Better luck next time
“you’ve had quite the run of it this week haven’t you my love?” Dorcas said softly as she dabbed a damp cloth over the cut below Remus’ right eye.
He grimaced and tried to squirm away from her, but she held him still and gave him a warning look.
“don’t move” she huffed, “or I’ll take you to Madame Pomfrey and I’m sure she’ll have a lot more to say about this than I do.”
Remus sighed and allowed Dorcas to continue wiping away the blood. “My luck is cursed” he slurred out, dropping his head down so that his chin rested on his chest.
“I think you might be right about that.” She smiled sadly and gently lifted his head back up, “poor baby.”
Remus swallowed and shut his eyes, allowing his head to fall back onto the cold tiles of the bathroom wall so that Dorcas could continue cleaning his face. The light in the bathroom was too bright, hurting his eyes even though they were shut. He stared into the redness of his closed eyelids and tried to focus his attention on the noise of the dripping tap rather than the swooping nausea he felt in his stomach.
“what did Regulus say?” Dorcas asked after a few beats of silence.
Remus swallowed and adjusted his head, “not much. You know what he’s like.” He waited a moment before opening his eyes to look up at her, “did he seem angry?”
“that you got into a fight with his estranged brother?” Dorcas smiled, “no, not angry. More confused. Shocked if anything really.”
“where is he now?”
“probably brooding somewhere. Evan and Barty will be with him, he'll be alright. Think it’s the other Black who you should be concerned about.”
“I don’t give a shit about Sirius.”
“well yes, I know that. But you nearly broke his bloody nose, Remus.” Dorcas sighed disapprovingly, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen over his eye.
“he deserved it.” Remus shrugged.
“maybe." Dorcas nodded, "But you have got to stop letting your temper get the better of you. One day you might really hurt someone- and I know that isn't actually what you want, is it? ” She replied, raising her eyebrows.
“I know- but, well can you blame me? I mean fucking hell, this past week has just been one thing after another, I can’t catch a break. It just… it all built up and then he-“
“I know.” Dorcas assured him kindly, “he said those things and you took it all out on him.”
“yeah…”
“It all started after the full didn’t it, maybe it was some kind of magical wolfy curse like a bad-luck moon.”
Remus laughed and then winced, “I think that would be a bit fucked up of the universe, as if the transformation wasn't bad enough on its own." he said pointedly.
“very true.” Dorcas nodded, “now come here, your lip is all busted.”
“you want to kiss it better?” Remus asked with a cheeky grin.
“watch it Lupin, or you’ll have two black eyes.”
He raised his hands in surrender and allowed Dorcas to re-wet the cloth and apply it to his bottom lip, which had been split open by Sirius’ right hook. Remus’ injuries were however, not quite as bad as Sirius’, who had blood gushing from his nose and a bad cut above his left eyebrow when their fight was interrupted (which was approximately an hour ago).
Remus wasn’t exactly sure why the fight had started, or why he was so angry, but he supposed it all tracked back to the morning after the full.
Monday
The full had gone as usual, bone splitting transformation, followed by a night in the hospital wing where in he was loaded up with pain killers and fussed over like a wounded bird. Thankfully, he was awarded with the ceremonial post-moon joint (compliments of his friends as compensation for his woes).
However, his first stroke of bad luck came in the form of a thunderstorm, which prevented him from getting the fresh air he craved after being confined to the hospital wing. The five of them were on their way to the hidden garden when the sky had suddenly turned dark, and rain began pouring down from the heavens.
“maybe it’ll pass?” Evan noted optimistically, walking over to the open archway to stick his head out, opening his mouth like a child to catch the rain water. Barty rolled his eyes and reached forwards yanking him back in by his tie, which only made Evan smile at him fondly.
“unlikely” Regulus replied, taking a step back as Evan shook his head, spraying water everywhere.
“its fine, we can just smoke in the dorm” Barty said casually, after the first clap of thunder sounded, confirming that it was a little more than unlikely that the rain would pass.
“no we can’t!” Evan protested, “it’ll stink out the whole bloody place!”
“oh stop being such a sop Evan” Barty huffed, “we can just charm it away like we do when Remus chain smokes”
“cigarette smoke isn’t as potent as weed.” Evan pointed out, glaring down at his boyfriend.
“cigarette smoke isn’t as potent as weed” he repeated mockingly, “get a life.”
“you get a life.”
“I have one thank you very much, or I would if you would stop being such a Debby Downer.”
“who the fuck is Debby Downer- some girl you’ve been shagging on the side?” Evan scoffed, narrowing his eyes.
“no, you idiot, it’s a turn of phrase!”
“oh my god, shut up!” Regulus cried out, stepping in between the two of them. “Remus has had a very difficult few days, and I’m sure listening to you two bicker like an old married couple isn’t making things any better.”
Remus nodded solemnly behind Regulus, acting as wounded as his friend was making him out to be. Equally, beside him, Dorcas was shaking her head in mock-disapproval, tutting quietly under her breath.
“sorry” Evan mumbled, looking much more guilty than was necessary.
“Barty?” Regulus said slowly, turning to the shorter boy, “anything you would like to say?”
“yes.” Barty huffed, “lets go smoke this, because I know that is what Remus really wants- isn’t that right Lupin?”
“on the dot.” Remus confirmed, opening his arm for Dorcas to hold on to, “let’s get going.”
Following his command, they made their way to their dorm and settled in. All of the duvets and pillows were taken from their beds and laid out onto the floor in the middle of the room, Dorcas turned on her radio (which was still situated next to Remus’ bed) and Evan pulled out a rather large quantity of food from his trunk.
“fucking hell, did you raid Honeydukes?” Remus scoffed, sorting through the supply that had been placed in the middle of the circle.
“I just like to be stocked up.” He shrugged, taking a bite out of a liquorish wand.
“you’re like a bloody chipmunk.” Barty laughed, settling down next to Evan.
“your chipmunk” Evan replied sweetly, planting a kiss on his cheek.
“gross.” Remus groaned, looking over at Dorcas who appeared to be equally disturbed by this display of affection.
