mouth out, before splashing his face with water and letting the droplets run down his face as he braced himself against the sink. His hands tightly grasped the porcelain and he looked up at his reflection in the mirror, eyes watery and red, hair a mess, lip trembling, skin pale against the pink scars on his face. He wanted to lay down in bed and never get up again, wanted to permanently reside in the safety of his sheets and hide away from Sirius Black forever. At whilst he couldn’t do that, he would certainly try to avoid his fate for as long as he possibly could, and he might as well do it from the comfort of his own bed.

He was awoken, what must’ve been hours later by Regulus shaking him by the shoulder.

“wake the fuck up Lupin.” He demanded, “I’ve been stuck with Evan and Barty all day!”

“wha- oh Reg” Remus mumbled sleepily, burying his face in his pillow and turning away from the angry wake-up call. 

“ah so you are alive- great. Now you can explain where the fuck it is you have been all day.” Regulus snapped brusquely, threateningly towering over Remus, who was very vulnerable in his position. 

At Regulus' question of his whereabouts, the events that had taken place right before he had undergone the pathetic ordeal of throwing up and passing out, all came flooding back at such an overwhelming speed he thought he might be sick all over again.

“oh um, just around” he shrugged casually, avoiding Regulus’ stern gaze.

“around?!” Regulus bit out harshly, “you have just been around- for fuck sake Remus, what kind of bloody answer is that”

Remus opened his mouth to defend himself but Regulus cut him off, “I have been stuck with those half-witted bumbling idiots all day, while you have just been what- getting high and sleeping?” he pressed on, in indignant astonishment.

“well you weren’t here when I got up-“

“of course I wasn’t here when you got up- because you wake up at noon, like some kind of hibernating rat!”

“rat?” Remus scoffed in amusement, “bit harsh don’t you think?”

“oh no I do not think- in fact, I can be a whole lot harsher Lupin, it’s only what you deserve after leaving me to watch Evan and Barty trip over each other’s feet all day!”

Remus bit down on his bottom lip to contain his laughter at Regulus’ frenzied manner, but it was apparent that wasn’t quite enough concealment.

“don’t laugh!” He scorned, “I have been through turmoil today, agony in fact.”

“oh they aren’t that bad.” Remus sighed, moving over so that Regulus could join him on the bed- a dangerous move, letting a serpent into your sheets. But Regulus only pretended to be such a thing, he was really as soft as butter, if you warmed him up enough.

“they are that bad.” He groaned, climbing onto Remus’ bed and tucking his feet under the covers, “you have been avoiding them this week as much as I have- I can’t take this anymore, it’s too painful to watch. If I hear their pathetic little apologies and awkward laughs one more time, I swear Remus- I’ll drown myself in the lake.”

“I haven’t seen you this passionate about something since- well, ever.” Remus said admittedly, “why didn’t you just leave?”

“I tried!” he insisted, “I tried to leave several times, and they just kept following me, its like they think if they are alone together they will simply combust.”

“yeah well their dicks might” Remus scoffed.

Regulus let out a quiet huff of laughter and looked up at him with a grin, his angry demeaner melting away. “I only managed to get away from them because Dorcas finally came back from hanging out with that Pandora girl, it seems like everyone made prior arrangements apart from me.” He paused, resting his chin on his knees, “did you smoke alone?”

“no” Remus sighed and leaned back against his headboard, “with Amos.”

“Diggory?” Regulus said, raising his head to give Remus a dubious look.

“yes, Diggory. Is that alright with you or should I have sent you a formal request?” he jeered flicking an old screwed up sweet wrapper he had been fiddling with in his direction.

Regulus swatted the wrapper away before it even reached him as if it were a fly and sighed wistfully, “well a formal request would’ve been more proper, but what can I expect from a slovenly miscreant such as yourself.”

“fuck off.”

“so, how long have you been consorting with Diggory for hmm?” Regulus pressed mischievously, nudging Remus’ leg with his foot.

“its not like that, don’t be crude.” He grimaced shoving Regulus’ foot away with a sharp kick.

