Chapter 14
James had told him it was a very casual affair, but when he’d called and asked what James would be wearing to the Christmas dinner, he admitted a suit. Regulus ended up in a nice white shirt, tucked into his black jeans. He debated on a tie for a while before deciding against it, slipping his black satin blazer over his shoulders. He debated over Oxfords or Vans for an extra ten minutes, finally opting for the trainers in an act of casualness. A facade.
He smoked three cigarettes outside his flat in succession, trying to calm his nerves. He knew his brother would be there, of course. And although James Potter enjoyed confrontation, Regulus had a sickly feeling he hadn’t spoken to his brother about Regulus’ invite.
Barty called him on his way, as he began regretting leaving his coat in his wardrobe again. “You want a drink tonight?”
“Can’t, I have a dinner. Tomorrow?” Regulus questioned, stepping across the road with a hand in his pocket. A girl watched him from outside a shop, admiring his model good looks, and his obviously designer clothes. He remained oblivious.
Barty sighed. “I really should study tomorrow,” he admitted. Regulus opened his mouth to say there was no pressure, they didn’t have to meet up. But Barty was barrelling on. “Suppose there’s always the next day! First-year exams barely matter anyway. That’s what they always say, isn’t it?”
“I hear that, yes,” Regulus confirmed, walking down another street.
“Bit stupid, if you ask me,” Barty decided. “You’re gonna make us do an entire year of studies and have it not even matter? We’re paying for nothing.”
“Your parents pay.”
“Yes, that’s not my point though, is it?”
“I don’t know what your point is, Barty,” Regulus sighed.
Barty was silent for a few moments before gasping. “We should have a party!”
“A party?” He questioned, ice running through his veins at the idea.
“Yeah, might be fun!” Barty persisted. “We can’t do it at mine, though.”
“We can’t do it at mine, either,” Regulus lied, pausing to remember where exactly he was going. He had only been to James’ once before, and really didn’t remember it that well.
“Why not?” Barty whined through the phone. He sounded childish.
“Because I don’t want to go to a party, why would I host it?” He sighed, deciding to continue down the road he was already on.
Barty paused for a few moments before sighing. “Pandora’s birthday is over Christmas, though! And if we don’t celebrate now, we won’t get to!”
Pandora was their friend, although Regulus really didn’t know her very well. They had been out for drinks his first week but hadn’t seen much of each other since, sadly. She hung out with Barty a lot, though. He thought it over as he stood still, finally sighing. “Right, we can use my place, but you’re in charge of everything, okay? No mess, no nothing. You buy the cake and the alcohol, and keep me out of it until tomorrow, right?”
“Right!” Barty almost shouted, the line going dead.
Regulus continued his journey for another five minutes until he arrived outside of the familiar building, stepping inside.
He knocked on the door three times before standing back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He felt nervous and awkward, staring at his scuffed shoes until the door finally swung open, Mary MacDonald greeting him with a squeal. “Regulus!” She stumbled out, almost jumping on him in an attempt to hug him.
He awkwardly hugged back, relaxing ever so slightly. “Hi, Mary.”
“You remember me! You ignored my texts, I assumed I’d left your mind,” she smirked, pulling back. She was dressed in a tight red dress, showing off her long legs. Regulus was sure she would be cold considering she had no tights on.
“How could I forget you?” He teasingly replied, watching as her cheeks flamed. He regretted his words, realising they probably sounded flirty, but she was grabbing his arm, pulling him through the door.
“Everyones in the living room, come on!” She dragged him through the hall, pushing him in front of her so he could stumble into the living room first. He felt his heartbeat slightly quicker as all eyes fell on him. The friends of his brother were scattered amongst the two large couches that he’d last seen pressed against the walls to clear space for a dance floor. His brother wasn’t in the room, but his boyfriend was, an empty space beside him.
Regulus did his best to smile at everyone. Lily was lying with her head on James’ shoulder, beside Marlene who was lying on her girlfriend's arm. Dorcas was returning his smile as Mary slumped into one of the armchairs. Regulus took the second, just for something to do. “Glad you made it, Reggie,” James smiled.
“Wouldn’t miss it,” he replied, trying to contain the helpless giddy feeling that rose in his chest.
Marlene returned to what Regulus assumed was the conversation that had been occurring before he arrived. She was dissecting a film she’d seen, with Dorcas interjecting every few moments. Regulus was curious to know how they got together, and he politely asked after a few moments, causing both of them to blush. “I wooed her, obviously,” Marlene shrugged.
“She drunkenly called me and begged to take me on a date,” Dorcas laughed. The rest of the group joined in, shoulders shaking slightly. “It was very romantic.”
“I pride myself on my romance,” Marlene beamed. Regulus felt himself beam back, head shaking slightly.
“Better than James,” Lily laughed, interjecting. “He told me I seemed ‘happy’, so we should get a drink.”
“Happy is a compliment,” Remus defended his friend.
“Could’ve commented on her amazing legs if he wanted to compliment her,” Mary shrugged, causing Lily to erupt into giggles, shaking her head.