“would you look at that” she said grimacing, “suddenly I’m homophobic.”
Barty shot her a middle finger and narrowed his eyes whilst Evan just ignored her comment and continued eating.
“what did I say about the disgusting sweet-talk?” Regulus called out from the bathroom in an unimpressed tone.
“so I’m not even allowed to show affection towards my wonderful boyfriend?” Evan scoffed, crossing his arms indignantly, after swallowing a rather large mouthful of sweets.
“he’s not your wonderful boyfriend” Regulus replied, walking back into the room and dropping himself down onto the floor, “he’s Barty.”
“hey!” Barty gasped in offence, flinging a sugar quill at Regulus- who of course, simply caught it mid-air and snapped a bit off with his teeth making a loud crack.
“well yeah I know he’s Barty- and you’ll find that if you look up his name in the- what do you call it Dorcas?”
“dictionary?” she filled in for him.
“yes!” Evan nodded, and then turned back to Regulus who was straight faced (although Remus could see, by the ways his eyes were narrowed slightly- that he was trying not to laugh). “so Regulus, if you look in the dictionary, it will be very plain that under Barty it will say wonderful boyfriend”
“oh so he’s like a communal wonderful boyfriend- is that…“ he lowered his voice to a whisper; “is that what this is?” he asked pointing between Evan and Barty.
“are you sure that definition is in the dictionary?” Remus questioned, “not a call-boy advert? Prostitute service perhaps?”
“was he under the blow-jobs for a fiver section?” Dorcas added, her lips twisting in a wicked smile “or small and easy?”
“kinks for twinks?” Remus added making Dorcas laugh loudly and slap a hand over her mouth.
“you guys are just jealous.” Barty snarled.
“oh yeah- we are all sooo jealous of you” Dorcas said sarcastically, “tell me, do you get butterflies in your stomach when he has tomato sauce on his chin?”
“he gets butterflies when I have something else on my chin” Evan cut in suggestively, sending a wink in Barty’s direction, causing him to blush and the other three to groan in protest.
“no! no sex talk allowed- I absolutely forbid it, do not put those pictures in my mind!” Regulus said sternly, screwing his eyes shut as if he was trying to block out all thoughts.
“yes that really doesn’t need to be brought to my attention thank you.” Dorcas agreed, scrunching her nose.
“it’s really not that hard to keep the noise down either.” Remus added, giving Barty and Evan a pointed look.
“yeah like you would know-“ Barty began, stopping when he noticed the way Remus had raised his eyebrows implying that he did indeed know, “you haven’t! Who?!”
“I’m not going to say.”
“you’re telling me, you have fucked someone in this very room without any of us knowing?” Evan said hesitantly.
“maybe I have, maybe I haven’t” Remus shrugged casually, “whose to know?”
“we are to know!” Barty cried out desperately, “it is entirely unfair- not to mention against dorm room rules.”
“oh fuck off about the dorm room rules” Remus rolled his eyes, “we haven’t applied the dorm room rules to shit since third year.”
“that doesn’t mean they are redundant! Dorm room rule number five explicitly states that if you bring anyone back to the dorm for sexual activities you are to inform the other dorm mates.”
“and what’s going to happen if I don’t inform you of my sexual activities?” Remus taunted, “are you going to kick me out?”
“you don’t even want to know what we’ll do to you.”
“oh please do go on, is it scary- kinky perhaps? I know you two are into that kind of stuff.”
Barty and Evan went bright red in the face and began spluttering out ad-hock defences and justifications for what Remus had obviously misinterpreted.
“ah ah ah. I know what I heard.” He cut in, “and if you don’t shut up about the dorm rules I won’t hesitate to share.”
“oh please share!” Dorcas grinned, nudging Remus.
“no!” Evan cried out, “Remus if you love me at all you will do no such thing.” He pleaded, “and Barty will drop the dorm rule thing- won’t you Crouch.”
Barty looked at his boyfriend with resentment but nodded his head.
“brilliant!” Remus grinned and clapped his hands together, “now where is that zoot I’m owed?”
Evan and Barty busied themselves with sorting the smoking stuff out and when they weren’t looking Remus bent his head down to whisper into Dorcas’ ear.
“I’ll tell you later, the shit they say is bloody hilarious”
“I love you.” She whispered back with a wide grin.
Remus was awarded first hit of the blunt and after a few tokes sank down into the pillows, feeling all the pent up tension from the full fade away at once.
As time went on he couldn’t find it in himself to move and stayed in place, listening to the muffled conversations his friends were having. They seemed to notice he was in no mood to talk and after a few half-hearted attempts to involve him they let him be. He was in a state of half-consciousness, lazily accepting food or the joint whenever it was passed to him but focused on the feeling of the soft blankets and pillows surrounding him, along with the comforting sensation of Dorcas running her hand through his hair. His eyes were transfixed on the ceiling, which he noticed was twinkling with stars.
He frowned to himself, weren't they inside? Wasn't it daytime? The music that was playing sounded odd, almost alien, like something he had never heard in his lifetime. Slowly, he managed to hoist himself up, his arms feeling like jelly beneath him. He looked around the room, his head seemed to be moving in slow motion, in fact, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. He spread his hands out infront of his eyes and moved his fingers, it was as if he were underwater, everything was slow and blurry and muffled.
“Remus? Reeemus?” Barty’s drowned out voice called out.
Remus swung his head round to look at him, Barty’s eyes were bloodshot and he looked rather concerned, all of his friends looked rather concerned actually. Dorcas’ hand was rubbing up and down his back, he could smell her perfume, it smelt like flowers and heaven.
“you smell like an angel…” he murmured, turning into her and burying his face in her neck.
He could feel the vibration of her laughter against his cheek, like the hum of his mother’s old record player when the music stopped.
His mother. He hadn’t thought about her in a long time.