“so defensive” Regulus grinned holding his hands up in mock surrender, “though I suppose that is because you are still keeping yourself chaste for your mystery boy.” He continued teasingly.

Remus swallowed. He couldn’t tell Regulus that the ‘mystery boy’ was in fact his estranged brother, there was no need to either- it wasn’t like anything was going to come of it now. It would be better to just forget about the whole sordid business, maybe he should consider Amos as more than a friend, he would certainly serve as a good distraction.

“I think we both know I am far from chaste” Remus scoffed, hoping that Regulus wouldn’t take note of the heat rising in his cheeks, “anyway, I think the hunt for that boy is a lost cause.”

“oh. That’s a shame, you seemed pretty smitten with him.”

“I was pretty drunk” Remus pointed out with raising his eyebrows, “and don’t ever say I was smitten with anyone ever again” he added warningly.

“oh my fault, I guess I misinterpreted your intentions as much more passionate than they actually were. Although, I find that hard to believe considering you so valiantly declared- what was it? Oh yes, ‘I’m going to fin- ahh!”

Before Regulus could finish his mocking impression Remus had surged forwards and tackled him, pinning his arms over his head and grinning menacingly in his triumph whilst Regulus trashed about in defeat.

“let me go!” he cried out, “you tyrant! You evil monster!”

Remus withdrew immediately in faux-offence, as if he had been scorched by Regulus’ words, “oh wow.” He scoffed, “pulling the werewolf card huh? Call me a monster- really Reg, why don’t you just put my in silver chains at this point?”

“I’ll bloody well make you eat silver chains if you don’t stop victimising yourself.” Regulus replied snidely and pushed him self back upright.

“you know, you’ve been spewing out a fuck ton of profanities recently, better hope you sort yourself out before Christmas or your mother will wash your mouth out with soap.”

“how do you know she does that?” Regulus asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“I didn’t- just what my grandmother used to do to me.”

“look at us, two peas in a pod aren’t we?” he smiled bitterly, “although, admittedly it was Sirius who she usually did that too, anytime he swore, mentioned anything to do with Potter, or spoke about Gryffindor.” he said, listing off each offence on his fingers. 

Sirius’ name felt like a slap in the face, and once again he felt that red hot shame coursing through his body. Regulus hardly spoke about Sirius, or his time at home for that matter- so to have him speaking so casually about both came as a bit of a shock.

“hm, well the swearing I can look past- but Potter and Gryffindor I’d have to say might be more justifiable on your mothers part.” 

Regulus only smiled lightly and nodded his head. “are you staying here? For Christmas?” he asked after a beat of silence.

“yeah, the old hag hasn’t really given me much choice in that matter, not that I mind.”

“your lucky. I wish I could stay here, would be nice.” Regulus sighed and bit his cheek.

“it is nice.” Remus said, “quiet. Peaceful, perfect for your brooding walks.”

“she’d never let me though, I have to be there for her to parade around of course.” He pursed his lips as if the words had left a sour taste in his mouth, “those dinner parties are like some kind of sadistic puppet show for her, dressing us- well I suppose just me now- up in those bloody robes. I feel like a prize pig going up for slaughter.”

“I wish I could do something.”

“just write to me, like you always do.” Regulus said with a reserved smile, “if I didn’t have your dreadful handwriting to decipher I think I’d go mad, it keeps me busy.”

“do you think that’s what happened to your cousin? Had no ones letters to read and spun off the handle.” Remus smiled lightly, picking at a loose thread on his sheets.

“no” Regulus laughed, “Bella has always been batshit, think it got worse when Andy left though.”

“Andy?”

“Andromeda, my cousin.”

“oh yeah, I remember now- do you still speak to her?”

Despite spending almost all their time together, it was rather rare for the two of them to have conversations like this. Remus was cautious with his questions, not wanting Regulus to shut up like a clam, as he so often did when the topic of his family was brought up.

“not so much" he shook his head, "my mother doesn’t allow her to send letters to the house, but she still sends me stuff for my birthday.” He paused for a moment, “Sirius speaks to her a lot though, she even visited him last year at the Potter’s, brought her kid too.”

“she’s got a kid?” Remus asked, a little taken back, he had always pictured Andromeda only being a few years older than himself.

