Chapter 13
“Black!” Regulus was still fully dressed, and the lights were on in his room. He pushed himself up, blinking a few times as he looked towards his bedroom door. Barty was looking worse for wear, also fully dressed and tired sounding. “Man, someone has been banging on your door for an hour, I can’t sleep through it any longer.”
Regulus blinked again, nodding ever so slightly. “Who is it?”
“Think it’s your brother's mate, but I haven’t checked. He sounds angry,” Barty shrugged. “I’m going home.”
Regulus pushed himself up a bit more, nodding again. “Right, yeah.”
He finally staggered to his feet as Barty watched. He could hear the banging on the door now. He frowned to himself as he placed one foot in front of the other, padding his way out of his room. Barty followed him, coughing into his elbow as they went. Regulus hid his wince at how loud James’ knocking was as they finally got to the door, which he slowly unlocked. He pulled it open, watching James quickly drop his fist. Barty nodded at him, slapping Regulus on the back again.
“See you soon, Black!” He nodded. His voice sounded hoarse. “You’d want to get a comfier couch, that thing was hell.”
He slipped past James, looking from side to side as he tried to find his way towards the lift, his hungover state apparently making this a difficult task. Regulus watched him, trying to occupy himself while James stared at him. Finally, Barty rounded the corner, and there were no distractions left. He looked at James. “Potter.”
James was glaring, his lips set in a hard line. “I was about to call the police!”
“My neighbours should call the police, with the fucking racket you make!” Regulus snapped, stepping away from his door. James took his chance, walking in, pushing it closed behind him.
“I thought you were dead!” James snapped.
Regulus paused, looking up at him. “You thought I was dead?”
James looked even angrier now, his cheeks growing red. “You call at 4 in the morning, say ‘I’m sorry', and then hang up?! What were we supposed to think?” Regulus looked away for a second. Memories from the night before flooded back to him. His phone was lying in pieces on his bedroom floor, no doubt. “You didn’t answer any calls, you didn’t answer the door all morning! I was away, drove back as soon as I could, and you couldn’t even open the fucking door!”
There was a beat of silence as Regulus processed his words. “I- I really am sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I was drunk.”
“You were drunk, so you thought you could call me and scare the shit out of me?” James snapped.
Regulus shrugged, helplessly. “I wasn’t thinking, I was drunk!” He defended.
“Christ, Reggie, I can’t fucking babysit you when you don’t even want anything to do with me!” His voice rose with every word until he was shouting, his eyes never leaving Regulus’ face. He took a few breaths, his anger seeming to seep through him as Regulus watched him. “You’re fucking with my head, Reg.”
“I really am sorry,” he promised.
James ran a hand through his hair, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling for a moment. “I can’t keep up, I really can’t. You’re fucking me about! You tell me to stay away, you call me, you avoid me, but you want to talk to me? You won’t tell me what’s the matter with you! You just cryptically tell me to be friends with Sirius, and act like you never want to see me again! I can’t keep doing this!”
Regulus remained silent, guilt setting into his bones. He’d been so unfair. If he could just sort his head out, James wouldn’t be so upset. He wouldn’t be looking at him like he was, disappointment scribbled across his features. “Sirius doesn’t want us to be friends,” he found himself admitting.
James’ eyebrows drew together, disbelief spreading over his features. “Sirius doesn’t control me or you!” He argued. “Is this why you’ve been avoiding me?”
Regulus guiltily nodded, avoiding James’ eyes. “You lot, his friends, they’re all he’s got. He doesn’t want me fucking it all up for him.”
James stared at him, shaking his head slightly. “And what have you got, Regulus?”
“The family,” he weakly shrugged. “I’m still in with them all. They haven’t kicked me out as they have him!”
James took a deep breath, shaking his head. “That’s an awful way to rationalise this, Regulus, Jesus Christ.” Regulus watched as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “They still treat you like shit, just like they do him. You might not have been disowned, like Sirius, but you’re certainly not the golden child Sirius sees you as. Just because he’s too blind to see how they really treat you doesn’t mean I am! You can’t push me away at the request of someone as out of the loop as your brother!”
Regulus couldn’t think of anything else to say as he watched James stare at him. He unwillingly ran a hand through his hair, finding it greasy to touch. He frowned, looking down. “I need to take a shower.”
“Go, shower. I have to call Lily so she knows you’re alright,” James waved him off, wandering towards the kitchen.
“Was she worried…?” Regulus questioned, feeling lightheaded.
“We all were, Reggie,” James answered.
Regulus simply nodded, padding back towards his room. His head pounded as he turned on his shower, slowly peeling off his clothes from the day before. He left them in a heap on the floor, turning away from them to stare into the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot, the rims red from tears. His skin was flushed pink around his cheeks, but dismally pale everywhere else. He slowly got into the shower, staring at the tiled wall opposite him as he let the water hit his head, trickling down his back.