Suddenly a rush of memories came flooding back to him like he had been dunked into a pensieve. He remembered her long blonde hair which she often wore up, tied with a ribbon when she was cooking or gardening, the ribbon would always come loose and the curls around her face would fall infront of her eyes and she would blow them away with a huff, but they would always fall right back down again. He remembered how she always smelt like lemons and would use a wooden spoon to swat his hands away from the freshly made biscuits that she would place on the kitchen counter, always with a light hearted scornful look. He longed for the sensation of the linen sheets she would tuck him in with, or the feeling of her hugs, or the sound of her laughter.
What he often chose not to remember was what she was like before she died; frail and ghostly, always sitting down in the armchair by the fire, or hidden away in bed. He wasn’t allowed to jump on her like he used to in the mornings, or tug at her hair. She stopped playing her records, stopped singing and talking, only hummed occasionally. His father became more distant that ever, never wanting to play with him outside or read him a story before bed.
When his mother got sick, it seemed his father did too, and when she died, he followed.
“Remus!” Regulus said sternly, shaking his shoulder.
Remus tore himself away from the comfort of Dorcas’ warmth and met Regulus’ eyes, stormy and blue. Stormy and blue like his brothers. Like Sirius. Like Sirius, Regulus’ brother, who Remus has kissed. He had to tell Regulus. He felt a surge of urgency to do the right thing, to come clean about it all.
“Reg, I need to tell you something.” He said quietly, vision blurring again.
“what? What is it?” Regulus pressed, hand still firmly placed on Remus’ shoulder.
He blinked once or twice, trying to clear his vision and noticed something in the corner of the room- a figure. He leaped back in surprise, scrambling backwards and pointing at it. It was small and pale, with big ears and gangly limbs.
Remus squinted. It was a house elf. What the fuck was a house elf doing in their dorm?
He was bombarded with questions about what was wrong and what it was he had seen, the entire time he didn’t take his eyes off the house elf who was pottering around the room like nothing was amiss.
“house elf.” He murmured, still pointing at it.
“what the fuck are you talking about?!” Evan asked, looking in the direction Remus was pointing, “there is not fucking house elf!”
“yes. Yes there is!” Remus protested, “is right there.”
“Remus.” Regulus began calmly, “there is no house elf in our dorm right now.”
“you’re all being tricked! Its there!” Remus shot back, “it must be evil…” he trailed off and then abruptly stood up. “hey! You evil sorcerer, let them see you too!” he shouted, taking a step towards the house elf. It didn’t react, it didn’t even seem to hear him.
“Barty, where the fuck did you get this shit from?” Dorcas asked, putting the half smoked joint out.
“Mulciber…” Barty said sheepishly, avoiding Dorcas’ glare.
“Mulciber?! Are you fucking insane?”
“Amos didn’t have any! And Xeno was nowhere to be found!”
“oh what, so fucking Mulciber was the only other option then?!” She cried out, “its made Remus go loopy!”
Evan stifled a laugh and bit down on his lip when Dorcas glared at him. “sorry, just- Loopy Lupin.” He giggled.
Dorcas paused for a moment before letting out a small laugh or her own, which became a bigger laugh. This of course made Barty join in, and even Regulus gave a small smile before standing up and walking over to where Remus was still shouting at the imaginary house elf.
“Re, I promise there is nothing there.” Regulus said, trying to steer Remus way from the corner of the room.
“Reg, he is right there” Remus replied desperately, grasping onto Regulus’ hand, “he just wont let you see.”
Regulus sighed deeply and nodded, “okay that’s fine. But lets just leave it alone okay? Probably just trying to clean, its not going to hurt anyone.”
Remus paused for a second and then turned away and began walking back to the others, hilariously, still holding Regulus’ hand like a child.
The next morning, when informed of his antics Remus was morbidly embarrassed. Barty, Evan and Dorcas didn’t seem keen to let go of the nickname ‘Loopy Lupin’, and insisted on mocking him continually. Additionally, Barty seemed to think it was funny to point at random places from time to time and cry out that a goblin, or centaur (one time a giant saltshaker) was standing there. Evidentially, the others seemed to find this funny as well since it lasted for two days before getting old.
Regulus thought that the reason only Remus had hallucinations and everyone else was fine was because the potions Remus had been taking after the moon reacted poorly with Mulciber’s un-clean weed, giving him such odd side effects. Barty apologised and promised to never buy weed from Mulciber again, and all was forgotten.
However, Remus’ bad luck didn’t stop there. All week he was having mishaps, on morning Tuesday an owl did its business on his head, which Dorcas tried to insist was actually a sign of good luck. Yet, Remus found it hard to believe such a thing whilst having bird shit in his hair and Barty sitting next to him claiming it was ‘valid’, and if he were a bird he would also take a shit on Remus’ head.
Later that day, his bag ripped open whilst he was walking outside and his ten page charms essay fell into a puddle, ruining it completely. Flitwick refused to accept the sodden papers when he handed them in and gave him a measly extension of one day to write it all again. To make matters worse, at the end of the day the one thing he wanted was a cigarette, and unfortunately enough for him his lighter had broken. Additionally, when he finally managed to fix it he discovered that when his bag had ripped his brand new pack of cigarettes had fallen out without him noticing.
By Wednesday he felt like he was being followed around by a comically large rain cloud, it appeared that everything in his life that could possibly go wrong did in fact go wrong. He spilt coffee in his bed, messed up several potions, lost his favourite pair of socks and his best jumper. What was arguably the worst experience was walking in on Barty and Evan having sex- or something like it- and smacking his head on the door when trying to flee the scene. He couldn’t look either of them in the eye for the rest of the day, and had a headache.
Thursday morning, news was flying around that Gryffindor was hosting a party at the weekend. Gryffindor’s had a tendency to throw a party at any given opportunity, so it was no surprise that the party followed the Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff quidditch match (which admittedly Gryffindor was sure the win). However, if they did happen to loose the party was also to celebrate Sirius Black’s birthday which was a few weeks ago & made aware to the entirety of the school by James Potter at 8am on November 3rd.