Regulus looked over at James, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly as James shrugged. “I don’t think I’m as much as a ladies' man as Marlene is.”
The group was laughing as Sirius reentered, a glass of wine in his hand, Peter trailing after him. “What did I miss?” He questioned, before his eyes landed on Regulus, his smile dissolving on his lips. “Regulus.”
“Sirius, hi,’ he replied, lamely. His brother stared him down for a second before smiling. Regulus knew it was fake, but the rest of the group appeared to relax slightly. James was the only one who remained on edge, his eyes travelling between the pair for a few seconds. “Dinners ready.”
The group seemingly scrambled, everyone, springing off the couches at the same time to follow Sirius to the dining room area which was set out in the open-plan dining room behind the living room. The kitchen was to the side, slightly away from it all. Sirius had obviously dished it all up, considering Regulus was sure he had no prior cooking experience. Everyone began taking different dishes, bringing them to the preset table. There was a yule log in the middle of it, a few candles, a nice tablecloth. It was all very merry. Regulus ended up carrying bowls of mashed and roast potatoes, placing them in the centre of the table.
James sat at the end of the table, Lily in a seat beside him, Regulus in the other, directly across from her. Sirius sat at the other end of the table, the rest of the group dotted down the table. After everyone served themselves, their plates filling up with roast turkey, potatoes, stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, and an array of vegetables, James stood up, a bottle of champagne in hand. “Shame to waste this,” he grinned, as he popped the cork. The bottle was passed around, all their glasses filling up until the bottle was empty, and discarded to the floor. “Everyone, raise your glasses, to the Marauders Christmas Dinner Extravaganza!”
Regulus was unaware it had such an official name, but he raised his glass nonetheless, exclaiming a ‘cheers’ along with the rest of them.
The food was good, better than expected, and when their champagne was finished, they moved on to wine. They all appeared to eat slowly, conversation spreading amongst them. Lily and James had an animated chat while Regulus talked to Dorcas, who smiled a lot, and occasionally giggled at whatever he said. “I don’t think champagne is good for me,” she laughed.
He laughed back, feeling light for once. He was aware, of course, that Sirius was occasionally shooting him glares, but he ignored them, listening as she told more stories, Marlene occasionally joining in.
He wondered, to himself, if this was what it was like to have a solid friend group. He hadn’t had one in secondary school. He’d chat to a few people, sure, but most lunchtimes were spent reading books or studying for something. But now, he was here. Here amongst people who wanted him there. At least most of them did. He felt a strange sense of belonging.
They all helped clear the table, James insisting they simply pile the dishes beside the sink to be sorted later. Desert was much more important for now. Lily had apparently spent the past month on a Christmas cake, which made the store-bought Christmas pudding look boring until it was lit on fire, of course. They all drank Baileys with desert and shared their Christmas plans.
“I’m going home, of course. Danny’s promised to teach me how to knit, finally,” Marlene grinned, taking another bite of her fruit cake.
Dorcas laughed, shaking her head. “Is he gatekeeping easiest past time in the world from you?”
Marlene guffawed, the cake still in the midst of being eaten. “Do you know how to knit?!”
“Of course I do,” she shrugged.
“I’m in love with you,” Marlene said as sincerely as she could making the table laugh.
“You going home, Lily?” Remus asked, eyebrows raising as he leaned on his boyfriend's arm.
“I am! My sister's doing Christmas with her boyfriend so it might not be that bad!” She grinned. Regulus grinned back at her, which made her grin wider.
“We’re doing quiet Christmas this year,” Remus responded when Dorcas asked, eyebrows raising. “Just us two, the apartment, a few drinks. No extravagant dinner like this because James is leaving us!”
“When Effy Potter calls, you have to answer,” James shrugged, nursing his drink.
“Of course you do, she’s a saint of a woman,” Sirius smirked. “I’ll be sad to miss her iconic roast.”
“I already invited you both, if you want to have smushy Christmas, that’s on you!” James pointed a finger, causing Sirius to laugh.
“He can’t resist me, what can I say,” Remus shrugged.
“Cocky, Lupin, very cocky,” Mary rolled her eyes. “I’m going away for Christmas! Cruise with my parents!”
“Sounds better than a week of family dinners at my house,” Peter moped.
“What are you going to do, Regulus?” Mary asked, smiling at him.
Regulus paused, feeling the blood drain from his face. His parents were probably doing one of their huge Christmas soirées, which he’d no doubt be expected to attend. The idea churned his stomach. An entire evening of painful small talk with family friends. He would need to escape, he supposed. He’d probably end up spending Christmas in his apartment, films keeping him company, or a book.
He shrugged, attempting to appear casual. “I don’t really have any plans.”
“Not attending the Christmas Bash?” Sirius questioned, an accusing tone lacing his words.
“Probably not, no,” Regulus shook his head.
“You can come to mine!” James perked up, quickly.