He washed his hair slowly, massaging his fingers into his scalp as he thought over James’ words. He was probably right. James was always right. He remained standing under the water for a few minutes after he’d finished scrubbing his arms and legs, desperate to get the hangover off himself. It was no. use, obviously, and he remained feeling awful as he slowly stepped out of the shower, grabbing his towel from the radiator.
He dressed slowly, pulling fresh jeans and a hoodie on. He brushed his teeth twice, and considered downing extra mouthfuls of mouthwash to get the gone off alcoholic taste from his mouth, but ended up rethinking that, finally emerging from his room.
James was staring out the living room window when he came back, his gaze fixed somewhere in the distance. Regulus cleared his throat, awkwardly, when he realised James couldn’t see him. He finally turned, his eyes giving Regulus a once-over before nodding. “Breakfast? My treat.”
Regulus mutely nodded, following James towards his front door.
The air outside was cold, waking Regulus up a bit as he followed James away from his building. James obviously had somewhere in mind as he navigated his way towards the village centre, allowing Regulus to silently trail behind him. His head felt fuzzy, and even though he’d brushed his teeth, his mouth felt dry.
They ended up in the only McDonalds in town, placed in an old building to blend in with the historic nature of Hogsmeade, built primarily for the students who needed a cheap meal after a night out. Regulus wasn’t sure what time it was, but they’d missed breakfast. James ordered them both Big Macs, fries, and bottles of water. James paid for them both, nodding to Regulus to find a seat.
Regulus shuffled towards the back of the shop, slipping into a booth. He twisted his hands in front of him, unable to stop himself from shaking ever so slightly. The nauseous feeling in his gut was a mix of last night's disastrous drinking and the morning's confession. He wondered if James would give out to Sirius. He probably would. James could be quite confrontational. In their final years of secondary school, they had both been prefects. There had been many days spent patrolling the corridor, Regulus not really taking it seriously while James readied himself for any conflict which may arise. Regulus was never really sure why he’d been picked, considering he was rather quiet. But James was a natural-born leader. It really hadn’t surprised Regulus when he’d become head boy in his final year. He deserved the place.
He remembered the night Lily had come over. She confessed she’d been head girl at her secondary school. The memory twisted within Regulus as he stared at his hands. They were perfect for each other. Utterly perfect for each other. It was really no surprise that they’d been drawn to each other. Regulus wasn’t head boy. He was a prefect, sure, but he never made the top spot. He couldn’t even remember who from his year had. No one could replace the great James Potter.
He was still thinking it over when James arrived back with the tray of food, which he carefully placed on the table before sliding into his side of the booth. He placed a burger in front of Regulus, taking the other for himself, leaving the overflowing fries on the tray.
“Is Lily okay?” Regulus asked after swallowing his first bite of food. It was perfect hangover food. James was so smart.
He shrugged, wiping a spot of sauce off the side of his mouth. “She’s okay. She asked after you.”
“I’m sorry I worried her,” Regulus stared at his food.
“I know you are,” James sighed.
Neither of them touched their food for a few minutes, both of them avoiding each other for different reasons. Regulus wanted so desperately to feel normal. There was a time before he was aware of his feelings when he could chat with James about anything. Now, he felt like he was walking on eggshells around him, constantly. He only had himself to blame.
“Reggie, we’ll get past this, okay? I don’t care what Sirius has to say. You’ve been my friend just as long as he has, and he can’t put a stop to that because of his irrational jealousy.” James promised, his voice forcing Regulus to look at him. He looked like he meant it. Regulus forced a nod, attempting not to embarrass himself by glancing at James’ lips, as he was so tempted to do.
He picked at his food for a while before finally eating it. He felt better after it if he was honest, but his hangover still hung heavy over his head, dampening his day significantly. HE watched as James half-heartedly picked at his fries, seeming distracted by god knows what. Regulus didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t feel like it was his place.
Regulus offered to clear their rubbish away, dropping the contents of the tray into a bin they passed on their way out. Once on the street again, James gave Regulus a once-over, his eyes sweeping the younger’s frame. Regulus tried not to blush under his eyes, looking away. “I have to meet Lily, but you’re okay, aren’t you?”
“I’m fine, James, honest. I’m sorry for worrying you all,” he apologised again.
James stared at him for a second before shaking his head, stepping forwards. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling Regulus into a tight hug. Regulus felt as if he had just been set on fire, his entire body tingling under James’ touch. He returned the hug, limply, his mind racing as James began to retract.
“Listen, there’s a Christmas dinner next week if you wanted to come. Lily, the girls, they’re all coming before exams hit and everyone splits up for holidays,” James offered, a small smile on his face as if he were shy. Regulus momentarily thought it over, the rational part of his brain telling him this wasn’t a smart idea. He should probably avoid this like he had avoided everything else. But James was looking at him, smiling, as if he could read his mind. “Don’t worry about Sirius, just say yes.”
“I’ll be there.”