It was a common occurrence that whenever one of Potter’s friends had a birthday, he would stand up (usually with Pettigrew & Sirius in tow) and sing loudly for the whole of the great hall to hear. Remus found it incredibly irritating, as did his friends- Regulus probably despised it the most however.
“does that arrogant twat ever shut his mouth.” Regulus had complained the morning of his brothers birthday, taking a sip of his coffee and turning away from the scene Potter was creating.
“he needs to be humbled.” Dorcas agreed, narrowing her eyes at the Gryffindor table. She caught Marlene Mckinnon’s eye and the blonde girl flipped her off, to which Dorcas returned the favour.
“his parents definitely never told him he was a waste of space.” Evan said lightly, buttering a piece of toast.
“his Dad for sure never hit him.” Barty added.
“yeah, and they are both alive.” Remus chimed in, stabbing at the sausage on his plate.
“no unforgivable’s for crying either.” Regulus said looking up from his mug darkly.
They all fell silent for a second before bursting into laughter, with Dorcas complaining about how they always had to bring in their ‘bloody childhood trauma’ into every conversation.
So, upon hearing of this party the usual debate of attendance took place.
Barty was always up for a party of any kind, and particularly loved going to Gryffindor ones for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc. Dorcas was indifferent, saying if they all decided to go she would as well, but wasn’t entirely concerned by the affair. Evan also took on this approach, essentially claiming he would go if Barty did to make sure he didn’t get in a fight, or steal too many items from Gryffindor tower. Remus looked at Regulus for his answer.
“Sirius asked me to come.” He sighed.
There was a moment of stunned silence.
“I thought you two didn’t speak anymore?” Dorcas said, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
“we don’t.” Regulus said shortly, “he sent me a bloody letter.”
“fuck off!” Barty cackled, “did he actually?”
“yep, with an owl and all.”
“that is just so over the top.” Barty laughed, “who sends their brother- who goes to the same school as them- a formal invitation to their birthday party, which everyone is invited to anyway?”
“that’s Sirius for you, always over the top.” Regulus rolled his eyes, “and it wasn’t exactly a formal invitation. More of a: come to my party, or don’t, I don’t really care.”
“ah the Black’s, always so expressive with their emotions” Remus said, “well, I suppose if he cares enough to write you a bloody letter we may as well go. If its shit we can just take their drinks and have our own party, with the five of us.”
“brilliant plan!” Barty grinned widely, “we all in?” he asked looking around.
Evan, Dorcas and Regulus all muttered various tones of agreement and it was settled, they were going to yet another Gryffindor party. Their previous experiences with such excursions were… complicated. Some of the parties had been brilliant (those where the ones where they had drunk before of course), others had been a little more chaotic and some had just been down right tragic. So, when the night of the party rolled around, Remus was apprehensive to say the least.
He had started drinking at around eleven o’clock (in the morning that was) since his friends had dragged him out to watch the quidditch match. He and Dorcas had shared a flask of firewhiskey, for her to keep warm whilst watching and for him to keep his sanity.
Being drunk and watching quidditch was infinitely better than being sober and watching quidditch, and bizarrely became very invested in the game, hurling obscenities at the Gryffindor team whilst cheering loudly for the Hufflepuffs. Despite Remus’ loud cheers of encouragement, the Hufflepuff team lost and Gryffindor were victorious. Though, this wasn’t to say that the Hufflepuff’s didn’t put up a good fight, the match was rather even until the last few minutes and because of this took up the greater portion of the day. By the time they had returned to the castle and eaten some much needed (for Remus at least) food, dusk was beginning to fall.
“do we have to go?” Remus grumbled lazily, falling down onto his bed when they made it back to the dorm.
“yes, we already agreed on this.” Regulus said coolly, “and just because you decided to get pissed at the quidditch match doesn’t change anything.”
“c’mon Lupin, it’ll be fun” Barty grinned coming over to his side and reaching into his pocket, “have some of this”. He had pulled out a little bag filled with white powder, and dangled it infront of Remus face, like a parent tempting a child with a packet of sweets.
“what is it?” he asked, literally rising to the bait, sitting up and taking the bag from Barty.
“a little pick me up.” Barty winked.
“well yes- but what kind of pick me up?”
“Xeno said it’s coke with ‘something a little extra’” Barty said with air quotes, “it’s safe, Xeno’s a reliable guy. Besides, I’ve just taken some so if it fucks you up we’ll be fucked up together eh?”
Barty’s argument wasn’t exactly compelling, but Remus was drunk and had had rather a difficult week so he was convinced and did a line. Dorcas was persuaded to take a bump herself but Evan and Regulus declined, citing themselves as the reliable adults of the group.
“proportionally, it’ll be better for two of us not to take it just in case you three have some weird reaction- if we are all high it’ll be the blind leading the blind.” Regulus said after Barty’s third offer.
“alright, suit yourself.” Barty shrugged, putting the bag back into his pocket. “more for us.” He grinned slyly, turning to Remus who was starting to feel the buzz himself.
Steadily, they all got ready, this consisted of getting dressed, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, smoking half a pack of cigarettes and looking for Evan’s left shoe.
Remus was too hazy to try and look good and simply put on a pair of jeans he found crumpled on the floor next to his bed and a t-shirt that Dorcas had tossed him from out of his trunk, which happened to be a white shirt with ‘THE ROLLING STONES’ printed out on it in big black letters. He had bought the shirt at a charity shop near his grandmothers house last summer, when it became apparent that owning two t-shirts wasn’t quite enough to last the holidays, especially since he wore one of them to bed. The others looked a little more put together, namely Dorcas and Regulus, who prided themselves on appearance.
They each bought their hip flasks as well as Barty’s ‘magic fairy dust’ as Dorcas had dubbed it, on the pretence that the Gryffindor parties often ran out of drinks. Before they even reached the portrait of the fat lady that indicated the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, they could hear the loud beat of music coming from the party. They were about an hour late, so this was to be expected, and waited outside for a few moments until someone came stumbling out of the entrance, since none of them had the wits to acquire the password beforehand.