Regulus looked over at him, feeling sceptical. He looked back at Sirius, who was rolling his eyes, but not saying anything. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“You wouldn’t be imposing! My parents love you! You should come!” James nodded.
Regulus thought it over. A few days at the Potter household did sound nice. They lived in a large house in the countryside. It had once belonged to a lord and lady in the family but now was inhabited by the Potters, the small family of three, rather than the bustling aristocracy. It was lovely. He nodded slowly, unable to help himself. “If you’re sure they won’t mind.”
“They won’t! It’ll be fun! You can come for the week!”
James always spoke to Regulus, even in front of other people, like he was the only person in the room. It made his heartbeat speed up, and his palms sweat a bit. Regulus found it hard to even look away from him. There was silence around them for a few moments before he nodded again. “Sounds great.”
“We should do shots,” Remus nodded, stumbling out of his chair.
The girls cheered slightly while Sirius set himself glaring at his brother. Peter helped Remus carry in the shot glasses, along with the bottle of tequila that they had buried in the back of the cupboard. Peter laid out the glasses while Remus carefully poured the shots.
They all stood to throw back the shots, Mary and Marlene both squealing as their throats burned, while Peter spluttered a bit. The rest of them just slightly winced before Remus began pouring out seconds, which they all downed quickly.
Regulus wasn’t sure who started it, but someone started playing Christmas music. Another bottle of champagne was opened, along with scotch for Sirius and Regulus, although neither of them made eye contact as they poured their glasses in intervals. At some stage, Mary ended up draped over Regulus, grinning as she attempted to flirt. Regulus was aware that she was presumably flirting because he was there, and she assumed he was available. He didn’t do anything to divert her attention, but he attempted not to egg her on as she grinned lazily at him. “You have nice eyes.”
“Thank you,” he accepted, swallowing another mouthful of scotch.
Sirius watched them from the corner of his eye. Regulus knew because he could feel him looking at him, although he looked away whenever Regulus ventured a glance. He did his best to ignore him, listening as Mary continued stroking his ego with random compliments. “Do you date?”
“No,” Regulus murmured.
“How come?” Mary questioned, her finger drawing a circle on Regulus’ shoulder.
He shrugged, not committed to an answer. He heard his brother snort from his seat, and suddenly the room felt much tenser than before. The rest of the group hadn’t noticed, but Sirius was leaning forward, eyes narrowing at his brother. Remus was retrieving another bottle from the kitchen, he couldn’t even be saved. Regulus chanced a look over at him, trying to keep his expression neutral, but his brother didn’t seem to care. The whiskey was making him bitter. “No answer?”
“I’m not very interested in dating..” Regulus shrugged again, ignoring the curious look Mary gave him.
Sirius laughed, suddenly, coldly, shaking his head. “Is that the only reason, really?”
Regulus was on thin ice, he realised. One wrong step and his brother would expose him. There had been a time when his brother was his protector, the only person in his life that would stick up for him. And now he could destroy it all. He felt his pulse quicken as he slowly nodded, Sirius laughing again. All eyes were on them, Mary was hedging off his lap, the awkward air getting too much for her. This was the showdown that had been building for longer than the rest of the room could even imagine. It didn’t matter that Regulus had never done anything this bad to Sirius, Sirius wanted to get back at him. Needed to get back at him.
Regulus was almost shaking as Sirius rose an eyebrow, his lips quirking into a cruel smirk. Remus was reproaching, bottle in hand, his eyes quickly travelling between the two. He opened his mouth, obviously attempting to stop what was happening. But he couldn’t. Sirius was already exposing his brother in the worst way possible.
“Are you sure the real reason isn’t that you’re holding out hope that James will wake up gay one day, and actually like you back?” Sirius questioned.
His mouth felt dry, his hands felt shaky. Remus was saying his brother's name, and all Regulus could think to do was deny. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sirius was off laughing again, shaking his head. “Please, everyone knows you’re in love with him, and honestly, it’s getting embarrassing.”
“I’m no-“
“Cut the crap, Regulus!” Sirius snapped, and Regulus involuntarily flinched. Sirius had been like this a thousand times before, but never to him.
“Sirius, that’s enough!” James shouted, and although Remus had been attempting to catch his boyfriend's attention for the past few seconds, James was the only one who had actually managed it.
“Don’t act as if you didn’t know!” Sirius accused. Regulus’ eyes darted towards James, whose face was red and looked angry. “As bad as he is, you play into it rather a lot. Makes you both look like a pair of twats!”
Mary was drunk, swaying a few feet away as she shook her head. “Regulus isn’t even gay! I have excellent gaydar, okay? I would know.” It felt surreal to hear her say it, and Regulus almost laughed. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything. He simply looked around the room, watching realisation set into the faces of his friends. Marlene and Dorcas looked sympathetic, Peter looked confused, James still looked angry, and Lily… Lily looked hurt.
He was on his feet within moments, pulling his jacket off the hook by the door, slamming it behind himself as his tipsy feet fell down step after step. He had to get away from it all.