“yeah, a girl” Regulus nodded, “she’s a think three, or maybe four now- but Sirius says they think she might be a metamorphmagus.”

“shit, that pretty cool- I used to want to be one of those when I first found out about them.”

“well, you kind of are..” Regulus trailed off before laughing at the look on Remus’ face.

“apart from the fact I can only turn into a fucking wolf, it’s involuntary, painful and might I add extremely dangerous?” Remus scoffed in amusement, “I just used to want cool hair.”

“your hair is cool.”

“yours is okay.” he said flippantly after looking Regulus up and down. 

“you’re a twat.” Regulus sneered, “that’s the last time I’m ever complimenting you.”

“oh please, enough with the empty threats” Remus said rolling his eyes, “you can’t help yourself from complementing me, you are enthralled by my roughish good looks, I’m surprised you haven’t made a move on me yet.” He said in mocking flirtation, waggling his eyebrows up and down suggestively.

“I’d rather die.” The other boy deadpanned and pushed Remus’ head away with the palm of his hand.

“whose dying?” Evan called out as he walked through the door, Barty was nowhere to be seen.

“Remus, if he doesn’t stop flirting with me.” Regulus said, provoking Remus to make kissy faces at him.

“you should count yourself lucky, Remus is the biggest hunk in the school.” Evan said sending a wink in Remus’ direction before getting changed.

“see.” Remus smiled smugly, “even Evan knows what you are missing out on.”

“I’ll take my chances” Regulus smiled tightly, “speaking of big hunks, where’s Barty?”

Remus shot him a warning glance before peaking over at Evan who had gone bright red in the face and was now struggling to undo his trousers. “he’s um, with Dorcas I think.” He answered once he had finally pulled down the zipper of his flies, nearly snapping it clean off in the process.

“now?” Remus peered at the clock on his nightstand, “it’s a bit late isn’t it?”

Evan just shrugged, “think they are having a smoke or something.”

Remus and Regulus shared a look.

“probably needs it from all that stress.” Remus said biting down on his knuckle to supress his grin, earning a chastising smack from Regulus who was also holding back a smile.

“what stress?” Evan asked, oblivious as ever.

“oh I don’t know, something about OWLs” he replied in a strained voice, avoiding looking at Regulus who was trying to hold in his laughter by distracting himself with a book he was holding upside-down.

“we did OWLs last year?”

Remus mentally cursed himself for making up such an awful excuse, and was desperately trying to think of something to say whilst containing his laughter, a task made increasingly difficult when Regulus was shaking uncontrollably right infront of him. He knew it would only take one second of eye contact for both of them to loose it completely and so he resorted to burying his face in his hands as he answered Evan.

“mm yeah, I meant NEWTs- think his Dad is putting pressure on him.” 

Evan was silent for a moment, apparently deep in thought, not that Remus could see him of course as his face was still firmly planted in his hands. “he never said anything to me about that…” Evan mumbled gloomily, “why do you guys think that is? He trusts me doesn’t he? Maybe- guys…? Are you… crying?”

Remus and Regulus both lifted their heads from their hands at the same time, (Regulus having obviously followed his friends fool-proof tactic) their faces red and streaked with tears from trying so desperately not to laugh at Evan. But it seemed that their efforts were in vain, as just like Remus had predicted, as soon as they looked at each other all composure flew out the window and they collapsed onto the bed in hysterics. Evan, as oblivious as ever, was hovering beside the bed looking very confused and then very distraught when Barty stumbled through the door looking like he had been dragged through a bush.

“what the fuck is going on?!” he exclaimed breathlessly, looking at Remus and Regulus who had not yet composed themselves.

Barty was panting and sweaty, looking as if he had just done three hours of Quidditch drills followed by a game of hide-and-seek in the forbidden forest. His jeans were muddy at the cuffs and his shoes completely wrecked, he had bramble scratches all over his arms and his tee shirt had been ripped at the collar exposing the upper half of his heaving chest.

“why didn’t you tell me you were stressed about NEWTs?” Evan asked earnestly, turning away from the bed to look at Barty with a face like a kicked puppy, ignoring his question.