Upon entering the common room, Remus felt an overwhelming rush of déjà vu. The party felt like every other Gryffindor party that he had ever attended; the smell of alcohol, the preppy music, the gold and red streamers, slowly dying fire, people hugging and cheering everywhere he looked.
Yep, definitely seen this all before.
Thankfully, since they were late, the majority of their friends from outside their small group were already there. Barty and Evan headed off to speak to Xeno, most likely about drugs, Dorcas split off to go find Pandora- an airy Ravenclaw girl that she had become close to. Remus had only spoken to her a few times, mostly at Ravenclaw parties of whenever he saw Dorcas with her in passing, and she was quite unusual- though most Ravenclaws usually were. Regulus muttered something about seeking out Sirius to make his presence known and Remus spotted Amos in a dark corner of the room, predictably with a lit joint in his hands.
“I thought you quit?” he said, sneaking up behind Amos and making him jump out of his skin.
“fuck!” he gasped, dropping the joint and spinning round to see the culprit. When he realised it was Remus his stunned expression turned into a beaming smile, “Lupin, you made me drop her” he tutted, and bent down to pick up the joint.
Remus came round and sat down on a chair opposite from him, accepting the joint when it was relit and passed his way.
“you on Xeno’s new stuff?” Amos asked after a moment, squinting at Remus’ eyes.
“yeah, its got a kick to it” Remus grinned, wetting his lips and passing the joint back to Amos, “you tried it?”
“nah, not the final product.” Amos said shaking his head, “he gave me a bump of one of the first batches… didn’t go down too well.”
“that’s comforting to hear.” Remus scoffed and scrunched his nose.
Amos laughed lightly. “don’t worry about it, I was his guineapig for a reason, he sorted out all those tweaks.”
“good to know, already had my fare share of bad trips this week.” Remus sighed, sinking down into his chair.
“oh dear, what has Mr. Lupin done this time?”
Remus told him the story of his hallucinations (avidly leaving out the wolfy reasons behind said hallucinations), which had Amos laughing at both him and Barty for being stupid enough to buy from Mulciber.
“Remus Lupin.” A cheery voice came from behind him, “what on earth are you doing here, in the slums of Gryffindor tower?”
He smiled when he realised it was Lily and stood up, enveloping her in a tight hug. She seemed a bit taken aback by his enthusiasm but hugged him back none the less.
“looking radiant as ever Evans.” He grinned after pulling away, “having a good time?”
“I would be if I wasn’t so stressed about Potter breaking something tonight” she huffed, flicking her hair over one shoulder and looking behind her as if to check if James was standing close by. “he’s a bloody nightmare at these things, like a bull in a china shop.”
“he’s always a bloody nightmare” Remus scoffed, “you want some of this?” he then asked, holding up the joint, “it’ll take the edge off.”
She looked at it for a moment and Remus nearly thought she was about to agree, but then she shook her head.
“no. I really shouldn’t.”
“oh come on Lily, you never get to have fun.” Remus pushed, still holding it out.
“its good stuff, grew it myself.” Amos interrupted with a note of pride in his voice, “a little bit won’t fuck you up… just relax you a little.”
Lily sighed and gently took the joint out of Remus’ hand, “I suppose a little wont hurt.”
Amos and Remus gave a little cheer of support which made Lily blush, “stop it”, she warned playfully. Lily brought the joint to her mouth and took a puff, inhaled and the immediately began coughing, which of course made the boys laugh.
Luckily, Dorcas swooped in right on time and handed Lily a cup of… something, which she drank gratefully.
“thank you.” She smiled shyly, passing the cup back to Dorcas who looked amused.
“didn’t know perfect Lily Evans was a stoner.” She teased.
Lily rolled her eyes and scoffed, “perfect Lily Evans is not a stoner”, she turned and narrowed her eyes at Remus and Amos, “she is being manipulated by some though.”
“false accusations Cas” Remus said, “she’s stoned out of her mind, doesn’t know what she’s saying bless her.”
Lily swatted Remus lightly on the arm and took another toke, managing not to cough as much this time.
“atta girl!” Amos grinned, “getting the hang of it, maybe you can join Lupin and I down by the greenhouses next time.”
“you smoke by the greenhouses?!” Lily gasped in disbelief, “that is so bad! Out in the open, you two really ought to be more careful!”
Remus and Amos shared a look and Remus took Lily’s arm and guided her to the armchair he was previously sitting on, “sit” he commanded.
“why?”
“because, you need to relax.” Remus said pointedly.
She began to protest but gave up half way through and slumped down on the chair, joint still in hand.
“lovely, now you sit here with Amos and allow that” he said pointing at the joint, “to work its magic.”
“you’re the devil.” She said but did as he told her and continued to smoke.
“don’t I know it.” He winked and turned to Dorcas who had been waiting patiently by his side, “drink?”
“isn’t he the best?” Dorcas gushed looking at Lily who smiled and shook her head.
“you Slytherins are all as bad as each other.”
Remus and Dorcas laughed and bid their farewells, adding a good luck wish to Lily, before heading off in the direction of the drinks table which had various amounts of alcohol laid out on it.
“she’s alright.” Dorcas said, picking up a bottle and two cups.
“who Lily?”
“yeah, always thought she was a bit stuck up.”
Remus laughed and rested his side against the table, “no, she just likes to follow the rules and you’re too judgemental.”
“ha!” she scoffed, “that’s rich coming from you, always walking around looking like you hate everyone.”
“I do hate everyone.” Remus said, “but not because I’m judgemental, just because they are people.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes and continued to make their drinks, whilst Remus watched her. Their strategy was simple, swindle as many drinks from the Gryffindor’s as they could, and only starting on their own stash once said drinks ran out. It worked a charm every time.
She passed him a cup and he took a sip, “mm what is this?” he asked smacking his lips together in appreciation.
“a fruity drink for a fruity guy.” She winked and bumped their cups together, downing hers down in one and encouraging Remus to do the same.
Remus made them another drink each, which wasn’t sweet enough for Dorcas’ liking but she drank in anyway. They were about to make a third when Evan and Barty came over, “is it time?” Evan asked with a grin, rubbing his hand together like a mischievous gangster from a 1950’s movie.
