Chapter 22
“Hello.”
There was a beat of silence before Walburga replied, although she had been the one to call. “Regulus.”He waited for her to continue, unsure what exactly to say. He felt exhausted from a day of helping Mrs Potter with wrapping presents for the family friends that would arrive a few days later and helping Mr Potter put up another tree. James helped too, but he was much more fit than Regulus, and hadn’t seemed to mind lifting boxes of decorations, or carrying a tree into the house. Regulus had struggled, slightly.
He was sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the carpet underneath his socked feet. Effy and Monty had decided on having an early one, with James suggesting they do the same after he saw Regulus yawn for the fourth time in 10 minutes. He’d just gotten changed for bed when his phone had rung, the sound startling him.
His mother finally spoke again, her voice stern. “When are you coming home for Christmas, then? We expected you over the weekend.”
He had meant to tell them he wouldn’t be home for the holidays, but he had put it off as much as possible. Sirius had told him, when they were younger, that the best way to tell their mother anything was by doing it quickly, ripping the plaster off in one swift movement. But Sirius was better at doing that than Regulus.
“I actually won’t be home,” he admitted, his voice soft.
“Pardon?” Walburga sounded cold all of a sudden, although she hadn’t been very warm to start off with.
He could tell her he was at the Potter’s. It would make her blood boil, but if he didn’t do it, Sirius probably would, considering his actions recently. But it was easier to lie. “I’ve got a lot of revising to do over the break.. And you know I don’t really enjoy that Christmas party, thing, anyway. I just think it would be better to stay away from London and get my work done.”
There was silence again, the sound becoming almost familiar to Regulus. “God,” she finally huffed, letting out a nasty laugh. “You’re lying to me, and you’re not even doing it well!”
“What?” He felt his legs turn to jelly.
“I heard you’re in the Potter mansion for the holidays. It’s bad enough Sirius cosied up to them, but you’re better than this, Regulus. You come home at once, and spend Christmas where you belong.” She hissed every word, reminding Regulus of a rattlesnake he’d once seen in the zoo.
“I can’t,” he dared to say.
“Why can’t you?” She scoffed.
“Because I can’t,” was all he could come up with.
A long sigh came from the line, and he momentarily worried what she would say. “Are you determined to end the family tree in the same way your brother is threatening to do?”
The direct translation for that question was ‘are you gay, like Sirius?’ But she couldn’t bring herself to ask that. She never wanted to admit that was what her son was. She still couldn’t quite believe it. He’d always rebelled, sure, but he was the firstborn, destined to carry the family name to greatness. Now, he lived in sin, studying the useless subject of art, spending his days with his boyfriend. It was woeful for his mother to think about.
But it was freedom. He wasn’t looking over his shoulder, like Regulus did, wondering where his parents could appear. He was with the man he loved, living contently. When he wasn’t attempting to ruin his little brother's life, he was happy. Really happy.
Regulus had paused too long, his mind stuttering over these thoughts instead of finding a better answer. “You disgust me,” his mother hissed down the phone before the line went dead.
He slowly pulled his phone from his ear, staring at the blank screen. He wondered what was going through her head right now, but he didn’t think he wanted to know. He opened his mouth, ever so slightly, ready to cough, but instead found a choked sob coming out of his mouth. He jumped in surprise as tears began slipping down his cheeks, his lips trembling as more sobs threatened to come out.
He smacked a hand over his mouth, blinking fiercely, attempting to cough past the sobbing. He was making awkward squeaking sounds when the knock came on his door, startling him further. He hesitated as he got up, wondering if he could just slink back into his bed, pretend he was fine. But there was another knock, softer this time, which had him padding across the carpet, slowly pulling the door open.
James looked down at him, a look of concern puzzling his features. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, and his hair looked messier than usual, and Regulus wondered if he’d been asleep. But he didn’t ask. He simply stared at him until James’ expression distorted into pity. “Reggie, what happened?”