Barty span around to focus on Evan and gaped at him for a moment in stunned silence, “what?” he spat after a moment, brows furrowed in confusion, “NEWTs aren’t until next year- who said I was stressed about NEWTs?!” he demanded, looking very distressed and out of place amongst all the chaos.

“he did!” Evan replied, pointing an accusatory finger towards Remus’ bed.

“which one?” Barty asked looking between the curled up figures still shaking with laughter on the bed, “and what the fuck are they laughing at?!”

“I don’t know!” Evan cried out hysterically, his shirt was off and his jeans undone, something he had seemingly forgotten about in his deranged state.

“well find out!” Barty ordered, throwing his hands up in the air.

“you find out!”

“I fucking asked you first!”

“why can’t you-“

“oh for the love of God!- Merlin!- Hecate! Whatever you want to say! Why can’t you two just shag and get it over with?!” Regulus burst out, unfolding up from his curled position, loud enough for the entirety of the dungeon to hear.

The silence that followed was deafening but short lived. Barty and Evan’s heads span around to look at Regulus at such a speed it was comical, and Remus let out an involuntary snort of laughter which set both him and Regulus off again, much to the other’s despair.

Still, after a few calming breaths they managed to compose themselves in order to silently watch the scene unfold in front of them.

Evan and Barty were silent for a moment, only exchanging bashful glances and fiddling with their thumbs. Barty finally mustered up the courage to speak just as Evan awkwardly cleared his throat and opened his mouth, which was of course, then followed by them both apologising, and insisting the other should speak first. This went on for a while until it became so unbearable, that even Evan had the wits to just stop beating around the bush and take the lead.

“I- I um, I know things have been weird between us lately, after well- after the other morning when we um, when we-“

“kissed?” Barty finished off for him with an amused smile.

“yeah, yeah when we kissed.” Evan laughed nervously, “I was just- I was just scared that things would change between us if, if we like I don’t know.. kissed again.”

Remus and Regulus shared a dubious smile but kept quiet, rather enjoying the show from afar, revelling in the entertainment that was their friends displeasure.

“so, even though I wouldn’t mind doing it again-“

“you wouldn’t mind?” Barty repeated petulantly, raising his eyebrows in astonished offence.

“no- no, that was the wrong thing to say I’m sorry-“

“no, no its fine, I suppose if you are so bloody indifferent about the whole thing then I shouldn’t pay it any mind either” Barty retorted sourly.

As he made to turn away Evan grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him towards him and crashed their lips together. Barty’s eyes were wide in shock as Evan kissed him, which was no fault on his behalf. It was so unlike Evan, so brazen and bold that Remus and Regulus where both equally gobsmacked, their mouths agape in surprise. Remus had to look over to see Regulus’ reaction to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

“I’m not very good with words, so hopefully that told you all you need to know.” Evan said fervently once he pulled away, hands fumbling nervously as he looked at Barty for a reaction.

“I- I-“ Barty stammered, lips now pink and glossy.

This time Evan took over for him, apparently having a newfound sense of courage, “You are my best friend. You always will be my best friend. But, I was hoping that maybe you might want to be something more than that. I don’t know what- what we would be, but maybe all that doesn’t matter right now. What matters, well for me at least- is you.”

“Evan…” Barty sighed out like all the air had been pulled from his lungs, “you’ll always be my best friend too.”

Remus and Regulus shared a look of disgust. Regulus pointed his index finger into his mouth in a  mock-gagging motion to which Remus replied by nodding his head in agreement and mouthing “gross!”

The other two paid them no mind, too caught up in each other to focus on anything else.

“I do want something more though” Barty continued, “but I- my Dad… he would-“

“oh what, and you think mine wouldn’t ?” Evan smiled kindly, taking Barty’s hands in his own and squeezing them, “no one else has to know” he added earnestly.

Barty nodded and sniffed, letting out a watery laugh, “apart from them.” He said, indicating his head towards the bed where Regulus and Remus were still watching intently. Once they realised the attention was now on them, and they had been caught out in their blatant nosiness, Regulus picked up the book again-right side up this time- and Remus, not-so-casually looked up at the canopy.