Remus knew what that look meant; no more mixing. It was time to get a bit more serious.
Dorcas looked at her imaginary watch and nodded, “I think it is Rosie, pour em’ up boys!”
Barty grabbed a bottle of liquor and lined up eight shot glasses, filling each one to the brim. “On the count of three” he announced, passing two shot glasses to each of them, “one… two… three- SHOTS!”
At this they all downed one shot and then the other, grimacing and spluttering before falling into whoops of laughter. The liquor burnt Remus’ throat but he shook it off and simply proposed another, which was met with a round of cheers.
After this, things quickly became much more than hazy, like snapshots from a camera or snippets of a film.
Remus and Barty went off to do another line in the bathroom, and when they came back out Dorcas dragged them over to the dance floor. Remus would usually refuse but when he was like this all he wanted to do was move about, the music was familiar but he was too gone to sing along to the words, and so instead let Dorcas guide him through various dance moves.
The lights were dim and the dwindling fire gave off a soft warm glow that illuminated the faces of everyone around him. He felt light-hearted and joyful, tingling all over and feeling more alive than he had in years. Everything he had taken was working through his body all at once, the ‘fairy dust’ was keeping him awake, but the weed kept him steady rather than erratic. To top it off the alcohol was making him giddy and playful, dancing around and laughing without a care in the world.
All around him people were dancing, and singing and laughing and kissing- what- Evan and Barty were kissing?! They were wrapped up in each other, Barty's face was tilted upwards to reach Evan's, who was holding in gently in his hands, like a precious stone that needed to be protected. Barty's hands were clenched in his boyfriends hair and then moved to trail down his neck. Remus looked around for some confirmation that he wasn't hallucinating again, but no one else seemed the least bit fazed.
“what the fuck!” he gasped loudly, grabbing them each by the shoulder and pulling them apart, “When did you guys do this?!”
“what?!” Barty shouted back over the music.
“you kiss!” Remus laughed loudly, “Dorcas, D, D!”
“what Lupin?!” she asked after he tugged on her arm for the third time.
“Evan and Barty kissed!”
“well yeah, they are dating.” She scoffed, “Jesus, how fucked up are you?”
Remus looked between the three of them and blinked a few times. Suddenly a rush of realisation came over him and he let out a loud laugh, “I’m so fucked up! I forgot you two were dating!"
Dorcas let out a laugh, which encouraged Remus to keep going in his revelations, “I’m fucked and my gays are friends!”
“your gays are friends?” Evan snorted.
“yeah! Yeah!” Remus nodded enthusiastically, “Barty come do another line.”
“nah Loups, we went five minutes ago, this shit is valuable.”
They went five minutes ago? That felt like hours ago… What was the time? Where even was he?
“where the fuck are we?!” he asked, looking around.
“Gryffindor common room.” Dorcas replied, grabbing his hands and making him dance.
“why the fuck are we in Gryffindor common room? Those guys are fucking losers!” Remus laughed, swinging his head back and letting Dorcas spin him around.
“we know!” she giggled, “but they are also a little bit fun!”
“so fucking fun!” Remus agreed, “why is this so fun?!”
“you’re on drugs!” Barty said with a grin.
“I love drugs!”
“yeah you do!”
As the night wore on Remus’ buzz only increased, he and Dorcas would take a break from dancing and have a few drinks on the sofa, talking to people who Remus was sure he had never uttered a word to before, before getting back up and going again.
A brunette girl, who he vaguely recognised sat down beside him during one of these breaks and began talking to him. He wasn’t exactly sure what she was saying but by the way she was looking at him, eyes hooded and low, and how her hand was running up and down his chest, he understood that she was flirting with him.
“what’s your name sweetheart?” he asked, cupping her face gently with his hand.
“Amelia.” She smiled, blushing.
Remus knew some might think him cruel for this game he liked to play, but he couldn’t care less. It was fun for him, to flirt, to make out with people at parties, it was entertaining. He would never speak to them again, or allow for it to become a relationship or even progress further than light-hearted fooling around, so it didn’t really matter. Besides, who was going to stop him?
“pretty name.” he smiled, “I’m Remus.”
“I know who you are.” She laughed, “everyone knows Remus Lupin.”
“do they now?” Remus laughed, raising an eyebrow.
She nodded, looking rather flushed. He leant forwards and pressed his lips against her ear, “do you want to know more?”
She froze for a moment but Remus felt her nod and took that as his que to kiss down her neck and up her jaw. She let out a short gasp and giggled, running a hand through his hair and pulling lightly. He felt very drunk, and very high, and felt his mind slipping away as he began to kiss her. He imagined her lips weren’t sweet and glossed, but clean and fresh, tasting like cigarettes rather than cherries. He imagined she smelt like salt water and sandalwood rather than vanilla, he pictured her as firm rather than soft and curvy, imagined her hair short, down to the shoulder rather than her chest. When she sat on top of him, straddling his hips he held onto her back rather than her hips or ass, he kept his eyes closed the entire time, thinking of someone else. Allowing the feel of her lips to morph into the feel of another’s, into the feel of his.
He startled and pulled away, ignoring the girls whines of complaints. What was going on? Why was he thinking about him, hadn’t he gotten over this by now?
He excused himself and swiftly moved the girl off of him, getting up and hurrying over to the drinks table. He cursed when he saw it was now empty but then remembered his flask and took it out from his pocket, untwisting the lid with shaky fingers and taking several large gulps, not even feeling the burn.
He frantically looked around for Barty, desperate for more of his supply, but it was like he had disappeared. He huffed and took another swig of his drink when he noticed someone else was at the drinks table, searching through the empty bottles, no doubt trying to find some left over alcohol.
“fuck sake.” The boy groaned, apparently coming up empty.
Remus froze. He new that voice, the aristocratic tilt to the accent, the smooth pronunciation over the profanity. He didn’t waste a second, the last person he wanted to speak to right now was Sirius, especially not after fantasising about making out with him.