“My mum called,” he got out, his voice sounding broken. He didn’t realise he was trembling until James wrapped his arms around him, stilling him momentarily. He slowly wrapped his arms around James’ waist, returning the hug. James squeezed him so tightly he thought he was trying to push him back together.
“You’re cold, Reggie,” James murmured into his shoulder after a few seconds. Regulus shakily nodded, pulling back. “This room is freezing, Christ.”
“You said the logs were outside… I didn’t want to be a bother,” Regulus mumbled. His sobs had stopped, but tears were still streaking his cheeks, and his voice still shook as he spoke.
“Christ, Reggie,” James shook his head. “Cmon.” He held out his hand, which Regulus tentatively took, pulling him out the door. He turned Regulus’ light off, pulling the door shut behind them, leading him towards his room. “My bed’s big enough for two, and the heating is working in my room.”
Regulus nodded dumbly, his mind not even registering the fact James Potter was asking him to sleep in his bed. James closed the door behind them, leading Regulus towards his bed. He pulled back the covers on the seemingly undisturbed side, gesturing for Regulus to get in, which he awkwardly did, dropping onto the side of the bed before slowly swinging his legs onto it. James threw the cover over him, walking around his bed to get to his side. The lamp on his bedside table was the only light source in the room, but he turned it off, crawling to settle beside Regulus.
His room was much warmer, but Regulus couldn’t really relax. His brain was finally catching up to the fact he was lying beside James. He felt even shakier, worried he’d fuck up somehow. He was playing out a million awful scenarios when James spoke again, interrupting his thoughts. “What did she say, Reg?”
He opened his eyes, turning his head. James was staring at him in the dark. “She wanted me to come home.”
“Oh,” he nodded into his pillow. “Are you going to?”
“No,” Regulus took a shaky breath. He felt uneven. “She accused me of being gay.”
“Oh,” James repeated.
“She’ll never want me home again,” Regulus voiced his main concern. Sirius had left after she’d found out, not sticking around to see reactions. But he’d been prepared. He’d packed his bags before telling them, and organised to stay with James. He’d made all the plans you need to before leaving home, never to return. Regulus hadn’t. His room still held important remnants of his life. There were still posters up, still socks in the drawers, still books on his shelves, still cigarettes hidden under his bed. She might destroy it, now. She had gone into Sirius’ room with a fire poker, ready to destroy his room when she found out, but he’d packed and planned. Regulus was fair game. Maybe even worse. He had been her last hope, and now he’d disappointed her in the worst way possible.
He didn’t realise was gasping sobs again until James wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his chest. “Reggie, Reggie, shh. You’re going to work yourself into a panic attack if you do that,” James murmured into his hair, adjusting his arms to hold Regulus close. “Cmon, breathe.”
He awkwardly began counting his breaths along with James, who was giving him examples of what to do. His heart eventually slowed down, his breathing evening out. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice hoarse.
“Stop that,” James shook his head, leaning his head to rest on Regulus’. Regulus remained still in his arms, blinking away the last of the tears. “I’m sorry she called, Reg. But you know to ignore her. She’s batty. You’re nothing less than perfect, and if she can’t see that over something as ridiculous as who you like… God, I hate her,” he suddenly sounded angry, squeezing his arms around Regulus a bit tighter. “I’m sorry, Regulus, I really am.”
“It’s not your fault,” Regulus reminded.
“I know, but… I just wish there was more I could do,” James confessed.
“You do more than enough. In fact, you’re far too generous, so stop.”
James nodded, yawning quietly. “We should sleep.”
“We should,” Regulus nodded. “I can go back to my room.”
James shook his head, jostling Regulus’ head slightly. “Stay here, you’re still cold.”
Regulus nodded slowly, relaxing into James’ arms. He felt exhausted all of a sudden. There were a million things running through his head, but he couldn’t bring himself to focus on one single thing. He blinked into the darkness of the room for a few seconds instead. “Thank you, James,” he settled on whispering.
There was silence for a few moments before James spoke lowly. “You deserve the world, Reggie, and don’t let anyone tell you differently, especially not your family. Promise me.”
“Promise,” Regulus mumbled back, closing his eyes.