“apart from them.” Evan laughed, shaking his head fondly “and maybe Cas.”

“ooh I don’t know, bit of a blabbermouth that one.” Barty joked lightly, reaching up to affectionately brush a curl that was resting on Evan’s brow away.   

“weren’t you with her tonight?” Remus asked suddenly, abandoning his charade of disinterest and clambering out from the bed.  

“yeah” Barty scoffed, “who else would I be with that could get me into such a state?” he asked using his hand to indicate the mess on his clothes.  

“don’t you dare touch anything in this room until you clean yourself up” Regulus scolded, coming over to stand beside Remus with his arms crossed.

“yes Mum” Barty sneered sarcastically, and walked over to his bed. Remus didn’t miss the way Evan’s eyes followed him as he went.

“if I was your Mum I’d tuck you in every night and give you a kiss.” Regulus said coolly.

“yeah and that’s Evan’s job now” Remus added grinning at Regulus in a way that told him to continue teasing Barty.

“of course” he nodded in faux-thoughtfulness, furrowing his brows together an tapping his chin like a perplexed scientist. “so, does that mean you have some sort of fetish for your mother?”

Barty narrowed his eyes at Regulus from across the room, “fuck of Black.”

“no, that would actually explain a lot” Remus continued, revelling in the fun of his and Regulus’ wind-up routine.

“want me to fetch you a glass of milk Crouch?” his accomplice asked mockingly.

“what a brilliant idea Regulus! A nice warm glass of milk for Jr.” Remus laughed and clapped his hands together.

“or do you only take it straight from the tit?” Regulus questioned smoothly, his disposition so casual and unflinching he sounded like a waiter asking if his table would like to hear the specials.

Remus was not so good at the acting side of things and unlike Regulus was unable to assume a dignified manner, already pursing his lips together to contain his smile.

“you two are pathetic.” Barty snapped icily and pushed passed them into the bathroom, ignoring their teasing ‘ooohs’ and slamming the door behind him.

Once they heard the sound of the shower turn on, meaning they would have to wait until Barty was done before they could continue their game, they both instinctively turned to look at Evan who was sat on his own bed hiding a smile beneath his hand.

“ah ha!” Remus exclaimed in triumph, “I was hoping you wouldn’t become boring now you are all loved up.”

“I am offended you would even consider such a thing.” Evan replied defensively, “no matter how good a kisser he is, there is nothing funnier than watching you two wind him up.”

“we humbly accept your compliments” Regulus said, refining his aristocratic accent to its proper form, bowing his head slightly in Evans direction.

“and declare ourselves at your service” Remus added, attempting to do the same but his Welsh tilt came through nonetheless.

“you guys are alright with this whole thing between me and Barty aren’t you?” Evan asked, suddenly bashful, playing with the tassels on his pyjama trousers, it appeared that he had finally managed to get changed in peace once the attention was turned solely on Barty. Although, Remus did find that the fact Evan had his flies undone throughout the process of his rather serious confession, added to the hilarity of the whole situation. 

“don’t be stupid Rosier” Remus scoffed at the same time as Regulus said “I was less alright when you two were dancing around each other like a pair of fools”.

Evan blushed and let out an embarrassed laugh, “yeah sorry you had to witness that, I assume it was probably just as painful to watch as it was to be a part of it”.

“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy” Remus nodded solemnly.

“I would you pussy.” Barty interrupted, before Evan could reply, stalking into the room fresh out the shower - shaking his hair like wet dog, “what are we talking about sorry?”  

“your mothers breasts.” Regulus replied evenly, without missing a beat. Earning him a smack from Barty and a laugh from Remus.

Evan however, was much too distracted practically drooling over the sight of Barty wearing nothing more than a towel a wrapped around his waist, eyes trailing over the droplets of water running down from his chest all the way the v-line of his hips.

“good God man, get a hold of yourself!” Remus berated him, reaching over and knocking his jaw so that his mouth snapped closed, making him jolt and then go red in the face for what must’ve been the tenth time that day.

“looking a bit rosy over there Rosier” Regulus said coyly, raising an eyebrow.