The air felt too thick, too hot, it was hard to breath. He turned and ran up the stairs to where he knew there was a communal boys bathroom, nearly tripping several times in his haste. He almost tore the door of its hinges when he reached it, and ran inside straight to the sinks. He splashed his face with water a few times over and braced himself against the sink, not looking up but starring directly into the plughole.
“you alright mate?”
Fuck sake, why were there people everywhere at this bloody party?
“just fine.” He said shortly, not bothering to look at who he was speaking to.
“you sure? I can get you some water or-“
“I said I’m fine!” Remus snapped, tearing his gaze away from the sink to look at- Potter.
James put his hands up in defence, yet wore a reserved smile on his face.
“no need to shout Lupin, I’m right next to you.” He laughed, seemingly unfazed by Remus’ outburst. For some strange reason his relaxed demeaner clamed Remus down, and he wiped his face dry and sighed deeply, turning round to lean against the wall and face Potter properly.
“sorry” he sniffed, “just this shit I’m on.”
“s’alright, dealt with much worse.” James shrugged.
There was a brief moment of silence and then Remus spoke up again.
“how come you’re in here?” he asked, “not enjoying the party?”
“oh I always enjoy a party.” James laughed, “I’m waiting for Sirius, told me he hid some drinks in here.”
Remus looked around at the bare walls and gave James a dubious look, “think he might be pulling your leg Potter, where would one hide a bottle in here?”
James laughed and raised his eyebrows, “you don’t know how innovative Sirius can be.”
Remus starred at him and swallowed, it dawned on him that they had never actually spoken before.
“still” he shrugged, “he’s either taking the piss or he’s forgotten, he’s by the drinks table.”
“oh?” James said, with an odd smile Remus couldn’t quite read, “you spoke to him?”
“no.” Remus replied bluntly, “just saw him there.”
“very observant.” James grinned and waggled his eyebrows.
“what’s that supposed to mean?”
Potter only laughed and walked passed him towards the door, “nothing” he added in a sing-song voice and walked out without another word.
Remus was stunned. He scratched the side of his head and watched the door as if Potter would come waltzing back in and give him the explanation Remus was so desperately craving, but nothing. He sighed deeply and splashed his face with water once more, before deciding he desperately wanted a cigarette.
He exited the bathroom and made his way back through the crowd, stumbling about and dripping over feet until he saw an open window across the room and make a beeline for it. He leant on the windowsill and fumbled around in his pockets for a while, searching for his cigarettes and a lighter. As soon as he inhaled the tobacco he felt relief, like scratching an itch that had been bothering him all night. He gazed out at the dark rolling fields and could just about make out the silhouette of the whomping willow, he was scanning the grounds for Hagrid’s hut when someone clamped him on the back.
“nice moves Lupin.”
Remus turned to see who had spoken to him and his face lit up when he saw Regulus standing beside him.
“Reg.” he grinned lazily, “want a fag?”
“already got a friend group full of them.” He replied with a small smile and then a moment later, held out his hand.
Remus passed him the one he was already smoking and lit up another.
“where have you been?” he asked, pushing the window open a little further to soak up the cool night air.
“watching you make a fool of yourself.” Regulus replied with a sly grin, “exactly how much of that pixie dust have you taken?”
“I think you’ll find it called fairy dust.”
“I think you’ll find it’s called laced cocaine.”
“not laced.” Remus scoffed, “magically enhanced.”
Regulus let out a light huff of laughter and Remus was about to say something else when someone knocked into him, making him drop his cigarette out of the window. He cursed and span around.
“watch it.” He bit harshly, glowering down at the dark haired boy infront of him.
“watch it yourself Lupin.” Sirius spat back, narrowing his eyes at Remus before turning to his brother, “keep your dog on it’s leash Reg.”
“who the fuck are you calling a dog.” Remus growled (rather ironically), pushing himself off the wall and staring menacingly at Sirius.
“don’t talk to me like that.” Sirius sneered, “at my own birthday too, no class.”
“fuck off you tory scum, posh fucking twat.” Remus ground out, “you can shove you class.”
Sirius’ cheeks flushed red with anger and he bit the inside of his cheek, “ironic you calling me scum, don’t you live on the streets?” he taunted, looking Remus up and down, “bloody looks like it.”
“go fuck yourself.”
“what, mum and dad can’t afford to buy you new clothes? Oh wait, they’re de-“
Sirius’ words were cut off by Remus punching his square in the face. Without hesitation, Remus had lunged forwards and swung at him, he heard a sickening crack and Sirius gasped, reeling back and holding his hands up against his nose for a stunned moment before regaining his balance. His eyes darkened and he lunged, tackling Remus to the ground.
Soon enough, they were in a full on scrap and people began to gather round the commotion, cheering and whooping. They grappled with each other, bodies twisting and turning both trying to gain the upper hand, the air crackled with tension as their heaving bodies pressed together. Sirius got a few punches in, but he wasn’t as strong as Remus, who had the additional adrenaline of the drugs and alcohol he had consumed as well as a frantic hatred for his opponent. Remus had him pinned to the floor soon enough and was giving him a proper beating, throwing punches anywhere he could, trying to avoid looking at Sirius’ face but when the other boy swung again and Remus caught his wrist time seemed to stop.
He still had the mark.
Remus looked down at Sirius, and Sirius looked back up at him. He looked lovely despite the blood running from his nose, and the blooming bruises of his cheek. His hair was splayed out underneath him like a halo, his eyes were bloodshot and watery, making the stormy blue colour of his irises become electric. Underneath all the jeering and the sound of his blood pounding in his ears Remus recognised the slow, heavy beat of the music, and he may have been imagining things but by the way Sirius’ mouth fell open in surprise, it appeared that he did as well.
Keep your electric eye on me babe.
Put your ray gun to my head.
Press your space face close to mine, love.
Freak out in a moonage day dream, oh yeah!
“Lupin…” Sirius began, twisting his wrist free from Remus’ grip.