“leave him alone, he’s had a long hard day.” Barty scolded, and stepped forwards to ruffle Evan’s hair fondly.

“I wonder what else he’s going to get that’s long and hard.” Remus mused, unable to help himself from taking the opportunity that Barty so easily gave him.

“certainly not anything that’s connection to Barty” Regulus retorted, raising his pinkie finger and moving it in a reciprocating motion suggestively.

Barty span around and gripped the part of the towel that ensured it was secure around his waist, “if you don’t stop saying I have a small dick I’ll have no other option but to show it to you!”

Regulus immediate cried out in protest and covered his eyes with his hands.

“that’s what I thought.” Barty smiled smugly and walked over to his own bed.

With his back now exposed in full view, it was Remus’ turn to gape at his shirtless friend. Barty had angry red scratches all over his back, ranging from his shoulders to his coccyx, and Remus was very surprised by not only the cuts- but the fact that Barty hadn't complained about them once, as he usually does whenever he has even the smallest of injuries. 

“fuck Barty. You didn’t tell me you were a werewolf too- maybe we can form a club?”

“what?” he asked turning back around to face Remus.

“your back.”

Barty frowned and reached his arm around to touch the skin on his back, wincing in pain as soon as he did, “what the fuck?”

“turn around.” Evan demanded, getting up off his bed and walking over to Barty, spinning him around by his shoulder and letting out an involuntary gasp of shock.

“is it bad?” Barty asked, trying to angle his neck in a way so that he could see for himself.

“yes its bad!” Evan cried out, still examining the scratches, “what the fuck did you do?!”

“well I remember falling into some brambles but I didn’t even think it was anything to be worried about.” He said, rubbing the palm of his hand against one side his forehead and screwing up his face in annoyance.

“what do you mean you remember falling into some brambles?! Why were you near brambles-never mind-explain later" Evan fretted, like a concerned mother-maybe Barty really did have some kind of kink. "Why didn’t you say anything?!- these cuts could get infected and then you would have to go to the hospital wing!”

“Evan, stop being hysterical.” Regulus said placidly, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and lightly moving him away from Barty so that he could get a better look at the cuts for himself. “he’ll be fine” he confirmed after a moment, “they are already scabbing over.”

“lovely” Barty grimaced, instinctively reaching back to touch his back again.

“but- they will get infected if he keeps touching them” Regulus lectured him sternly, making Barty grin sheepishly and lower his hand.

“I’m serious Barty, if you pick at them they will scar.”

“oh cool! Then I’ll look like Lupin!” he smiled enthusiastically.

“don’t try steal my look” Remus huffed, “you’ll never pull it off.”

Barty rolled his eyes and petulantly told Remus he was ‘no fun’ before shoving a t-shirt over his head and covering up his back. Of course, the story of exactly what the fuck Barty and Dorcas had been up to was demanded as soon as it was confirmed he wasn't in any immediate danger of sepsis, or some other magically induced infection. Barty gladly recounted the story of how he and Dorcas had taken some wine out to the secret garden after dinner to- 'chat' - as he allusively put it. They had gotten rather carried away and somehow had drunk an entire bottle-each- and by then were feeling rather drunk. 

"I'm surprised you can stomach wine after last week- I can't smell it without gagging" Regulus grimaced.

"well that because I am not a wet-wipe like you are" Barty explained mockingly, "it's alright, maybe one day you will learn"

"don't patronise me" Regulus sneered, "alcoholism is nothing to be proud of Crouch."

"neither is being a massive light-weight" he shot back.

Regulus opened his mouth to say something back but Remus shoved a hand over his mouth, "Barty cont-ah- don't bite me!" he gasped, ripping his hand back and holding it away from Regulus who was smiling smugly, "you're evil."

"go onnn!" Evan wined, hitting Barty's arm to get his attention, "you haven't actually told us what happened yet."

So Barty continued. Once he and Dorcas were finally done with their wine-drinking-chit-chat, they had began their way back to the dungeons. However, due to their incapacitated nature and the fact that it was now after hours and dark inside the castle, they had gotten lost along the way. 