Remus wanted to reply, with what words he was unsure, but before he could he was being dragged away, taken from the boy on the floor.
Evan had a strong grip on him and lead him through the crowd and out of the portrait hole, into the deserted corridor. Remus could still hear the sounds of electric guitar and Bowie’s voice from within the common room, but Evan, Barty and Dorcas crowded him, blocking his way from the entrance.
“what are you doing?!” Evan asked frantically, grip still firm on Remus’ arms.
“fuck.” Remus breathed out harshly, spitting out blood onto the floor and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“what the hell was that?” Evan continued, looking at Remus for an answer he wasn’t sure he had.
“leave him alone Evan.” Barty said, taking his hands off Remus and stepping between them, “you alright?” he asked, calmer that Remus had ever seen him, even though his pupils were blown out.
“m’fine.” Remus huffed, he could still taste blood in his mouth.
“Cas, go help him get cleaned up.” Barty sighed, gently patting Remus on the arm “Evan and I will go see if Reg’s okay.”
Dorcas nodded and took Remus by the arm, and they began the long walk back to the dungeons. She seemed to understand that he was in no mood to explain his actions so she kept quiet, humming quietly as they walked.
So, that was how he ended up sitting on the cold bathroom floor at three in the morning with a busted lip and a black eye.
When he woke up he was flooded by not only nausea from a crippling hangover, and his bottom lip throbbing with pain, but a mass of guilty feelings. He went over to Regulus' bed, only to find it deserted. He sighed and got dressed, firstly heading down to the great hall to see if Regulus had taken off for breakfast already, but he was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he was greeted by a multitude of leering eyes and hushed whispers.
It seemed that overnight, the entire school had heard about his fight with Sirius, and by the way people were reacting he wouldn't be surprised if it had ended up on the front page of the Daily Prophet. Agitated, he scowled at anyone brave enough to meet his gaze, and turned his attention towards the Gryffindor table. Of course, unlike himself, Sirius was revelling in the attention, displaying his cuts and bruises like some marvellous war hero.
This made Remus’ blood boil. Who did Sirius think he was? If he remembered correctly, he had won the fight not Sirius. He was about to storm over and give Sirius a piece of his mind when he noticed something. Sirius raised his hand to accept a goblet James had passed him and there it was. That bloody mark.
Why, oh why, had he not removed it?
Was it some cruel form of mockery? Was he teasing Remus for being so foolish? Whatever the reason was, Remus didn't like it. He wanted absolutely no reminders of that night and had half the mind to demand Sirius remove the mark, or he'd remove his hand all together. If the mark was gone, it would be as if it had never happened. If the mark was gone, perhaps Remus would stop thinking about it. Would forget how Sirius' lips felt on his, forget how they danced and laughed together. Forget he had ever even spoken to Sirius Black.
But alas, he only bit his tongue and stalked out of the great hall, he still needed to speak to Regulus.
He wondered down to the lake, he thought Regulus might be there. He liked to go in the mornings, liked to watch the mist clear from the inky surface until the lake stretched out as far as the eye could see. But all Remus found was an empty stretch of beach. He continued his search, went down to the greenhouses, through hidden passageways in the castle, by the edge of the forest, even to the secret garden- but nothing.
As a last resort he headed up to the astronomy tower, and low and behold, Regulus was standing against the railing, looking out over the grounds.
Although he was faced away from him, Regulus must've heard him enter because he stiffened and spoke.
"what are you doing here?"
"looking for you." Remus sighed, and walked over to join him at the railing. Regulus avoided his gaze and stayed silent, so Remus continued. "I know you're probably angry, or confused, and you probably don't want to talk to me right now, but I wanted to apologise and... explain."
Regulus sighed, still not looking his way, "go on then."
"alright." Remus nodded, "I'm not sorry for punching him."
Regulus scoffed, "great apology."
"wait- I'm not sorry for punching him, because he deserved it. But I'm sorry for punching him because he's your brother. I know you two aren't close anymore, but still, he's family."
Regulus stayed silent.
"and it wasn't personal, not really. I was high and shit, and he said that stuff about my parents..." Remus continued, "I'm not trying to justify anything, I know I let my temper get the best of me, but rationality wasn't really in the equation."
Regulus huffed a sigh and turned to look at Remus. They stared at each other for a while before Regulus' face split open into a shit-eating grin and he began to laugh.
Remus was perplexed to say the least, "what? What's funny?" he demanded.
"you're such a twat." Regulus laughed, shaking his head, "I couldn't care less if you had a fight with Sirius, it's not like you killed him. He fucking deserved it, I nearly throttled him myself after what he said."
"so why the brooding?!" Remus asked, a little irritated but mostly in shock.
"I'm not brooding, I have a fucking hangover and came here to get some peace and quiet before you started blubbering."
"then why didn't you just fucking say that?!"
"because I wanted some morning amusement, and your wonderful, heartfelt apology served my needs rather well." Regulus shrugged, a wicked smile on his lips.
Remus was speechless for a moment before he shoved Regulus, "you are such a fucking asshole!" he seethed, "I should push you off this bloody tower."
"but you won't." Regulus replied, arching an eyebrow.
Remus sighed deeply, "but I won't." he nodded, and then despite himself, began to laugh. This made Regulus laugh again and soon the two of them where close to tears, standing at the edge of the astronomy tower at 9am on a Sunday, both with awful hangovers and one with a bruised face.
"got any fags?" Remus asked once they had clamed down.
Regulus nodded and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes and a lighter, which Remus took gratefully.
"when did you get these?" he asked, opening up the fresh carton.
Regulus looked at him with a devilish glint in his eyes and held a finger up to his lips.
"you didn't." Remus laughed, "you stole them?"
"from Sirius." he nodded proudly, "snuck up to his room after you fight and nabbed them, thought if I couldn't fight him I might as well take his fags."
"what a great team we are." Remus chuckled, lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag before exhaling dramatically, "thank you and fuck you, Sirius Black!" he called out loudly.
Regulus shook his head fondly and took the pack back from Remus, smoking one himself, and that was that.