"you've been here for what- six years- and you still managed to get yourself lost?" Remus laughed. 

"you have to understand, neither of us ate much at dinner, we were pretty much 70% wine" Barty insisted, "besides, you know how confusing the castle can be especially when its dark, Dorcas nearly fell off a bloody moving staircase!"

"fucking hell!" Evan gasped, "is she alright?" 

"of course she's alright, don't be so soft, she thought it was hilarious. Nearly did it again because she was laughing so much, refused to stay in the middle because of the trick step- even though that's on a different staircase than the one we were on."

Remus could picture it now, Dorcas giggling and drunk, leaning off the back of the banister whilst a frantic Barty tried to pull her back to the middle of the steps, her refusing and kicking her legs so much she nearly looses her balance.

Or perhaps it was a bit more chaotic than that, they must've been making too much noise because Barty explained that once they got off they heard Filch shouting at them. He, as insisted as always, had chased them all the way out of the castle itself, right into the forbidden forest. 

"what is wrong with you two?!" Evan groaned, "the forbidden forest- that is so dangerous." 

Barty grinned sheepishly and looked over at Regulus and Remus for their reaction. 

"I'm going to have to agree with Rosier on this one." Regulus said looking unimpressed, "you have no idea what kind of shit is in there." 

"oh what's the worst that can happen- he's already affiliated with dark creatures of the night." Remus grinned wolfishly. 

"just because he's friends with a werewolf doesn't mean he's untouchable" Regulus scoffed. 

"oh I wasn't talking about myself- I meant you two." he said, indicating to Evan and Regulus, earning him two unamused responses, and a sharp cackle from Barty. 

"why didn't you just stop though?" Evan asked, "it's only Filch, the worst you would've got would have been a detention"

Barty looked at him with a grin and raised his eyebrows, "but where's the fun in that?"

Him and Dorcas, in their drunken adventure had ran all the way along the edge of the forest, at least having the wits not to go in deep. But still, even the edge is rather thick with shrubbery, branches and roots making it difficult to get through with ease. Remus assumed that was how Barty had earned all the scratch marks, but the truth was much better. After running for a while, with the speed and endurance that the combination of alcohol and adrenaline tends to permit, Barty had been struck unlucky- and didn't just fall into some brambles, but a hole. 

"wait- you fell... in a hole?" 

Barty paused for a moment, avoiding their gazes before nodding regretfully "...yes."

Remus had to give Barty credit for telling this story, because they will never let him live down the fact that he fell in a hole whilst running away from Filch, of all people. 

After many attempts, he said that Dorcas finally managed to pull him out. He added that the very reason it took her so long to successfully help him, was because she was laughing so hard she actually pissed herself a little bit- and that Remus was sure to tease Dorcas about until his dying breath. With Filch nowhere to be seen, they made the long walk back to the castle, all energy used up. Brining the story to a full circle, with Barty then returning to the dorm, only to be met with a whole new world of chaos. 

After thanking Barty for his particularly wonderful bedtime story, they bid each other goodnight. Remus however, was restless. Having already slept earlier on in the day he found himself now unable to sleep, tossing and turning, left only alone with his thoughts of all that had happened. It had been quite an eventful day for all of them indeed, what with his whole encounter with Sirius followed by his long conversation with Regulus, and then there was of course the mess with Evan and Barty- and now additionally the context of Barty's previously unknown whereabouts.

He supposed the day was a triumph all things considered, and was immensely relieved that everything was now all alright between Barty and Evan. This was entirely confirmed for him moments earlier, by hearing the tell-tale sounds of Barty tip-toeing across the room to Evan’s bed only minutes after they had turned out the lights.

What certainly wasn’t alright however, was the fact that the boy he had so desperately longed to find, turned out to be someone whose mere presence irritated him to such an extent that he could hardly see straight. However, the shame he felt from the fact that he had kissed Regulus’ brother (under the ignorance of the enchantments may it be reminded), stung far deeper than the disappointment. He felt compelled to tell Regulus of his discovery, but also thought it would only make matters worse- the best thing to do was to just pretend nothing ever happened. What could possibly go wrong?